The first day was the hardest.

Jessabelle lived up to her word. The day after Bucky gave himself up, a doctor was sent in to examine me. I saw no sympathy in their eyes for me, so I knew they were just doing their job. They were also in charge of bringing me my meals since they came so frequently. The food didn't get any worse, but it didn't get any better either.

The doctor kept coming back since that day to check for improvement. Too bad the medicine they gave me was for the pain only. It couldn't stop the nightmares or the cold. Nothing could heal the wound in my chest.

It's been two weeks now, two weeks of lonely nights. Two weeks of recovering. Two weeks without moral support. Two weeks of worrying.

Today is no different. I rub my heavily tired eyes. I know what to expect: another visit from the doctor, the usual drop off of food. I keep my hand around the dog tags. Like this room, they're cold to the touch. I blink back the tears.

I know Bucky's not dead; they turned him back into the very thing he didn't want to be anymore. I can only imagine what they're making him do. Take out important people. Hunt down whatever's left of S.H.I.E.L.D.

He's right, it would have happened anyway. He only sped it along because of me. I can't help it that my life drove him to that point of surrender. I couldn't do anything, even if I had tried. I would have probably gotten hurt worse if I rebelled.

I probably would be dead right now if I had fought.

The door is opened, and I expect to see the doctor. Instead, I see Jessabelle. I give her the dirtiest look I can muster with my strength. Ever since Bucky surrendered, he sparked something in me. New fight. A new stubbornness to stay alive. A new will to survive.

"You're looking better," she notes neutrally. Her hair is back in a messy bun today. "I've heard your progress, but I haven't had time to see it."

And I'm sure I know why she's been so busy. "What do you want now?" I snarl.

"I was considering letting you walk around with me like in the old days, but I don't think you'll be up for that." She frowns slightly. "So, let's have a nice chat."

I look at anything but her. "Not interested."

She sighs. "You never are, Dani. You used to be so curious."

"Are you asking for trouble?" I retort. "Being in the same room with me isn't smart."

"I know you won't hurt me, you're still recovering."

"Don't hold your breath." I run my hand through the knots in my hair. "I'm not stupid, you know. I know you've got agents behind that door ready to beat me senseless."

Jessabelle tsks. "Dani, Dani, Dani. We're past that stage now. We got what we wanted."

"So why am I still here? You got him. Are you keeping me here until I rot? Are you...going to kill me? Show my body publicly as a message to S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

Jessabelle wrinkles her nose. "We're not monsters, Dani."

I scoff. "You're funny. Tell me another joke."

"If you listen to me, I can tell you about you when you were younger."

"Tempting, but I don't want to hear it from your mouth."

"Because you'll think I'm lying." She rubs her face. "Danielle, not everyone you meet is a liar."

I laugh weakly. "That's a lie in itself. Whatever load of shit you're about to throw me, I'm not going to buy into it."

"You haven't let me get into it."

"I don't need to. More like I don't want to." I glower at her.

"I wasn't going to convince you to join us, Danielle."

I roll my eyes. "So that's what you want. You want me alive and back with Hydra. Just like the old days."

"More than anything." There's desperation in her voice. "I want you to break this...whatever this is, and come back to the person you were."

"Why would I want to?" I ask coldly.

"I'm really disappointed that you can't see through whatever lies S.H.I.E.L.D. has told you."

"They haven't lied to me," I say boldly. "They've shown me truths that I'm not fond of seeing."

"They scared you to their side?" She shakes her head. "They're so desperate to cling onto anyone they can get..."

I move restlessly. Jessabelle's eyes fly to my closed fist.

"A gift from Barnes?" she asks. "You must be something special. But you never had any trouble finding a man, Danielle. It was just sticking with them. And you've managed to lose another one."

I inhale deeply, feeling the wound in my chest grow. I lost Bucky, yeah, but not for a normal reason. But I'm bringing him back once I get the chance.

"It's better you don't grow attached, Dani, with your lifestyle. People you care about often get hurt."

I bristle. "Is this a chat or something to see how long it takes me to snap?"

"You don't have to keep fighting this, Dani."

"And there's the sales pitch I was waiting for." I rub one of my arms.

"I'm not happy about hurting my baby sister."

"Really?" I arch an eyebrow. "You're upset about hurting people? I didn't see that when you killed Vanessa right in front of me."

Jessabelle's eyes harden. "She got in the way. We don't often spare those who try to stop us."

"You murdered your own sister."

"You really believe she was our sister?"

"Her name proves it."

"She was a traitor, Danielle."

"If anything, you were the black sheep of our family."

"You can't make those assumptions when you don't know the full story," she scolds me, shifting her weight. "Vanessa really kept you shielded from your younger years. I bet that's the only time she really felt close to you, when you forgot thanks to that hit to the head."

"What are you talking about?"

"You and I were close, Danielle. We were joined at the hip, you were my shadow. Why else would you have come here with me?"

"You dragged me into the mess against my free will."

"Wrong," she snaps. "You wanted to dive right in the moment the idea came out of my mouth. You missed me more than you ever did Vanessa. You were the only one around once she and I left for our duties. You got along with her, but you always favored me more. You valued my opinions over hers most of the time. We were your angel and devil, guiding you." Her lips twist into a smile. "I'll give you a guess as to which one you listened to."

I shake my head. "You're lying."

"Danielle, the only thing I will never do to you is lie. I'm your sister, contrary to your ignorance of the fact." She inspects her nails. "I'm trying to help you see that how you are now is only because of your amnesia."

"I'm not going back to my Hydra days," I say defiantly. "If you want me back, you might as well wipe my mind clean and program me like how you did..." I can't even say his name, the fear of breaking into sobs stop it from coming out.

"I don't ever want to do that to you," she says sincerely.

"Are you sure? You were more than happy to let agents beat the shit out of me."

"It's something I'm not proud of, but it had to be done. There was no other way to make him cave."

"If you still cared about me, you would have intervened. But I didn't hear a word that defended me come out of your mouth."

"I couldn't."

"Bullshit."

"That's the only thing that I can't tell them to do. They won't give you special treatment since you're with S.H.I.E.L.D. now. Not even if you're a former agent."

Am I seeing Jessabelle's eyes water? My eyes are playing tricks. They have to be.

It's hard to tell whether or not Jessabelle is actually genuine. I mean, she killed our other sister. Who's to say she won't kill me? Who's to say this isn't an act, that she really can stop my torment?

Wait...

"But you did," I whisper. "You stopped the beatings."

"It was Barnes' request, not yours," she says quietly. "If you had asked, we wouldn't allow it. We would let you escape it in one way only..."

"Am I allowed to ask how he is, or are you sworn to secrecy on that too?"

"He's alive." She swallows. "That's all you need to know."

That's only because I know what he is now, who he is now. I'm sure I'll face him sometime, but I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to.

"I want you to choose by your own free will, Dani. I don't want to have to force you back in our ranks."

"Then I choose to die." I cross my arms.

Jessabelle's smile disappears. "You really have proven your loyalty to the enemy." She scratches her neck. "That's disappointing." She looks down at an imaginary watch on her wrist. "Well, I've got to run. Got some important business to get back to."

"And by that, you mean hunting down my friends."

"Oh, they're your friends now? If they were, why haven't they come for you and Barnes?"

"They must not know."

"Or they do and they know you're beyond help. They've abandoned you."

"Stop with the tactics, Jessabelle. You've got nothing to use against me to make me cave. You have no pressure point on me."

She laughs darkly. "You and I both know that's not true. Just because he's in our hands now doesn't mean he's safe from harm."

I blanch. "You wouldn't."

"If it has to come to that, we will. We'll do the same to you like we did to him."

I think back to what he told me about being the assassin. How they punished him every time he did something they didn't like. I don't want him to fall back into that pattern with them because of me. Bucky has suffered enough, he's probably suffering even now though he probably doesn't know how or why.

My heart clenches. Some part of me believes Jessabelle, that threatening Bucky isn't just a threat—it's a promise. Hydra doesn't seem like the bluffing type.

"I'll come back sometime soon." She heads for the door but stops. "Oh, and, Danielle? If you get your death wish, I won't be the one granting it."

She leaves me without another word to deal with the usual crushing silence.