On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, an Emu up a gum tree.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 2 red-back spiders (hiding under the outdoor furniture), 

and an emu up a gum tree.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 3 stinging inch-ants (in the garden or the camping ground, they're not fussy),

Two red-back spiders

and an emu etc.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 4 blue-ringed octopuses (poisonous and waiting at the Christmas Day beach picnic), 

Three stinging inch-ants, 

Two red-back spiders

And an emu etc

On the Fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, five circling sharks (also at the Christmas Day beach picnic).

4 blue-ringed octopuses

3 stinging inch-ants

2 Red-back spiders

And an Emu up a gum-tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 6 biting mozzies (carrying tropical diseases).

Five circling sharks; 

4 Blue-ringed octopuses,

3 Stinging inch-ants

2 Red-back spiders

And an emu etc.

On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 7 angry wasps (under the eaves of the house)

6 biting mozzies

5 Circling Sharks;

4 Blue-ringed octopuses

3 Stinging inch-ants

2 Red-back spiders

 And an emu etc.

On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 8 filthy blow-flies (at the outdoor 'barbie')

 7 Angry wasps

 6 Biting mozzies

 5 Circling sharks:

  4 Blue-ringed octopuses

  3 Stinging inch-ants

  2 Red-back spiders

   and an emu etc.

On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 9 hissing snakes (in the National Park picnic grounds): 

 8 filthy blow-flies

 7  Angry wasps

  6 Biting mozzies

 5 circling sharks; 

 4 Blue-ringed octopuses

 3 Stinging inch- ants 

 2 Red-back spiders

 And an emu etc.

On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 10 lurking centipedes (in the garden or the camping ground),

  9 Hissing snakes

 8 Filthy blow-flies 

 7 Angry wasps

 6 Biting mozzies

 5 circling sharks: 

 4  Blue-ringed octopuses

 3 Stinging inch-ants

  2 Red-back spiders

  And an emu etc.

On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 11 spiteful scorpions (at your Gold Coast holiday resort):

 10 Lurking centipedes

  9  Hissing snakes

  8 Filthy blow-flies

  7  Angry wasps

   6 Biting mozzies

   5 circling sharks:

   4  Blue-ringed octopuses

   3  Stinging inch-ants

    2 Red-back spiders

     And an emu etc

.

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 12 'crocs' a leaping (leaving the best till last). Hanging out at the Northern rivers and waterholes):

See, we're just like any Aussie really. We like a bask in the sun, a nice deep pool for wallowing and some good bush tucker; well, any sort of tucker and plenty of it.

11 spiteful scorpions

10 lurking centipedes

9 hissing snakes

8 filthy blow-flies

7 angry wasps

6 biting mozzies

5 Circling sharks

4 Blue-ringed octopuses

3 Stinging inch-ants

2 Red-back spiders

And an emu up a gum-tree!

If anyone has a psychopathic 'true-love' like this one, I'd be dumping he/she quick smart.

NB: Protest lodged by emus. The emu population is not at all happy with them being portrayed in a gum tree.

'We're insulted,' they said. It's humiliating to be likened to some fat, lazy koala lounging in the fork of a tree. We belong on the plains, where our running speed is phenomenal. Can't you change it; put something else in a gum tree?'

I replied that I thought they'd be pleased that they were featured in this Aussie Christmas version of 'Twelve Days...' but they were very put out and I thought they were going to start pecking me. Being pecked by an Emu is quite scary as their beaks are pretty sharp. There was once an emu that pecked at my skirt and lifted it right up. I was eleven at the time. (yes, really)

I tried to appease them by saying I wouldn't put a picture of them in a gum tree. I added a picture with a cow atop a Christmas tree, which is even sillier than  an Emu in a gum tree.  I hope they're happy now. Merry Christmas, Emus.

Below, our daughter's Melbourne Christmas tree, complete with cow. It's also been up for the past two years.