I really don't like not knowing if the rally at Irving Hall was the 24th or the 25th. I have found multiple sources confirming both dates and I don't know which one it actually was. The thing about reporters back then was that they didn't necessarily care for fact checking details, and that is going to be my downfall writing this story, where accuracy is key. I'll just have to survive this.

Let's pretend I know what I'm doing, and then maybe I might know what I'm doing.

Enjoy! :)

--------------------------

If anyone is going to ask Tony in the morning how much sleep he got tonight, he's going to add an extra hour or two or three to what it actually will be. The same can be said for the past few nights.

The thing about ADHD is that it comes with a lot of things. Hyperfixation is one of them.

Right now, hyperfixation has taken control of him. He has hyperfocused on past lives and reincarnation, learning all that he can.

It's been nearly a week since that first déjà vu sensation on Louis's birthday. Tony is determined to find out all that he can.

He's found so many stories. It's all so, so interesting. He can't wait to infodump all this information on any of his friends the next time he sees any of them.

He just wishes that he was closer to figuring out his story.

Because there have been feelings of déjà vu since the 18th. It was the strongest then.

Until today: July 24th.

He's searched what happened July 24, trying to find anything, and once again, there's nothing that he really connects to.

It's just...they're trying to look through too much. There are too many possibilities.

I didn't think that there could ever be too many possibilities.

Because Tony loves thinking about possibilities.

But if they can't give the internet--their main source--the information it wants, they can't find the information that they want. Because that's how it works: the more specific information they have, the more clues they can get to finding out more.

Because while it could be July  18th or July 24th in New York, they have no clue what year, or any context at all. Heck, whatever happened to them could have happened before the common era; a lost year in history.

Tony doesn't want to think about that.

What he can tell is that it's more modern than that. But it's not that recent either.

Once again, the only way to describe it is as a certain point in time.

Very helpful.

This is driving him crazy. None of these websites, whether about New York's history or about past lives, are helping him.

Suddenly, Tony thinks to check the time.

00:01 am, July 25th.

It has now been a week since Louis's birthday.

Should he be sleeping? Probably. But does this seem more important? Yes.

In his defense, in the summer, Tony is usually up this late reading anyway. That's the great thing about summer: he can stay up until he literally exhausts himself from staying up so long, and sleep in the next morning, then repeat; with little to no consequences.

(A/N: this is how I spend summer haha)

The best sleeping habits in the world? Definitely not. Does he care and/or is planning to do anything about it? No.

Then he gets an idea.

Anything for July 25th in history?

He quickly checks.

Again, he turns up not connecting to anything.

This is how it's been for the past week since he started his what happened on july X  searches on the 18th. 

The internet can be helpful, except when it's not.

Why did now have to be an unhelpful time?

That's when he gets a text from Sean.

I know you're awake

Tony rolls his eyes at the screen. He starts typing, then deletes it. Maybe he can play it off as if he didn't get it.

His first mistake was starting to type in the first place; now Sean has seen that even if Tony doesn't send anything, the little three dots in a text bubble were there, proving he's awake.

Why don't I ever think before I act? Tony asks himself ruefully. And why is everyone I know so dang observant?

And then there it is:

Pretend all you want, I KNOW you saw that text and that you're reading this one right now

And so he's been caught.

Now he changes tactics. 

He texts back: So what are YOU doing awake at midnight?

Radio silence.

That makes him grin smugly.

It is a valid question, though.

Sean chooses to ignore it.

Found any good info?

Tony sighs out loud.

Not yet

Suddenly, déjà vu is back.

Tony sits there for a moment, disoriented.

There's a feeling of...exhileration?

Where did that come from?

What happened July 24/25th however many years ago?

It's a good feeling. They just...did something.

They?

Who all are they?

His friends?

Louis was there.

Sean might have been? He's not entirely sure.

Tony doesn't know how he knows, but he knows that Louis was there. He can't explain it.

The things that he's feeling...it's like trying to recall a dream but only having the 'vibe' or feel to it to describe what happened. There's no context. Just feelings.

Because of ADHD, Tony has had to do his fair share on research on how alexithymia, or the inability to identify emotions, affects him. He knows that one well. He never knows how to describe his emotions.

But this déjà vu--or déjà senti, a feeling of before--is exhileration.

Well, no voice or music triggered it. But it fits the familiar feeling criteria just fine. 

He's never been so sure of exactly how he's feeling in his entire life.

He has to know if Sean is experiencing this too.

Did you feel that?

The seconds, no matter how few of them pass, seem to drag on as he waits for a response.

He gets chills when he does get a response.

Yeah. I did.

In another house, away from that midnight conversation, Louis is also awake. He and Nick were FaceTiming up until a minute ago, when Nick's parents came into his room so he had to hide his phone. Now that the call is ended, Louis stares at the ceiling, very much awake. He doesn't know how long this will take before Nick calls him again; or if Nick will fall asleep before he can call back.

Considering how tired Nick looked anyway, Louis is just going to let him be.

Just like Tony, he's been searching every night for any information. He just wants to know what could have happened on his birthday. Because he knew he wasn't just behaving like he thought he was the center of the world. He had a past life where something happened on that day. Ever since then he's been having other mini feelings of déjà vu. July 24th was the biggest one since the 18th.

Suddenly, Louis has a new extra strong feeling of déjà vu.

Tony.

Tony was there.

Wherever there was.

But this is vivid.

Somehow, this is even more important than the 18th.

Something important happened.

Like, really important.

He was important.

He has to call Nick.

The phone rings once, twice, thrice. Rings until it hits voicemail. Nick must have silenced it and/or has fallen asleep.

He knows for a fact Tony is going to be awake.

Tony beats him to it.

Did you feel that?

Louis stares at that text for a good long while.

I was about to ask you the same thing

He waits for a response.

Any idea what any of it all means?

No Louis texts back truthfully. But this one is...important.

Yeah. Yeah it is.

Suddenly, Louis gets his first visual.

It's fleeting.

He has to draw it.

He's not really an artist. But he has to draw it. Whatever it is.

Scrambling around in the dark, he finds a piece of paper and a pencil, and starts sketching. He doesn't need light; he has light from his phone. Kind of. And it's like he doesn't need to see. His hands are doing something. It's in his mind's eye; but it's also not there. The sooner it's on paper, the better.

But he's getting tired. Really tired. The light from his phone turns off on its own after the inactivity. Now he's in an even greater darkness. And without the phone light, his tiredness increases.

He finishes scribbling on the paper.

But he knows he's too tired to think about anything anymore. He'll think about it in the morning.

So he sets the piece of paper on his desktop, flops down on his bed, and falls asleep.

This is where he began to make mistakes. First mistake: by morning, it will all feel like a fever dream, the sensations nothing but mere fleeting feelings. Second mistake: he doesn't check that it's still on his desk; it slips down and is now half tucked under his bed. Third mistake: he never checked what he was drawing on; something that already had writing on it that he drew over. And since it was already dark, he couldn't tell how well it was drawn. Not that it was drawn badly. But will he remember exactly what it was supposed to be?

If he can find the paper in the morning, and remember what he was thinking, and remember what he saw, and figure out exactly what he drew, and how everything ties together, he can put together the clues of why he drew a horseshoe.

------------------------------------

Okay, things just got good.

Do you get it? The floral horsehoe that was given to Kid Blink the night of the rally in Irving Hall the night of July 24/25, 1899 for giving the best speech?

The worst part about this is now they do have all the information to find out what they need to know. But it's too early in the story. And Louis isn't going to find that paper in the morning; nor what déjà vu showed him. This is torture for the reader, and the author.

I'm not telling you exactly what I googled, but it's soooo easy now for them to find out the information.

The reason why Tony and Louis felt it the strongest is because I have found the most evidence for them being at the rally definitely. Spot Conlon may have been there, as well as Mush, possibly Crutchy, but definitely Blink and Racetrack.

Just like Tony, I've done a lot of research into ADHD and things like hyperfixations, alexithymia, and so much more. 

I have so many hyperfixations.

I love the term alexithymia, because it describe me so well. I don't have the words to describe my emotions. Everyone always asks me what emotion I'm feeling and I'm like I don't know? and some say things like just make something up, something that describes how you're feeling and I'm like but I really don't know?? so finding the term really helped me come to terms (pun totally intended) with my inability to describe how I'm feeling.

So what will happen next?

Please, no homophobia or transphobia, profanities, hate etc in the comment section.

Best,

~Your Beloved Author (who is very torn between writing fanfiction, or reading Jazz Jennings' autobiography)