-LINA'S POV-

Apollo opens the oven, the sweet, comforting, homely smell of Polvorones engulfing my sense of smell and taste. He grins, placing the tray on top of the oven to allow them to cool.

"Feliz Navidad, Catalina. Even if it is a day early."

"Feliz Navidad, Apollo. Thanks for helping me make the biscuits- I did not feel like making them with Sin. He's a prick." I respond with an eye roll, my stomach quenching at the thought of yesterday.

Apollo nods. "I agree. Hey, I need to shower, but feel free to have one when they've cooled. They are for you, after all."

"No shit, sherlock. Gracias." I add the gratitude in, I mean, he has let me stay here and helped me with Rhiannon's tedious orders, so I guess I should express some thankfulness.

Polvorones are a delicious type of Spanish biscuit. They are heavy, soft and crumbly shortbreads- the flavour just melts in your mouth. I smile as I reminiscence on my childhood Christmas Eve's, where my madre and I would slave away making them.

"Madre, I got flour, sugar, milk and nuts. Is that really it?" I reply, my eyes widening. She finally let me join in; yay!

She smiles, her delicate fingers stroking my cheek. "Si, mi mariposa. That's everything. You have to be really careful when making it, okay?"

"Okay, okay!"

My phone pings, kicking me out of my memory. I wipe my face, feeling extremely melancholy. I would do anything just to see mi madre again.

Rhiannon: Where does Apollo live? Brandon's gonna get you from there. I sorted all your bags and shit out, so I just need the address. Xxx

Lina: i can make my own way to yours its fine

Rhiannon: Nope! You are not making your own way to mine, don't be silly. Send me the address now Xxx

Sighing, I type in Apollo's address. I suppose I should get ready- not thinking about the clothes, hair, makeup- but in regards to bracing myself, being prepared to see Sin.

I presume Rhiannon packed myself some nice things, I already dropped all the presents at hers so I know that's not an issue, thank fuck.

"I'm out the shower. Hey, you didn't have any?" Apollo questions, pointing at the shortbread.

I shake my head. "No. Brandon's on his way, I need to get going."

"Don't go in yesterday's clothes. Take some of mine. I think my sister left some joggers here when she visited, plus I have tops you can borrow. Granted, they may not be able to fit your excellent style..."

"If they can fit your ego, I'm sure they will. Anyway, I'll get ready."

Staring in the mirror, I bite my lip. The joggers are weird, but nice: a comforting black material, with cargo-like pockets and a small drawstring. Apollo's top is a baggy white one- a colour I tend to refuse to wear, however it does compliment my skin tone- I just prefer the darks.

I've put on a slather of lipgloss and a flick of eyeliner, but that's it. It's Christmas Eve, not New years.

"Hermosa! Hermosa!" Apollo cheers as I leave his, awkwardly holding a tin of Polvorones.

As I wait outside, I feel confused. I cannot see Brandon's car anywhere, did the fucktart get lost? Or did Rhiannon give him the wrong address, maybe her baby brain's become permanent.

"Looking for someone?" I hear a girl squeal, causing my jaw to drop like a stripper for a rich-man.

I shake my head. "Fuck off. I'm dreaming. You're supposed to be in a different time zone, you bitch!"

"I mean, technically so are you. Now stop being you and give me a hug, babe!" Arianna screams, pulling me into her.

"You didn't think we'd miss Rhiannon and Brandon getting married, did you? I mean, helloooooo! That's like, the most serious thing anyone in our friend group has ever done. And Christmas? Hellooooo? It would be boring as fuck without me." She screams again, her excitement nearly contagious.

Another familiar voice swoops in. "Catalina, I'm fucking gassed to see you, but I'm desperate to see my man Sin too. And as Rhi and Brandon are on the way to drop him at my parent's place, we should probably get there first to not ruin the surprise."

"Oh my god, Jagger, did you just say something somewhat intellectual?" I respond with a fake gasp.

He smiles. "You haven't changed then, Cat-Cat. Right, roadtrip!"

"Wait, did you say we were going to your place?" I ask as I clamber into the car.

He nods. "For old time's sake, eh?"

Arianna grins, leaning her head against my shoulder. Normally, I'd shove anyone off, but- not that I'd ever admit it- I have missed her so fucking much. It feels amazing having one of my closest friends near me again and we have so much to catch up on.

I'm even happy to see Jagger.

They fill me in on how it was initially meant to be a big surprise; none of us were meant to know. Obviously, that wouldn't work, as they wouldn't know where we'd be, if they could accommodate for us and more, so they decide to tell Rhiannon and Brandon. Arianna moaned about the long-haul flight beside the stupid but lovely Jagger, complaining she's going to loose her brain cells with all the time they spent together.

Jagger discusses how, once more, his parents are away at Christmas. He describes his longing to see Sin- "we've never spent that much time away!" he said- and how excited he is for the group to be back together again.

They begin to mention our last Christmas together and that's where I shut off.

Or at least where I try to.

He dangles the mistletoe above our head, teasing. He knows I find that cliche bullshit. He thinks I wouldn't kiss him. So what is he playing at?

"No way." I tell him, shaking my head as I begin to walk off.

He pulls me towards him. "Now, now, little red. It's mistletoe, you can't go anywhere without a kiss, can you?"

Sin smirks at me, his three fingers under my chin, tilting my face towards him. I look up at the mistletoe, at him and bite my lip.

I'd never admit it, but every part of me is desperate to lean in, to taste his lips. But I know I couldn't stop at that- I'd want to taste so much more, I'd want to tear his clothes and...

"Catalina? Babe? We're here, get out. Your stuffs in the back, by the way. Don't worry, we know we wouldn't have gifts from anyone, you guys didn't know we were here."

I shrug. "Who says you would have got a gift anyway?"

"Awe. I missed you being a bitch. Although Rhiannon tells me you've softened a little bit."

"Excuse me?" I reply with a raised eyebrow, folding my arms.

She winks. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. I think telling a friend's secret would be a massive Sin, don't you think?"

"I wish you stayed in America." I huff, picking up my bags and following Jagger into his house.

Only a few minutes later, a knock is at the door. Jagger and Arianna force me to open it, even though it must be somewhat obvious why we are at Jagger's parents house.

"Hey Rhi, Brandon, you guys okay?" I smile, letting them in, completely avoiding Sin.

He sighs, walking past me. "So why are we here again? This is Jagger's wedding gift, letting us stay here?"

"Wedding gift, you could say, or just because I'm fucking awesome." Jagger appears from a corner, a grin on his face.

Sin drops his bags. His soulless pupils light up, his face visibly lifting as he's clearly delighted to see his best mate. He grins, a toothy smile, as he slaps Jagger on his back.

"Fuck off. You're not real. You're not fucking real. Mate, I have fucking missed you. Oh my fuck." Sin repeats, clearly in shock.

Everyone laughs, except me.

"Am I gonna get the same reaction?" Arianna smiles as she steps out from the same corner, smiling profusely.

Sin grins, wrapping his arms round her waist and spinning her in the air. "Anna, I've fucking missed you too! You look gorgeous as ever. How are you doing, sis?"

Why didn't I get this reaction when I came back?

"I'm going upstairs." I announce, grabbing my bags and heading up the already decorated balcony. The house is the over top, definitely the combined work of Rhiannon and Arianna, as baubles, tinsel, holly and lights smother the entire house. Mistletoe is hidden throughout spots in the ceiling and I bite my lip in remembrance.

I'm in a different room to last time. It's bigger- a king size bed paired with a stunning en suite. Sometimes I forget just how rich Jagger and his family are.

It's beautiful, but it's way too big for one person.

"Hey, roomie. Just like old times, eh?" A voice says from the door, his irritating voice laced with humour.

You have got to be kidding me.

I shake my head, arranging my stuff in the room. "I'm not sharing with you. No way."

"You're right, Lina, you're not. I'm here so you can fucking explain what's going on."

"What am I meant to explain, Sin? Being around you is making me nauseated, can you fuck off please?" I reply with a sarcastic smile.

He sighs, sitting on the bed. "You don't need to be a bitch, Catalina. Every-time you feel something you mask it by being fucking rude. Sort it out. Just come and sit with me, so we can talk. Please."

"I told you, I don't want to talk. I have nothing to talk about. I'm gonna go down-"

"No." He says, stepping off the bed and in front of me.

I roll my eyes, shoving past him to get the door.

Sin sighs, dashing to the door, which he closes.

"Do you think I can't open a door, dickface?" I laugh, shaking the handle gently.

It doesn't budge.

I turn to him. "What have you done? Have you actually locked me in here, you psychopath? Let me out, Sin!"

"Nope," he shrugs casually, "not until you talk."

"That's not gonna happen- I told you, there's nothing to talk about."

He places an arm on the wall beside me, causing the hairs on my neck to rise slightly. The warmth from his arm makes my heart vibrate and I find my breath hitching slightly.

"Let me out, Sin."

"No. You keep saying there's nothing to talk about, but it was evident last night that there is clearly something, based off your horrific attitude towards the presence of my girlfriend. And I want to apologise, I didn't realise her being there would upset you-"

"I don't give a fuck about you or your fucking girlfriend, Sin! God, is your ego that fucking big? Just let me out of here." I yell, moving him out my way.

He shakes his head. "Calm down, Catalina. If you still have feelings for me, that's understandable- I just don't get why you refuse to admit it."

"Let me out, Sin," I plead, and when he refuses I bang my hands on his chest, "let me the fuck out!"

"Shhh, calm down little red, no need to make a scene. You're okay, it's me, you're safe. If you really want or need to leave, I'll unlock it, okay? That's fine, please don't ever feel discomfort around me, Lina." He whispers in a soothing tone, rubbing my back.

I freeze.

Did he just call me little red?

"I just need you to tell me, Catalina. Do you have feelings for me?" He asks, placing his hands on my shoulders, leaning me back.

Shaking myself away from his clutch, I sigh.

"Please don't make me have this conversation, Sin. We're friends and we're managing fine, aren't we?"

"You do, don't you? Fuck, Catalina, why didn't you tell me?"

"Why the fuck would I, Sin? You have a girlfriend, you share your entire business with her, you have a dog, your own fucking apartment. Look at you, Sin, you've gone places. You didn't even relapse until I was back." I ramble, placing my head in my hands.

He sighs, shaking his head. "Fuck. FUCK! Why the fuck did you not tell me? If you had told me, fuck!"

"Our little friendship agreement was mutual, Sin. I personally have never intended to hide how I feel. I told you and you ignored me. Why would I keep trying after that? You know I'm scared-"

"What do you mean, you told me? You turned away when I told you I fucking loved you. You left me after the Christening. You've left me, twice, Catalina and never did you utter those three words to me." He says, his nostrils flaring with anger.

I sit on the floor, shaking my head. "I can't go through this again, Sin. Please."

"Don't lie and tell me all this shit then! Just be honest, I just wish you were honest."

"I sent you a voicemail. It was a while after the Christening, granted it doesn't make up for anything. I told you I loved you Sin.. told you I love you. I would have flown across the world, left my entire life in Spain, if it meant I could be with you. For the first time ever, I opened up, admitting my feelings and what did you do? Ignored me. Yet I'm the one who's always made out to be the fucking bad guy." I laugh, shaking my head at the irony.

Sin lets out a deep sigh, sitting on the floor, beside me. "I never got a voicemail, Catalina. Everything would be different if I had, I promise. Fuck. Are you sure you sent it to me?"

"Of course I sent it to you, Sin. I was revealing that I had a heart, I double checked it was the right number about a hundred times." I whisper, sighing into the wall.

He wraps an arm around my neck, resting his head on me. I tuck mine into his neck, blinking away the sudden tears that seem to want to come. He sighs again.

"What are we going to do with ourselves, hey? Come on, stand up. I'll unlock the door."

He does as promised, unlocking the door, but not opening it. He sighs once more, before pulling me into him.

Nozzling my face into his chest, I exhale gently. His arms wrap around my waist, he chin rested on the top of my head. I place my arms around his neck, closing my eyes.

"I wish this wasn't our reality, Catalina. But it's too late, too late to change everything. You understand, don't you?" He whispers, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.

I bite my lip, taking a step back. What the fuck am I doing?

"Sure, Sin. I get it." I whisper, my eyes fixated on his face, appreciating that the next few days are going to be the last time I see him in a while.

He looks down at me, his eyes connected to mine, his once empty pupils filled with sadness and desire. He wipes his thumb along the underneath of my eye, despite there being no tears.

That's when his thumb rubs my eye again, then softly strokes my cheek, until it brushes against my lip.

"Sin.." I hesitate, placing my hand on the door handle. We can't do this. Not now.

He puts his thumb in a silent motion, his other hand delicately ripping my hand from the door, before placing itself on my cheek.

I feel my breathing hitch again. My heart feels like it could leap out of my chest in an instant.

"I just want one kiss, Catalina," he whispers, guiltily pulling something out of his pocket," mistletoe. You can't not kiss, when there's mistletoe right?"

I shake my head. "You'll regret it. Elizabeth..."

"Fuck, Elizabeth. What am I gonna do about her? Fuck, what am I gonna do about you?" He whispers, leaning forward and despite all my morals, I feel myself tiptoe in desperation to feel his lips against mine.

The door handle moves and we leap apart before anything happens.

"Yo, I was wondering where yous were! Sin, we have another surprise for you. Lina, your cookie things are fucking mint, by the way." Jagger grins, opening the door, completely oblivious to any tension.

I smile. "Enjoy your surprise, Sin. Thanks Jagger. I'll meet you guys downstairs in a while- I want to shower."

****
Running my afro comb through my hair, I suspire heavily. My hair just never seems to work, no matter what I try and its so frustrating. I give up, no longer having the energy to try, so I shove it in two curly space buns.

My makeup also wants to disagree with me. The mascara isn't working, the eyeliner not flicking and the lipgloss not glossing. I wipe it off, deciding to go natural; just a bit of burts bees to soften my lips.

Feeling somewhat gothic, I dress myself in all black. I wanted to be comfortable, but I also the need the mask of my outfits, so I dress myself in black ripped jeans with black fishnets, my top a black lace corset.

Something doesn't feel right.

I sigh, apprehensive to go downstairs, to face Sin. Just over the past few days, so much has happened with him. I can't escape from him. Even when he's not physically around me, even when he isn't prominently in my head, he will always be somewhere in the back of my mind.

Mortifying.

I send a text to James, ensuring my Abuela is okay. I'm sure she's doing well, he promised he would tell me if anything was wrong, but I don't trust him.

I don't  trust anyone.

"Catalina, are you nearly ready?" Rhiannon calls from outside the bathroom.

I take a deep breath, opening the door. "Hey. Hang on, why do you all look like that?"

"Like what?" Arianna says with a fake smile.

I roll my eyes. "Like somebody's just killed Christmas?"

"It's um, Sin's surprise. We didn't know about it- I swear." Rhiannon whispers, almost like she's scared for someone to hear.

"Feliz Navidad, Catalina! That's what it is in Spanish right? I didn't know you were going to be here, else I's have brought gifts." Elizabeth says, her eyes gleaming, as her arm is wrapped around Sin's.

I shoot an evil look to Rhiannon and Arianna, coughing.

"Beth! Wonderful to see you. I'm surprised you can make it, with work. I really hope poor Annabel isn't doing your job again. That would really suck. Anyway, I'm going out to smoke," I say, turning to my girls, "will I be doing this alone?"

"Yes!" Rhiannon exclaims, whilst Arianna shakes her head.

Anna grins. "No fucking way, babe. Hope you've got enough bud for two."

"Always. Now, lovebirds, could you get out this room? It's where I'm planning on sleeping, not a hangout area. Thanks so much!" I grin, before heading to the garden with Anna.

Everyone gathers downstairs, surrounding themselves in the living room. Rhiannon and Brandon come back with Marie, who is very excited for a mystical old man to come crawling down the non-existent chimney. Jagger sits with Elizabeth, who has her arm protectively wrapped around Sin. I bite my lip, turning my head away.

"What happened, then? You were in a pissy mood and needed to smoke, so don't say nothing, babe. I may have been gone for ages, but I'm still the best person ever." Anna whispers, nudging my shoulder playfully.

I roll my eyes. "What's everyones obsession with my life? I'm fine, there's no issue. I need to call my Abuela, I'll be back."

Climbing up the stairs, I blink back the tears I feel forming. I'm so emotional recently, I fucking hate it. I miss being seventeen, without a care in the world, my heart still cold, empty and dark. The stupidly cheerful decorations taunt me, so I run to the room, closing the door behind me.

I know why I'm up here. I know I'll regret it, but still, I foolishly run to my bags, unzipping the middle section in a hurry. Thumbing the baggy, I let out an instant sigh of relief.

Just half. Just half a pill, that'll be enough to make everything okay again.

I swallow it dry, leaning against the bed in disappointment. I don't believe in God, but if there is some way for the dead to watch us, I know mi madre and mi abuelo would be so disappointed in me; probably even disgusted.

"You forgot to lock it. What the fuck are you doing, Catalina?"

"I don't want you anywhere near me. Fuck off back to your little girlfriend." I reply sourly, turning away from him. I should have locked the fucking door.

He shakes his head. "I didn't know Elizabeth would be here, Lina. It makes everything difficult for me, too."

"Really? You looked quite happy down there. Hey, maybe I should tell her you were about to kiss me? I'm sure she'd love that." I respond with an eye roll, even if he can't see my face.

He coughs. "Maybe I should tell Rhiannon you're taking a Class A drug in the same house as her daughter. I'm sure she'd love that."

"You're an asshole," I say, shoving gum in my mouth so when the pill kicks in it isn't too obvious, "but you know Rhiannon would get over it. Would Beth?"

Smiling, I walk past him, accidentally bumping into his shoulder as I leave.

He places a hand on my waist, pulling me in towards him. He maintains the hand there, pressing my body up against his- not in a creepy way, but so he knows I can't budge out of his touch.

"We need to finish this conversation, Catalina. I appreciate this isn't the time, but we need to. After the wedding, okay? We'll talk about everything."

"No, Sin, we won't. In half an hour, I'll be off my nut and I won't give a fuck, but right now I do. And you know I do. I don't care what you say; you always I knew. Everyone did. You chose your new life. That's fine. I'm happy for you. But don't be an ass to me, don't rub it in my face and don't talk to me. Understood? This will be over in a few days, when I'm on a plane again."

"You're leaving? Again? Really?" He responds, shaking his head as he lets go of my grip.

I nod. "Obviously. I can't live in hotels and other people's apartments for the rest of my life."

"Why am I surprised? That's just like you, to run, when things become slightly difficult or emotional. Fuck this. I'm going downstairs to my girlfriend, where I should have been the whole time." He says with a sigh, slamming the door behind him.

What an interesting Christmas.

When the pill kicks in, I place contact lenses in, hoping to disguise my enlarged pupils. Finally, I head back downstairs, entering the kitchen.

"Do you want to make dinner with me? You can't go near Rhiannon with your jaw like that, or my child. I have an idea as to why you've been staying in your room. I completely get it." Brandon tells me.

I sigh. "Sorry. I guess I'll help, but I'm not in the mood to talk."

He places his arms in the air, in a surrender motion. "Got it, no talking. Just chopping. Cheer up, Cat. It's Christmas tomorrow!"

Giving him a half-smile, I begin to chop the peppers, complimenting what he said. Cheer up. It's Christmas tomorrow.

Christmas has been an absolute nightmare for me for most of my life. When I was younger -like, when I was really younger- it was heavenly. My family went all out, we were happy together. But when mi madre passed, everything changed. This change is constantly plaguing my mind, like right now.

Paul never celebrated it- or at least not the traditional way. I was the gift for him, his disgusting friends. They were delighted on Christmas; it became my worst nightmare.

In care, it wasn't that horrific, but it wasn't all shits and giggles. I think about the children who got so excited, for their first Christmas with presents, the idea of santa, a tree, everything. They were thrilled for their advent calendars. Christmas was a time where more people got adopted- you'd see all the English kids get adopted, all these rich, christian happy families unite with their new child.

Sometimes they'd stay. Normally. There was a few unlucky ones, like me, who just got dumped straight back into care.

The first Christmas without my mum that I enjoyed was the one in this same house, with these same people (minus Beth the bitch).

Am I going to let Sin, of all people, ruin it?

Am I fuck.

***
"Auntie Cat-Cat, wake up! It's Christmas, Santa has visited. Mummy said I was the only one who got a sock, because all of you are very naughty, but there's presents under the tree." Marie climbs on top of me, shaking me.

I yawn, stretching out. "Okay, Marie, go downstairs and make me a hot chocolate, yes? I'll put my oodie on and be down in a minute."

"Okay, Cat-Cat."

"Please stop calling me that."

In the bathroom, I put my burgundy oodie on. My hair is in a bun that I slept in, which I decide to leave up- it's Christmas, no need to look amazing. After brushing my teeth and putting some burts bees on, I head downstairs to join everyone.

Brandon is helping Marie make everyone drinks in the kitchen. Then, in the living room, Rhiannon and Arianna are separating everyone's presents into piles. Jagger is fiddling with the TV, trying to find a channel playing Christmas songs instead of every film in existence.

The notable absentees are Sin and Elizabeth.

"It's quieter than I thought it would be."  I comment, taking a seat on the sofa.

Rhiannon grins. "Sin and Elizabeth had an argument."

"What about?" I ask with an eyebrow raised, leaning forward.

Rhi shrugs. "We don't know. I don't know how you didn't hear it- I kicked them out because poor Marie couldn't sleep. I heard Sin say she didn't understand- something to do with someone's dad? I don't know. But he was saying he wanted a break, not a breakup, but like, a pause?"

Sin's dad. It has to be. But why would Elizabeth argue with him about it?

"Is he coming back?" I say, confused.

She nods. "Tonight. Not during the day. Anyway, presents time, presents time! Marie, Brandon, babies, come in!"

Everyone gathers on a circle in the floor, except myself, as I stay sitting comfortably on the sofa.

I smile as I watch Rhiannon and Brandon shower Marie with amazing, beautiful, meaningful presents. That child has two parents that would die for her, they want her to have the best in life and I know she will, with them by her side.

She claps her hands, grinning and giggling at her treats.

I hope that child stays happy and innocent forever.

~~~~~

Okay, a lot has happened in this chapter, so make this your processing space and commenting space!

My issue with writing this book is my babies are so damaged that I always get scared I am rushing things. But this explosive talk needed to happen, else the next few chapters would be extremely boring.

Jagger and Arianna are back- not for long, sadly, but still!

Sin and Lina revealed all, or most. But we still don't know what happened to that bloody voicemail!

If you enjoy this book, please VOTE, COMMENT and SPREAD THE WORD. Your support means the world to me.

I'm sorry to post a Christmas chapter a few weeks early, but I physically, for the life of me, cannot wait.

We are reaching the time for a massive change in the book.

It's nearly the wedding, new years eve, new years day and the time where Catalina has to go once more.

Or will other things get in her way?

Also, I just want to set another reminder that this book contains mature scenes, such as drug addiction, sexual abuse, ptsd, sexual themes.

It can and in some cases will be descriptive, so if you come across a triggering topic please do scroll past- don't risk your mental
wellbeing for my shitty writing!

I love you all so so so much.

See you next time xoxo