▷ New York - Snow Patrol

«Your words have never left me»

I wanted to dedicate this chapter to @GilbertsBlake and the rest of the gc girls! Apparently they have a Twitter gc to talk about this story and that was a great Christmas present for me :) Thank you girls!

Hope you all enjoy this chapter x

___

[DON'T PLAY THE SONG YET!]

GILBERT BLYTHE left for London on a sunny late October afternoon.

Anne Shirley-Cuthbert never got to tell him how she felt about him.

Anne spent Christmas with her family. A pretty unconventional one, but family still.

Gilbert, on the other hand, went to a lame Christmas party at some pub in London.

After Christmas break, days, weeks and months started running fast and yet slowly some how.

___

2020

January

"Anne, you should stop reading whatever that is. Your nail-biting is getting on my nerves"

Stella Maynard adores her roommate. Really, she does! But ever since she came back from Christmas break, Anne hasn't stop biting her nails.

And the beyond insufferable noise is slowly getting on Stella's nerves.

"Sorry, S" Anne replies, her eyes quickly directed at Stella before focusing them again on her laptop.

That's all Anne's been doing for a few weeks. Reading, reading and reading. Sometimes books, sometimes something on her iPad and now God-knows-what on her laptop. Something's got her completely focused and definitely worried — her roommate can tell.

"What are you reading anyway?"

"The marking criteria for the writing contest I took part in"

"What? Again?!" Stella gasps. "Anne, you must have memorized it entirely by now!"

Anne leaves her laptop aside and lies in bed. She sighs.

"It's pointless anyway. The results will be published within two weeks" the redhead says. "They must've read my story by now"

"And they loved it. You'll see"

"Can you imagine, S?" Anne says. "Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, winning this contest and getting her first story... published"

"I can almost see it: The Eyes, a story by Anne Shirley-Cuthbert" Stella says. "Cole and I could design the cover"

"That sounds-"

Her phone starts beeping. A familiar face appears on the screen and it makes Anne smile immediately.

"Hold on, it's Jerry" she says before leaving her dorm.

She's in the hallway when she picks up, carefully holding her phone.

"Hey"

"Hey, sis"

Anne can hear a lot of background noise and she doesn't have to ask to know that it's Fred Wright's guitar's fault.

"So, how's the move in?" she asks.

"It's fine. Diana and Fred are helping us with everything"

"Cool" Anne smiles. She can easily imagine her friends trying to settle everything in a new apartment — must be fun. "I still want an apartment tour when everything's settled"

"Well, the tour will last approximately... two minutes, because it's super tiny. Ruby thinks it's adorable"

Anne genuinely laughs. "I'm sure it is"

"I also got a job in a photography studio in Charlottetown so..."

Anne smiles as his brother keeps updating on his life. It's been only two weeks since she last saw him but apparently, a lot has happened.

Right before Christmas break, Ruby and him managed to find a cute little apartment in Charlottetown and Anne's truly and beyond happy about her brother and one of her best friends (or sister-in-law) planning a future together.

On the other hand, the soon-to-be married couple are doing great as well. Diana's giving little piano concerts during her aunt's parties and Fred's working on an LP so...

Everyone seems to be moving on with their lives, jumping into new experiences, jumping into adulthood...

and she can't help but think about Gilbert.

Oh, Gilbert.

I wonder what he's up to.

___

February

Gilbert's roommate hands him an envelope. It's Roy Gardner, who applied for the same scholarship as he did.

Fucking Roy Gardner. He's so fond of him that he followed him to London. To London! Gilbert wishes he could return the feeling, but he can't help but think that Gardner is a pain in the ass — all he ever does is talk, talk and talk.

It's past five in the afternoon, already dark outside, when his insufferable roommate comes back from his classes.

After greeting Gilbert with a loud "Hello!", he places an envelope on his desk, distracting Gilbert from his Neurology handbook. The hazel-eyed boy scrutinizes the envelope, still not checking it.

"What's this?" Gilbert asks, trying his best not to frown.

He hates being interrupted.

"I don't know" Roy shrugs before dropping his weight on Gilbert's bed, making the boy's blood boil. "It came with the mail. It has your name on it"

"Oh"

Curiosity takes over him and Gilbert leaves his desk, grabbing the envelope and sitting on Roy's bed.

He flips it over to check the address.

Yes, it is addressed to him.

Gilbert Blythe
Royal Docks Dormitories
London E16 2RD

But there's no return address on it. Hm. Confused, he scratches the back of his neck (a habit that he hates, but can't seem to quit). Who could've possibly send a letter to him?

Who the hell sends letter these days? It's 2020, for fuck's sake! he thinks. Send an email!

His own thoughts make him inevitably flash back to an specific conversation. It happened long ago, but of course, he hasn't forgotten a single word of it.

"Who the hell uses a Walkman these days? We're in fucking 2017"

"Who the hell talks to herself these days?"

He stays there, sitting by the edge of the bed, taking in the remembrance of that evening, when-

"So? Are you opening it or not?"

Roy's voice snaps him out of his train of thought.

After giving Roy his best attempt at a death-stare for his impatience, Gilbert procedes to open the envelope.

He reads the content of the letter, feeling Roy's eyes on him. During the course of reading it and especially after he's done, Gilbert notices he can't stop grinning. After a long time, he truly feels ecstatic.

"What got you smiling so hard, bud?"

"My friends are getting married. It's the invitation to their wedding"

___

To make a curious contrast to Gilbert's sudden merriment, Anne's freaking out.

It's February.

It's February.

February! The results for that dreadful, most nerve-racking writing contest are officially out.

"Anne, just relax" Cole's voice tries to calm her nerves. "I read what you wrote, okay? You're definitely coming first"

With gloved hands, coats and warm hats, Cole and Anne are walking down the streets of Manhattan. The boy picked Anne up from her dorm with a box of donuts and two take-away cups of coffee.

Now, after their well-deserves breakfast, they're making their way to the closest newsstand.

"What if I don't? Or worse, what if I come second?"

Cole has to laugh at the redhead's desperation. "Guess we'll have to wait and see"

"I'm so nervous, Cole" Anne says, pulling at Cole's sleeve. "I've worked too hard on this and-and they're publishing the results on the newspapers! Everyone will see!"

"Yeah, everyone will see that you'll come in first"

"Yeah, or second! Even Gilbert will see!" She says. "I bet he'll be laughing his ass out!"

"Don't be ridiculous"

Cole pays for today's newspaper once they get t the closest stand. He's about to hand it in to Anne but the look in her eyes tells him that she wants him to check the results instead.

The boy's eyes flicker through the pages, searching for the results. "Aha! Here it is! Short story writing contest..." he reads out loud.

Then, he goes silent.

"So? Say something!" She says, trying to search for something in his eyes that tells her that's she's won.

"Uh... you..." he pauses, carefully. It takes him about ten seconds to speak again, not even looking at her.

"You didn't win"

Anne's face drops completely. Even though it was a possibility that she had definitely considered, part of her was hoping to win. Part of her wanted, needed to win.

"Did I come in second at least?" she murmurs.

"No, uh..."

"Third?"

"No, Anne. Your story didn't make it to the list. I'm so sorry"

Your story didn't make it to the list.

Her story wasn't good enough to even make it to the list. Not only she isn't good enough to be forgiven by Gilbert Blythe that she also has to deal with the fact that she's not a good writer either.

Anne feels every hope she'd built up to this moment crumble down completely. Suddenly, she feels very tiny. Have the skyscrapers that live in New York always been this huge? Has this newsstand always been this tremendously big? Even Cole, standing right in front of her with a worried look on his face looks taller and bigger than he actually is.

"Oh... oh, okay" she finally says.

"I'm sorry"

"It's okay. It's just a contest. It doesn't mean anything"

Anne feels a single tear roll down her face, but she wipes it away with her gloved hands. She can't cry now — it will show Cole how weak she is, how lame and pathetic she is!

Her friends are all moving on, living their best lives, and she- she can't even have this.

Noticing the troubled look on her face, Cole takes a few steps forward and tries to hug her.

But Anne's arms stop him.

"Cole! It's okay, really. I'll just go back to the dorms, alright?"

Anne gives him a reassuring smile before saying goodbye to her friend and leaving. She's not going to the dorm — she can't face Stella right now, who is probably waiting with a bottle of champagne to celebrate or something like that.

Her smile is a fake one, of course. Very few people would've told.

___

March

It's the last week of March and spring is in full swing. Flowers are starting to blossom and campus has never looked any prettier, or so Cole says.

Him and Anne are enjoying a sunny day with a picnic. The artist has seemed to find inspiration in the blossoming, colorful flowers that cover up NYU campus.

Anne studies the flowers of campus after taking a bite of her sandwich. Each one of them catches her attention.

Red. Blue. Blue. Yellow. Red. Blue.

She's somehow managed to get over the writing contest thing. After a lot of meditation and finally opening up to Stella and Cole, she figured that there were worst things in life that losing a competition.

But still, she can't help but feel like a loser whilst everyone around her is winning.

"The wedding's getting closer"

"You don't sound very excited" Cole says without looking at her, eyes focused on his drawing.

"I am excited" she says. "Kinda"

It's not that she isn't happy about her friends. It's just that being a bridesmaid sounds horrible, totally and completely dreadful. But she has to do it. For Diana, she tells herself every night, whenever she panicks about the upcoming wedding, barely four months away.

"Why are you so worried?"

"Promise you won't laugh at me?"

Cole draws his eyes away from his art project  to give his friend a look.

"I won't laugh at you"

Anne lies pack on the picnic blanket she brought herself, taking a deep breath before speaking again. Her eyes are fixed on the clear blue sky above her.

"I don't have a plus one"

Cole leaves his drawing for a second and lies down beside her, watching the sky as well.

"I thought you were done with romance"

"I was! I am!" she says, covering her face with both of her hands. "But I don't want to go alone"

"Don't be ridiculous. You always say how much you enjoy your own company. And your friends will be there"

"Oh yeah, my friends!" she says. "Did you forget that two of them are getting married to each other? And then my brother's dating my best friend! I'm going to be all alone"

Cole tries not to laugh, effortlessly biting back a laugh.

"This is not funny, Cole! C'mon, have you never watched one of those wedding movies?" Anne says, sitting up. "Going to a wedding on your own is depressing! I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up eating cake of my own while the rest are like, dancing and getting laid!"

"You're so dramatic. I love it"

"Ugh!"

It wasn't just that, of course. It was also the fact that fucking Gilbert Blythe was very likely to show up with a drop-dead gorgeous British girl, knowing his charms.

"Look, if this worries you so much, why don't you find someone to go with?"

"How?"

Cole sits up as well, taking a look around their campus. It's busy around there, lots of people who come and go.

"There are literally thousands of students here"

"So?"

"So they'd kill to be dating someone as smart, pretty and cool as you"

"I'm not cool"

"Yes you are" Cole takes a hold of her arms, shaking them effusively. "Believe me, if I liked girls, I'd be totally into you"

"Thanks, I guess" she sighs, dropping her weight back on the blanket. "So, what do I do? Do I just ask a random guy on a date?"

"I'd talk to Stella" he says. "She knows everyone on campus"

A date.

That doesn't sound so horrible.

___

April

Anne's dates were not horrible.

"How did your date go?"

Cole and Stella are watching a movie on her laptop when the door opens, almost scaring the two of them to death because of the intensity of the slam.

The redhead's wearing an off-the-shoulder black top and a denim skirt, an outfit chosen by their fashion stylists Cole and Stella.

"Boring"

They were more than horrible!

Absolutely dreadful!

"He was cute, dark hair, tall and greenish eyes but... you know what he said?"

"What?"

"He said he'd never listened to The Beatles! Like- like how do you even do that?" Anne says, probably a bit too loud. She's pacing from one side of the tiny dorm to the other. "He couldn't even name a song! And then- then I asked him about his favorite novel and he couldn't even come up with an answer! Like? What's wrong with you, Adam or whatever your name is?!"

Her friends watch her ramble, a fix of fury and disappointment. At least for a moment she's gone back to her usual, passionate self.

Stella snorts a laugh. "Okay, I think I know what's going on here"

The black-haired girl stands up, grabbing Anne's shoulder to make her stop on her tracks. Cole watches them amused from the bed — he knows what's going on as well.

"What?"

"Cole, shall I tell her? Or will you do the honors?"

Cole tries to contain his smile. "Oh, I will, please allow me"

"What?" Anne yells, completely exasperated. "Just tell me!"

"Haven't you wondered why it's not working with any of the guys you've been going on dates with?"

Because none pf them knew who Charlotte Brönte was?

"Yeah? Because they're fucking boring?" Anne says, playing her hands on her hips.

"Oh my god, Anne, you're incredibly stupid" Stella looks at her, eyes narrowed in incredulity.

"Hey!"

"Girl, deep inside, you know why" Cole adds.

"I don't know what you're talking about"

Of course Anne knows what they're talking about. She was just hoping none of them had noticed but it seems like she's a bit too transparent when it comes to...

"Yes, you do" Stella says, fondly smiling now. "Just think about why all the guys you've chosen have dark curly hair and green eyes"

Crap.

"Uh... because of the beauty canon?"

"Yeah, right. Cole, get the evidence"

Cole starts looking for something under Anne's bed, kneeling down, as the redhead watches him, completely horrified.

"What? What evidence?"

Just as soon as he finds what he's been looking for, he drops a tiny object in Anne's hands.

It's a mixtape.

Gilbert's mixtape for Shirley.

Anne looks at the mixtape, then Cole, then the mixtape again, then Stella, then the mixtape.

"You- you went through my stuff?!" she says, half in shock, half wanting to murder them right where they're standing.

"I found it under your bed when I was cleaning up the other day" Stella explains. Cole chooses to stay aside for now — Stella's much better at this kind of conversations.

"That's private shit!"

"You bet. That's what listen to it every night, don't you?"

For a split second, Anne considers denying everything, but then she realizes how futile that would be.

It's true, she still listens to it every night, even when she doesn't have trouble sleeping (she's gotten much better sleeps since she gave up smoking, anyway).

It's become a lullaby. It was always a lullaby.

"It- it helps me sleep"

"The problem is not in the guys, Anne" Stella says, looking straight at her. "The problem is you"

"Me?" Anne asks, although it's a rhetorical question, of course.

She knows she's the problem. She kinda knows what Stella means. She's known for a while now, and even though she's tried to focus on different things since the airport thing, even though she's tried her best not to think about him during the past five months...

"You can't jump into another person when you're still in love with someone else"

___

May

It's quite unfortunate to get a rainy day in May. However, those are Diana and Ruby's favorite days when it comes for a girl's reunion.

The girls are together in Ruby and Jerry's new apartment in town whilst the boys are out doing some shopping for the wedding with aunt Jo.

"So she wrote letters for each one of the boys she liked?" Ruby asks.

They're watching a Netflix romcom that has Ruby completely enraptured — it's about a girl who gets her love letters accidentally sent to all her previous crushes!

"Yup" Diana nods.

"How dramatic" Ruby says. "I love it"

"Just like Anne's letters for Gilbert, right?!"

Diana doesn't notice how her words scape her mouth so quickly. Crap. Somehow, she hopes that Ruby wasn't paying attention...

But Ruby pauses the movie.

Oh, no, Diana thinks. Here we go.

"What?" the blonde girl asks with a tone of both curiosity and amazement.

"What?"

"What letters?"

"Letters? Did I say letters? I meant, uh- leather"

"Don't lie to me, Diana Barry!"

"I didn't lie"

"Diana, you know I can actually be terrifying"

Diana sighs. "Okay, but you have to promise you'll stay out of it"

"I can't promise that" Ruby says. "But I'll try"

Diana takes a deep breath. She knows how... much of a hopeless romantic Ruby can be, and she's terrified of what her reaction is going to be. But again, she can't lie to her — that little one... she's a clever one!

"So, Anne wrote these letters... for Gilbert"

Ruby almost drops the laptop off her new bed.

"Love letters?!"

"Yes, love letters"

"How many?"

"I don't know, like... seven or eight?"

"Diana-"

"No" the raven-haired girl interrupts. "I know what you're thinking but no"

"But-"

"She tore them apart anyway"

"And you buy that crap? Anne would never do that. She secretly loves what she writes"

Diana knows Ruby has a point. Knowing Anne, it's very unlikely that she's actually torn those letters apart. They must be hidden somewhere...

"So? What are you trying to say?" Diana asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I say we send those letters!"

"To Gilbert?"

"No, to the Queen of England"

"You're spending way too much time with Jerry and it shows"

"Diana! Stay on topic!"

"Ruby, it's not our business. It's best to stay aside"

"No! He deserves to read it! At least give him the choice to reject her, but he deseves to know"

There's nothing that Diana wouldn't want more right now that to send those letters right away. But if she did, Anne would never forgive her. She already messed her friendship with Anne because of Gilbert and she's not planning on doing it again.

"We have to respect her privacy"

Ruby huffs — she seems to have given up. During the course of the rest of the movie, she can't stop thinking about those letters.

___

June

London was not bad at all. The summer wasn't even summer at all, apples weren't as tasty as the ones from his little orchard in the backyard, he had not made as much friends as he thought he would and it rained each and every day.

But apart from that, London was not bad at all.

Gilbert Blythe is looking out of the window, watching the raindrops hit the glass. The smell of coffee and the come and go of the rest of the costumers doesn't seem to distract him at all. There's just something about the sound of particles of water hitting the glass that's got him completely enraptured.

Tac. Tac. Tac.

"You look distracted"

The boy suddenly tears his eyes from the window, looking at the person in front of him instead.

"Uh?"

"See? Distracted" the person says; thick south London accent. "You're never going to get through finals if you don't focus"

"You're right" he says. "Sorry, Winnie"

"Why don't you go back to your dorm? You still have to pack for the summer, don't you?"

"Yeah"

"Time does fly. It feels like yesterday when we met in that Anatomy class"

Gilbert barely remembers that day. It was his first week in London, he didn't know anyone apart from Roy, and then he met Winifred Rose in class. He appreciated having someone to talk to during these long, cold days, but that's it.

"Yeah"

"It doesn't feel like yesterday to you, does it?"

"Huh? No, yeah. It does feel like yesterday"

"You're the worst liar I've ever meet" the blond girl casually laughs, holding her tea cup with both of her hands. "I know you're dying to go back home"

"I kinda do, yeah"

"I know that look, Gilbert"

"What look?"

"The 'there's a girl back home' kind of look"

Gilbert blushes a bit, looking back out the window again. It's been a long time since he's blushed. However, the cause of his blushing hasn't change.

"What gave it away?"

"Oh, I don't know" Winifred says, taking another sip of her tea. "Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I'm the only girl you've hang out with ever since you arrived in London"

"So?"

"So I figured there had to be a reason why you haven't been seeing anyone all this time"

"It's complicated" he says.

It's always been complicated when it comes to him and Anne. And even though Fred told him once that love was never easy, it's Winifred's Rose's words what make Gilbert consider everything, just for a second.

"It's only complicated because you're making it so"

___

[PLAY THE SONG!]

July

Finals are finally over — Gilbert's roommate, Roy, left for summer vacation already, even the lovely Winifred Rose has left the city as well.

Now it's just him, first week of July. Solitude's not bad, he thinks. It surely gives you time to think.

Fred and Diana are getting married in two days.

Fred Wright and Diana Barry are getting married in just two days and he still has to catch a plane tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

Winnie was right — he can't wait to come back home and see Bash, Mary, Fred, Jerry, Ruby, Diana and-

Anne.

I wonder what she's up to.

If you were here beside me, instead of in New York

He still hasn't decided how he's going to act when he sees her at the wedding. He doesn't even know if he wants to see her or if he's ready to see her again.

He is looking out of the window. He sees his own reflection, then the raindrops falling down, all together. It's always raining in London.

There's a cup of coffee in his hands. That's all it takes for him to think of her. Everything reminds him of her lately — it's always been like that and it doesn't seem like it's going to change.

She'll always be on his mind.

I love the simple thought of you

And the memory of that kiss under the snow... it never leaves his mind. It remains there, sharp and vivid. He hasn't forgotten. Of course he hasn't.

Before our hearts were never broken and there's no joy in the mending
There's so much that this hurt can teach us both

He leaves the window to search for something in one of his suitcases. He packed it along with him when he moved in to London,

although he hasn't had the nerve to look at it again.

It's a book.

It's The Great Gatsby.

Your words have never left me

He doesn't have to try any hard to remember the day she gave it to him, and her words...

"But Shirley... This is your first edition"

"Open it, asshole! So that you don't forget about me when you're busy making other great friends"

Marking one page, there's a Polaroid of Anne and him, drinking Prairie Fire shots. Ruby took it, of course.

There's a highlighted passage.

Gilbert reads it carefully, although he read it so many times in the past he almost knows every single word to it.

«If it wasn't for the mist we could see your home across the bay," said Gatsby. "You always have a green light that burns at the end of your dock."

Daisy put her arm through his abruptly but he seemed absorbed in what he had just said. Possibly it had occurred to him that the colossal significance of that light had now vanished forever. Compared to the great distance that had separated him from Daisy it had seemed very near to him, almost touching her. It had seemed as close as a star to the moon. Now it was again a green light on a dock. His count of enchanted things had diminished by one.»

Reality hits him as he finished reading the passage — he's crying.

I miss it all, from the love to the lightning
And the lack of it snaps me in two

He sits by the edge of his bed, still holding the book carefully.

Should I...? And just... see what happens? Give her...? A chance perhaps? To explain herself?

"I don't know what to do" he whispers, although he's completely alone in the room. The only company he has is his two heavy suitcases. "I wish I knew how to act. There's so many things in my head, I..."

He looks up to the ceiling. There's someone he really wishes he could talk to right now.

"I don't know what to do, dad. If you were here... you'd give me great advice"

But of course, in the most heartbreaking way, his dad is not there.

"Just give me a sign, dad" he whispers. "Please, anything"

And then, just like that,

there's a knock on his door.

Gilbert's heart almost skips a beat. Did he just hear correctly? Perhaps his mind is playing tricks again.

Knock.

Knock. Knock.

Wide eyed, and a bit hopeful, commonsensical and pragmatic Gilbert Blythe gets up from his bed and opens the door to reveal a mail man.

"Gilbert Blythe?"

"Yes, it's me"

"You've got mail"

___

END OF PART I.

___

Wow! And with that, Part I is over!!!!

The last scene of this chapter is by far one of my favorite scenes from this story :) I hope you liked it as well!!!

Thoughts?

Theories?

What's going to happen in Part 2?