Things are awkwardly normal, that is the best way to describe what's going on with Bucky and me now. We both played off the kiss as though it never happened. I wondered if he forgot it and really brushed it off. I didn't.

To this day, I still can't get the image out of my head. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

On another note, our nightmares seem to still affect each other. It's almost like we're the parent of each other: we check in on the other when we hear something's going wrong. But one thing's changed: Bucky exiled himself back to the couch after the kiss. I didn't blame him one bit for that.

Christmas had gone pretty nicely, but awkwardly. It wasn't the same when you weren't around family for the holidays. We tried to make the best of it, but my mind went to my parents. How they weren't celebrating with their daughters. How they had to spend their holiday hiding from Hydra. Still, Bucky and I got through it. We didn't get our present of a rendezvous point yet, so we had to hope for it in the New Year.

Fast forward one week, and now it's New Year's Eve. I already know what's going to happen: we'll confine ourselves to the cottage, have a nice night in. That's all I really want right now; I don't think I could handle being out around people, waiting for the ball to drop.

Snow is falling outside in blankets. We're definitely not going anywhere. You've got to be crazy to leave your house at this point. Still, there are some said insane people who don't mind driving in the snow. I guess they're the risk takers, putting their life, others' lives, and their car's life in their hands.

We've kept the TV on since noon, changing channels just so we don't get bored. But even watching TV becomes boring. I look out the window, considering bundling up and taking a walk through the snow. It could be worth it, enduring the cold, even if it's for a short time.

Bucky's sprawled out on the couch when I go to dig for layers to pile on me. By the time I'm heading for the door, he's passed out. A smile twitches on my face. I make sure to keep the cold from disturbing him once I get the door open.

I make sure to not wear my glasses outside, because I don't want snow covering them. The cold air runs right through me. I shudder, hoping to try and heat up. I take slow steps across the snow, leaving prints behind.

My mind goes to what Vanessa once told me about our family, how we loved to run out in the snow, go sledding and such. I can almost hear our high-pitched laughter, see our little girl selves running and falling in the snow, trying to smack each other in the face with the cold stuff. I wonder where Jessabelle fit into that picture.

I understand why Vanessa never mentioned her: she wanted to keep Hydra away from me as much as possible. It was unavoidable, I think solemnly. Once it's part of your past, you really can't avoid it. I picture two blonde-haired little girls chasing each other, and maybe a brunette girl just admiring the snowflakes. I wonder if Jessabelle's hair is naturally brown or she dyed it. If she did dye it, when?

Snowflakes stick to my lashes, completely blanket the car. I'm a dragon with the way puffs of air come out of my nose and mouth. I admire the dusted trees of the woods, look around to see if I can maybe spot a deer or two.

"Are you trying to get sick?"

I turn slightly to see Bucky trudging his way out to join me. A small wind picks up, almost numbing my face instantly, fingering my hair. "I thought you were asleep?" I ask.

"I just closed my eyes."

"No, you were asleep," I press. "Do you not like being alone in the house or something?"

"Eh, there was nothing on TV. Figured I'd rather freeze than be bored."

I snort a laugh. "That doesn't make any sense."

"I don't know how I can make any sense still with how we've been living our lives lately." His eyes go up to the cloudy skies. "I remember the last time I saw snow." I watch him as he goes to reminiscing. "It was a long time ago."

"How long?"

"Nineteen forty-five."

I turn fully to Bucky. "What?"

He looks down at me. "You clearly didn't have enough time to do research on me."

"No." I shiver. "I kind of couldn't with all the training I was getting."

"I think I better explain it to you inside. Come on."

We walk as fast as our numbing legs can take us. I groan in relief once we reach the inside of the warm house. We shed our layers until we're down to one. I take the clothes downstairs to let them dry. I don't stay down very long, because the basement is just as cold as outside.

I come back into the den room to have Bucky greet me with a steaming mug. I accept it gratefully and not-so-smartly try and take a sip. I cringe.

"It's like you haven't drank hot chocolate before," he snickers.

I stick my tongue out at him. "I wanted warmth, this has it."

To make us even warmer, Bucky gets the fireplace going. The wood is from during the time we sort of avoided each other. Hey, it gave him something to do.

I lean against an arm of the couch while I sit scrunched together. Bucky is at the other end of the couch.

"All right, so the last snow you saw was supposedly in nineteen...forty-five."

He nods. "It's the last one I spent as Bucky Barnes." He stares down at his steaming mug. "I was a part of an elite combat unit called the Howling Commandos at the time, Captain America led us. Surely you've heard of him."

"The name rings a bell," I say after thinking hard about it. "But it's just a name to me."

"We were boarding a train to catch a scientist on the run by the name of Arnim Zola—he worked for Hydra. Before the train mission, I had been captured by the enemy and experimented on. Anyway, Zola went on to be captured—I didn't get to see it. I was helping Captain America, got blasted out of the train, and took a nasty fall.

"I somehow managed to survive with most of me intact." I see him shift his metal arm. "Looking back on it now, whatever Zola experimented on me with must've worked. It was something similar to what makes Captain America how he is with his enhanced abilities. I was found by Hydra again, somehow. From there, well..."

I look at him sympathetically. I can see the pain in his eyes, in his body. To be able to remember all of that, when it happened so long ago...

That's a curse, not a blessing.

"Looking at it now, S.H.I.E.L.D. had Hydra under their nose even back then." He scoffs bitterly. "I remember waking up in a strange place, seeing this on me." He moves his bionic arm again. "Then I saw the man who put me through hell and back. Needless to say I wasn't happy when I woke up. But then around that time, they were trying to brainwash me." He rubs one of his temples. "I remember fighting for so long, so hard, until they showed me the headlines and the broadcasts that Captain America died."

"You must've known him well."

"I knew him before he was Captain America." His lips curl into a thin smile.

"How come I haven't seen him around?"

"He's got his own agenda to deal with; he doesn't need to be under watchful eyes like I do."

"Mm," is all I can utter while I take a quick gulp. The temperature is more tolerable to swallow now compared to before, but I know my tongue will feel weird thanks to me burning it. "How can you remember all of this if Hydra tried to brainwash you?"

"Some things have come back to me the longer I've been away from them. Most memories are pretty clear to me now. Whether I was me or the Winter Soldier." He takes a rather long drink of the hot chocolate.

I carefully probe Bucky with more questions, and he is somehow willing to answer. He animatedly describes a pre-serum Captain America, how for a small guy he always got himself into trouble. He sort of has Captain America as a focal point, because then he goes into his recent encounters with the Avenger, how he had only known him as a mission thanks to Hydra's successful brainwashing.

I listen intently, absorbing all the information as much as I can.

"So, you two are best friends again?" I ask.

"It's complicated. There's still traces of the other guy inside me, so we're tolerable allies right now."

Tolerable allies. Tears well in my eyes at hearing those two words. Vanessa had used that term to describe her relationship with Bucky. I quickly get up and head to the kitchen so I can set down the hot chocolate. I blink back the tears, bite down on my lower lip.

"Dani?"

I shake my head, try to hold it all in. Who knew two words could inflict so much pain and bring back bad memories?

"Hey." Bucky turns me around to pull me to him. I let the tears fall and try to keep my sobs subdued. "I'm sorry. What did I say?"

"You didn't know," I moan into his chest. I sniffle. "It's okay, it's not your fault. You d-didn't know."

"Know what?"

"Tolerable allies—t-that's what Vanessa described your r-relationship as. It just hit me harder than I expected." I rub my eyes quickly. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's okay." He rubs my back. "Hey, we've got an hour until midnight." I peek my head up. "Let's just watch them count it down, huh?"

I try to crack a smile. "O-okay."

I make sure to switch into comfortable night attire before going back to the couch. I curl into a ball, rest my head and neck as comfortably as I can. Bucky comes back in a loose shirt and sweats, a blanket in hand. He sits right beside me and drapes it over the both of us. Between the fireplace and the blanket, there is no excuse as to why we should be cold.

I find myself dozing off, not because I want to, but because the small meltdown episode wore me out slightly. At one point my head finds Bucky's shoulder. I pretend to nap and keep my head there. His shoulder isn't that bad to lay on despite it being the prosthetic arm. The only reason it's tolerable is because he's got the blanket covering it.

When I doze off and wake up again, there's about ten minutes left until the New Year is rung in.

"You think you'll make it to midnight?" Bucky teases me.

"Mm." I open my bleary eyes. "I hope so, I took enough naps in the last hour." I take my head off his shoulder. My neck is sore and cramped. "I hope this New Year is better than the one we're just finishing up."

"I can say the same."

I think back to what this year has brought me. Death. Destruction. Amnesia. Horrible truths.

But there's good things too, amidst all the dark. Vanessa. My parents even though I haven't contacted them. A new life compared to the old, horrific one that I had led. This new personality that I've gotten thanks to the amnesia. I like who I've changed into.

While my mind reflects, the TV announcer says there are seven minutes left until midnight.

There's one thing that is still in the back of my mind: the kiss. There's a small weight resting on my shoulders. Something in me wants me to come clean to Bucky. I guess now is a good time. Might as well wipe the slate clean before midnight.

Six minutes until midnight.

I look down at the floor. "I want to go into the New Year without any weight on my shoulders. I guess this is a good time to get it off. Bucky, I—I know it's kind of stupid to bring this up from a while ago, but...that night at the pub. What I did, I-I'm sorry. I wasn't really that drunk that night." Heat creeps into my cheeks. "I didn't black out, but I can't explain why it happened. It just...did, if that makes any sense."

The announcer on the TV says there's five minutes left.

"I had a feeling you remembered, but I wanted to hope that you were too drunk," he says quietly. "I wanted to think that it was just a fluke because of the alcohol."

Four minutes left, according to the TV announcer.

I suddenly feel awkward being under the blanket with him, but not awkward enough to pull myself off the couch and into the bedroom. "I would never do anything to hurt you," I say in a small voice. "I hope you know that."

"I do." He shakes his head. "What a wild year."

I look up at the TV. Three minutes. "I feel like the last ten minutes are the longest when it comes to New Year's Eve," I blurt out. "Everyone's waiting for the ball to drop. You know it's coming, you want it to get here fast, but it takes forever."

"Have you ever been to a New York celebration of New Year's Eve?"

"No. If I did, I wouldn't remember it."

"They're something to see. I'm sure they're a lot bigger than they used to be in my time."

Two minutes until midnight. "Your time?" I repeat. "Wait...I haven't done the math yet. How old are you, Bucky?"

"Ninety-seven."

"That serum does wonders. Imagine if that could be sold on the market."

"I don't think that'd be a good idea. Having more than two super humans running around? No thank you."

"One minute," I breathe, my eyes attached to the TV now. The sixty seconds start to go down.

A sad pity grows in my heart. I won't be ringing in the New Year with my parents, or Vanessa. I don't even want to mention my other sister, as I shouldn't even think of the thought of her. But at least I'm not spending New Year's Eve alone, I've got Bucky. And I guess that's all I need right now.

Thirty seconds. My heart begins to run against my ribs. This kind of feeling happens only once a year, the anticipation of another year of unknown things to come your way. The fear of the unknown. The commitment to making the New Year better.

I start counting down under my breath along with the voices from the TV once the counter hits ten. The seconds go by all too fast, because the New Year rings in. People go wild on the screen, they show couples kissing. My heart skips a bit in anxiety.

"Happy New Year, Buck," I whisper.

"Happy New Year, Dani," he murmurs. "Oh, and, Danielle?"

I turn my head around at hearing my full name only to have my mouth be taken over. My eyes close automatically, a warm hand cradles my face. Tingling spreads throughout my body. We pull apart for about a second before Bucky takes another kiss from me. He keeps his hand on my face, rubbing my cheek tenderly. Our foreheads are together.

"Don't ever apologize for that kiss."

**I internally fangirl each time I read the ending. And from what I've been seeing in comments, looks like some are in favor of a Ducky shipname (someone came up with that, not me, refer to chapter 17's comments). 

So I guess the Ducky shipname will remain. It sounds just as adorable as it looks!**