-SIN'S POV-

Driving back, I feel a pang in my chest. It's been a hell of a week; finding out about my Dad, meeting him, relapsing, my talk with Catalina and now this with Elizabeth.

I knew she wouldn't get. I sigh, wondering why the fuck I tried to explain to her.

I still cannot comprehended the audacity of her, believing she had the right to say that he deserves a chance, it was years ago and I need to move on.
I don't know if Elizabeth and I are on a break, or if we've broken up, but I'm not dealing with it until after the wedding.

I'm not dealing with any of it until after the wedding.

"I'm back!" I call out as I enter, putting a cheerful, energetic voice on.

Marie runs out to me. "Uncle Sin! I have to go to bed, but I want to say Merry Christmas. Daddy is going to sleep too- Mummy was with me last night, so its his turn tonight. Love you Sin."

"Love you too, little one. I'm sorry I wasn't here for your Christmas."

"It's okay. I'm sure we will have more Christmases together!" She beams, grabbing Brandon's hand and dragging him up the stairs.

Putting on a smile, I head towards the kitchen. Rhiannon, Jagger and Anna are there, drinking.

"Sin! The three of us are going to the pub! Do you wanna come along?" They cheer, clearly already merry.

I shake my head. "Nah, it's fine. Have fun though. We can do our presents and shit when you're back."

Jagger and Anna run off, putting their shoes on. Rhiannon gives me a quick hug, before joining them.

So much for a group Christmas.

I sigh, shaking my head at the tempting bottle of vodka on the side. But it seems to taunt me, scream at me, whisper to me in a malicious attempt to entice me in.

Instinctively, I find myself grabbing the bottle and smashing it against the glass. I watch as it smashes, the nose piercing my ears as the glass and Vodka shines across the floor.

"It's not like you to waste a good bottle." She says from the door, shaking her head.

Catalina refuses to look at me, instantly grabbing the dust pan and brush, collecting all the glass. She grabs a cloth from the cupboard, wiping the floor until theres no trace of my anger anymore.

When done, she doesn't leave, just flicks the kettle on in silence.

"Thanks. You didn't have to clean my mess up for me."

She laughs half-heartedly under her breath. "I'm starting to realise thats kinda our thing now, Sin. Do you want a drink?"

"Hot chocolate. So you're talking to me again?"

"Don't push it," she says whilst pulling the cups out, "I'm just here to protect the bottles. That Vodka was expensive, you know. Jagger would kill you."

"Good thing he went out then, isn't it?"

She nods. "He'll be too drunk to remember it by the time they're back. They've been on it all day."

"I could tell." I chuckle, leaning against the side.

Catalina passes me my hot chocolate, topped with whippy cream, marshmallows and extra powder. I smile, cherishing the drink, as I honestly think it is the highlight of my week.

"So why are you raging against bottles?"

"Elizabeth and I had an argument. For once, it wasn't about you. She wanted to know why I've been so distant lately, so I explained the whole situation regarding Mum and her new, well, old boyfriend. Elizabeth then proceeded to tell me that he deserves a chance, I'm being out of order and selfish etc." I explain, knowing I'm talking to the wrong person but not a part of me caring.

Lina turns around, her eyes sympathetic. "I'm sorry to hear that. It's your choice, what you do with him. If you wanna cut him out for good, do it. If you wanna give him a chance, do it. But nobody else has a right to tell you what to do, okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, your right. Thanks for listening. It's just so fucking hard, you know? I'm struggling enough, without her causing more shit. It was really hard for me, finding out...." I stop, aware of the thick lump suddenly in my throat.

Lina notices it too, rubbing my arm gently. "As much as I want to kill you right now, I'm not going to let you cry. Especially on Christmas- no way. Come in the living room, you can open my present. It's nothing special though, don't get too excited."

"Hey, getting me a present was nice enough, don't be stupid. I got you something too. Open mine first."

She does as instructed, opening the present. "A ticket to Spain on the 10th January. You've extended my stay? Sin, you didn't need to do this, really. It's kind of ironic though..."

"Ironic how?" I say, but I discover how when I open her present.

An open-return flight ticket to Barcelona, Spain, alongside a list of how to get to Vila Nova from there. I glance at Catalina, my eyebrows raised.

Her cheeks redden slightly, her eyes looking down as she fiddles with the hairband on her right wrist. She gnaws on her lip, suddenly shy- something Lina never is.

"It's in case you ever wanted to visit." She mumbles, clearly embarrassed.

I smile. "I'll use it, Lina. It's nice to know you still want me in your life- especially as I was such a dick yesterday."

"You weren't a dick. You were right, I left it too late. I just, I don't know, I'm too much of a raging bitch to ever admit I'm in the wrong for once." She shuffles uncomfortably.

I place my hand on her thigh, a comforting gesture. "You're not a raging bitch, little red, I think you're so much more than that. You just refuse to admit it yourself, that's all."

"I'm glad someone thinks that. But I am a raging bitch. I've been thinking about it a lot recently, about how my madre would be disappointed. At least she can't tell me from the grave." She jokes darkly, a sad smile creeping across her face.

I shake my head. "She wouldn't be disappointed. I may not have known her, I wish I did, but you've given her every reason to be bursting with pride. Hey, now you're looking sad, it's Christmas, lighten up."

Catalina bites her lip, her hand instinctively clutching her mother's necklace. She fiddles with it a few times, chewing on her abused bottom lip in silence. The mood has changed; a melancholy atmosphere hangs over us.

I turn the TV on, where the Christmas radio station is playing. Snowman, by Sia, comes on and I smile.

"Do you want to dance?" I ask, placing my hand towards her.

She rolls her eyes. "I don't dance."

"Now, I remember for a fact that you are lying to me. We are going to dance, give me your hand." I insist, holding her hand tightly.

She sighs, as I pull her into my chest, rocking back and forth.

"We should probably practise for the wedding, anyway. Consider this our practise."

"Practise for what?"

"Our dance, Catalina. Are you that stupid?" I respond with a smirk, twirling her round.

She shakes her head, letting go of my hands. "I feel stupid. We look stupid."

"No, no you don't. Come here, dance, you need to practise." I whisper, pulling her back into me, knowing it's just an excuse to feel her body so close to mine.

Lina sighs again, resting her head into my neck, joining me in my swaying. I have one hand on her waist, one on her back. This is far from a wedding dance attire; it's two broken people relying on one another.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Of course I love Lina- I always will. She was my first love, the person who lit up my darkness and taught me that life isn't perfect, but wallowing in self-pity and sadness doesn't get you anywhere.

But she was also the one person I never thought would shatter my heart to pieces, which she did. And who was there to pick up the pieces?

Elizabeth. Elizabeth has been my best friend, my work partner, my rock for the past five years. After the christening, she was the one to support me, to dry my tears, to help me recover.

How am I meant to choose?

"Are you okay?" She whispers, leaning back, her eyes piercing into mine.

I nod. "Yeah. I just have a lot to think about."

"About your dad?" She asks as I carelessly twirl her round once more.

I shake my head, bringing her into my chest. "I mean, that, yes. But no. You, the situation with you. And Elizabeth."

"Oh," she hesitates, "oh."

Leaning her back, with my hands on her waist, I contemplate how to get the correct words across. "Hearing you tried to tell me you loved me, hearing that you love me, it has changed everything in my mind. But I have a whole life here, Catalina. Elizabeth and I may be on a break or whatever, but she normally treats me really well."

"And I don't?" She raises an eyebrow, maintaining eye contact.

I shake my head. "That's not the point of this conversation, Lina. The point is I have a serious decision to make and it affects myself, my work and everyone I care about. I don't think you understand how hard this is for me."

"You don't think I understand? I told someone I loved them for the first time, Sin. My voicemail was ignored, then when I say it in person, all you care about is fucking Beth!" She replies angrily, trying to shake off my grip.

I shake my head once more, allowing one hand to stay firmly around her waist, but pulling the other up to silence her. "Shhh," I whisper, my finger placed gently on her lip, "little Marie is trying to sleep."

"Then don't fucking piss me off." She mumbles, shoving my hand off her face.

Sighing, I look down at her once more. "This isn't how its meant to be with us, Lina. It worked, as friends, until we go into all the feeling shit. That's when it makes our lives complicated, you realise that?"

"Sin, you know more than anyone, that I don't care. Our lives are fucked up enough as it is, at least we'd have each other to understand. The thing is, I am a selfish person. I know you always try to look for the good parts in me- the kind, gentle, caring side, but the truth is my selfish, bitchy, sarcastic self is far more prominent. And do you know what that Catalina would do? She would take her hands," she gestures, placing her hands on my cheek, "and take what it hers."

She pauses, tiptoeing, as I notice her eyes fixate on my lips. She hesitates, before leaning in further.

Her face is so close to mine. Her cold hands are rested on my warm skin, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to salute to the sky. I can almost hear my heart pumping, beating, begging me to kiss her.

"I can't, Lina... Elizabeth..."

"Has had you the past five years." She whispers, before our lips connect.

It feels so right, as our eyes close and the warmth from her lips radiates onto mine. My tongue twirls round hers, both desperate to taste every inch of other as they settle back into the place they belong.

She maintains one hand on my face, the coldness of her fingers contrasting with the warm blush of my cheek. Her other hand rests on my head, her fingers hungrily running through my hair.

I groan, my body craving hers, as I have one hand sliding up and down her back, the other poised on her throat.

Fuck, this isn't right.

"Catalina..I can't. We- we shouldn't. Trust me, I've dreamt of this moment for years, but it's not right. Not now." I whisper, pulling back from the kiss.

She bites her lip, her eyes portraying embarrassment. She looks down, nodding. "Yep, I get it."

"Hey," I lift her face up to face mine, cupping her jaw, "this is all my mess. I need time, to think and to sort it out, okay? Just give me that time. After the wedding, I'll make sure everything is okay again. This shouldn't be the way things are, I'm going to sort it."

"It's fine, Sin. I'm going to bed." She sighs, gently placing my arms down before heading upstairs.

Fuck.

Leaning against the sofa, my head feels fried without even smoking anything. In situations like this, most guys have their dads for this shit- I've never had it, but people are wrong, you can miss something you don't have. At least I always had Mum (even if I didn't know it) and now she's gone too.

This is meant to be a moment where people ask their parents for help. And who am I left with?

Nobody.

"Honey, I'm home!" Jagger calls from the door, his voice slurred but clearly happy.

I leap up, dashing to the door. "Where are the girls?"

"Oh, they bumped into some old college friends, they are out. You know the girls. Sin, my man, I have missed you, I love you so fucking much bro, you don't even know. These Americans just aren't on your level, you know what I'm saying?" He smacks my back, in a hug gesture.

I grin, patting him on the back. "Alright my mate, let's get you some water, hmm? I'm glad you had a good night though, bro. It's good to have you back. Been weird without you."

"Water is for pussies. I missed you so much though. Have we got any vodka left?" He asks, causing me to wince as I remember the smashed vodka on the floor.

Dragging him in the kitchen, I pour him many shots of what he believes is vodka, but is honestly good old H20. It's tiresome, boring and exhausting dealing with a drunken person and guilt consumes me when I realise this is what I've put so many people through.

I can't keep going back to bad habits.

Jagger is the family I wanted earlier. He's the man who's been there through it all.

"Jagger, can I have some advice?"

~~~~~~~~~
Process line-

Okay! So. The next chapter is gonna be a little baby chapter,, as it is an extra special day! Boxing day is irrelevant and I am not writing about it, so we are going to the 27th!

Next chapter will be VERY short and in Rhiannon's pov, as I thought I'd give you a little wholesome omg im getting married chapter as marriage will NEVER be on the cards for Sin and Catalina, soz xxxx

An additional reminder this book will contain somewhat GRAPHIC SEXUAL SCENES. It will also make you want to rip your heart out of your chest (been watching tvd,, damon has my heart) xxxxx

So, it's the 9th December as I'm writing this (fuck knows when it's posted though) and I have two revelations to make.

Update: It's the sixteenth of December and although I was gonna hold off till Christmas Eve i've decided im gonna post the wedding chapter on christmas eve as a little gift,, u lucky people 😍

Number one: I hated writing these past chapters because I am a grinch. I hate Christmas- all of it, i hate it.

Number two: I hated writing these past chapters because I too, am a selfish heartless bitch. Picture me physically gagging whilst writing all the soppy shit and there is an accurate vision for you all.

Anyway, love u all xxxx