oO September Oo

"Did she find it?

"Not yet."

"Will she?"

"Soon."

oOo

Two days had passed since Ron had confessed everything. Two days since Hermione had warded herself inside her room. She hadn't had anything to say to him after his confession. She had merely lowered her eyes from his and gone to her room. He had tried to stay awake to try and see her, but she if she was leaving, she wasn't doing it through her door. He had actually slept outside on the balcony one night to see if she might have been leaving through her window but he hadn't seen her if she had. He was growing worried. She needed to eat, she needed to go to work.

He had told Harry just that morning via floo what had happened. He knew he was on his way, though he was sure there was another punch coming his way for having waited so long. He had been hoping that she would have come out on her own. But it was the dawn of the third day, and nothing had changed. He'd tried and failed miserably to lower her wards but they were simply too complex for him to even reveal. His worry had only compounded.

Ginny was off at Hogwarts, he'd gotten the news via letter from his mom that she'd been made Head Girl. He was proud of her and had wanted to be there to send her off but his concern over Hermione's sequestration had taken precedence. He was set to go back to the office that afternoon for more training and he very well couldn't do so until he knew she was alright.

Ron turned his head from the small tea stain on the counter when a sharp knock broke the deafening silence. He pushed himself around the counter and braced himself for when he opened the door. As it swung open he winced sharply and closed his eyes but the blow he had been expecting never came. He peeked his eyes open one at a time before letting out the breath he'd been holding.

"I've found her."

"She-she's not in her room?"

"No, apparently she's been staying at the Hogshead during the night but Aberforth doesn't know where she's going during the day. She leaves too early and only comes back after the bar has cleared."

Ron couldn't hold himself up any longer. The stress of not knowing what damage he had caused finally fell with all its weight. He covered his face and let out a small sob of relief that she was at the very least, sleeping in someplace safe.

"I think its best I collect her things and bring them to Grimmauld place."

"I understand..." Ron didn't look up as Harry came further into the room. Rather he pushed himself to the wall and just hung his head in his hands. He had nothing to say in his defense. This mess was entirely his own.

oOOo

Hermione turned slowly on the spot, she'd thought she'd followed the clue but just as yesterday, she was at a dead end. She sighed heavily and gave a small pull on the reigns of the horse she had borrowed from Hagrid. She'd caught him just before he was meant to be leaving for the morning to gather the first years from the train. Their time had been short so he hadn't asked her any questions on why she had needed it. For that she was thankful. A magical horse, she was able to make a portkey that attached to his saddle and would take them both where she wanted to go. She'd hid the horse with Aberforth's goats overnight but she knew she needed to return him.

She had gone to one of the addresses Harry and she had found in the old book at Grimmauld place. Using an old map they'd found as well to create the portkey. It had been tricky but she'd managed. The town was meant to have been a large orchid town but what she found were ruins. Rows and rows of ruins. She couldn't tell if they had been simply abandoned or victims of the war. The orchid didn't look too overgrown so she had guessed that it was part of the latter.

Her mind and heart were at odds end. Ron's words of love had burrowed deeply into her mind pushing against her heart. Pressing against the loneliness she had felt since coming back into her own. The fear that no one could ever love someone as damaged as she, as scarred and deformed as she; mixed with her inability to find the one man who held the answers that she so desperately needed. It left her listless for something more. She didn't know what to call her desire to see Snape again. Whether it was merely the drive, the need, for answers or possibly something more. She was too inexperienced with such feelings to even give them a proper place.

The war had changed them all. What would she find if she did find him? Would he be the same? Would be more bitter? Or would he finally be free?

Would he had moved on like so many others?

Hermione sighed deeply leaning down to activate the portkey that would send her back to Hagrid's. Her plan was to reconcile with Ron, as he was the only left in her small world that would hold her. Even though it felt wrong to be in his arms, her heart was too weak to fight any longer. She was tired. She wanted to rest.

oOOo

Harry set down another box beside the floo. He'd just finished clearing up the living room when a soft hesitant knock came to the door. Ron raised his head too. He'd moved from the wall to the desk chair in the time that had passed. Staying out of Harry's way. They had come to a sort of truce between them given that he had done what he had needed to do. He'd let Harry read the letter he'd wrote as well, easing the tension between them.

Growing close to 11:00 o'clock, only two hours had passed since Harry had started removing Hermione from his life. He hadn't even been able to eat anything even though his stomach was ready to tear itself from his body. His mind and the conversation he'd had with Harry taking precedence over all else.

Ron rose slowly, as he was the closest and moved towards the door. He didn't know who it could possibly have been. Ginny and Luna were at school and Neville had started his apprenticeship.

Ron felt a rod go straight down his spine when the identity of the knocker was revealed. His and Harry's eyes widened when she lifted her head but her eyes only sought Ron's.

"Hermione..." He stepped back to let her in but she hadn't moved, she looked so tired, so broken. Emotions played clearly over her face as he waited for her to decide on what she wanted to say. He could hear Harry coming just a bit closer but had thankfully given them some space. He jumped when her hand came out to touch his chest. He could see the walls of strength she had surrounded herself with slowly breaking away as she took another step towards him.

Gradually, painfully so, her hand ran down to wrap around his back and he was sure she could hear his heart racing when she laid her head down hesitantly against his chest. She didn't cling to him, her touch feather-light as though she too, were afraid to touch him.

He could feel her tears soaking through his shirt and he did the only thing he could think of. Very carefully, his hands rose up, timid as her touch had been and wrapped loosely around her head and shoulder. His head turned slowly to Harry for guidance but even he was unsure as to what the proper course was.

"We...need to talk..." Her words were tight, spoken to the floor.

"Okay..." Ron didn't dare to move, his words whispered over the crown of her head.

"I'm still...mad at you..."

"Of course..."

"But...but I..." Hermione couldn't make the words come out. Her entire mouth felt salty and dry. "I...love you too..."

Ron's heart did a backflip and he was sure he hadn't heard what thought he'd heard. His hand reached down very gently guiding her head up just enough for him to look into her face. Though he wasn't sure what to make of the sour look painted over her features.

"What...?"

Hermione swallowed thickly, even now holding him, she could barely force herself to stay. Her body ached with fatigue from her restless sleep and fruitless search. "You're... you're my best friend..."

Those words felt true, though she couldn't raise her eyes to meet his, "You've always been there...It... it would be unfair...to..." Her mind ground trying to remember, "Dismiss...7 years over...one mistake..."

Ron felt his heart spinning out of control. Had she forgiven him? Truly forgiven him? Could they start again? Was there still hope left?

"I...I don't want to...call this...between us... anything...but..." Her throat grew tighter and she could almost see two dark eyes filled with pain and sorrow looking at her from beyond the void inside her mind. "I'm willing..." That was all she could force out. She closed her eyes tightly, the feeling of betrayal came without source and her stomach roiled. She wasn't going to give up on finding Snape but she wasn't going to lose one of her only friends in the process either.

"That's...all I could ever ask." Ron held her tighter now. Full of strength and resolve. He was going to do things right this time. He was going to show her the best of who he was.

oOOo

The world had calmed again. Hermione had stayed. The days that had followed leading up to the Friday before her birthday had taken on a slightly more relaxed atmosphere. Ron had been doing everything thing he could to keep his excitement at bay. Even going so far as to get something to help with his morning 'problem' that was sure to scare her away when she stayed in his bed.

Hermione had taken the day off from her job after profusely apologizing for having missed two days. Mr. Weatherborn had been more than understanding of her absence and had even suggested that she take the day off before her birthday to try and relax before the big day. She really couldn't have asked for a more understanding boss.

Now they were doing a little cleaning, switching out the summer linens for hardier winter ones. Hermione had taken to cleaning and organizing her books on the new shelves Ron had bought as her early birthday present. While Ron was doing the laundry. Things between them had been stagnant thus far but Hermione had finally agreed to accept his offer to spend the night in his bed. The smell that had been preserved so long in Snape's cloak was starting to lose its calming effect over her sleep and he had noticed. He'd offered his bed to her four days ago but she was finally tired enough, from having not slept, to give it a try.

They weren't officially together but they weren't not together either. It was an odd agreement between the both of them just to continue living in the same space to see what would develop. They had both been taking one day at a time. Hermione's anger had abated over the time leading up to her birthday relaxing the tension on the house.

Ron came into the living room with his comforter and hers wound up in his one arm with Snape's cloak carelessly held in his other hand. He had been surprised to have found it under her pillow when he'd been collecting all the bed linens but he had pushed down his resentment. He could do this. He would do this. For her.

"Hermione?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think this needs to be washed specially or...?" He held up the cloak somewhat awkwardly thanks to his hold on everything else.

Hermione turned to see what he was holding before her heart leapt. She jumped down off of the stool she'd been on so fast she actually toppled it over.

"Don't touch that!" Hermione rudely snatched it from his hand, her eyes wide and fearful as she brought it to her chest. "Don't ever..."

"I'm sorry...I was just..." His words trailed off and he gave her a hopeless look as she brought it up to her nose and closed her eyes. A small spark of jealousy floated across his face as he took in the look on her face. When she shifted the cloak up from the floor a small noise caught their attention.

Hermione turned her head to the small tink of metal rolling across the wood floor and carefully turned her stance to watch the small silver sphere roll under the couch. She glanced at Ron before slowly setting the cloak down over the arm of the couch to retrieve what had fallen free.

Ron shifted uncomfortably but said nothing as she came back to her feet. Her reaction over the cloak worried him but he knew it wasn't the time to ask. He took a small step closer as she turned the ball in the light.

No bigger than a necklace charm, the ball appeared to be glass with something almost living inside. It moved unnaturally in the light. Deep red, it stood out starkly against the silver cage encasing it. Hermione could feel a strong power pulsing within and she knew it was something more than just what it appeared. She turned it in her palm and squinted to try and read the runes carved into the side.

"I...I need to..." Hermione turned slowly, picking up the cloak from the couch absently, "I'll uh... Tell me when dinners ready..."

Ron watched her walk towards her room as though in a trace. A small bit of anger welled in his chest. Once again, she had chosen that git over him. After everything he'd done, after all the progress they'd made.

He needed to get out. He couldn't risk his restraint. He tossed her blankets onto the couch and hastily moved to the door. Grabbing his keys and the wallet that sat on the table below the hooks, he ripped open the door without a backward glance. He made sure to slam it on his way out though he doubted she had even heard him.

oOo

Hermione groaned softly rubbing her eyes. She'd looked through every book she'd had on Runes and Latin. Nothing had matched up to what was written along the small orb. With a heavy sigh, she turned her head towards her window. It had been early evening when she'd sat down but now it was clearly well past and into the night. She turned her head to the clock beside her bed and let out a small gasp. When had it gotten so late? Why hadn't Ron come get her for dinner like she'd asked?

A growl from her stomach brought her to her feet and she pushed herself forward with a heavy sigh. She glanced at her bed to find that everything had been stripped for the wash. She rubbed her brow with a deep sigh and made her way out into the hall. A quick glance back at Ron's room revealed that he wasn't there and the lights weren't on in the living room.

Wondering where he must have gone she came out to find her linens still balled up and carelessly tossed on the couch. A soft groan passed her lips as she gathered them up and took them into the small laundry closet. The washer was empty so she pushed them in without much thought and started the cycle. Her head was starting to pulse from her lack of sustenance so she dragged herself toward the kitchen.

She didn't have the mind to fix herself anything proper and thus only grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl. A small wandless slicing hex cut it into manageable pieces and she shoved one into her mouth with a heavy sigh.

It was so late. Where could he have gone? It wasn't unusual for him to be gone in the evenings as of late. He'd told her that he'd been taking the time to work out at the gym as he'd nearly failed his physical fitness test. She hadn't questioned it and had actually enjoyed taking her evenings alone to simply enjoy her reading without him snoring against her thigh.

She took another piece of apple into her mouth turning to look at the clock on the wall. It was nearing midnight. This was definitely longer than he was usually out. Most nights she could hear him coming in, going straight for the shower long after she'd retired to bed to read and relax. He'd say goodnight to her through the door to her room but had never opened it. She wondered if he knew she was awake or not but hadn't taken any time to really ponder it.

Just as the last of her snack had gone into her mouth she heard the unmistakable sound of keys entering the lock. She wiped her hands on a dish towel before coming around the small bar to apologize for having becoming so distracted. He'd obviously left upset given that he'd left her linens on the couch and some part of her knew it was her fault. She wasn't sure what she would be apologizing for but with tomorrow being her birthday she didn't want any tension between them when they went to the party that Harry had so badly hidden from her.

When Ron's head poked through the door she could tell something was wrong. He didn't look like himself at all. It was as though his limbs were too heavy and his eyes couldn't see properly. Her lips pursed tightly when his keys didn't make the hook and came over just a bit more to try and figure out what was wrong.

"Ron? Are you alright?"

"Ah...?" His head turned towards her slowly and he blinked dumbly for a long moment, "You're still here...?"

"Of course I am...where would I go?" Hermione didn't move any closer. She could already smell him. He smelled weird, flowery and sweaty. It made her nose itch.

"I don't know...maybe chasing after ghosts or something...?"

Hermione shook her head slowly, coming just another step closer. He didn't look right at all. When her hand came to rest on his arm she jumped when he did, "Ron...are you...? Are you drunk?"

"No...I don't think so..." He turned slowly, his hands rising to take hold of her biceps. His head lifted up and he finally was able to bring her into focus, "I took...a potion...I...I didn't want to...and then...I..."

"Okay...alright..." Hermione winced slightly when his grip grew tight. She shifted slightly and pulled her arms free to wrap around his waist to help keep him up. "Let's get you into bed... alright?"

"Yeah..." Ron turned his head slowly as he walked with her help. The potion he'd taken was meant to keep him from becoming aroused but it had had some nasty side effects he hadn't expected. "I...I just wanted to give you a happy birthday..."

"There's still time..." Hermione helped him into his room. His bed had been partially made with the new comforter sitting at the bottom of the bed. The strong smell that she'd been trying to ignore came back full force when he sat down. She pulled back to stand before him narrowing her eyes when she saw what looked like glitter shining on his neck. "Do you want some water...or?"

"I just... I just want you..." His hands came up, clumsily taking hold of her forearms. "Please? Will you stay with me tonight?"

Hermione didn't want to, especially when he appeared to have been someplace he shouldn't have been but the desperate tone of his voice made her stay. With a small grimace, she nodded her head and once again pulled his hands free of her arms. "I just need to change...into my pajamas...okay? Then we'll rest... together..."

"You're so beautiful..." His head tilted back and a goofy smile curled over his lips. "So smart...so kind..." His eyes blinked slowly and he found his hands rising again, "I love you... I love you so much..."

Hermione forced herself not to shake her head, not to bring pain to his heart. She hadn't been able to bring herself to say those words to him since the day she had returned. Instead, she had avoided answering directly whenever she could. "You too...Now come on, let's go to bed..."

"Right...right..." He blinked again and nodded slowly. He watched her turn to go back to her room and he turned himself to try and locate his own sleeping clothes. His body felt so heavy. As though he were actually drunk. He wasn't, but it sure felt like it. His mind too felt soft and completely unrestricted. He couldn't take responsibility for anything tumbling passed his lips.

Hermione closed her door behind her looking over to where she'd neatly folded Snape's cloak. She didn't want to leave it behind but she didn't think that Ron would agree with her taking it into bed with them. That and she didn't want to lose what little scent remained. With a heavy heart, she pulled off her clothes to get into her pajamas. A modest set with a flannel button-down shirt and long pants, she put on a tank top as well tucking it into the bottoms. She was sure it would keep all her scars covered no matter what position they would find themselves in during the night.

Part of her wanted to call everything off, even though she had promised. She was sure given his current state that he wasn't going to be awake for long but even still it felt wrong to use him this way. She wasn't even sure it was going to work. She was caught on both sides of the fence. The fear that it wouldn't work and the fear that it would. The latter was stronger but she knew she had to try something. Her nightmares were becoming worse. She'd barely slept at all in recent nights. Pushing herself to stay up past the point of exhaustion just so that her brain would be too useless to dream. It had only worked once and the after-effect was enough for her to seek alternative options.

A slow breath passed her lips as she made her way back down the hall. She entered his room leaving the door cracked as he always did and turned her eyes towards the bed. He had managed to redress himself. A tank top and pajama bottoms. His back was to her as he left open the space on the outside of the bed. He hadn't managed to pull up the comforter though.

Hermione took hold of it herself and slowly dragged it up, before cautiously sitting down on the edge. She gave one last look towards the door before carefully stretching out beside him. There was barely more than a books width between them but if they both stayed on their sides there would be plenty of space. His comforter smelled clean and fresh when she pulled it up under her chin. Though they weren't touching she could feel the heat of his body at her back and it did bring a small comfort to her aching heart. She stayed as she was, listening to his soft sighing breaths. It wasn't as uncomfortable as she thought it would have been but it didn't bring her any comfort either. It took some time for her to even let her eyes close, but when they did they didn't reopen.