My sweet,lovely ,strong young woman. I have a message for you . Today,I want to talk about something that most of us have or will go through . I am talking about the pressure on us to get married . Yes,the 'm' word,the very one that makes some us cringe or hide away from nosey family members ;especially in our Muslim community.

Marriage is the pillar of society ,and no I have never been married . Yes most of these people mean well,they all want to see us settled and happy with our future husbands . But they forget something ,like death and so many aspects of our life ,marriage has so much to do with time .

You know how they tell you,if you keep rejecting the guys that like you (forget the fact that some are people you are not compatible with or you may know something about them that others dont ,or you just don't click ), you are going to end up a spinster for the rest of your life? That's bull crap . Forgive my French,but its a fact. Sometimes its the timing that's just off. There are also people in this life that God did not destine marriage for and they never will get married till they die ,and for others its just the right person that's missing in their lives.

I see a lot of our sisters rushing into marriages for various reasons: My best friend got married,all my friend's are getting married ,pressure from family and society ,seeing lots of Instagram weddings and what not . Unless,for the fortunate ones,most of this marriages don't last or end up unhappy for the rest of their lives .

Also,don't let anyone,I mean anyone guilt trip you into marriage .Whether by using religion,old age ,or bad marriages . The ones using religion are the worst kind. Someone told me that its my obligation as a Muslim woman to marry any good,religious guy that shows interest in me . Can you believe this?because he is a good Muslim,its like sinning against God not to accept him . Just don't fall into that trap,they use religion to force you into marriage . Forget the fact that marriage is a really strong sunnah but it is not even an obligation in islam,though it is most encouraged . And even among friends there is something called compatibility.

I am not a scholar ,or even very,very religiously knowledgeable, but I am not totally ignorant ,or totally stupid or any thing of that sort. So many people had fallen victims to that and its just so sad .

Yes Allah says that you may like a thing that is bad for you or hate something that is good for you,but Allah knows best . We cannot dispute that,but that doesn't mean every single thing you dislike is good for you or every single thing you love is bad for you.

That's why we put our trust in Allah,with using Istikhara  and trusting in him when things don't go our way (that doesn't mean its not okay to be sad,remember that).

Sometime ago,a man wanted to ask for my hand in marriage ,even before I met this guy I started praying Istikhara ,we met and I knew deep within my soul we are not compatible among other things . I kept praying anyway,but I am telling you this wallah I never even for once felt good about it ,sometimes ,I feel suffocated when people talked about it. I stopped praying for a while ,but a friend told me to continue .

Things remained the same,sometimes ,it feels worst . But do you know what people told me,I didn't pray hard enough that's why,I wasn't sincere enough that's why . But I know what I felt ,and I know that even though i wasn't in any way thrilled about the proposal to begin with but I wasn't the kind of person that prayed Istikhara over every small thing (not something I  am proud of but its a fact). But I still ignored my feelings and I asked Allah to chose the best for me ,for my welfare ,for my deen and for my life and I begged him to make me happy with his decision . Yet,someone told me I wasn't sincere enough,simply because it didn't work their way .

And the day I ended it,I felt relieved ,I stopped feeling suffocated and I have full trust that Allah  help made  my choice . Today,I stand with no regrets .

I  am not going to sugar coat it for you,many of you have experienced that,but I will tell you the raw,honest truth . Yes the pressure is much,sometime its just like walking around with a burning,heavy stone on your shoulders . But try,try and do not succumb to that pressure . in sha Allah, you are much stronger than that.

You are worthy ,you are phenomenal ,do not settle for less than you deserve. Because you are better than that ,because you are the one that will wake up next to that person every morning. You are the one that is going to live that life. Ask yourself this, how would you feel?

I have heard some girls say ,I am just going to marry the next guy that comes ,because I am tired . Yes,it is exhausting, yes it weighs you down. But remember your worth and do not settle,put your trust in your Creator ,even if it gets too much . Even when you feel that way.

I hope we meet our future with our cups full,or at least half full,not empty . Not with the hope that someone loves us ,but after we have learnt to love ourselves.

I hope and I pray that you will be able to overcome,and its will be my biggest desire that this words ,this common words from this common girl will help you in any way . Even if its just for a moment . May God see us all through and give us the strength to overcome . Amin.