(Play the video and turn on the loop, please)

"Look who's here. It's been 30 minutes since we arrived here, still you didn't freshen up. Where have you been?" I open my room to see Jungkook is already there and as always he starts to irritate me.

" For fuck sake, why are you here and why the fuck you messed my room?"

Jungkook is an organized person. He loves to keep things where it has been. The difference is when it's my room. He literally behaves like a baby when he sees my room is clean and neat. He'll throw pillows here and there, my bed sheet will be the curtain of the window. My books will be his weapon to throw at me. I used to lock my room whenever I'm outside. But he'll still find a way to come in and mess it up. He loves to irritate me in any way possible. To him he balanced his organized personality by messing up my room!! Who believes this shit?? I even once stopped talking with him because of his childish behavior. After that he was normal for only 1 month! And now we're here.

" Chill. It's not like you keep your room clean all the time. Besides, when a king comes to visit your territory, he'll show his dominance just by doing some minor changes right! So think of yourself as a lucky person that I come to your room and touch your shits" He says raising his chin.

If it's a normal time, I'll jerk back at him, and show him who's the real queen here! But I'm not in the mood to meddle in his game. So I just pass him and sit on the bed. I take a deep breath and release. Jungkook instantly realizes something happened to me when I don't reply to him..

" Areum? "

" Kookie, if you're here to mess up my room, please do and leave me alone. I want to be alone for sometime."

"Is anything wrong? Are you still upset with Hobi? Did Taehyung again say something to you? Or." He's so concerned about me, I know it too well. But right now I don't want him. I want to be alone for sometime. At least till dinner.

I sigh and look at him, "Please!"

He doesn't say a word after that. He stands up and walks towards the door. But before leaving he stops and looks at me, " Hobi wanted to see you. Meet him when you feel okay." and he closes the door.

I just sigh and wrap my knees and bury myself in them. I'm thinking so many things, my head is messed up right now. What happened to Taehyung years ago. Why did he cut that finger, and that skirt? What does that locket mean?
His behavior is changing time by time. One minute he is burning me with his words, and the second he is searching for comfort in me. Why is he so scared that I had to take him to his room, and in that room. Why did he hug me like that?
This is the second time. It's clear that he's looking for someone to rely on but that person can't be me. He can't totally depend on me. I'm just a chapter in his book. He has to help himself.

When I start to think about myself, something crosses my mind. Why does it feel like he got lost in my eyes? Why doesn't he have that impact on me? and.. why is my heart beating like that? It's like someone is beating too hard but can't get through. When Taehyung told me Doctors don't have hearts, if he knew the real me, I would easily accept that. But he doesn't know me. I don't want him to know. Which is why I just beat around the bush that time.

But what about my heart? I stopped my heart to feel something long ago. It's just work for pumping blood in me. Other than that I'd rip it off from my body and throw it away. Such a pain in the ass!! Another thing is, somehow he calms me down. Seeing him kinda makes me feel relieved.

Why?

I touch the wall behind me with my head. So many questions but I don't have answers to any of them. Nor Taehyung ones too. I don't know how I'll solve these things. On top of that I'm converting. I'm giving my everything to control myself, but I don't know how long.

I get up from the bed and walk in front of the window. It's midnight here. Everyone is sleeping right now, so only road lights far from here are shining brightly, like a diamond. I open the window and a cold wind consumes me. This house is really covered with trees. If I focus more on my right side I can see some wide fields, ready to harvest. And on the left side is a forest which is kinda dark, but becomes more dark at this time. The moon today spreads its light way too brightly, which shows how dark my surroundings are.

That's kinda creepy. I bet at least one person will be in the forest right now, to explore the hidden demons there lol. The real demons don't stay in the forest. They live here, with us. So if they really want to find the demons, they need to keep their eyes and ears wide open.

I actually needed it. Me alone in the room, where my windows are open. The cold wind keeps reminding me how much silence is around me. I look at the moon. It's not new to me. When I moved here. I used to spend the whole night here. Looking at the sky while listening to my favorite songs. Thinking about how to die. I even tried to jump off from here, but I just broke my leg that time.

When I woke up in the hospital. I realized I wasn't in heaven nor in hell. Well this life is a hell to me. So in a way I was stuck here. After that Hobi himself put some grills on my window so that I won't try this again. But I broke them just after two days.

I still feel amazed how I was and how I'm right now. I tried those things people would be afraid of just by watching it. I tried to harm myself so many times. I became so horrific and dangerous. I still remember once I stole a knife from the kitchen and I put it right through my wrist. Once I put fire in my whole room and I was just sitting there watching how everything around me was burning with me. Hobi told me I was not frightened, nor was I showing any emotions. I was just there sitting in the middle.

Jungkook, Hobi, Namjoon Oppa, Yoongi Oppa, Mommy all of them were trying their level best to make me feel something when I use to cut myself, or harm myself. Because it was like I wasn't feeling the pain. I tried to commit suicide so many times that also each time in a new way. At some point they were giving up because to me living this fucking world hurts more than dying. I became a psycho at some point when Namjoon Oppa proposed this, that I need to know what I'm doing so I can let myself live, because I became a rebel, and I can do any harm to myself, and that also when I was absolutely insane.

When I started to study about what bipolarity is. I realized all this time I was running from something. It's true that Stage 1 or 2 people cure the most. But if they once feel the taste of harming themselves or others. It's too hard to control them, because anyhow they want to reduce the pressure they're feeling in their head. It's too hard for them to show everyone they're fine. So they try to find something that will reduce their pain.

At some point Hobi was the only one who would understand what was going on with me. He gave me so many tricks and ideas on how to cope up if something happened suddenly. I'm still following those and somehow it's helping me.

I was drowning in my beautiful past when I look down from my window, and something catches my eye. Something. odd.

It's like someone is there. Someone is looking directly at my window. I blink for sometime because I may hallucinate. Yeah it can happen someone is passing by or doing something I shouldn't bother but I see a shadow moving. A shadow is moving for me to notice it. It's not new to me. I hallucinate. Sometimes I see a girl is in my room, hanging herself and asking me to help her to remove the chair. It came out I was the one doing those things, but my mind was playing with me thinking that I was hallucinating. But this is not the case. I can sense someone is in there, trying to get my attention. It's midnight and everything is too silent, so I don't think if he says something I won't listen to it. But that shadow doesn't say anything or even tries to speak.

It's way too dark to see that person. But the overall shadow tells me it's a man. With a good height and weight. Must be a tough person. It's not like he is hiding but I can sense he's directly looking at me. I try too hard to see who it is but nothing.

He then moves a little and I can see he lifts his right hand on the side of his head, trying to show me something. Something I'll recognize.

I focus too hard to see what it is. He rotates it a few times. It shines one to two times when the moonlight gets connected with it.

That is enough for me to realize what it is. My eyes widen, suddenly my breath gets faster, my heart starts beating fast just by seeing it. My blood runs cold. Some chill sweats form on my forehead.

I swing and move backwards from my window breathing heavily. What was that? Who was there? I get so lost that I don't realize someone is there in my room. My room door opens slowly and that person comes behind me. I'm too focused on my window, and that person suddenly put it's hand on my left shoulder. I get so scared that I scream my lungs out and suddenly that person holds my mouth with it's right hand. I thought I've to struggle but when I turn my back I see someone who shouldn't be here. At least not now.

" Baby? What are you doing here? What's wrong? Why're you sweating like that? Is everything okay?"

" Mo-Mommy I-I was just. I was trying to close the window but I was struggling."

" You should've called Hoseok. Let me close that for you." Aunt says while walking towards the window.

I immediately stop her, " Mo-Mommy it's okay I can do it. You came here for a reason r-right? Wha-What is it? " I try to look normal which I'm not

" Dinner is served, baby. I was calling your names for a long time. Everyone is waiting for you baby!! Look at you, you didn't even change. What are you doing for this long??"

" Umm sorry Mommy give me 5 minutes I'm joining you ok?" I gulp a little

" Come fast. Food is getting cold" With that she leaves the room and I sigh a little

I lock my window as fast as possible. I know he won't be there any long. He leaves the minute I move back from the window. I take some deep breath and go to the washroom to change

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I come downstairs after showering when I see everyone waiting patiently for me to start the dinner. Even Taehyung is there too. I wonder how he comes here all by himself?? But I am really surprised that Jungkook is waiting for me. Like, one he loves food way too much, and the minute he sees food he'd dig in, second it's minutes ago I basically kicked him out of my room. Strange!

" Sorry I made you wait. I was just-"

" You were busy on your phone. Yes we know. Areum you're here on a vacation. Just chill and leave your work" Jungkook cuts off my words. Even though I became rude to him, he still saves my ass.

I go to the table and sit in front of Taehyung. Mommy is on my right side so she can shove everything in my mouth that she cooked for me, and Jungkook is on the left to steal if he finds anything delicious on my plate.

I look at Taehyung who is sitting there holding a spoon and looking at it. Thinking about something. His posture looks so normal to me. He doesn't seem so scared like he was hours ago!!

" Baby, you've got to eat a lot, okay? I heard you were dieting, I called Jungkook that day and he told me that day you fainted. It's not good for your health. You're perfect, you know that? You're looking so pale, so please stop with this diet, and eat more. At least till you're here." Mommy says

I look at Jungkook, he doesn't even look at me, but I know he heard it, " Mommy it's okay I eat a lot. You don't have to worry. I'm looking pale because I saw someone who can be the death of me." I say the last line in my mind. Obviously I can't let them know that I saw someone in front of my window. They're already conscious about me. I don't want to make them even more. " I'm looking pale for the long journey you know? Why do you've to live so far Mommy?"

" Why do you've to leave us here all alone hmm?" Aunt asks. I look at Taehyung from time to time and I can feel he's not okay by sitting here, or the little chit chat we're having here right now.

" Mommy it's not like I willingly left you guys okay? Do you think I spent a great time there? Bullshit! You don't even know how much patience and dedication I've to give for my job."

" Then why don't you stay here and leave all of us too?" Taehyung suddenly asks. I intentionally bring this topic up and want to see how Taehyung responds, and I'm right when I feel that he's looking so normal.

" Well because I was supposed to save your asses even if I don't want to. Also because of it sometimes I forget to save my one, and when anyone comes to rescue me, I just show him that they shouldn't" I say looking at Jungkook. I know he's upset with me but he'll not show it in front of anyone.

" Who the fuck told you to save ours one when you can't save yours? You're such a sick person you know that? You always tell me you are here to help me, but later that you brag about it. Why do you help us in the 1st place if you've to brag about it ha? " Taehyung raises his voice a little

I look at him blankly, because he actually doesn't know what he's talking about. I wish he could," Tae. Eat your dinner okay? We'll talk about it later" This is not a place to shove some manners in him

" Go to hell you, your family and your dinner. I'm out of here" With that he stands up and leaves the room.

" Areum. Something happened to him? " Aunt asks

" No Mommy, he's like that. I told you he's a pain in the ass. Here's the proof" I smile

" I'm going to check on him" Jungkook stands up but I stop him

" Let him be alone for sometime. I'll talk with him."

" Suits you." He replies and starts eating again. He actually is not that much interested in this case, because one Taehyung doesn't listen to him and second he doesn't know much about his problem. But I kept him with me so that Namjoon Oppa wouldn't make the same mistake he did with Jimin. Because he's a strong boy, Oppa can give him any kind of cases no matter how dangerous that could be. But for me he'll think about it and then he'll provide me with cases.

" Areum I think you should think about it seriously that he's changing rationally" Hobi says

"I know Hobi. I know many things that you think I won't know or understand. Besides, he's not changing. His mind is not working, and it's my work to let his mind work right? You know I studied about these things for years, so I know about it very well. Still thanks for reminding me" I say smiling a little

Hobi just sighs and looks down. He's ashamed of it. Out of all of the people Hobi will hide things from me, I won't accept that, and he knows it too well. " Areum, can I talk with you after dinner?"

" Let me talk with Tae first, because he won't realize the changes in him like me. I have to make him realize that right? Mommy give me his food I'll make him eat." I reply

" But what about you?" Aunt asks

" You're here for me right? You'll feed me. On top of that we've so many things to catch and I know the minute I'll get back to my room, I'll see you there with a cup of coffee!! So for today you'll be there with my food instead of coffee okay? "

She doesn't reply, just smiles a little. The way she cares about me, even if I want I can't forget that..

I take the plate and stand up. I look at Jungkook who is eating as if nothing happened, while Hobi is just sitting there lifelessly thinking about something. Well I'll deal with them later

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When I enter his room I see he's lying on the bed with his eyes closed. Maybe thinking about something. When he hears the door open he opens his eyes and looks at me, and again closes his eyes.

" You can ignore me all you want, but you can't ignore that growling sound coming from your belly. Get up and eat your dinner" I say

He doesn't say anything, just moves a little. I stand beside the bed and look at him directly. He may sense that and opens his eyes, rolling his eyes he turns left, showing me his back.

I sigh." Now what with this attitude, an hour ago you were scared the shit of here so I had to take you to your room and now you're doing this?" Still no response.

I look for something to gather his attention, I look for a while and find it. I just smirk.

" You know I was going through your file, and I saw you were a very hardworking person. But I was wondering where you've kept those things you made by working hard." He doesn't respond as usual

" But now I can see the result of the hard work they were talking about." I pause a little to see if he's listening to me, but he moves his head a little. He's clearly listening to me.

" Nice ass you've made Tae. Any girl will get jealous of you." I say with a flirty tone while smirking.

He gets up from the bed and looks at me. I look back at him and chuckle, " I see you're wide awake. Anyway, I 'll bring food for you." I put the tray on the side table and get up." Finish it. In the meantime I will go and get your medicines, okay?"

I'm about to walk but suddenly I feel a harsh grab on my left hand. I don't get time to react but suddenly I get pulled back and I'm trapped.

I get trapped by Taehyung who locks both of my hands with his one while he's on top of me.

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