I was a bit nervous about posting this one, not least because it's inspired by several near-disasters involving an A380 over the past few years. I'm glad of course that they didn't turn into really serious accidents, or I probably wouldn't have written this piece. As it is I hope you don't all think I find aircraft incidents amusing or that I'm heartless, cos I don't and I'm not. Anyway, this little book is titled Reely, Trooly Ridiculous, and the mischievous part of me just couldn't resist.

The other reason for being somewhat hesitant, is because this is a re-vamped version of the old nursery rhyme: 'There's A Hole In My Bucket'. Most likely many of you are too young to have even heard about it. I googled it and discovered that it originates from a rhyme written about 1700. There have been several variations since, by various people, but I couldn't find a specific name. So here it is: There's A Hole In Our Airbus, with apologies to the original writer/s whoever they were. I like to think that they have a sense of fun and humour and won't mind too much.

There's a hole in our bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry

There's a hole in our bucket, dear Henry a hole!

It's an Airbus 380, dear Susie, dear Susie

It's an Airbus 380, not a bloody bucket!

Well, there's a hole in our Airbus, dear Henry, dear Henry

There's a hole in our Airbus, dear Henry, a hole.

So mend it dear Susie, dear Susie, dear Susie

So mend it dear Susie, dear Susie, mend it.

But what should I mend it with, dear Henry, dear Henry.

Just tell me dear Henry, what the bloody hell with?

With the luggage dear Susie, dear Susie, dear Susie.

With the luggage you silly bimbo. With the luggage, what else?

But the luggage all got sucked out, dear Henry, dear Henry.

The luggage all got sucked out, dear Henry, sucked out.

Then mend it with cabin crew, dear Susie, dear Susie.

Then mend it with cabin crew, dear Susie, the cabin crew.

But the crew have all disappeared, dear Henry, dear Henry.

The crew have all disappeared. They've gone and ticked off!

Well, where have they gone to , dear Susie, dear Susie

Oh where have they bloody gone to, dear Susie, oh where?

They've locked themselves in the toilets, dear Henry, dear Henry.

They've locked themselves in the toilets, in the toilets, that's where

.

And what do they think they're doing there, dear Susie, dear Susie?

And what do they think they're doing there, dear Susie, why there?

I think they're looking for celebrities, dear Henry, dear Henry.

I think they're looking for celebrities, dear Henry, celebrities!

Well, stop whining dear Susie, dear Susie, dear Susie.

Stop whining dear Susie, and let's see your initiative

.

But I still don't know what to do, dear Henry, dear Henry.

I still don't know what to do and you are the captain of the plane.

Well, go and nick all the Bubbly, dear Susie, dear Susie.

Go and nick all the Bubbly, dear Susie, every bottle.

Do I put it in the hole, dear Henry, dear Henry?

Do I put it in the hole, dear Henry, the hole?

No, we'll drink it ourselves, dear Susie, dear Susie.

We'll drink it ourselves, we might as well die happy!

What if someone catches me, dear Henry, dear Henry?

What if someone catches me. What do I do then?

They're all too busy hollering, dear Susie, dear Susie.

They're all too busy hollering, so get you down there.

But I don't want to go alone, dear Henry, dear Henry

I don't want to go alone, dear Henry, I'm scared!

Just get the blasted Bubbly, dear Susie, dear Susie.

Just get the blasted Bubbly, we don't have all day.

Oh, just look at what I found, dear Henry, dear Henry.

Just look at what I found, dear Henry what I found.

Lots of choccy Tim-Tams,dear Henry, dear Henry

Lots of choccy Tim-Tams down there in the hold!

Well done dear Susie, dear Susie, dear Susie

We'll have a nice little picnic and get some fresh air

.

But there's still a hole in our Airbus, dear Henry, dear Henry

There's still a hole in our Airbus, so where to from there?

Well get you up on the flight deck, dear Susie, dear Susie

So get you up on the flight-deck, there's not a moment to spare.

We made it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry

We made it dear Henry, what a bloody brilliant pair!.

And so ends A Hole in Our Airbus. As I know you're all very smart people, I'm sure you realised that Henry and Susie were the Captain and First Officer. Henry is a bit of a patronising,sexist bugger, isn't he?

Tim-Tams are every Aussie's favourite chocolate biscuit.

The verse about the cabin crew looking for celebs in the loos, was taken from a real-life incident I read about a few years back, where a member of the cabin-crew hooked-up with a movie star in the aircraft loos. Needless to say the cabin-crew member lost his/her job ( yes, it was not exactly the right thing to be doing on a tour of duty and pretty tacky), but I bet no-one told they movie star they couldn't be in any more movies.  Takes two, doesn't it?