This was the book I joined Wattpad to write. I really can't remember what my inspiration was, but I had a chapter or so written in a notebook and wanted others to read it, and somehow I settled on Wattpad.

It was never a great success compared to my other work— even now at 35 parts it only has about 10k reads, which is weird because My Wild Irish Rose (the one that made me somewhat popular) has well over 150k and is vastly lower in quality.

I wrote it in two parts— the first ten chapters or something were written when I first joined Wattpad, but I'd published My Wild Irish Rose's first few chapters and they were way more popular, so I took a hiatus from FCP to write MWIR. So the majority of FCP was written about a year after the first part, and the storyline was changed a bit so the two parts don't exactly match up perfectly. Nivh's age, for example: originally, in my very first plans, she was twelve. But then I realised that twelve was too young, so I decided to make her about fifteen, but I missed a few details. Nothing that really detracts from the plot, but some of my timing didn't get changed, References to her being "a princess not yet fourteen" or her plans to be married in two and a half years don't really coincide with the direct statement I made plenty of times that Nivh was fifteen, and sixteen by the end of the story. I still think that's too young to be queen/ lead a revolution/ etc, but I wrote this at fourteen/fifteen on a healthy diet of Harry Potter, Divergent, and The Hunger Games, so I'll cut myself some slack here.

Overall I think this is a really good story. Not to toot my own horn or anything, I just think the concept— a princess who wishes to change the system from within to benefit the poor, and who does not mean to rebel against her arranged marriage, who is traditionally feminine but still strong— is a good one. Maybe someday I'll revamp it completely and erase the terrible early chapters that are just Maridi's sob story (I actually skipped those chapters, about chapters 3-7, because they were so cringy I wanted to die) and develop the characters a little further.

Reading this also made me realise I've had sort-of-leftist tendencies for a long time, but that might just be the fact that I was always taught people were equal, and I'd learned to an extent that people were poor as a fault of the system, so I guess just being a good person? I just didn't label myself as a leftist until I was older because The Only Thing Leftists Ever Do Is Communism and Jesus Hates Communists was basically the political mantra of my upbringing. I'm also pretty sure I wrote this as a rebellion against feminism while ironically still idolising Malala, because when I started this at about 13 I was an avowed anti-feminist. Go, Conservative Mormon Upbringing! But at the time I believed feminism was a group of loud dirty women who only wanted to be men while destroying all traditionally feminine things: falling in love, sewing, wearing dresses, the idea of marriage. Maridi was a caricature of those feminists, which I wrote most obviously in the scene where Finen and Nivh tell her to leave the council room so they can have a private conversation, and Maridi snaps "Are you making me leave because I'm a woman?" While I do have sympathy for her now, I can't deny that I wrote her to be ridiculous and the stereotype of feminists— or, at least, how I thought feminists were when I was thirteen. Now I know feminism much better, and (although this is an entirely different subject) I've realised I can still like dresses and the idea of marriage, and that devaluing those feminine things is really just another patriarchal tool to suppress women. I won't go into that right now. In short, this is really a story of my own political beliefs taking shape during my adolescence, and in that regard it's really fascinating.

I realise I actually knew and had observed quite a bit about government corruption as a kid, without realising it. First of all, the recognition from the first that people are poor because of the system they live under, and how monarchy is vulnerable because its leaders are not elected, and the blindness of the rich to the plight of the poor; the corruption of seemingly good movements to further the corrupt ideals under a front of liberation was also a surprisingly apt observation that I recognise in real life all the time now, and has made me something of a skeptic of every powerful entity. While the Dawning is still a rather childish and immature 'rebel group' I really think I had the basics of powerlust down. The moral of the story seems to be: sometimes the system is wrong, but that does not mean it needs outright war to change, only the humanity of its leaders and action towards equality. In other words, change must be influenced from the bottom but changed at the top. And then the inclusion of Cadwal using the Dawning as a front to regain power for himself— that is especially applicable now. I realise I was influenced at a much younger age than I thought. Now, as I'm writing these reflections in June 2020, during the George Floyd protests, I realise just how much those ideals play in.

I also remember thinking some of this was terribly scandalous, which was part of the reason I didn't publish it under my real name. I didn't want anyone to know that little angel Megan knew sex or dirty parts of poverty existed, and so I a) published under a pen name, and b) erased plenty of things that were in my original draft. The first thing I noticed I'd erased was the scene at the king's cremation, where in the original he was covered in gold and silver, and Nivh sees the poor looking hungrily at it, including a young woman with two children and a pregnant belly, with whom (if I remember correctly) I was trying to draw the image of a child bride, as well as the constantly pregnant medieval woman (I'd read Pope Joan a little while before and its frankness was entirely new to me at the time, but I was really fascinated by it). But that scene seemed too dirty and I left it out in the published version, though I'm pretty sure it's still in the notebook. The second thing I remember leaving out is Nivh's trying to speak to Maridi, and her nurse stopping her because it was Maridi's wedding night, and then Nivh's blush. I guess I didn't want the impression that Nivh knew what sex was, and the preservation of her character as a perfect feminine icon. Again with the anti-feminist stuff, probably, but I think it's also because I was never comfortable being open about sex and I worried that if anyone who knew me read this book, they'd think I was sinful or something. That's still something I struggle with, but that's a whole different critique.

On the book, though: the first third is bad. In retrospect I'm really glad I didn't write all of it at once and that I did take that hiatus. It'll be interesting to read MWIR and see how my writing changed in that period, rather than try to glean information from this sudden jump. But the later- written part? It's really fantastic, especially considering I was a middle schooler! The action and the politics are great, honestly, and although the inclusion of romance feels forced and rushed (especially dealing with Faelan and Jennis' respective romances) I think that's really the only major detraction from this story. I'm still glad Nivh is feminine and uses those traits to her advantage, and especially that she isn't opposed to the idea of an arranged marriage. To be frank, I quite like the idea of arranged marriage even in a modern sense. So long as both parties are reconciled to the idea and pledge to work together even without the expectation of love, I think it's a far superior arrangement to this disgusting maze called dating. I'm glad Nivh recognises the risks, even if it's inadvertent and not really a common theme, but I'm more glad that she's not some feisty Maridi character. I appreciate some good rebellion, but eventually the trope gets tired.

The action I think is wonderful. It's paced perhaps a bit too rushed, but it's a Wattpad novel written by a teenage girl. The underlying motives and political themes of the book far outweigh the strange pacing and bad romance, and the last few chapters are bittersweet and almost unsatisfying. I realise that's a sort of trademark to my work: Finen dies and Nivh realises the irony in her life, while resolving to do better in the future. It really is anticlimactic, but isn't life? I see this sort of ending in almost all of my work: Moira is a foolish child who marries a selkie, who leaves her pregnant and alone for the sea; Ida betrays her friend for security and a pretty face; James MacEilan dies before Emma can apologise to him; Marion does not leave James for Lewis. I wonder what this says about me, that I'm so prone to sorrowful endings. I think it goes beyond my initial desire to break cliches. I think it must be reflective of some shortcomings in my own life. I think I could likely pin down each of those misgivings, but I'll do that on the reflections for those stories.

In the Flower Crown Princess' ending, I think I had come to terms with the fact that revolutions are not happy for all. Harry Potter in particular gives this happy ending— not a perfect "and they all lived happily ever after" sort of ending, but close. I wanted to see what the cost of change was to the girl in power, especially because the revolution failed in some respects. There was still a queen, so the Dawning's desire to destroy monarchy ultimately failed. But the moral mission succeeded: the people were represented better, and the queen had realised that she must support the commoners and that her ignorance only led to unrest. It also recognises the frailties of monarchy, inadvertently: yes, Queen Nivh would rule benevolently, but what if her children would not? It's never directly stated, but that's the question still lingering in my mind as I finish reading. It's unsatisfying, but still in a terrible way beautiful. Nivh realises the costs and weighs her future. The revolution is finished and unfinished. The wheel of time goes on and on forever. It's wonderfully human.

In conclusion: the exposition was written badly. It was really, really cringey. But the story was good. The characters were fine, some better than others. I don't know how I made the post-hiatus bit so good after the exposition was so terrible, but I'm glad I did. It had great themes and observations about power and politics for a teenager, and the storyline was, humbly, brilliant. I want to write more of this story, but I've no idea where I could go with it! 9/10, very impressed with middle school me.