Ayahuasca (pronounced 'eye-ah-WAH-ska'): This medication is a plant-based psychedelic. Psychedelics affect all the senses, altering a person's thinking, sense of time and emotions. They can cause a person to hallucinate—seeing or hearing things that do not exist or are distorted.

Jungkook.

"Hey, Jungkook! I wanted to ask about maybe hanging out later? I know this great diner and arcade combination close to here."

I bit my bottom lip as I processed his words. With a sigh, I spoke into the phone. "I'm sorry, Tae. I- I have plans with Yoongi for later today."

Only a few seconds went by before Taehyung spoke again. "What about another day this week?"

I flipped through my mental excuse list, wanting to groan in frustration when my mind came up empty. "Um, I could probably do Thursday?"

I could practically hear Taehyung smiling through the phone. "Thursday sounds great! Would maybe around 1 o-clock work for you?"

I hummed in agreement, chatting for another minute or two before hanging up the phone.

Without wasting a second, I dialed Yoongi, hearing him pick up on the third ring. "What's up, Kook?"

Hearing my best friend's voice immediately brought a smile onto my face. "Hey, Yoongs. Want to come over in a bit and maybe have an Iron Man movie night?"

Yoongi sighed. "Sorry, Kook-ah. I have a date with Hoseok, remember? Want to take a rain check for tomorrow after your meeting? I'm swamped with clients during the week."

"Yeah, sure. Sounds good. Have a good date!"

Yoongi chuckled, telling me "Goodbye" before hanging up the phone, leaving me all alone in my apartment.

••••

Taehyung.

I rocked back and forth on my heels as I once again checked the time on my phone. 1:12.

I dialed Jungkook's number, the fingers on my free hand rattling against my thigh.

His phone continued to ring.

And ring.

And ring.

I tried calling four more times, and it continued to go to voicemail.

I sighed again, choosing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was running late. He could be driving and not able to answer his phone. Be patient, TaeTae.

••

1:47.

I pursed my lips as a tear slid down my cheek. Here I was, still outside the arcade, and still without Jungkook. Eventually my calls to him led straight to voicemail, but I kept trying. I left him a few messages, probably making myself look weak.

I have always asked myself why people never stick around.

Maybe it's because I'm annoying to them. A burden.

And here I go again, burning yet another bridge. I thought Jungkook was going to be different. He seemed genuine, once we started to talk more. He was taking away any pain I felt from withdrawal, but the pain was already beginning to come back.

I could feel the restlessness growing in my fingers, and my chest ached. I let out a loud sob as I tried calling Jungkook one last time.

"It's Jungkook. Leave a message or whatever."

I sucked in a sharp breath, trying to contain my sobs. "J-Jungkook? I-I'm sorry if I made you grow s-sick of m-m-me. I do that to everyone. I-I've been standing outside this arcade now for an h-hour," I paused to sniffle, unable to control my emotions anymore. "I'm sorry I'm such a-a-a bother. Y-You don't have to worry about h-helping me stay s-sober. I-I can do it on my o-own. I-I-I think I can do it w-without inconveniencing y-you. I-I am sorry."

I hung up the phone as a sob escaped my lips. If he listened to the message, he could probably hear it. Too bad he probably wouldn't care.

The restlessness spread up my arms. My skin was crawling. My mind was spinning. I spun in a circle on the sidewalk, trying to glance at my surroundings. I smiled when I saw the familiar neon sign. I spent many afternoons and nights at this place, talking with the bartender.

Deep down, I knew I needed to walk away.

But I couldn't.

My feet dragged me in the direction of the building, bringing me inside.

Before I knew it, I had ingested four gin and tonics, and another was in the works. The room was beginning to spin, since I hadn't eaten. I had skipped breakfast to make sure I would be hungry at the arcade with Jungkook.

God, it hurt.

Thinking about how even someone from my support group abandoned me hurt worse than others who have left.

I groaned, downing the rest of my drink before putting enough money to cover my tab on the counter. I stumbled off the stool and outside. My hands wrestled with my phone as I dialed the number I could never forget.

"Hey, where are you?"

"At my place. Why? You wanna stop by?"

"Yes. I can be there in five minutes."

"I'll have it ready."

••••••

Me at Tae.