This is the start of several journal entry chapters. Please don't skip them, considering they involve instances in Marlena's life (and others') that Bucky is missing while he's gone.

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Bucky,

Today I took one of your old journals and decided to make it my own, and I hope you're okay with that (it was empty anyway). I decided that while you were gone I was going to write down everything you'll be missing while you're away. I figure you would want to know everything that's been happening with me and everyone else while you were gone, and writing it all down in a journal is much easier than trying to remember it so I can tell you about it in person.

Can I first start this journal off by talking about my feelings and saying that I miss you more than I ever thought I could? Even when you left back in April it didn't hurt nearly as much as it did now, maybe because I knew a part of me would see you again. Now that you're gone, now that you're in cryo, I'm unsure of when I'll see you again or even if I'll get the chance to. I know they're supposed to be some of the world's most experienced, but who knows how long it could take them to help you; it could take two generations of Wakandan doctors and scientists to figure out how to completely reverse what Hydra did to you, and if that proves to be the case, that means I'll never get to see you again. I'll never get to wake up with you by my side, I'll never get to kiss you, I'll never get to hold you. . .I'll just never get to be with you, and I can't take the pain of knowing that. I feel like a part of me is missing without you, Buck, and it hurts. . .it hurts so bad. I'm miserable without you here.

Steve isn't doing too well without you either from what I've gathered, but he's doing much better than me. You're his best friend and the only thing left that he loves from his life before the ice. He's definitely more hopeful than I am, too, but when am I ever hopeful? Too much has happened for me to remain hopeful about anything, but I'm trying, and I'm gonna be using Steve as an example to help me achieve it. He isn't currently with me at the moment, but I swear, without him I don't think I would be able to survive being here without you, so if you wake up and I'm not here but his immortal ass still is, you need to thank him for everything he's done for me.

Wanda misses you too, Buck. She's happy to have Pietro back (she's more than ecstatic, really), but over the course of a year you became another brother to her, and she's not doing too well without you. She understands why you had to do what you did, and she respects it, but she hates that she wasn't given the chance to say goodbye or the chance to help you like she promised she would. She loves you, y'know.

Mason is more or less dealing with it. He's blinded by his happiness from my homecoming, but I can see it in his eyes just how much he misses you. Sometimes I notice the way he looks around as if he's looking for you. Since I've come home, he talks about you a lot; he talks about how he wants to be like you when he's older, y'know a fantastic man who is willing to do whatever it takes to protect the people he loves. He said that one day he wants to love someone as much as you love me, and I hope one day he'll find it, just as I know you hope he does too.

To summarize this emotional shitfest of an entry, everyone misses the hell out of you. I know you never used to believe this much because of your past and what you've done (what you've been forced to do), but you really do mean a lot to people. You have people who love you and miss you more than anything in this world, Bucky. You have people whose lives wouldn't be complete if they didn't have you, and that's gotta count for something, right?

I love you so much, James Buchanan Barnes, and maybe one day I'll get to tell you that in person again. For now I have to settle for a piece of stationary stitched into the binds of an old notebook, and as much as I hate that, it'll have to do.

Tomorrow I'll try not to write too much about my feelings or anyone else's, but I won't make any promises. Once again, I love you.

Yours,

Marlena