-LINA'S POV-

"Morning sleepyhead. Tea?" Sin hands me a cup as I yawn, rising off the sofa.

I smile appreciatively at him. Not for the tea, normally he'd get a finger for that. He knows what I'm thankful for- that's what matters.

After getting ready for the day, I go back into the kitchen, where Sin is making himself some breakfast.

"Mum's coming round in half an hour. She wants to talk to me about her new boyfriend, she wants me to meet him." Sin tells me, evidently pissed off.

I roll my eyes. "Don't sound so moody. If he makes your mum happy, then you have to at least meet him."

"And if I don't like him?"

"Then," I sigh, patting his shoulder, "you put your big girl boots on, and suck it the fuck up. Missy is happy, Sin. Finally. Don't you want that?"

"Since when did you became all cutesy? If you were like this before, I might have followed you to Spain." He winks, taking a bite of his toast.

Shaking my head, I frown at him. "You're a dickhead, you know that? Sort that attitude out before Missy comes."

"There she is, our bossy Catalina. A woman after my own heart."

"Not sure your girlfriend would like you saying that." I raise an eyebrow at him, before grabbing his toast. I take a bite, grinning at him.

"Thanks, Sin. I really fancied some toast. Anyway, I'm gonna go out- give you and Missy some space."

His eyes trace the floor, his cheeks reddening slightly. He scratches his neck, coughing gently under his breath. "Um, yeah. Ok. Bye."

***
"Auntie Cat-Cat! I've missed you. Mummy didn't tell me you were coming over." Marie sulks, crossing her arms.

Rhiannon tickles Marie's cheek. "Mummy didn't tell you, because Mummy didn't know. What's up, Cat?"

"Nothing's up? Why, is it a bad time?"

Rhiannon shakes her head. "No, no, no. Of course not. Sorry- I'm just... I don't know. Stressed? About the wedding? Why did we pick to have it on the 27th? Two days after fucking Christmas Day, what was I thinking? I'm stupid, aren't I?"

"Mummy said fucking. Fucking. Fucking." Marie repeats, giggling.

"Your Mother is stressed enough as it is, little one. Don't be making it worse, else Santa won't visit you this month. Now, go see your Dad- he'll watch a movie upstairs with you."

Marie giggles, running off to her dad. I turn to Rhiannon, staring at her intently.

"You need a fucking drink, babe. Or a joint?"

"I can't smoke, Catalina. I'm a mother now. That's my life. I'm nearly a married fucking mother."

"Married fucking mothers can smoke. In fact, I think they deserve it more than anyone. Come have a joint in the bathroom- old time's sake, isn't it?"

Rhiannon shakes her head, giggling. "You're a bad influence, Cat."

"What are friends for?" I wink, pulling my joint out my pocket.

Just like when we were kids, we run to the bathroom. Rhiannon takes her place on the lid of the toilet, I take mine on the sink. Rhiannon pushes the window slightly open, making me double check the door is locked a thousand times.

"I do not want Marie to see me like this. She's already seen me crying five times. That's not the life I want for her."

"Rhi, it's a bit of bud. It's not that deep, is it? You stress too much." I say, passing to her.

She shakes her head, exhaling as she speaks. "No, Cat. I don't stress too much, you just don't stress enough. Marie is my child. Brandon and I are going to give her the best life possible. The life I deserved, the life you deserved. She's going to be surrounded by love and happiness- no drugs or tears or any of that shit."

"You won't be able to protect her forever, Rhiannon. She's young now, but when she's older, its inevitable- I'm afraid."

"I might not be able to, but I'm sure going to."

"You are an amazing mother, Rhiannon. You always will be. I am proud of you. Marie is lucky to have a Mum like you." I reassure her, smiling at her.

She grins at me. "You become a total softie when you're around Sin. I love it."

"No I don't."

Rhiannon stares up at me, her eyes demonstrating her disbelief. She passes me the joint, crossing her arms over with a little giggle.

"Get over yourself. We all know you love him. You loooooove him. Are you sure thats weed?" She giggles.

I sigh. "Yep. I just think someones out of practise."

Rhiannon and I stay sitting in the bathroom, with myself smoking and Rhiannon non-stop giggling. Honestly, she is like a british thirteen year old with their first blunt- mortifying. She speaks to me about her worries and insecurities, whilst I calmly reassure her.

"Cat, can I ask a question?"

"Sure, but I'm not promising an answer." I respond.

Rhiannon leans forward, her eyes gaping at me like I'm something on a red light street in Barcelona.

"Why aren't you and Sin together?"

"That's your question? That's easy. Because we broke up, remember?" I bluntly reply, putting my joint out against the sink.

She shakes her head. "You know thats not what I mean."

"What do you want me to say, Rhi? That's the truth. We moved on, grew up. I moved to Spain and he found someone else. It's just life, isn't it? Anyway. I should really..."

"Don't leave because its an uncomfy situation, Cat. Come on, why are you lying to yourself? We all know if you said those three words to Sin, he'd drop her. Elizabeth would be gone, you and Sin would be together. Like you're meant to be."

"No," I interrupt her, "no. I told Sin those three words, don't you recall? And he fucking ignored me. We aren't meant to be, he's a dick. Granted, he's good in bed, but that's it. If I knew you were going to grill me, I wouldn't have fucking came. God, I thought you all of people would get me, Rhi! Fuck sake."

Anger weaves itself within my words, denial dancing in my veins. Rhiannon hasn't even pissed me off, but I act as though that way. A dramatic exit; the swearing, storming out her house and leaving as soon as possible. She didn't annoy me, it's just the situation.

Everyone thinks they know me, know Sin, know us, know the situation but nobody fucking knows shit.

"Sin? I'm back, is Missy still here? " I call out as I unlock the door.

No answer.

"Sin? Missy?" I yell a bit louder.

Once again, no answer.

Sighing, I head to the kitchen. Clearly I missed Missy's entrance and Sin must be out. Probably with Elizabeth- or something.

"What the fuck?" I swear under my breath.

The kitchen looks like it's been dragged through hell and back. The stupid cooking books are thrown aggressively across the floor. The box of knives lay scattered on the side. The top cupboard, the one thats always locked, the one Sin vowed was there for visitors, is wide open.

And empty.

I search desperately for the bottles of drink in the kitchen, in the living room, in the bathroom, on the stairs, in Sin's room.

They're all gone.

"Sin, what the fuck are you playing at? Where the fuck are you? I don't know whats happened but you need to come home, okay? I'll help clean everything up, just, let me know you're okay. Please." I say to his voicemail, my heart beginning to race a bit.

Fuck.

I run to my room, swinging open the door.

"Lina?"

Sin is sprawled across my bed, my pillows thrown across the floor. My red blanket is drowning in bottles of Vodka, Rum, Gin and every alcohol in existence.

"Sin, what have you done?" I whisper, sitting beside him.

He sits up, a grin on his face. "I get why you do it. Pills. They're fucking great, aren't they? I don't know why you didn't use to drink- them mixed is like heaven. I've never felt so.. so-"

He gags, causing me to grab the bedside bin.

"If you need to be sick, do it in here, not on me. What the fuck do you mean? You're on pills?"

"Shouldn't have left your bedside draw unlocked, Catalina. I'm having fun anyway, so much fun! You should.. you should take some too! We can have fun, like we used to." He puts an arm round me, grinning profusely as his jaw spins.

I shake my head, rummaging through the draw. "How many did you take, Sin? The whole baggie's gone. You need to tell me how many you've taken."

"Two, three. No more than-"

The sick cuts him off from his sentences, as he grabs the bucket. I turn my head, biting on my lip to prevent my eyes from watering.

This is all my fault.

"It's okay, Sin. I'm here. It's okay." I rub his back, whispering words of reassurance.

After the nausea ends, he sits against my bed. "Lina, I really don't feel good."

"I know, Sin. Mixing them is not good, especially with the amount you've taken. There's a bottle of water in the wardrobe, I'll grab it, but I need you to tell me why you've done this." I tell him.

Gratefully, he grabs the water bottle.

"Missy told me," he gags again, "about her boyfriend. Her new boyfriend, that's what she told me. Have you ever heard that phrase, reuse, reduce, recycle?"

He's pale in his face, one arm wrapped around the bin and the other assisting his little sips of water. His eyes are full of covered-up pain, his pupils masking the raw betrayal he feels.

"Sin, come here. I'm here. Tell me what happened." I whisper, wrapping an arm round him.

He places the bin down, resting his head against my chest. I know I should, but I don't stop him.

"Her boyfriend is my, um, father. My biological dickhead, who abandoned her, who wanted nothing to fucking do with me. That's who her boyfriend is." He whispers, his voice sounding broken and betrayed.

Shit.

Missy told me about Sin's father before. Before I knew he was the father of Sin, that is.

He was older. Three years older, to be precise. It was already strange he was into a girl of her age, very strange. He was dark, broody, handsome. He was dangerous; the epitome of her parent's nightmares. He was the thrill she needed- what she thought was her light in her darkness.

When he found out about Sin, that's when he turned the non-attractive version of dangerous. He would drink, drink a lot. He would start arguments over nothing, cheat and lie, until Missy ended it with him.

He wanted nothing to do with his son and Missy foolishly thought she couldn't alone.

He's the reason Sin had the life he had.

"I'm so sorry, Sin. I told you to tolerate him, I told you to be nice about him, I encouraged you to speak to her. The alcohol may not be on me, but I could have gotten rid of it when I found the cupboard. And the pills, fucking hell, you took my pills. I didn't mean for this to happen, but you're gonna be fine. You were sick, a lot, you've drank water. The comedown will be shit, but you'll be okay. And as for your d- As for Missy's asshole of a boyfriend, you don't have to be nice to him. You don't have to tolerate him. You don't ever have to see him- not if you don't want to."

He rolls his head to look up at me, his pupils glazing into mine. "None of this is your fucking fault, Lina. You don't need to blame yourself. I'm a fucking mess, that's all."

"Well," I whisper, "I happen to also be a mess."

"Two messes make a room tidy." He laughs, pressing his head against my shoulder.

I rest my head on his. "I don't think that's a saying, Sin."

"It should be."

Sighing, I shake my head. "No, Sin. I think we are both perfect examples that two messes just create one big fucking mess."

"That's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano." Sin raps gently under his breath.

I smack his arm. "Now's not the time. You're barely in the state to be conscious, let alone embodying Eminem."

"Why weren't you always like this, Lina? All nice and shit. You should have been nice and shit."

"I don't think you're going to remember any of this conversation. When you wake up, your heads gonna be fried, but I won't let it slide that you pretty much just called me a bitch."

He shakes his head, turning to look at me. "No, not a b-bitch. I understand you, Catalina, which is what makes me love you."

"Okay, molly really is the love drug. Be quiet, you're going to embarrass yourself. Maybe it's time for bed."

"If you're coming?"

"You're funny," I run my finger along his cheek, biting my lip. "I actually have a whole house to clean up. Looks like someone's broken in here."

He giggles, before gagging once more.

Gently, I curve my arms round his waist and hoist him up. His rooms ages away, mines easier for him to get to and it has the water and sick bucket, so I remove the drinks from my bed and lay him on it.

"Just rest. I'll be back once I've tidied up, I promise." I whisper as I leave the room.

I start with the kitchen.

Binning the broken cook books and neatly arranging the fixed ones. Collecting the knives, scrubbing them and drying them. Everything was thrown about. I've seen Sin mad, but the Kitchen is the portrayal of burning, raging anger. I search for the key to the top cupboard and lock it, instantly binning the key. The cupboard won't be used again; I won't let it be used again.

The act of cleaning the kitchen is like a taunting reminder of my childhood. But they aren't alike. They are different in almost every way- the common denominator is just the drink.

As I wipe and dust the downstairs of the house, I think back to my conversation with Rhiannon. My conversations with Sin, today, yesterday, the past few days.

Everyone seems to see me as some raging bitch and yes, Sin notices that too, but he was the only person over the years who truly noticed me. The only person who saw me, really saw me.

But what we had wasn't love. It was merely two broken souls, confused by one another and desperate for somebody to care.

Sin will always mean the world to me. And I hope I will to him.

But I have a life in Spain. I have my Abuela, who needs me. I have the burning desire to make my Madre and Abuelo proud. Sin has a girlfriend, a job, an apartment. He has his own fucking dog.

Two messes don't create a tidy room. They don't create an even bigger mess.

Two messes create a world of heartbreak, disaster and mental torture.

I won't let myself be brought into that.

Not again.

****
It's been a few days since what happened with Sin. He's adverse to talking about it, determined to act as though it never happened; like it was just a bad dream.

We haven't uttered the word dad, the word alcohol, the word Missy. We've pretended like none of it exists, because that's what seems to be working for Sin. But as I watch him, I worry.

He isn't himself.

"Do you want a hot chocolate?" I offer, a gentle smile on my face.

He shakes his head. "No."

"Anything to eat?" I ask.

He shakes his head once more. "I'm fine."

I sigh, leaning against the white doorframe. "Sin, do you want to talk about the other day?"

"No."

"Missy's been messaging me, Sin. She's gonna know something happened." I inform him.

He shrugs. "I don't care. She knows what she's fucking done. Why is she messaging you anyway?"

"I don't know, Sin. But you do fucking care. Shutting out all your emotions towards this entire situation isn't going to help you." I reply saltily.

Sin chuckles deeply under his breath as he rises from the sofa. He walks towards me, stopping as our shoulders touch.

"You're the queen of that, aren't you, Catalina?"

I roll my eyes. "You're a dick. Do you really wanna start that argument? I can call Missy now, tell her what happened. Or even better, I can call Elizabeth. I'm sure she would be delighted to hear about your antics. I was nice to you, Sin. So don't be a dick to me."

As I begin to walk away, his fingers latch around my wrist.

"Wait. You're right. I'm sorry, you're right. You were so nice to me, I appreciate everything. You cleaned my fucking vomit up and I'm still being a prick. How can I make it up to you?"

"You don't need to make it up to me, Sin." I reply with an eye roll.

He nods. "I know. But I want to. Picnic, by the Cliffsides? Tonight."

"The Cliff Sides? Are you sure thats smart?" I frown, my mind retracing every event thats happened there.

He laughs. "Yes. It'll be fun, I promise. Thank you. I need to go- I'm meeting Elizabeth, I need to get ready."

"Oh, right. Have fun."

He smiles at me, then heads upstairs to get ready for his pretty little girlfriend.

~~~~~

hey! firstly, i want to apologise for this shitshow of a chapter. it's not my best writing, but you guys desperately deserve an update.

i am so grateful for every single one of you. the support for catalina and sin is immense and it means more than words can possibly explain.

due to the immense support, i feel you're owed an explanation, i feel comfortable to give you an explanation.

the past few months, i have been mentally and physically struggling. there has been a variety of mental issues slowly dragging me down, whilst my long covid puts me into permanent exhaustion.

but, just like my characters, i am strong and i bounce back!

so, i hope you're ready for a shit ton of chapters coming ur way over the next few weeks!

all my love <3