Actual view from the Dakota overlooking Central Park.

Issy sat by the window high above Manhattan, high above the daily axe-grinding life of so many and so close she was to seeing the clear skies as the wind blew the remaining storm clouds southward. John lay fast asleep a few feet away.

Smooth he was, ever so smooth. Like a fine whisky and she liked how he used his fine sandpaper self to get into her life. He was beautiful. But she would never tell him that, perhaps handsome or suave- does anyone say suave anymore? No, the beauty of John was in the abrasive way he spoke golden words and the stubble at four o'clock or the fingers lightly coarse from years of playing his guitar. He talked her out of pain and into the sunshine again, and again, and she didn't know if she could really do the same for him.

He was all encompassing, all brute, all flirt and silly and dorky and wonderfully special too. Yes, very special.

Not long now til they were family, Sally and Julian and Ivy, her and John- family. Would anything change? Would 'this' be different- bad or more spectacular, because there was a sense of belonging. She could now see love as a casual thing, you don't need to be married or bound, just giving of the yourself. And she could see herself still head over heels but also relaxed, ready to just 'be' and not push him. Although eternal togetherness always would be the stuff of dreams, life sometimes was a fairy-tale of tangled stories and happy but different, alternative, endings.

John stirred and the sheets drift a little lower southward.... Geez bloody nora, he was beautiful, sleek yet with a few muscles defined. Smooth skin. Maybe he was fitter, stronger than he was in his twenties or thirties?... she should enquire, get him to analyse himself in the buff in a large mirror while she hummed and harred in the affirmative from a good viewing position behind.

Perhaps they would stand there together and she could pick the shit out of herself and get him to say, or maybe touch, tantalising things to make her hum happily.

Really Iss; Stop beating yourself up.

Accept.

Be enough.

Own your own flesh... He likes your flesh, he likes how you feel and you should be as happy as he is.

Exist with yourself in harmony.

Live.... within you, without you... She smiled- there was a Beatles lyrical song for every mood, time, scene, and here now, for herself. She should say All You Need Is Love... because she was good enough. She was.

She pulled the sheets away from his calves and touched him gently awake.

****

John had a plan.

No, it wasn't world peace although he had a few good ideas in his 'ead for more rally's and such.. and it wasn't a plan to solve unemployment or crime or the ever upward cost of gasoline...

No his plan was close to home, close to hearth, yet there was no real hearth here only an imitation fireplace set into a fake but somewhat attractive stone mantle. Nice, but not flickering natural flame and toasty gooey marshmallow warmth 'nice' like up at the lake-house.

No, his plan would come to fruition and, as he sat on his kitchen table eating an apple, he saw the plan shaping and appearing, albeit slowly, before him.

Piles of fresh tomatoes sat ready for a scalding bath in boiling water- removes the skin apparently- 'who knew!'

Onions diced fine.

Some garlic and nutmeg too.

All blending and sending heavenly aromas around his kitchen.

A head of lettuce, a cucumber-ugh, slab of cheese, block of butter sat beside him on the table.

Alongside the beef mince browning in the large pot on the stove stood some finely chopped oregano, tomatoe paste and Isabelle;
Hips swivelling slightly as she stirred.

His plan was dinner, family together and Sally seeing what he saw- her mum content and at home, with himself. A bit selfish 'cause he adored her cheese laden lasagne and her; but also selfish for wanting all the people in his life, the ones very close to his heart, happy.

Because what was this without happiness and family.

Half, that's what... half a story, half a history and half-hearted contentment.

"You'll have no room"

"What?" John took another bite of apple, juice spitting and spreading on his tongue.

"For dinner. Eat that and there'll be no room for dinner... Didn't your mo- never mind"

"No say it"

"No"

"Come on, 'didn't your mother tell you'... That's what you were going to say... It's alright Isabelle... I.." John then stuttered in his answer, sure it was painful dragging all that up but he was an adult, one that had flown close to the sun, endured a lifetime of experience, he was alright with mere words of old sayings and such.

Issy turned about from the stove, wiping her hands on the tea-towel she had retrieved from the linen cupboard especially.

She was frowning, which he didn't want.

He wanted happiness... remember.

"...No Isabelle it's ok really. I missed it from her but got it heaps from Aunt Mimi, Cyn, Yok... you. Age old saying that"

"Paul wrote that song.. Didn't her mother tell her, didn't he"

"Yep"

"And you, so wonderful and truthful with Woman and Jealous Guy..."

"That's me, warm, emotionally connected to thyself; well I'm working on that one... and utterly under a woman's pump"

"Not what I noticed last night.... Or this morning. Other way around in fact"

"Your daughter will be here soon, you sex manic you"

"Do we have mi-"

"-A minute?...... No, sadly we don't" John drew a heavy sigh "No, not nearly enough time for that, my dear sex maniac you"

"I was going to say milk but whatever floats your dinghy"

"Bloody ocean liner that, just because you flog me exhausted nightly"

"Canoe" Issy picked up a pre-made lasagne sheet from beside Johns butt on the kitchen table and snarled lightly. Fresh was best but she would have to survive this faux pas. He took the poor innocent box and single sheet of dried pasta from her hand, dropping them back to the table, pulling her between his legs.

"Arrr yes, hard wood in canoes"

"Hmmmm" Kissing John was heady, she felt her love flowing yet again... still... always.

They had stayed close to the Dakota this afternoon but this morning after she woke him up...

John regaled her with stories of his days in Bermuda and let her into his years in America as they strolled hand in hand roaming Central Parks' lesser paths travelled, right into the very centre of the expanse of green.

He was open, more open and truthful than he ever had been with anyone, he had contemplated this to Isabella at the time.

As he laughed about silly politics and games people play she watched his spark light him brightly. Then held his hand tight when his mind through him into a fast 360 degree turn. Sending him hurtling into quiet retrospect and remembrance as points of time, that were so very special but terribly painful, rose for him to revisit.

Under Cleopatra's Needle she lay on the grass watching him gaze at her most favourite monument. Asking questions, testing her knowledge. John grinned down at her and the blue sky captured a picture of him in her eyes. Knowingly he fell beside her and cuddled her in the sunshine.

Issy would remember this day always.

****

Lasagne sat in the centre of the table and, as John served up, Issy jiggled and tickled Ivy making the beautiful babe gurgle loudly.

The night was going well.

Thanking John for her portion, as he expertly carved a piece for Julian, Sally led the conversation to Ivy's many milestones "She's trying to crawl... a bit like an army guy crawling through the jungle, arms pulling her along" Sally grinned as her mum offered some garlic bread around the table.

Ivy was now resigned to the highchair between the two women as everyones plates filled.

"I've missed your lasagne mum" Jules grabbed a cherry tomatoe and tossed it in his mouth as John sat back in his place at the table "How come yours is different Sal?"

"Mothers luv that.... Always different when your mum makes it" John squeezed Issys hand under the table, he might be at peace with the loss of his mother but certain things still glared from time to time. A bit like a spotlight on a stage, when you stepped into it, it was nasty hot.

"Sally makes it from the recipe I gave her" Issy countered.

"You make it special, you made this today with love, made specially for your family- your daughter, Jules.." John squeezed her hand again then lifted the entwined hands placing them on the table between them, a 'who cares who sees us' statement.

"I made it for you too"

"Well I did say family"

"Yes, you did"

Issy watched Sally play with her food and wondered if she was ok will all this. All the banter between herself and John, Johns hand locked with hers on the table.

From here, Sally didn't seem upset but that was never the whole story with Issy's daughter, Sally kept her emotions cloaked, something smuggled under cover of darkness. Her daughter's eyes met hers and they both smiled. Issy tried to stop worrying so much.

"Been swimming lately? Is the lake getting cold?" Julian enquired and they wandered into the world of the lake.

"I'm certain there are piranhas in there" John laughed as Issy rolled her eyes at him. "Felt a nibble on my little toe once. I was out of there like a shot"

"Piranhas don't live in the lake" Sally wiped her mouth with the napkin "That was so yummy mum"

John suddenly become animated, leaning forward with a look of utter conviction on his face, glancing between Sally and Jules.

Releasing the gently strangle hold on Issy's hand to point at Sally and himself as he spoke. "I know that. And you know that. But has anyone told the piranhas!? I doubt it!"

Issy shook John by the shoulders laughing but scolding him tersely "There are no piranhas John! Stop scaring the kids, they'll never let Ivy swim in the lake the way you're going"

"Sorry luv. Sorry Sally no piranhas. Little smurfette will keep all her cute fingers and toes" John leaned over to tickle 'smurfette' under her chin and  smirked as Issy rolled her eyes at Julian. Having to keep up with all his little jokes and asides was fun but o' boy 'wow' he really knew how to wear someone out with his whip smart, fast fire, conversations.

"So mum .... Can we expect you in town more often now?" Sally smiled, she was actually enjoying the two parents together. They worked in cohesion getting the table ready and now, they just seemed -good, happy.

"You can" John answered smiling down at remains of his lasagne, no eye contact, just two words saying all that he wanted said.

"Well.... Depends if I can bring my typewriter I guess"

"I'll buy one of those new computers for you"

"Not the same"

"Or not..."

"Mum!! John just offered to buy you a brand new computer!"

"I know. I think I'd be worried I'd break something or hit the wrong button and lose all my work into space"

Julian grinned around his forkful of homemade meat and pasta dinner, enjoying the interation, watching his father dictate then huff if he didn't get his own way. Julian had recovered from the other evening faster than he expected, returning to Sally and Ivy with his mouth firmly shut, it had given him time to digest the facts...

And the facts were nice ... His dad loved Issy.  Just from the way he held her, making sure she was safe from Mark, the touch to her cheek ... but Julian guessed his father wouldn't have said the words out loud to Issy yet, because that was his dad. Tough, no nonsense and needing to be absolutely f'ing sure SHE was the real deal.

"Mum accept the computer"

"No Sally, it's too much and I'm sure, no I'm positive, I'd break something ... Have you seen those things? Flashing lights and noisy beeping... Give me the typewriter any ole day"

Julian understood for the most part. He himself had had his fair share of dodgy suitors over the preceding years, after money or even after his father and it damaged what was innocence and beautiful in love.

And a herculean effort had been required to let the walls drop down and allow Sally to enter, to trust her intentions.

Bittersweet and sad but the way of life of a famous face whether by notoriety or proxy, it didn't seem to matter.

"Weddings' soon" Julian interrupted and all the nonsense over the computer was forgotten.

****

John slid down beside Issy on the sofa, she didn't need to wash up, she had cooked the feast and he had told her in no uncertain terms she was to sit and relax ... enjoy Ivy the munchkin, with him.

Sally and Julian washed and wiped, hushed whispers spoken about the evening, about how the two's parents bounced off each other, how they were actually good for each other.

"I wasn't sure when I was up north but seeing them here, watching them tonight" The glasses clinked in the dish water "... listening to them. I realise I should never stop my mother from living her life how she wishes, ever again..." Sally frowned about how she had run rampant up at the lake house, then with a shake of her head made the image go away. She placed a washed glass on the drainer and looked at her fiancé wistfully "I think she loves him, Julian".

"I think he's pretty hung up on her too" Julian took the tea towel from Sally's hands and led her quietly down the hallway. They stopped, out of sight, positioned, hidden still, yet able to see their parents where they sat on the sofa together. John hugged Issy to him, kissing her temple then, with heads touching, they chatted and watched their grandchild perched on Issy's knee...

It was lovely....Sally felt like she was losing someone sad she hadn't really known, and was gaining someone better, happier, more complete.

"Are you ok with that Sal?"

Sally crept Jules back to the kitchen, stepping toward the sink and, thinking better of it, she turned and hugged her husband-to-be tightly.

"I'm really, really ok with that" She stepped back a fraction and placed a loving kiss on his lips then disappeared back to the dirty dishes in the sink before he could sneak another kiss.

****

"Is all this- new?" She hadn't really noticed before because they had been busssyyyyyy... but now, as she moved the pillows off the bed to grasp the sheet, she was caught wondering.

The night had been wonderful. Good food, a little light-hearted conversation, excited chatter about the wedding and, as the group moved through the apartment to the front door, Julian took a sleeping Ivy from Sally's arms. Sally then pulled Issy away from the two Lennon boys who were teeing up another studio timeslot and told her mum to 'go for it'; to go for it with John.

Iss tried not to look so relieved but failed miserably making Sally wish she had never been so hell bent on controlling her mother's choices. She got it now ... she got how a mum was still very much a person and not just a 'mum' as she cared for her own daughter darling Ivy, and tried to keep her own 'life', and interests, alive.

Hugging her daughter tightly Issy made sure Sally knew she was grateful for her support. Knowing her daughter was ok with her and John being involved released something inside, something she didn't even realise was pent up and holding her back.

Like a breath of fresh air Issy decided to really try and step up, be the woman he needed, be more secure in herself to be strong for him. It would still be a daily struggle but she would try harder for him, he was really worth it.

"Bedframe, mattress, linen, pillows, quilt" John ticked them off one after the other on his fingers.

"Why?"

"Because..."

"Because why John?"

"Because"

"John..."

"Because I wanted you not to feel... I don't know... uncomfortable... Yeah, I didn't want you uncomfortable because it wasn't... new. You know"

"Because....."

"Nope.. not saying it"

"Because..."

"Geez Isabelle leave off all right. You're winding me up to say something that's bound to have you snarling at me"

"But it's so much fun watching you moan and groan over bed sheets"

"Oh you little bugger" John tossed a pillow at Issy making her yelp.

"Sooooo, you turfed out the old 'used' bedding and got new... no biggy."

"Yeah!?"

"Yeah, no biggy John"

"This is a set-up, right?"

Issy shook her head in the negative. John was now frowning and slightly baffled as to how she was progressing this conversation.

"Isabelle. Please help me out here... So you're not bothered with my purchasing brand spanking new bedding... or not?"

"It's perfectly dandy John"

"Dandy"

"YeP" popping the 'P' Issy smiled in the mirror as she ran a brush over her hair.

"Iss..." Issy glanced up at at his use of the 'gnat' name but John barreled on "I just wanted to start afresh you know- you me, us... this bed. Ours not..."

"Theirs..."

"No Isabelle! Stop hijacking this good thing I did!"

Issy crawled across the bed and knelt in front of John as he grumbled about her tricking him into saying the wrong thing about former lovers.

"Does this mean I should change my bedframe, mattress, linen, pillows and quilt?..... hmmmm?" Issy ticked off the items on the shopping list of bedroom supplies and furniture, struggling to keep a straight face as John listened intently, eyes boring into her.

"Why?... You haven't had-... Don't answer that... You haven't though... have you?"

"What?"

You know... A lot of... ummm suitors in that bed of yours..................."

"That's for me to know and you to find out I guess... John" Issy shrugged and grinned naughtily, pretending to think about her 'suitors'.

"My god you've got me acting like a jealous female!" John huffed in indignation as Issy raised an eyebrow in disbelief "Jealous.... Person" He tried to save himself as Issy pulled his shirt so he was leaning down toward her, lips centimetres apart.

She kissed him.

"What was that for"

Issy shrugged and crawled off up the bed to the pillows, slipping in the sheets, smirking, tapping the mattress beside her.

"Oh no you don't. No hanky panky til-"

"Hanky panky" Issy laughed at his funny words.

"No... No more til you finish this conversation. You're digging holes for me to fall into"

"I am not.... Look John, it's o.k if we had previous encounters of the... hanky panky kind" Issy giggled "And it is really nice you bought all this... for us"

John scoffed and sat tiredly on the end of the bed rubbing his eyes, Issy crawled back down to him, kissing his cheek and massaging his shoulders. Earning herself some pleasant-sounding groans of approval.

"It is! I love you have been so considerate to my feelings... and I may or may not have to reciprocate by trading in my own bed... and linen" Issy grinned naughtily over his shoulder and was rewarded with a gigantic eye roll " Only kidding!! Gee look at you all shades of green"

"I am not green"

"Dark forest green you are and you shouldn't be... Look I got a new bed when he who shall remain nameless passed and I've had-"

John started humming overly loudly to not hear her confessions.

"23"

"23!!!!!?!!!!!?!!!!!!?!!!!!!?!!!"

"Oh, so you could hear me with all the humming noise you were making!?" Issy giggled and pushed him onto his side. "One ok. One lousy lay... that's it. A lonnnngggg time ago... Happy now?!?"

"You still need a new bedframe, mattress, linen and all the other shite"

"Yes, John I need all new bedding"

"And bed! And mattress!"

"Yes sir, anything else?"

"Come here and say you like hanky panky"

"Please anything but the hanky panky!"

"Say it girl!"

"Oh I lovvveeee hanky panky you wanky"

Iss screamed as John caught her round the middle as she tried crawling away.

Finally snuggled and tucked in the new bed Issy yawned and grinned to herself, this was great this. So wonderful being here in New York and she could actually breath, she realised.

It wasn't a pain in the arse to be here, in the city that never sleeps, now she was here with John. He made it ok to be in the Big Apple and breath...

"I can hear you grinning" John mumbled from his side of the bed to which he had rolled away to get comfortable and let her spoon him.

'Cause it was her turn to spoon him.

'Cause they took turns.

"You can't hear a grin" Issy jiffled moving a pillow about and stared at the ceiling above.

I am in tune with you and, I can indeed hear a grin, I tell you" John retorted quietly as she grinned again "And again!.... She grins again" John rolled toward her quick smart and caught her grinning, which turned into laughter for both of them. He loomed over her staring into her eyes, those lovely eyes to which he could lose himself happily.

Then suddenly the air shifted from light and teasing to, he didn't know what- Special?

Intimate?

Secret?

"I .............You.  You know I...........arrrr. Yea well. I..."

"It's ok if you can't say it"

"I really want to Isabelle"

"Its ok. I don't need you to say it now. I've learnt I don't need it so much when I know I'm happy with you"

"One day"

"One day"

"Soon though"

"When you're ready not before. Don't tell me cause you think I want to hear it. Save it til, or if, you're ready" Issy kissed his cheek and John frowned down at her, silently cursing himself at his lack of saying what should be said.

"Right- when I'm ready"

"I mean it. I understand, you've taught me so much"

"No, I haven't"

"Yes John, you have and I'm happy... that's the main thing, isn't it. I'm happy... You're happy too..... aren't you?"

"Extremely" He flopped back down onto the bed, searching for her hand and grasping it to his chest, a lifeline, an anchor to his turbulent seas.

"Well then- we are happy"

"There you go. You have it all figured don't you luv"

"Not everything but I am content in knowing us is happy"

"One day"

"One day..."