▷ Someone to stay - Vancouver Sleep Clinic

«Will you fix me up?»

___

[DON'T PLAY THE SONG YET!]

October 24th, 2019

MARILLA CUTHBERT gets a call on a late a October morning. She's just tidying Anne's room, changing the sheets and cleaning the windows up when her phone rings.

People don't usually call her on the phone, considering how much she despises that devil's artifact (or at least that what she calls it), so, with curiosity, the woman rushes down stairs and answers the phone.

There's a voice, on the other side of the line, that mumbles a few words.

"Are you sure?" is all Marilla manages to say, drawing a hand to her chest, closer to where her heart is. "What-what happened?"

___

That same morning, just a few minutes earlier, Anne is walking down the streets of Manhattan.

Her mind, clear of doubts, her eyes, too fixed on the sight of the trees that appear to both sides of her eyes, her steps, determined.

Today is the day.

She is focused and preoccupied with her own thoughts that she doesn't hear, at first, her own ringtone. But then, as the unknown person on the other side of the line insists, she can feel the buzzing of her phone against her the fabric of her coat.

It's Diana Barry.

Anne knows what she's going to tell her already. She can clearly hear her best friend's voice saying "Send those letters, now!".

"Hey, Di" she speaks as she keeps walking down the sidewalk, cars coming and going on the nearby road.

"Hey, wow, what's that noise? Where are you?"

Ah, the hustle and bustle of New York City can be noisy, Anne thinks.

"Just left my dorm. I'm on my way to the post office. I'm sending those letters" she draws her free hand to her open bag, feeling the letters safely kept there. "Fuck. I'm so nervous"

"Just relax. I'll work"

"It better work" Anne says, holding the phone carefully. "Because if it doesn't, I'll kill myself. Actually, scratch that — I would die of embarrassment. I just hope Gilbert shows up to my funeral at least"

Diana chuckles with excitement. "It'll be alright"

"I've checked his address like six times"

"Anne. Relax"

The redhead is about to tell her that it's impossible for her to focus and relax when she's thinking of a particular someone, but then, she gets another incoming call.

"Hold on, Marilla's calling me — I'll call you back, alright?"

Anne looks at her phone screen, thoughtful. Marilla never calls because she barely knows how to use a phone. So, with curiosity and a little bit of worry, she picks up.

"Anne?"

"Yes, Marilla? Everything alright?"

"No, Anne. Something- something happened"

Marilla's voice is shaky. Anne starts to panic, considering how much of a calm woman Marilla can be and how her voice trembles over the line.

"What's wrong?"

"It's John Blythe, Anne"

John Blythe?

"What happened? Marilla, what happened?"

"He... passed away this morning" Marilla mumbles. "Apparently the... the cancer came back"

"No" Anne gasps, stopping right on her tracks. "No, no, Marilla, tell me it's not true"

As she stands paralyzed in the middle of the street, as people come and go, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert feels her whole world crumbling down. No, it can't be. No. No. Gilbert. Gilbert!

Gilbert has just lost his dad.

Without giving it any second thought, Anne hungs up, turns around and starts running, making her way back to her dorm.

As she runs, the weight of the letters safely guarded in her bag feels heavier and heavier, and the thought of the hazel-eyed boy doesn't leave her mind.

Gilbert.

Gilbert.

Gilbert.

Stella and Cole are there when she arrives, working on some art project on Stella's desk. Cole and her started hanging out after their art lessons and they'd become quite close. They remind Anne of her and Diana — they seem to understand each other on another level, and only Stella and Anne know about Cole's true persona.

Anne can't even hear the little "Hey" they both murmur when she walks in. She simply hurries to her closet, getting a weekend bag out of it, packing clothes that don't match at all and other stuff.

"Where are you going? What's wrong?" Stella almost drops her art materials to the floor. "Anne, what's wrong?"

"Anne, hey" Cole stands up instantly, walking over to her, trying to check if she was okay, his hand on her shoulder.

But she's not — she's not even looking at him, or Stella. Her eyes are lifeless.

"I'm going to Avonlea" she finally says, out of breath because of her hurry, dropping her bag to the floor.

"What for?"

Anne sits by the edge of her bed, her eyes drained from emotion and her face exhausted.

"A funeral"

___

October 24th

"Lord our God, you are the source of life. In you we live and move and have our being. Keep us in life and death in your love, and, by you grace, lead us to your kingdom..."

The priest delivers a monotonous speech that makes Anne's blood boil. He talks as if death was no more a natural effect of the causality of life — and it is, but that was not John's case.

If there truly was a God, something that Anne doesn't believe in at all, then he was not as merciful as prayers claim.

Autumn leaves are covering the grass. Fall used to be her favorite season, but now everything looks dead. Everything surrounding her is no more than a pathetic allegory of death.

Anne's furious. Devastated, too.

Hasn't Gilbert been through enough? She thinks as she scans the little crowd of people that surround the recently dug up grave.

Jerry, Diana and a devastated Ruby Gillis are there, standing near Gilbert. Fred is right next to Bash, looking down at the ground, covered with orange, brown and greenish leaves.

The rest of people are just acquaintances.

Did these people even know John Blythe at all?

Do they even know Gilbert?

Do they know what he must be going through right now?

Talking about Gilbert, she hasn't approached him yet. And she won't, at least not during the service. He must have people to attend, or he must need time for himself, to process this loss...

She knows for a fact that dealing with the loss of a beloved one can be a trial of fire. So she decides not to bother him during the funeral, deciding to keep instead a safe distance, watching him stand near his father's grave, under a grey, cloudy sky.

"Don't you want to go over and talk to him, Anne?" Marilla, who's been standing beside her this whole time, asks cautiously. "I'm sure he'll be very glad to see you"

"I can't, Marilla..." Anne shakes her head, holding back her tears and eyes still focused on the blurry figure of the boy. Even though this is a funeral and it is perfectly reasonable to cry, she hates crying in public. "It's so sad, so cruel, so... unfair... My heart's literally aching"

Marilla gives her a look of understanding. "Let's head home then"

For a moment she hesitates, but ends up driving home. She drops Rachel Lynde at her house and once they finally get home and Marilla gets out of the car, Anne doesn't move. She remains sat on the passenger's seat, reflecting on something that's got her deep in thought.

Fuck it, she thinks. I need to see him.

She gets the windows down and, still sitting on the driver's seat, she calls for Marilla's name.

"I'm going to the Blythe's, Marilla" she says. "I need to see him"

Marilla gives her a nod before getting inside. "You're making the right choice, Anne"

Determined and with no music playing, it doesn't take her much to get to his house.

___

Anne impatiently waits before the door, not knowing what to say once he opens the door.

"Hi"

"Hello, Gilbert"

"I've missed you. Can I come in?"

"I'm sorry it took me this long to realize how much I need you. Can we talk?"

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Gil"

But the door opens, snapping her out of her thoughts.

It's a head of curls who opens the door, but they don't belong to Gilbert Blythe. It's Fred Wright instead, wearing a borrowed suit.

"Anne. We didn't think you'd come"

"We?"

Does he mean Gilbert and him? Was Gilbert actually hoping I'd show up?

"Diana, Ruby, Jerry and I" he says. "We're in the living room, with Bash and his girlfriend, Mary"

Anne walks in. The living room is quiet and there are a few tea sandwiches.

But Gilbert's nowhere to be seen.

"Where is he?"

"Anne, maybe you shouldn't-"

"Where is he, Fred?"

"He's out in the backyard" Fred says, pointing to the back door.

[PLAY THE SONG!]

She spots him as soon as she opens the door that leads to the backyard.

You were alone left out in the cold
Clinging to the ruin of your broken home

He's sitting on the grass, his back turned to her. The redhead can see the back of his body covered with his thick back coat that matches his dark curls.

Anne takes a deep breath before walking to him, not knowing exactly what to say. She's thought of many words to say to him; she's fantasized about several different scenarios in which they'd meet again, but she would've never guessed that they'd see each other again under these circumstances.

"It was a lovely service" she says.

Although he doesn't even have to, he turns his head to her. His tearless eyes look at her, half in shock and half in awe (although he would never admit that).

I know how it feels being by yourself in the rain

He scans the sight of her, just like he used to do not so long ago, when they were not pretending to be strangers.

She's wearing a knit black dress, black tights, black Chelsea boots and her usual black coat. Her hair is down, and it makes a beautiful contrast against the dull, lifeless black. It also matches the orange color of the trees and the leaves that cover the grass.

Beautiful, he thinks.

Oh, how he used to love it when she wore black, but right now, it's making him feel sick. It's just another symbol of death. Of his father's death.

He wants to ask her what she's doing there, but instead, says:

"Anne?"

Hear you falling and lonely, cry out
Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope?

Last time they saw each other was around four months ago. It hasn't been that long, but it's felt like an eternity. Even saying her name out loud, addressed to her, felt strange.

"Marilla told me" she says, looking straight at him. "I took the first flight"

"Oh"

Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?

"I needed to come. I needed to see you" she says, and she truly means it. "I'm so sorry, Gilbert"

He stands up. She offers her hand to help him up, but he ignores it.

"Thank you, Anne" he nodded once he is on his feet. "I appreciate that"

Every time he calls her Anne is like he stabs her with a million daggers.

She wonders if she's been a fool for believing they could forget about everything, or at least pretended to. This, this situation was the inevitable consequence of that fateful accident on a December evening.

Her favorite accident.

She studies him, now that he's right in front of her. He's wearing a black suit and a grey tie, simple and dull. He's tried to comb his hair but again, it's impossible to tame. And his eyes...

His eyes. They're literally drained from life, and there are dark circles under them that give her the clue that he hasn't got a good sleep in weeks.

And even though he doesn't look like the cocky, cheeky and mischievous teenager she'd met not long ago, Anne can't help but think he looks handsome. Seeing him like this... she can't help but think that she would follow him anywhere.

We all need someone to stay

Could we ever go back? she thinks, looking straight into his hazel eyes.

Could he ever forgive me?

Could he like me again like he used to?

Could he ever look at me the way he did before?

Could he fill this void that I've been feeling ever since he kissed me once and never again?

All this time without him... felt like some sort of limbo.

For a moment their eyes lock together, until he awkwardly coughed to break the situation. She blinks twice, being snapped out of her thoughts.

"Uh- I brought you this" she says out of the sudden, getting something out of her pocket. "I scribbled it down during the flight"

She hands him a folded note with his name. Her handwriting is just as neat and elegant as he remembered. At least that's something hasn't changed.

«Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.»

He recognizes the poem instantly. "Death is nothing at all" by Henry Scott-Holland. They'd studied it in class once, and they worked on the literary analysis together.

He nods politely, saying nothing as he folds the note and keeps it in his pocket. Anne wonders if he's planning on keeping it or if he's going to simply throw it away as soon as she's out of sight.

She'd rather not know.

Then, again, there's an awkward silence that lasts longer that they both wanted. His eyes don't look for hers.

"I'll be staying here for a few days, in case you need anything" she murmurs, hands shoved in her pockets because of the cold.

"I won't"

She tries not to show the pain his words have just caused her.

"Alright. I'll be staying anyway. Maybe we can meet for... coffee one of these days, when everything's-?"

"Just go back to New York, will you?"

"No, Gilbert!" she says, raising her voice. "I'm not leaving. I know you hate me but I can't leave you here like this"

"I'm not your stupid little project, okay? You don't have to come here and try to fix me. You can't"

His words are like a jar of cold, cold water thrown right at her face. "I just want to be here for you, that's it"

He takes a deep breath before speaking again, closing his eyes. He seems exhausted.

"I don't need you to take care of me. And I don't hate you. I simply don't care about you anymore"

I simply don't care about you anymore.

Nothing could've ever prepared her for those words. Anne doesn't know if it is the cold, October breeze but she could swear she's shivering.

"You... you don't?"

"No. So please, Anne, do yourself a favor and just leave"

"But- but I came for you"

He bitterly laughs, shaking his head and shoving his hands into his pockets as well. "For me? No, Anne, you didn't come for me"

"I did! Look, I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry that I wasn't here when your father got ill again-"

"You weren't here because I didn't tell you", he mutters. "I didn't tell anyone except from Fred"

How could he have told anyone, anyway? And feel all that look of pity from everyone in town again? And be the poor kid with a dad with cancer again?

"You could've told me" she says quietly. "There was a time when you used to tell me everything"

"Would you stop?" He raises his voice for the first time since they started talking. "Not everything has to do with you! Grow the fuck up, Anne" he says. "You can't even imagine the way I'm feeling!"

"I can't? Do I have to remind you that I actually lost my parents and my adoptive father? Seriously?" she raises her voice as well, not even realizing it. "I happen to perfectly know how you're feeling"

He freezes for a couple of seconds, just realizing what he's said. For a second, his eyebrows drop and he gives her some sort of tender look that she doesn't even notice.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

Anne takes a few steps closer to him, placing both of her hands on his arms.

"I know this is not you, Gilbert. It's the pain talking for you. Can we please... forget about what happened now and just... let me there for you? Please. Then I'll leave. I promise I'll leave"

Her fingers graze at the fabric of his coat, over his shoulder. He tries to avoid the fact that her touch still makes him nervous. He's missed her touch. He's missed her so much, of course he has, but he can't let things to back to the way they were — he can't be vulnerable around her again.

"You being here doesn't do me any good" he says. "I don't know what you're intentions are, but I've moved on-"

Just the thought of him moving on makes her sick.

"I know you have. I just want to help out an old friend. Please, I beg you"

He looks down to the ground, not saying anything for a few seconds. Then, he tries to speak, but his voice is trembling.

"I-I don't- I feel-"

A choked sob escapes Gilbert's throat.

The first time she ever saw him cry, it was because of his mother. Now he was crying because of his father. How is this fair? she thinks as she watches the first tears escaping from his eyes.

Tears keep running down his face and that's all it takes for her to close the short distance between them and hug him.

She wraps her arms around him, hugging him, holding him, almost catching him and keeping him steady, as if she was a rock. His rock.

It physically hurts to see him like this. Not only because he's feeling miserable but also because it brings back dark memories buried in Anne's brain. Her parents. Matthew. She knows what he's feeling; she knows what he's going through — because she's felt it before.

Right now, looking at Gilbert feels like looking into a reflection of her old self in a dusty mirror.

It takes her by surprise when his arms correspond her, wrapped around her back, tightly.

When was the last time we were this close?

The last time we touched?

His embrace is warm and it makes her want to cry. But she doesn't — she needs to be strong for him.

"It's okay, it's okay" she whispers, stroking his hair. "I got you"

"I'm alone. I'm all alone"

Anne knows exactly how he's feeling like or the thought that are running through his head. He is an orphan now. He feels tiny, minuscule, insignificant and alone in a huge world.

"You're not alone, Gil" she says, hands still tangled in his hair. "You have Bash, and Fred too — you have them, okay?"

"But I don't have you!", he wants to tell her.

But he doesn't. He doesn't talk at all, but breathing heavily, crumbles down to the grass.

"I miss him" he sobs. "I- I-"

Anne's never seen him like this. Truth is she's seen him upset or sad before, like that one time when he got drunk... but he's never been so scared, so defeated, so... broken.

"You need to relax, please, Gilbert" she says, kneeling down on the grass next to him. "Like that time I dragged you home when you were drunk, remember? Do you remember?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I remember-"

"You started talking nonsense about your ass, remember?"

He chuckles a bit. "Yeah"

"Okay, keep remembering that, you said funny stuff-"

"I can't. I can't"

"Yes, you can — look at me, you can"

She grabs his face with both hands, making him look at her.

"You promised" he says. "You promised me that night that my father would be okay"

"Tell me my dad is going to be okay"

"Your dad is going to be okay"

"You promise?"

"I promise"

"I'm sorry, Gilbert. I'm so sorry. If I could bring him back I would, I'd do anything to bring him back"

He covers his face with his hands. "I'm alone"

She delicately reaches for his hands, taking them in hers and uncovering his face.

"Look at me" she whispers. "You'll never be alone. You're going to be alright"

"I- I just-" he tries to say. "Everything is-"

"Block anything else, just focus on my voice"

He looks at her, eyes crystalline. For a split second, his eyes drop to her lips.

"I'm here" she whispers. "I'm here"

"You're here"

"Yeah"

She hugs him again. They don't notice when their friends open the back door, seeing them like this. If the circumstances were different, they would've been happier than anyone to see them so close. But they can only imagine what got Gilbert into this state.

"He still loves her, doesn't he?" Jerry is the first one to talk, looking at the pair.

"Of course he does" Ruby says quietly. "I don't think he's aware, though"

"Does he know that she broke up with Charlie?" Diana asks.

"No, he doesn't" Fred says. His voice is serene and quiet, very unlike of him.

"How are you, Fred?" Jerry asks. "You haven't spoken a single word since we got here"

All eyes focus on Fred for a moment. The one who used to be the gang's goofball is now the quietest.

"I'm fine" Fred murmurs. "The one that matters here is Gilbert — not me"

"Hey" Ruby says, patting his back and making Fred smile a bit. "Don't say that. I'm sure you were like a son to Mr. Blythe"

"He was such a cool guy" Jerry says.

"Yeah. He always wore a smile, didn't he?"

"Guys?" Gilbert separates from Anne, noticing them, as he rubs his eyes, wiping his last tears away.

The squad walks over to them. Anne silently sits next to Gilbert on the grass.

"Hello again, sir" Ruby says, faking a British accent and a ruffling his hair, making the boy smile faintly.

"Hey, Gil" Diana whispers as she kisses his cheek softly.

Jerry shots him a shy smile. Gilbert nods. He didn't need words, just that gesture meant everything.

"I didn't get to thank you guys for coming today"

They all stay in silence for a while, sitting in circle on the grass. Silence reigns over them, and for a few minutes, the only thing they can hear is the wind blowing, swiftly moving the trees and the grass.

"God, I'm so hungry" Fred says after a while, being the first one to break the silence.

They all start laughing, even Gilbert.

"Look at us, the six of us here, together" Ruby says, laying on her back and looking up to the sky.

It's starting to get cloudy, very cloudy.

"Kinda feels like nothing's really changed" Jerry says.

"We haven't been together since, like-"

"Gilbert's farewell party" Anne says. "Last summer"

They stay silent again, some laying on the grass, some sitting cross-legged, but all of them staring up into the mess of grey clouds that are starting to gather together; all of them are thinking of the upcoming storm, and remembering times when things were easier.

___

"Please, tell us if you need anything, okay, Anything, Gil, I'm serious"

Gilbert knows Diana means her words. As she talks, she fixes the tie he's wearing because of the funeral, and the mom-like gesture makes everyone else in the group chuckle.

"I will" he nods. "Thanks you, guys"

They're all about to leave when...

"Anne" Gilbert says. "Uh, can I ask you something?"

Anne shares a look with the rest of the gang. She hands her car keys to Jerry for him to drive back home. The rest of the group nod before going back to their respective cars, leaving the two of them alone in Gilbert's backyard.

"Yes. Of course"

She walks towards him again, positioning her body beside him and leaning it against the fence, just like he's doing — their arms almost brushing.

"You... unfortunately... you have experience with these... things. With this- fear of being alone and I..."

"The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly"

"The Great Gatsby?"

He looks at her. He has missed it, just looking at her. It's been so long...

and their conversations,

their intellectual banter,

the literary references...

"Yeah" she says.

"Does this pain go away eventually? Does it ever get better?"

Anne looks at him. She'd loved to have this conversation with someone when she was younger. She knows he needs her words, the words of someone who has lived what he's living now.

"It does get better — with time. But there will always be a part of you that'll be darker and will sometimes remind you that the pain is still here. Some days it'll be buried deep inside you and some days it'll be unbearable. You'll get better, and you'll smile again, but-" she pauses for a few seconds. "But not a single day will go back that you don't think about your father"

"Do you? Think of your parents and Matthew... every day?"

"Yes"

"I don't want to sound skeptical but I don't understand how life can give you such wonderful things and then take them away from you in just... a nick of time"

Anne understands. Just when she'd found her second parents, Matthew was taken away from her. It wasn't fair,

but it was worth the pain.

"Grief is the price we pay for love"

"That's not The Great Gatsby"

"No" she says quietly. "It's an unwritten novel"

"That's smart"

Silence.

"Thanks. For staying and... yeah"

"I told you. You don't have to be alone"

She leans her head on his shoulder, just like the younger version of herself would have. It was kind of "their thing". Their fingers brush, hands almost touching. She doesn't hesitate when she interlocks her fingers with his.

No. No. No.

Not this feeling again, he thinks.

No.

He instantly lets go off her hand, taking two or maybe three steps away from her.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry, I thought-"

"You thought that you could take advantage of how vulnerable I'm feeling right now?"

"No, Gil, it's not like that"

"Stop calling me Gil" he says, disgusted. "You- ruined everything"

"Okay, Gilbert, I just wanted to comfort you, to make you feel better — I thought that maybe... we could be friends again"

"Friends again?" he scoffs. "Do I seriously have to remind you that we were never friends in the first place?"

"You- you're hurting me"

"Well, you hurt me too, so there you go"

"After all... you still...?"

"Still"

Pools of tears start to for in her eyes. How could he be so cruel? She doesn't want to cry in front of him, but it's getting hard to hold back the tears.

"Can't we just... please... try? Let's be friends. Please, I promise I-"

"No"

That's it. She thought hearts couldn't possibly be broken. It was just a metaphor, right? Then why... why does it hurt so much?

"You said I'd never lose you" she says, her voice breaking.

"Yeah? And whose fault do you think that is?"

The sound of a thunder follows after his words, and it suddenly starts raining, making the scene even more pathetic.

"Okay, fine! I made a mistake and I'm sorry! I'm sorry for everything! And if I could take it all back... I would!"

"You fucked me up" he says. "Why are you here anyway?"

She looks at him again, probably for the last time.

"Please, what else do you want me to do?"

"I want you to leave"

"Fine" she doesn't fight the single tear that rolls down her face. "I'm sorry. I'll stop bothering you for good"

"Fine"

As she heads to the front yard, the rain gets even heavier. Her hair is damp and so are her clothes.

"Anne, wait"

With a little spark of hope, Anne turns around.

"I... You..." he starts to say. "Do you want me to call you a taxi?"

"Seriously?!"

She doesn't fight it anymore — Anne starts crying, her tears getting mixed up with the raindrops.

"Fuck off, Gilbert! Just when I thought you could never make me cry again- you just did!"

"What?" he blinks twice, rain falling down his face.

"Forget it" she says. She doesn't even sound angry, or disappointed. She's emotionless — defeated.

As she walks sway in the pouring rain, leaving his house and him behind, she knows.

It's over.

___

A/N

WOOOOAH, did you like this good old angsty chapter? I'm sorry, I can't help it, I love angsty shirbert lol

Anyway, as always, share your theories!

What do you think it's going to happen next?

And HAPPY AWAE FINALE DAY!!!!!

Ily all <3