We don't make it to the bedroom. We don't even make it towards the hall.

The fire still crackles behind Bucky's back as we're snuggled on the carpet, under a blanket, tenderly kissing. I'm not happy about him hogging all the fire heat, but I've got his natural heat to make up for it. None of our clothes met a fiery end, though they aren't in neat piles either. They kind of got tossed around this way and that.

I've never felt so content, so safe.

"Next time, we try the bed," he whispers, his fingers tracing patterns on my exposed back.

"Aw, is someone a little sore?" I tease, pouting at him. I have an arm around his waist, allowing very little space between us. We don't want to separate "You started it."

"I never said you had to go with it. All it would have took was a simple 'no.'"

I roll my eyes. "But the pain was worth it." I hook a leg over his, making us sort of tangled like we had been earlier.

He nods. "The pain was worth it." He closes his eyes, I kiss the tip of his nose. My nails rake gently into his back, I feel him relax.

Truthfully, I'll probably feel sorer than Bucky will. I'm sure I'll sport more bruising thanks to him.

"Should I check the fire?" I ask through a yawn.

"Nah, I'll do it." He lifts himself up with his arms, grunts as he stretches. My heart runs at seeing him like this, so bare, so exposed. He flips over, grabs the poker, and starts moving the fiery logs in the fireplace. I watch the taunt muscles in his shoulders and his back move. It's hard to imagine how he had looked when he had been the Winter Soldier.

The Bucky I see now has no hard expression or intensity. Well, intensity is there, just not the murderous kind.

He doesn't rejoin me right away; he remains at the freshly poked fire. Something's consuming his thoughts. He's got his bare back to me, long dark hair falling in all directions. I'm on my side, covered by a blanket, watching him silently. I bite my lip. Is he regretting what just happened? Is something else on his mind?

How can he regret something like that? I shiver delicately at the ghosts of the feelings: the sharp, quick stings; the good twisting inside of my stomach when he hit a sensitive spot; slender fingers tracing all contours of my body; possessive lips attacking any exposed flesh his eyes set themselves on; the euphoria that I wanted to live in forever.

"Something bothering you?" I ask gently. I see him visibly relax at my voice.

"I'm fine, Dani."

"You know I don't believe that." I sit up, wincing as sore muscles begin to throb. "Seriously, Buck, what is it?"

"Is this our lives now?"

Where is this coming from? "What do you mean?"

He twists to look at me; I go scarlet just feeling his gaze on me. "We're playing house until we die?"

It is a question that I thought about in one form or another. Was this how our lives were going to turn out? Would we forever be in hiding, away from Hydra's always-searching eyes? Would we reunite with S.H.I.E.L.D.? Sometimes I forget we're apart of such a fading organization, one that's a target for the former organization we both once worked in.

"We'll get a rendezvous point soon and rejoin the others," I say tiredly.

"But what if we never do, Danielle? What if we're on our own?"

"Then we're on our own." I shrug. "We deal with what comes our way. You don't know for certain that we'll stay hidden forever."

"You don't know that we'll regroup, either."

"We won't know what will happen until something does. I'm trying to be optimistic. Now, quiet your brain and get back under here with me so we can sleep."

He chuckles, making my skin crawl—in a good way. "Sometimes I wonder why you aren't a leader of something important."

"I couldn't handle the pressure," I say as he crawls back under the blanket with me. He blocks the fire's heat, again, but he provides his own at the same time. "I'm not for having a humungous weight on my shoulders with others looking to me for direction. I don't know how born leaders do it." I shake my head.

His fingers trace small patterns on my bare skin, making me shiver. I slip an arm over him, pulling myself close so I can kiss him. He has me melt under his touch, under the blanket. Every fiber in my body reawakens with new energy. I feel ready for another bout with him, but mentally I don't feel up to par.

My nails anchor into his back once he gets a high moan out of my throat. He smiles against my mouth, like he has the past times he's gotten reactions out of me. He likes to hear me; it makes him know that he's doing something right.

"You know, I'm glad they paired us up," Bucky murmurs.

"I was from the very beginning. I knew if anyone from S.H.I.E.L.D. could take care of me, you could."

"So could others."

"Oh, sure, they could, but still." I smile abashedly. My nails bite deeper into his back, he flinches. "Aw, does it hurt?" I taunt him.

"Really? You want to taunt me? I'll show you hurt if you keep it up."

"Honey, you've made me sore enough."

"But it's the kind of pain you want to have."

"The only pain," I boast. I kiss his chin. "If I wasn't so tired, I would easily start round two."

Bucky laughs and shakes his head. "I was that good, huh?" I roll my eyes playfully at him. "Come on, admit it." My body shakes with laughter as he tickles me under our covers.

"O-okay, s-stop, Buck," I plea in between giggles. My sides start to hurt. "S-seriously, stop." Thankfully, he obeys. I'm able to try and regulate my breathing again. "I think I prefer this look on you." I run my fingers through his dark hair.

He almost falls asleep at my touch, his eyes close almost entirely. "I wanted to cut it short again."

"Why?"

"Well, the long hair reminds me of when I was with Hydra." He scowls briefly. "I don't want to have anything that reminds me of my time with them."

"Sorry that I'm part of that." I blush.

"You can't help it."

"I could have. I could have not joined Hydra."

"Then I wouldn't have met you." He holds my face gingerly.

"Mm, I guess that's true," I say once I think it through. "But still, I could still help you forget Hydra."

"How?"

"I could leave you."

He kisses me a little fiercely, almost like he's persuading me to not say those words again. "Leave me, and I'll track you down. I refuse to leave your side, Dani, with this mess we're in. I know I don't like the reminders of who I once was when with Hydra, but I can take the pain that you remind me of, because you take it away just as easily."

"You need to make up your mind, Bucky." I kiss him deeply. "W-while we're on the subject of Hydra...are you willing to open up about your life as the Winter Soldier?"

It seems like I've learned everything about his past life, but not his Hydra life. I almost instantly regret asking the question, because I know it's a delicate topic for him. Did I go too far?

Bucky looks almost hesitant to say anything. "Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to listen." I get comfortable against the pillow and the blanket. "Just shake me awake if I start to doze off."

"Unfortunately, the bad thing about my brain, is that I've come to remember everything after a while, from my own devices to help from others who knew—know me—whatever the correct tense is." He props his head up with his arm. "I remember almost every single detail about my life, from my childhood up until now. While I've been trying to recover my pre-Winter Soldier memories, I haven't exactly forgotten those." He dips his head. "I'll spare you most details, as I don't want you to get anymore nightmares."

"If I do, I do." I shrug.

"I was a mindless killing machine, I didn't know anything about my pre-Hydra self. I was completely brainwashed only to be given my orders and complete them, no matter what. My primary way to kill was with guns, whether a pistol or a rifle."

I cringe but still hang onto his words.

"I supposedly thought I knew the good guys from the bad. Anything that Hydra didn't like, they tortured it out of me. You name it, and they probably trained me to not think, say, or feel it unless I wanted the punishment."

I'd come to the conclusion ages ago that Hydra was anything but good. But to torture one of your own? Well, he wasn't really one of them. He was just a weapon in their eyes, a tool, an animal. I swallow, my insides wriggle uncomfortably.

"I don't think you ever saw the abuse on me," he goes on lowly. "They kept that amongst each other."

I have to wonder: would I have done anything if I had known? Would I have believed he deserved it for disobeying? Would I have been so cruel like them?

"You were the only one who never tried to hurt me, Danielle. It makes me wonder if you were really happy with Hydra, if you were truly, fully dedicated to the job."

"I guess we'll never know." I shrug, yawning. "Do you think it's worth even going to the bed at this point?"

"Probably not. It's not bad, lying on the floor." He readjusts the blanket so I can snuggle into his side.

"Is the fire going to be put out?"

"Unless you want to burn the cottage down. I think you'll knock out before me, I'll make sure to put it out."

"Good." I sigh through my nostrils.

"Goodnight, Dani."

"'Night, Bucky." I yawn again.

Between his heartbeat and rhythmic stroking my hair, I fall asleep almost instantaneously. 

**If the gif threw you off, I'm terribly sorry. I was using it when I pictured Bucky telling Danielle of his past as the Winter Soldier.**