Assalam-o-Alaikum!

An emotional update thou ;)

44| Reunited Still Ruined 

"Ammi she is dying" Haider spoke and his voice felt like coming from some forgotten, old cave; damp with a shiver in it.

It started to echo around me. She was dying! Ammi was dying.

"this time she isn't leaving only Kashmir, she is leaving us all, and everything. You have to come and if not stop her at least meet her for one last time"

"Haider I can not promise you but yes, lemme check the flight schedule plus I have to wind up a few important things at hospital" I tried to keep my voice steady and a little firm, trying not to let the wrecked myself show up.

"you are only making excuses Ammi, I knew and that's why I have already checked the flights. There is a flight for Landon, tomorrow evening and there are vacant seats" Haider cut me through and I sighed helplessly.

I could feel his breath getting sharper and his footsteps faster. "Haider beta where is the luggage coming?" I could clearly hear his voice; Shehry.... A sad smile crept on to my lips in the middle of those tears.

"Taya its belt no 7" Haider replied him. Taya.....the word practically echoed in my heart; for all those years I saw my son craving for these relations; Taya, Taai, phupoo and today he was there in the middle of them....with his own blood with his father.

"Ammi ap sun rahi hen na?" Haider spoke to me this time, and I wiped the tears from my face and sniffled. "Stop crying for heaven sake! And come here, she needs you..." he went silent and then added. "Abbu needs you Ammi"

"Haider am not sure beta...." I couldn't say more and another tear escaped my eye.

"but I am pretty much sure that you should definitely come and see her for the last time" he pressed over the last few heartbreaking words, trying to convince me oblivious to the state of my heart; restless and unsure.

"or at least talk to him Ammi, just a few words; maybe your words can give peace to his heart. Just make a call" he added. Kesey samjhaun tumhen jo khud itna bechain ho wo kia sukoon de ga kisi doosrey ko beta!

We hung up. And the next minute my inbox recived a contact. Abbu's contact, took it from Ayesha. Please call him, he needs you.

I heaved up a sigh. Haider's words kept echoing in my head, I reflected on what he said and what I was going through inside. It wasn't as if I didn't want to see her, off course I wanted to and after listening to her terrible declining health my heart was paining but.... But it wasn't about her, it was about him.

After all these years a part of me had actually forgotten him but a part of me was still there who loved him, craved for him more and more with every passing moment and I knew that part would get hurt and bleed seeing him again. I knew no matter how much I will try to stay indifferent around him, that part of me will win.

Mominah ka bus chale to urr ker chali jaye Ammi k pas mager Maya.... Maya ka kiya karoon jis ki nazren aj bhi us terrace per mojood un do ankhon per jami hen. Us Maya ka kia karoon jo Hussain se lerna chahti hea, usey ilzam dena chahti hea, us k gunah ki safai chahti hea.... Us ka girehbaaan pakar ker apne samney katehrey mein khara kerna chahti hea. Kia karoon us Maya ka?

"I think you should take that Maya long with you" Ram's words literally made me jump in my place and I stared up, finding him smiling down at me before he sits in the couch and held my hands in his. I couldn't believe I was that loud.... My hands were in his grip I couldn't even wipe the tears or better hide my face.

"Maya ko apne sath le jao Bua, lagao adalat or karo unhen khara Maya k samney, karo sawal or mango un se jawab. Maya ka haq hea ye" he pressed over my hands.

"it doesn't matter any more Ram" I looked down at our hands, I could see the tanned skin of mine with a few freckles here and there. "I have moved on and he must have as well, ub koi sawal koi jawab maani nai rakhta"

"you are lying, your eyes...." He pointed at my eyes and I frowned. "they are telling the truth, your words are lying Bua. Sach is that you are scared... you are scared that if he will stop you there with him to ap kia karo gi. Hai na?"

He was staring straight into my eyes as if there was something written and he was reading every word. "wo apko rok len ge or phir na ap ruk pao gi, na wapas aa pao gi. Hai na Bua?"

"Its nothing like this, why would I stop there? Off course mein agar gai to wapas aaoon gi"

"theek hai" he suddenly let my hands go, I looked up at him. "then why are you thinking so much Bua? If Hussain uncle doesn't mean to you any more what all this pareshani about? Go to London, meet dadi and come back like a BOSS!" he blabbered and I tried to press a smile but failed miserably. 

He got up from the couch. "don't make anything today, Chef Ram is in mood to cook" he announced as he marched towards the kitchen leaving me with those muddled up emotions.

Hussain

"Maha kuch kha lo" I pushed the platter softly towards her, but she kept staring down at it with blank eyes.

"she is old enough and we know she is weak too and she isn't in a state where people want to live and cherish but... but then why I don't want her to leave?" she was saying in a flat tone, in kind of a trance.I sat down on the hospital bench in front of the ICU where our life was taking her last breaths. I held her hand.

"can't we stop her Hussian?" she looked up and straight into my eyes, I wish I could say a yes... I wish I could lie and make my sister smile.

"Mein unko naheen rok sakta Maha wesey he jesey ek bar pehly nai rok paya tha. Wo meri ankhon k samne mujhy rota chor gai theen" I looked down at our hands, my eyes moistioning and paining out of all the restlessness and lack of sleep.

"Maa baap q chaley jatey hen? Why they have to leave before us? Hum q un se pehley nai ja saktey Hussain? at least this will lessen our pain" tears ran down from her eyes as she kept on speaking. I stretched my arm and pulled her close to me, she hid her face in my chest and wept silently with sniffles and hiccups. My tears escaped and fell into her hair.

"wo chali jaen gi Hussian. Wo chali jaen gi" she kept crying and saying, my heart pained as I looked down at the other hand holding Ammi's reports in the file, the cruel fate clearly stating her both kidneys as failed and just a few hours left with her.

I missed Shehry. I missed him very much.

Fatima

"Chachoo!"

"Hm?"

"Tea" I said and he looked at my hand, I was holding his mug as I filled it with tea I had brought from home. He quietly held it and patted the empty space with him, asking me to sit and I did.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder bringing me close to himself and looked at me. "you okay?" I pressed a tiny smile, nodding my head.

"did you know Ayesha was in Pakistan?" he asked and I shook my head.

"wo hum sab se jhoot bol ker gai" I made a face and his lips curved into a smile for a millisecond.

"going to Pakistan meeting her father was her right Fati, she didn't commit a crime darling"

"She could take me or at least she could share her plan"

"She is like that Fati and we all know this, Ayesha never shares anything and she would never want that her weaknesses get exposed to anyone, not even to her own sister" he explained and I kept quiet.

"Can I hate her for this chachoo?" I looked at him and he smiled, this time the smile remained there for a longer time.

"Can you?" he asked and I pouted looking down as I said nothing. No reply was needed, how could I hate my sister?

He pulled me in and I kept my head over his shoulder. He quietly kept sipping his tea while I could sense his gaze firm over the ICU door.

"Pray for your dadi. Pray for her peace and pray that there is no more pain in this life and hereafter" he said, I fisted his sweater and could hear his heartbeats galloping inside. I pulled my head a little and looked at his face.

"You are missing Dady, hea na? unhen is waqt apk sath hona chaiye tha" I asked and then regretted my question. His face turned pale, pain was written in bold in every feature.

"tum sab ho to beta. Am not alone" he said, but I knew deep down he was. alone. and only God knows what will happen after dadi will leave. My heart thud down in my belly as I thought about his loneliness.

Leaving me on the bench chachoo got up and walked up to the ICU door, he stood by the little circular glass in the wood and peaked inside. I sat there looking at him, watching his life slip from his hands slowly.

Ayesha

"Aunty should have come too, what was the point in staying back in hotel?" I stated, almost to myself as we walked in the hospital lounge; me and Haider at the back while dady was walking ahead of us.

"Maybe she wasn't comfortable with the thought" Haider commented.

"I dunno, but she is a major part of dady's life and off course she is family now so...." I shrugged not getting that. I had to keep quiet as I read the board Nephrology and Hypertension ward.

I couldn't imagine how chachoo would react finding dady.

"hey, Ayesha listen" I felt a small tug over my sleeve and I turned, finding haider at a few steps distance from me. I looked towards dady and found him already crossing the lobby he was storming ahead as if he had made those corridors... knowing all the ways already.

"what?"

"Am staying here" he mentioned before rolling his tongue over his dry lips. I frowned.

"you won't meet dadi?"

"I will but..."

I gave him a knowing look as he raked his fingers through his thick hair, he seemed confused and at short of words. That was a first!. "you know best what suits you and what not Hiader and am no one to interfere in your decisions but just a cousin to cousin advice.... You should face it now. Its time I think" I said and then shrugged as he remained quiet, looking at me.

"see you then" I said and turned to leave. I thought he would follow but he did not and when I reached the end of the lobby I found Faty with her head in Dady's lap crying, I could hear her hiccups from that distance while chachoo was nowhere around. As I walked ahead I found him sitting on the far end of the seats. Too much distance between him and dady.

Or fasla siraf bench per he nai tha un dono ki zndigiyon mein bhi buhat dooriyan paida ho chuki theen, jinhen ub mit jana chaiye, or unhen mitna he ho ga.

"Am sorry. Am so sorry Fatima I failed as a father" I heard dady saying as he bent down and kissed into her hair, his eyes teary.

I quietly walked andsat down with chachoo who seemed like a statue. I wish I had seen them two meeting after that long, I wish I could grab that moment. "Hussain chachoo" I placed my hand over his knee calling him and he looked towards my face, my breaths caught up in my throat for a moment as my eyes met his; blood shot, weary and his face.... It had so much pain on it.

He looked old... far older than just a week back when I left him for Pakistan.

"Dady se nai milen ge chachoo?" I asked. He just stared into my eyes and I felt like looking away from his face but I didn't. "wo aa gaye hen chachoo"

"janta hoon" and with that he looked away from my face, his gaze got stuck on the wall. "saalo bad merti maa k janazey ko kandha dene aa gaya hea, tumharey baap ko lagta hea mein apni maa ka jasd-e-khafi nai utha paoon ga. Jao or keh do usey mujhy na us ki mojoodgi ki zaroorat hea na he meri maa ki mayyat ko us k kandhey ki" he spoke, his tone monotonous and words dry. My eyes teared up, my throat felt that lump hard to gulp down.

"chachoo he had reasons not to....

"I know his reasons Ayesha" he cut me through curtly, as he looked at me and once again my heart cried looking into his eyes.

"no you don't" I shook my head. "we all have misunderstood him, misjudged him chachoo"

"Apne baap ki wakalat k liye aai ho to wapas chali jao" he looked away once again.

"chachoo please, at least un se bat to kijiye, bus ek dafa...

"leave it Ayesha" my sentence was in the middle when I heard dady's voice and felt his presence left to chachoo. "let it be, he is right I am selfish and self centered and the worst son in the world" dady was looking down and chachoo while he was ignoring his presence; resting both his elbows over his knees and his head hung low he looked at his shoes.

"sach keh raha hea tu Hussain! agar Ammi ki halat ka na suna hota to qasam le le mein aj bhi na aata" he added and this time chachoo's head shook a little, just a little. "koi ferk nai hea aj mein or chauda sal pehley mein, na mein tab tujh se nazrein mila sakta tha na aj mila paoon ga. Or gunehgar ki saza yei to hoti hea k wo khud ko un logo se door ker le jin se wo sab se ziada muhabbat kerta ho" I felt his jaws clenching and his hands fisting.

"just like you did Hussain, in punishing yourself you let Maya go and in punishing myself I let you all go away from me" a tear escaped silently out from my eye as I found dady's voice shivering a little. "her wo shaks jo jan se ziada piyara tha mujhay, usey khud se door ker diya, q k jo jaan se piyary hotey hen wo humein jaan se jata dekh nai paty"

Chachoo looked up at his face and I found both of them in tears; please chachoo get up and hug him. He needs it. please!

Hussain chachoo got up and now they stood facing each other, for uncountable moments he kept staring dady's face, then spoke. "I have missed you every day; us din se is din tak every day... per ub lagta hea jesey mujhey aa gaya hea apno ko alvida kehna, apno k bagher jeena. I have learned to live alone and you have too. I can see it in your eyes Shehry; akelapan, tanhaai or wehshat. Tu seekh gaya hea na? or shaid hum yun ho theek hen ub" Chachoo said and stepped forward.

"Hussain!"

Dady called him, trying to stop him but chachoo lowly added cutting him through "Ammi se mil le, shaid aakhri bar ho" and with that he walked towards the ICU, slow with tired footsteps.

Wiping my tears I held dady's hand and he looked at me. I tried to press a smile. "he will be okay dady" tried to assure him but his eyes were barren, and he seemed afraid.

Hussain

Flashing water over my face I turned the tap off and looked up at my reflection in the mirror; weary and wrecked. Hussain kab rona band karo ge. Itney barey ho gaye ho or bat bat per roney lag jatey ho, hum theek hen beta! Itni si takleef berdasht nai hoti hamari, jab hum chaley jaen ge to kiya karo ge?

"Ap ki qabr per betha rota rahoon ga. tab tak jab tak meri qabr apki qabr k baraber na ban jaye"

And a fresh tear escaped my eye. Ammi's words rang into my ears.

"I want you to smile the way you were smiling in the picture, standing next to your mom Hussain. I want you to be happy once again" somewhere near me the voice startled me and I turned around, finding no one there.

Maya!

Turning around I looked into the mirror, I was pale as a shroud. The voice was real, so alive as if....as if she was here. I felt suffocated all at once, turning back I opened the door and marched out into one of the hospital's corridors.

Life was normal outside, people coming and going. Life was in a hustle.

It was just me, my heart at chaos.

I walked towards the ICU when my phone beeped. Opening the inbox I found a strange unknown number, I opened the message and read; "we all have to go one day, maybe today is her day. Let her go. Let her go in peace Hussain. Don't cry near her bed, smile and pray. Wo ek bar pehley bhi jatey hue tumhe rota dekh chuki hen, ek bar phir se unhen takleef mat dena Hussain. Promise me you won't cry, coz this will hurt her. let her go in peace"

My feet stuck with the floor and my eyes stuck on the screen, on every single word. I looked up at the contact number and realized from where it was. Kashmir.

And then I headed towards Ammi with my phone clutched tight in my grip and my eyes flooding once again; she asked me not to cry mager pehly kab mein ne mani thi us ki jo ub manta, ya shaid mein Ammi tak puhanchne se pehley dil bhar ker rona chahta tha taky un k sirhaney beth ker muskura sakoon.

Wo jisey mein ne mujrim samjha tha, dushman samjha tha woi aj merham rakh rahi thi. Wo nai janti thi, kuch zakhm nasoor hoty hen, lailaaj hoty hen.

Shehryar

As I held her hand in mine I felt how weak she had become, weak and fragile. No flesh all bones.

Bringing her hand up I kissed the back of it and then softly placed on the bed. She was saying something in her sleep, mostly what I could get was Hussain's name.

"he deserves to be here, he has always been the best son. He has proved so. Hea na Ammi?" I wanted to hear her voice, I wanted her to talk to me but she won't. she won't I knew.

"kash mein bhi apk pas raha hota, sath raha hota. Yun beech rastey dhoka na diya hota ap sab ko" I wept silently as I spoke my heart out to my mother, dying mother.

"Hussain hates me, so does Maha. Per ap bataiye Ammi agar mein un sab ko khud se door na kerta to aj zamana kehta k ye dekho Shehryar Asif ki behen hea ye, ek qatil ki. Wo dekho Hussain jis ka bhai jail ja chukka hea. Meri bachiyan masoom theen Ammi wo ek mujrim ki betiyan kun kehlai jateen? Q mein khud se door na kerta unhen? Q Ammi?" my head hung low over her arm as I let my tears fall down.

"Ap ka beta qatil hea Ammi. Gunehgar hea. Maa maf na karey to Rabb bhi maaf nai kerta" I looked up at her, she was all quiet. "ap maaf ker dijiye mujhy Ammi. Ap maaf ker dijiye"

"Excuse me Sir! You have to leave the panel is on round" I didn't want to but the nurse probably getting annoyed of my actions stated and I wiped my face. Kissed her hand and her forehead before I got up and with weary footsteps walked up to the exit where I somebody blocked my way.

I looked up and found Hussain, staring my face with a frown on his forehead. He must have heard that. Ignoring his inquisitive look I walked out but was soon stopped by his voice.

"Shehry" it felt good. But I was afraid he would ask those questions I had feared all those years. "kis ki bat ker raha tha tu? Kis ka qatal kiya hea tu ne?" he asked as if whatever he had just heard he didn't believe a word. I gulped down the lump as he walked and stood in front of me.

"woi jo hum dono ka mujrim tha" I said and his frown deepened. "he had ruined both of our lives"

"ferk bus itna hea k tu ne apne hathon se apni zindagi berbad ki, apni ankhon k samney usey jaty huye dekhta raha or kuch na kiya mager mein itna beghairat nai ho sakta tha Hussain" just his thought had made my tongue bitter. "mein ji na pata ek lamha bhi ye jan janey k bad k Dev zimedar tha Amna ki maut ka" his frown faded, he just gawked my face in disbelief.

"Maar diya usey, I killed him giving him the death he deserved Hussain" I spatted and he blinked his eyes while mine itched, something irked inside them maybe tears. "I had realized what revenge means when I tasted it myself. I had felt your pain Hussain... I felt what you must have gone through all those years. Mujhy maaf ker dey mein ne tum sab ko takleef di, mein ne.... mein ne....

My words muffled into the tears I was trying to block in my throat, my head hung low in a constant shake as I couldn't understand what to say, what to do when I felt his hand over my shoulder.

"why didn't you tell me Shehry? Why?" I looked up and found him in pain. "you were not suppose to bear that all alone, q khud ko akela ker diya Shehry? Tujhey bharosa nai tha apne bhai per?" my reflection blurred in his eyes as tears took place.

"Am sorry" I mouthed and wanted to say more but he embraced me in his arms. After so many years just a brother to brother feeling; I had missed it so much, craved for it so much. After so many years I could breathe even in his suffocating hug I could and I realized few people act like oxygen in your life, without them you feel stifled.

Haider

I stood by the corner of the corridor looking at Abbu and Taya in each other's embrace, I had a tear just escaped perhaps out of joy. I wiped it off the corner of my eye and stared the scene, really a few moments are worth capturing. I took out my phone and clicked a snap and the next thing I did was sending it to Ammi back in kashmir with a caption you should be next in the embrace.

I dunno why but I smiled down at the picture, I knew Ammi won't be replying she would only stare down at her screen and weep an uncountable tears.

....

Ayesha and Fatima were sent back home, Taya along with maha phupo were sitting in the corridor on the benches, phupo and taya were talking, hands in hands while Abbu was coming out from the ICU. I backed off before he could see me, walking away I turned towards the ATM fixed in the pillar. Aimlessly pressing buttons, sideways I saw him sitting down with taya but I couldn't find Maha phupo anymore. They were quite at a distance now I was sure they won't see me.

I was about to turn when I heard a lady asking. "What happened? Machine isn't working?" and I got frozen in my place. Phuppo!

I slowly turned around, coming face to face with her. She smiled at me. "trying to take out money or trying to hide in the machine?" she inquired, the soft smile on her face, I swear I felt like caught red handed. I remained quiet.

"buhat der se dekh rahi hoon tumhen yahan, koi beemar hai kia?"

"ji"

"koi apna?"

"koi buhat apna"

"then why don't you go and meet her?" by then her eyes were twinkling with water. I looked towards the place where Abbu and taya were sitting and talking.

"Haider" she took my name and I looked at her face, a tear had already landed on her cheek. "Apney baap se naraz ho? Tabhi nai miley, yahan hone k bawajood bhi"

"naraz nai hoon mager wo Abbu hen na mery, bus thora darr lag raha hea" I said, she smiled in between the tears and placed her hand over my cheek. Her lips shivered, tears dropped down.

"I knew it, I knew it from the very first day; hoo bahoo Hussian ho tum or tumhari aankhen bilkul Maya jesi hen; shaffaf, sach kehne wali, muhabbat kerne wali" I placed my hand over hers, still around my face. I pulled it down and held it in my hands.

"or ap bhi wesi he hen jesi Ammi batati theen; piyari si, gudaas si, jesey sath dene wali koi azeez dost" I said and as if it triggered something, tears flew down her eyes an she hiccuped. She was breaking down, I quickly held her by the shoulders and made her sit down and then sat in her feet holding her knees.

"Phuppo please! Don't cry"

"Maya was my best friend; closest dearest. Maya had come in my life like a beautiful gift haider, she was my sister, more than that" she wept and stated. I nodded my head.

"I know phupo! Ammi misses you a lot"

We talked for a few more minutes, then phupoo got up and insisted for going with her but I refused. She walked up to Abbu and taya while I sat on one of the benches at a distance. Wearing my cap I was sure my face was half hidden,I sat there looking every now and then towards the ICU door.

And then it pushed open and a nurse came out. "She is calling someone" she informed and without even asking Abbu got up and stepped forward as if they all knew dadi was calling him. "not you sir" but the nurse interrupted and Abbu stopped looking at phupo and Taya.

"who is Haider?" the nurse took my name quite clearly despite being white. My heart stopped beating. I could feel phuppo looking my way.

Dadi was calling me? I thought she had forgotten everybody and remembers only Abu.

"If you could please call him" she added, finding Abbu standing like a statue.

And before anyone could respond I got up and announced. "Am here" and felt four pairs of eyes turning towards me. I slowly removed my cap and tried my best to keep looking at the nurse. "I am Haider. Haider Hussian" I stated stopping at a distance.

"you should walk in" she instructed and with my feet trembling a little and my heart beats thundering inside I walked ahead. I had just stopped for a moment just near him and looked up at his face. Stone statue he was, staring down at me and I felt he could never move a muscle now.

"kia mien mil sakta hoon dadi se Abbu?" I asked, my voice betraying me and I clearly felt a sharp breath escaped his lips along with a tear of disbelief from his right eye. He blinked his eyes and another tear fall.

Having him in front of my eyes and calling him Abbu was my my dream, I had imagined this scene for a million times in my life; when I was kid I used to get shy imagining him smiling at me, when I got older I used to get afraid imagining him in front of me but today.... Today it was just a moment where I was neither shy no afraid rather sad. I was sad and breaking down inside looking into his eyes finding how much lonely he was, sahi kaha tha Abu ne.... akelapan, tanhai or wehsahat.

I turned and stepped inside. 

....

How was the update guys?

its been long we didn't talk, so let me know how the story has been up till here? and did you even like it? lolx!

And I know I told you people about Hussain Maya meeting but that would be in the next update inn Shaa Allah.