★ ★ ★

Bucky snaked his arm around Marlena's waist, pulling her small body into his. He stroked the soft strands of her hair with his other hand, nearly lulling her to sleep. His face was nuzzled in one of the fluffy pillows that Clint had supplied her temporary bedroom with, as well as the cozy blanket that Marlena was snuggled up in. 

"You can't even begin to understand how difficult it was to fall asleep in an empty bed, Buck," Marlena breathed out as she examined his new and improved, metal appendage.

"Yes, because sleeping in a giant tube at negative two-hundred degrees was so enjoyable," Bucky chuckled, pulling her hair away from her face.

Marlena rolled her eyes and twisted her body so that she was facing him, "You were unconscious the whole time, loser."

"Still," he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm sorry, y'know. I really am, Mar."

"I know you did what you felt had to be done," she nodded, staring at him, her own hand moving to cup his stubbly cheek. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, doll," Bucky replied, gazing at her.

"Who built your new arm?" she asked with a puzzled expression on her face.

"T'Challa had it built, but Tony paid for it, despite the fact that T'Challa is the richest man in the world; Tony said it would make us even for him trying to kill me." He chuckled.

Marlena's lips formed the shape of an 'o' as she glanced down at the arm; she had to admit to herself that she couldn't be too surprised.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are, Marlena?" Bucky smirked, causing Marlena to grin.

Marlena scrunched up her nose as if in thought, "You may have mentioned it once or twice."

Bucky simply rolled his eyes and pulled her closer to him, their lips connecting like magnets. He let out a sigh as he kissed her; she was just as ecstatic to have him home again. Bucky surprising her was the best birthday present she could ever receive.

Finally pulling away, Bucky peered at her with big, blue eyes, "God, I don't mean to brag, but damn are we gonna have some good-looking children one day."

Just then, Sam made a grand entrance into Marlena's bedroom, his figure lingering in the doorway as a grimace spread across his face.

"Y'know how I said I wanted you two to go ahead and get married, start a family, all that good shit? Yeah, well, I'd rather you save the baby-makin' for another time. The walls are thin, and I don't wanna see my dinner again." Sam folded his arms over his chest, looking at the two seriously.

Marlena sat up in the bed, Bucky still playing with her hair where he lay back against the pillows, "How about you save the sexual comments for another time? We're having a moment here." She rolled her eyes at the shadowy figure in the doorway.

"Hopefully not the kind of moment you had back in the train car; yeah, our trains weren't that far away, kiddo." With that, Sam dismissed himself from the room, shutting the door behind him, leaving a flustered Marlena to sit silently on the bed.

"I'll knock his teeth out, baby; just give me the word." Bucky chuckled, tugging on her arm so she'd lay back down with him.

"He's an idiot, just like you." Marlena shook her head, a tiny smile gracing her face.

"An idiot that's in love with you," Bucky corrected, pressing his lips to hers once more.

"Woah, Sam's in love with me, too? I mean I know I'm awesome, but geez," Marlena smirked once she'd pulled away.

Bucky's whole demeanor changed within the blink of an eye, his smile gone and his eyes distant.

"What's wrong, Buck?" she asked, raising an eyebrow as he ran a hand through his hair and stared up at the ceiling.

He shifted on the bed, then glanced over at her, "I love you so much, Mar, but I hate knowing that there are other people who are into you. You're mine-no one else's."

Marlena chewed on her lip, averting her eyes from his momentarily; she believed he was referring to Steve. "I thought you two worked that out; I thought-"

"What? Oh," Bucky realized she thought he meant Steve, and he let out a huff, "no I'm talking about another person who's into you."

Marlena's eyes widened, "Who?" she asked, completely confused with who he could have possibly meant. It wasn't as if she met a whole lot of people now that she was always cooped up in Clint's, and she would never dream that any of the other Avengers thought of her like that.

"That Liam guy," Bucky said, looking at her seriously; he knew exactly what Levi's name was, but he refused to say it.

Marlena nearly choked on her own spit, "You're talking about Levi?"

"I can't believe that shithead had the audacity to kiss you right in front of me. If he had any sense, he would stay away, because I swear, Marlena Claire, if he ever lays a hand on you, I'm kicking his ass to Canada. What else has he tried since I've been gone; please, tell me he hasn't touched you like that. I'll kill him; I'll destroy the little prick, Mar. And when he leaned down and whispered in your ear-"

"Bucky," Marlena tried, only he wouldn't shut up long enough for her to speak.

"I can't stand the thought of him thinking he has a chance to be with you. You are the love of my life, Marlena, and no one can take you away from me. If you want out, you'll have to leave yourself, because I swear I'm never going to let you go, baby. I can't-"

"For the love of God, Bucky, he's about as straight as an Arby's curly fry," Marlena blurted out, completely fed up with Bucky's unnecessary banter.

"W-what?" Bucky asked, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Levi-he's gay. He's not interested in me, Bucky. If anything," Marlena chuckled, watching Bucky's facial expression, "he's interested in you."

Bucky was barely able to mutter out an, "Oh," as his face turned beet red.

"Then what was he whispering to you outside?" Bucky asked, his voice low.

"That, you do not want to know. He's a little. . .promiscuous." Marlena giggled as Bucky's eyes widened even more.

He awkwardly cleared his throat before sinking down into the bed, covering his face with a pillow.

"I don't know what to say," Bucky said into the pillow as Marlena tried to take it away from him.

"Like I said, you're an idiot," she teased, finally jerking the pillow away from him.

He chuckled and pulled her into his arms again so she lay on her stomach in between his legs, her head resting on his upper chest. He pulled the back of her shirt up slightly to rub her back, a small smile on his face. It was little moments like this that made his heart happy, no matter how cheesy it sounded; Marlena made him feel things that no one else ever could.

"I've missed you so much, Buck," she said softly, listening to the light thump of his heartbeat. "I'm never letting you go again," she sighed, her eyes welling up with tears.

Just being in his arms made her feel safe-loved. She was home when she was with him; he would always provide her with that sense of comfort and belonging. She had somehow felt lost without him there, and though she had everyone around her, she didn't have him, and he was who she really needed at this time in her life, along with Mason.

Bucky laid there silently, warmth radiating from her back to his hand, her skin smooth to the touch. In some ways, he wished she would just fall asleep; that way, he wouldn't have to let her down just yet. He didn't want to ruin her birthday. He didn't want to cause her anymore tears than he already had-not yet at least.

"Y'know how everyone was talking downstairs. . .about you and me settling down, getting married, and having kids?" Marlena asked, her eyes closed as she pictured it.

"Hm?"

"I know that settling down is a big deal, and I also know that it might be years and years away from now, but. . .I don't want those to just be dreams, you know? I want it to happen one day." She sighed, the slow rising and falling of his chest calming her.

Bucky sucked in a breath; he was too scared to say anything-to crush her dreams. Of course, he wanted the same things. He wanted to marry Marlena; he wanted to start a family with her; he wanted to settle down and live out the rest of their lives together in peace. However, he knew that none of that was possible right now. There was far too much going on for them, and though he knew it wouldn't be any time soon that they would settle down anyways, he just didn't have the heart to break the news to her that he wasn't going to be staying this time.

However, it was his silence that told Marlena something was wrong. Her heart ached as she thought about why he wasn't saying anything; she just hoped she was wrong.

"Buck?"

"Mar, listen," he began, feeling her tense up, "I-y-you know I want all of that with you. I do, baby."

"But?" Marlena asked, unable to open her eyes and sit up to look at him; she knew he was going somewhere with this-somewhere she didn't want him to go.

"I'm not staying, doll. I can't," he said quietly, still rubbing her back gently.

Marlena knew exactly what he meant; he was going back into cryo. She wasn't sure how long he was staying-how long he'd planned on keeping it a secret from her-but she knew that much. He wasn't ready to trust his own mind, still. He still felt like a threat, despite how much she didn't.

Bucky could feel her heart rate quicken, as well as her small body trembling as she tried her best not to breakdown in front of him. It wasn't like she hadn't cried in front of him before; she had. However, she didn't want him to feel at fault for her tears. It was just everything that had happened to her seemed to weigh down on her at once, and Bucky going into cryo, coming back, and then going into cryo again was almost a tease. It was as if she were getting a small taste of her happiness back, only for it to be snatched away again. There was nothing she could do to bring back her mother, and there was no way for her to have Mason at Clint's with her; having Bucky there was a relief. He distracted her from her other problems. Only now, he was leaving again, and she'd have to retreat to her journals again and hope that they'd help numb the pain a little.

"Marlena, I'm so sorry. They only let me out for your birthday," he breathed out, kissing her hair, "but I'll be here for a few more days, okay? Why don't we enjoy them while we can?"

"Because you're leaving!" Marlena sat up, pulling herself off of the bed.

She tugged the back of her shirt down, already getting goosebumps as his warmth left her body. She used the sleeve of her hoodie to wipe away her stray tears, though more kept falling.

"Not because I want to, Mar," Bucky reminded her, watching as she paced around the room, choking back her tears as best as she could.

"To you, cryo is nothing! You wake up and don't feel as if any time has passed; meanwhile, I have to sit here every freaking day waiting on you! And it sucks, Bucky! We've been to hell and back together, and now I'm just supposed to respect your decision to disappear again? Y'know, once upon a time I used to work with the Avengers; I used to be a 'hero' in the eyes of some people. Heroes are supposed to save lives! But I don't understand how the hell I'm supposed to help save other people when I can't even save myself, Bucky? All I do is hurt; all I do is feel pain. I swear I spend more time missing you now than I get to be with you. I said," she ran out of breath, her face falling in her hands.

She stood in the center of the bedroom, her body shaking with every sob, "I said you would always have me-that I wouldn't leave your side until you told me to. Is that what you're doing, Bucky? Telling me to leave? Are you telling me that you don't want me by your side anymore?" She cried into her hands, hating herself for being so weak.

Bucky's heart broke at the sight of her; all he wanted was for Marlena to be happy, and it seemed as if everything in the world was against her now. Nothing seemed to be working out for her, and he hated that. He hated even more that he was the one who had brought her into all of this; meeting him had lead to all of this.

"Come on, babygirl. Don't cry, Mar," Bucky said, his voice wavering as he got off of the bed and walked over to her.

He took her hands and removed them from her face, leading her back over to her bed. Pulling her into his arms, they laid back down and he wiped away her tears with the pad of his thumb.

"Look at me, Marlena," he said, waiting for those pretty hazel eyes of her to meet his blue ones, "I love you more than anything in this world. I would never leave you by choice. . .but this is dangerous—I'm dangerous. Deep down, I know you know it, too."

"No," Marlena shook her head, "you're not. You're better off here with me than locked away in cryo, that's for sure. You need to be here, Bucky, with your friends, with your family, and with your me," she whispered, her voice trembling.

"I'm sorry, Marlena. I-I don't have a choice."

★ ★ ★

The floor creaked as Bucky moved across the room, and he glanced over his shoulder in hopes that he hadn't woke Marlena up where she slept in the bed.

She'd practically cried herself to sleep as he'd held her, and once he knew she was out like a light, he'd gotten up to retrieve the journal that she had been scribbling in earlier in the day. He picked the leathery book up in his hand and carried it with him back to the bed. Getting in carefully, he leaned back against the headboard and opened the journal up.

He struggled to read the words in the low lighting, but luckily the moonlight coming in through the window aided him in reading. His eyes scanned the pages as he carefully read her handwriting as if he could hear her voice in his head.

Bucky found himself smiling as he read some of her more lighthearted entries; he could picture some of the events in his head, especially Clint's baby puking on her. Then, he found himself frowning as he read more. She had really poured her heart into writing in the journal; some of her feelings that she'd wrote about, he wasn't even sure if she would tell him out loud. He could almost feel her pain as he read, and it made him feel heartbroken to know that he was the reason.

As he read through each and every entry, he came to the conclusion that there was no way he could leave now. Knowing everything Marlena had felt and put down in words, he could not go back to Wakanda. He wouldn't do that to her, nor would he do that to himself. He had already missed so much, though it may not have seemed like much to everyone else. He didn't want to miss out on anymore of Marlena's life; he wanted to be with her every step of the way. She didn't deserve to lose anyone else, even if he was only in cryo; he still would be thousands of miles away, and he knew that was unfair to her. She could have been right, too; maybe Marlena was all he needed to gain control of his own mind once and for all. Maybe, just maybe, Marlena was better than any cure those Wakandan scientists could spend years researching. Marlena could be his cure.