TW: Mention of suicide

"What do you want to talk about?" I was curious, at the same time I was sacred.

"It's not the right time to discuss this, however just letting you know that Yejin..." He trailed off and scooted closer. "I know that I've been a very bad parent, and there is no way I could have your apology or there is no way I can reverse the time. I'm not an ideal dad, I wasn't there for you when you need me but Yejin, from now onwards remember that I will be there for you, to catch you when you fall." He spoke, his hand caressing my head. I was too stunned to speak, never expected him to speak like that.

"Why- why so sudden? Please tell me." I asked.

"Another time Yejin. For now, I can only tell you that I understand what's happening with you. And no, once again I'm telling you this, I'm not disappointed in you. I understand. You don't have to explain yourself, why you did what. It's your life and choice, and I believe in my daughter that there is no way she can do what she's getting blamed for. I get it, and I'm there for you okay?" His hand wrapped around my shoulder and he gently gave me a side hug. Unknowing tears brimmed in the corner of my eyes. I didn't know if it was his words or hugging my dad after so long, maybe four years?

"Dad I-" I sniffed and choked on my tears.

"It's okay, it's okay to cry." He hushed and patted my back. I busted into tears while hugging him tightly. Something in yearned for so long, after mom's death he completely changed and we drifted apart, so close yet so far. And today, I finally hugged my dad, my old dad.

Maybe I'm a fool, I tend to forget how people treated me. I just simply forgot all the bad things they have done to me because what matters most to me is how they are treating me in present. Sure, I hate him, but at the same time deep in my heart, I love him so much. He has hurt me so much in past, very much but all those memories are blurred in front of this moment.

Yes, I'm a fool.

"Now feeling okay?" He asked, I didn't realize when I stopped crying.

"A little."

"A little is a big step." He said and wiped my tears. "Now rest for a while I order dinner."

"Can we just eat ramen?" I asked.

"Ramen? Sure I'll cook them, after eating sleep." I nodded and in return, he smiled.

These weeks aren't going too bad.

***

2 week later

"Take some charcoal powder and start making light strokes, just let your hands wander on the canvas. Once you start getting a basic outline, start making
darker parts, usually starting from eyes, then nose and lips. It's very easy, and the best part of the charcoal portrait is you can unleash your creativity however you want." Dad said while he took the smallest painting knife from his art box.
He had a small easel and canvas set up.

I still couldn't believe he knows
painting— that is also a different form of art painting and he does all of them perfectly. I used to think he hates art but it doesn't seem like that.

The past few days were, or I should say one of the best moments we father-daughter spent. As he promised earlier, he bought some art supplies and painted with me. He made so many paintings, however, I made only three. I'm competitively slower than him, and even I'm right-handed it's still hard to draw from one hand, not that much hard just a little bit.

In the end, I was finally happy. Dad helped me to divert my mind, from Jimin. I haven't thought about him for a week, or maybe in days. No matter how hard I try, I sleep will think about him and about things I've done.

My eyes widen in amazement when I started to see facial structure in a mess of smudges and strokes. I can clearly detect a woman's facial structure.

"Wow dad, you're amazing. How come you can do so much beautifully?" I asked him while he continued to draw.

"From where do think your inner painter came from? I used to be the best painter in our college."

My eyebrow creased.

"College? You were in art college— but the wait wasn't mom and you were in the same college?"

His eyes saddened, but soon he spoke.

"Yeah we did, I was in the art department and your mother was in the engineering department. Maybe you don't know because I stopped painting when you were three years old."

"I thought you hate paintings and you hated when I used to paint."

"I could never hate art."

"Then why you used—"

"Your mother, she hated painting— and instill don't know why she hates the term art. Maybe she was a bit logical? Or creativity wasn't her cup of tea?" He trailed off.

"So that's why you hated when I used to paint. That's why you burned my painting?" I asked, my heart was beating faster than normal and I didn't know why.

"I never burnt your painting, yeah only those which were ugly."

"W-what?" I've seen him burning my painting, come to think that they were always my bad work of art or those which I cringe at every time I see. "Why? I didn't get it?" I asked in your confusion."

He sighed, put the painting life down, and sat on the floor, in front of me.

"I know my words won't make any sense, and I'm ashamed of myself Yejin. I'm not only ashamed as a dad but as a person too." He started.

"We were twenty your mother found out that she was pregnant with. I'm sorry it will hurt your feelings, but you need to know that this. You weren't exactly planned, you were your mother's dare." I looked at him, trying to process what he said. My heart sank when I realized what he meant.

"Your mother didn't like me, at all. And she doesn't want you either but it was our families who decided it will be better if get married, just to save our families' prestige. And that is how we get married, and that's how her dreams of being an astronomical engineer got crushed, but in her eyes, it was me who did this.

I was still pursuing arts, while your mother dropped out. It wasn't easy for her, suddenly get pregnant, get married, and get dropped out and not it was easy for me. Suddenly now I had the responsibility of my wife and my child, I got married to someone who hate the guts out of me. But we made it through nine months, your birth brought so many joys and changes to our life.

Wrapped in a pink blanket, rosy glow on face, and tiny little white bumps scattered on face, I still remembered that day. I cried out of joy when I first hold you when I first time saw you. Your mother fell in love with you when she saw you. All hate she had towards you vanished when she held you close.

You brought us close, you changed our life. Because of you, we both gradually fell for each other. A couple of years later I graduated from college, I always dreamt of becoming a painter but your mother disapproved. She always hated when she saw me drawing, or when she saw crayons.

We had a huge fight for this, how she was valid because how painting doesn't bring money, and how I was valid because it was my dream. In last, she won. I gave up on painting and became and a VFX artist.

Everything was okay, we were doing fine. She was happy. You started going to school, you weren't exactly a bright student but it didn't matter to me. It was your mother who was having a problem. She wanted you to become an astronomical engineer. What she couldn't do, she wanted you to fulfill her dreams.

You were twelve when she realized how you can't read the clock properly or how you were the last one to understand jokes and how much trouble you were facing to learn English. Then we got to know you were dyslexic.

Your mother seemed all okay, we were still the happy family but she always blamed me for your condition, how it was my fault. A year later, we found out your mother had a tumor. It was the hardest period of my life, seeing the love of my life like this, broke me. Your mother wasn't perfect, but still, she was my love, my wife. The day she died while holding my hands, I remember it vividly.

'I hope I can see Yejin being an engineer from heaven.'

Her last words weren't 'I love you' or 'see you in after life' but her last wish was for you to be like her, an engineer.
I was shattered after your mother's death. It hit me so hard, that I utterly became a different person. I stop smiling, I stop loving you and I stop living.

I wanted her last wish to come true, I wanted you to become an engineer. I tried to enroll you in special schools and tutors but I didn't have money, and even I can't afford Dr. Han anymore. I became so blind that I took it in my hand, I started to torture you mentally.

I was so blind until I read your diary. The day I came back after meeting your headmistress, ins aw your dairy under the sofa. Out of curiosity, I read, and halfway through it, I was in tears. I couldn't read it anymore because the realization, guilt, the pain hit me. How I treated you, how I was such a bad father, how I became so blind. How resulting you about studies made you anxious, how it made you nervous, how it gave you low self-esteem, how it affected you mentally and physically, and how you hated me, how you don't consider me as father and how— how you wanna die." By now he was crying, crying so hard. And I, I was in tears. Knowing how all these, made me feel so worthless and sad.

"Please Yejin," he looked at me. "Please forgive me, I know one been such and parent and do not deserve it all. It wasn't your fault you're dyslexic. It was me, who was blind, who was cruel. I know I'm worthy of your apology, and I can undine what I've can't you, but please Yejin you're the only one I have."
He cried.

My mind was too hazy to reply all this information was too much for my brain and heart. Slowly I tried to move my wheelchair, I just want to be alone. I can't handle this, I can't handle being with him.

"Where—"

"Can you please help me? I need some time to be myself." I asked, clearly not meeting my gaze with him.

"Sure, it's alright. I understand." He hastily wiped his tears and help me with the wheelchair. He slowly picked me up and helped me lay down on my bed.

"Yejin—"

"Dad, please leave me alone." My voice cracked. Without saying anything, he walked out of my room leaving me alone. And as soon as he walked out, I burst into tears.

This wasn't something I was expecting.

***
1 more week later

"Yejin, how many days you're going to stay inside your room? You barely come out of your room." My cousin Heeyun asked while he entered my room. I sighed and covered my face with a duvet. "You're always sleeping in your room. How long you're going to stay here? Until your cast will be removed?" He continued to pester me, even though he was just been a concern I can't help but get annoyed.

"Are you fucking dumb?" I snapped, throwing my duvet aside. His eyes widen upon hearing.

"Chill dude-"

"It's hard for me to move with a broken leg, it's difficult for me to sit for long. And the top, I have to take painkillers to escape from this pain, and those painkillers make me sleep all time."

"Okay okay, I get it. No need to be rude. I just wanted to see out of our room." He walked and sat beside me. "What happened to you Yejin? After your accident, you don't talk much, always in your room, so reserved and quiet. Is there anything bothering you?" He asked, of course, he didn't know about things I've been going through nor did I want him to know.

"Nothing bothering me, I'm just sad that I broke my wrist and leg and now I have to be at home for weeks." I lied.

"It will be okay, once you're healed you can do whatever you want."

"I know."

"Now cheer up, get out. Wanna get out? Wanna go to park-"

"Go away, leave me."

"Heeyun, leave her alone." Yunbum, his partner said. "You have other things to do besides irritating her."

"Thank you very much Yunbum-ah." They smiled at me. They are so nice, I wonder how can they fall for this annoying pest.

"I'm free, I've nothing to do." He replied.

"No, we have an appointment with the doctor." They said making Heeyun's eyes widen.

"Oh fuck shit I forgot about that."

"Hey! No cursing in front of the baby!" I scowled while pointing at Yunbum's baby bump.

"Bitch please, it's not like it's gonna hear it and will know what it means." Heeyun's replied.

"What if his first word would be fuck instead of dad?" Yunbum laughed, making us laugh as well. "I will kill you if that will happen." Suddenly they stopped laughing and gave a death glare to Heeyun. "Anyways, I'll start getting ready." They smiled and left.

"Dude, why all of your partners are so scary?" I asked him.

"I don't know, maybe I have a thing for feisty people."

"Yeah, I still remember how Yoora kicked your dick. I thought you won't be able to have children, but here you are."

"Heeyun, I'm ready," Yunbum called him, he gave me a nodded and left. I sighed and once again went into my duvet.

"Where are you guys going?" I heard my dad's voice.

"We have an appointment with a doctor," Heeyun replied.

"Drive safely." I heard him saying, and soon they left.

I once again sighed, finally I can sleep again.

"Yejin." I opened my eyes when I heard dad knocking and calling my name. The past week has been so difficult for me, to digest all this information was too much hard for me since I'm already going through so much.

I thought mother loved me.

"Get dressed up, we are going to park."

"Dad," I sighed. "I don't wanna go anywhere."

"Yejin I didn't ask. You must go out in the fresh air. So please get ready." I sighed and slowly got up, carefully seated myself in the wheelchair. Now I no longer needed help in doing that.

After a while I was ready, just tied in some tail with a simple t-shirt and some shorts. Slowly I slide the wheelchair and came out of my room, dad was waiting for me in the living room. He gave me a small smile but I didn't reply. He came back and slowly pushed me. Finally, we reached our car, he made me sit in the passenger seat and put the wheelchair in the backseat.

I slide down the window and took a deep breath. Fresh air hit my face as our car moved, making me feel relaxed.
Even though I prefer staying in my room, going outside makes me relax. In no time we reached the nearest park. He parked the car, help me to seat in the wheelchair. I smiled as I breathe chlorophyll-filled air. It made me a little bit happier.

"Sit here, I'll bring ice cream." He said stopped near a bench. I nodded and he left. I saw children playing in the park, I smiled as the atmosphere was mainly filled with their giggles and yells, however, my smile faded when indoor fee couples, sitting on the bench. They were holding hands, blushing while whispering, and one of them was giving each other light pecks.

They are so lucky, they have no worries, no difficulties, no sadness. And I? I have problems at every chapter of my life, how unlucky I'm.

"Here," I was back to earth. I look at a big cup of cookie and cream ice cream in front of me. I never knew when dad came. I looked at him, who was holding a small cup of whatever ice cream. I took it from his hand and quietly eat it while he was on the bench beside me.

"I feel so sad," I spoke after a very long time. "Thinking how my mother didn't want me." I looked at him, who was looking at me.

"I'm sorry."

"Nor she loved me."

"She loved you Yejin. I think you were the only person she loved after herself however, her way of loving was different than others."

"I thought she was good." I said while looking at my empty ice cream cup."

"She is still good, she's your mother Yejin."

"I know, that's why I can't hate her. She's my mother whom I love very much."

Once again silence filled in the air.

"Do you know that you're a very bad dad," I asked him while my voice cracked?

"I'm aware of this." He gave me sad smile.

"We used to be so close dad, so happy only—"

"I thought this too Yejin. Only if I wasn't so childish and only if I had to think rationally. Only if I want so blind in love and grief I could have been a good dad.
I was so blind that I didn't realize I was hurting my daughter in such a way that it would be impossible to heal. I was so blind that I didn't see her capabilities, and instead, I gave her so much mental pressure. Only if I want so blind, you could have a better childhood."
He spoke making my eyes teary.

"But Yejin, I'm very grateful that I realized my mistake when I had time. I'm sad that I couldn't be a dad but at the same time I'm happy that forgave one more chance to become a dad, best dad for my daughter, and as I said before I would be the best dad for you. I can't reverse back what I've done, but surely I will try my best to make your future bright, will make you smile every day. Yejin, if you wanna be a painter, you can be a painter, wanna be an artist you can be one, wanna persuade arts after graduation, I do mind. If you're happy, then I'm happy. It will be such a price to see my daughter being an artist, something I couldn't be one."

I covered my face with one hand and tears streamed from my eyes. I felt his hand on my head, slowly caressing my hair.

"We need to work on our father-daughter bond, I miss the old us," I said after a while.

"Sure we need to. I miss old too."

"You also need to work hard to earn my forgiveness." I smiled a little.

"I will, I wanna make my daughter smile for the remaining years of my life."

***

A/N

I kinda cry, inny winny bit.

Sorry for the shitty chapter. As I said Rejection wasn't planned. I decided to make Yejin's dad's character an asshole but as the story progressed I did my want him to be a bad guy anymore so yeah.

Thank you very much, everyone, who helped me with Yejin's Dad's back story.

And also, we are late on the schedule.

:') hope you like this chapter.

Time: 6:30 I need to sleep :')

Spoiler: You'll get Jimin x Yejin chapter next and hopefully a double update

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(man bun Jimin rise!)