Murmuring woke her.

Eyes closed tight, she listened intently for the sound again.

Singing.

Low, so very low ..a near whisper. She turned her head quietly to face the chair beside her bed.

If he had heard her movements he didn't acknowledge her. He held poised the pen, ready to finish the line of the verse he was currently attacking.

John tapped his lip and she noticed there was a small pen smudge there, he must have had the pen upside down at some point and had a swipe of ink on his bottom lip.

"I hope she treats you well" Issy whispered, he never looked up so Issy took a moment to take in his changes- the longer hair and tight-ish sleeveless shirt .... he'd been working out, the definition was better in his biceps and his neck stronger, Issy wondered if his ab's were toned, hard even. She mentally rolled her eyes at herself and looked at the stupid exposed beams that had been her downfall in the next room next door.

"I kicked her to the kerb Isabelle, it was a mistake. I saw beauty when all I should have noticed was bitchy"

Issy giggled quietly just a little happier, for herself, at his 'loss' "Such a lyrical boy you are ...... Have you been working out?" Issy saw a spark light in his eye.

John's face lit up, he had her, again.

He flexed his arms, then stood and full on posed like a muscle man from a travelling carnival show, flopping down heavily into the chair, he squeezed her fingers gently "Why yes I have, how ever did you notice" Isabelle giggled again at his silliness and he wondered why ever did he bother taking up with Plasticine Barbie when all the time the Little Mermaid was right under his nose.

*

He fed her soup and found some ice-cream, dropping choc chips on top to make her smile.

They never did call Sally.

Perhaps tomorrow....

And when tomorrow came...

Issy asked politely and John lugged the heavy typewriter downstairs to the kitchen bench so she could gaze out the window and watch over the water and see the trees rustle in the breeze.

"I can type slowly...."

Issy began speaking as John glanced up from the book he was currently perusing. Issy sat at the kitchen bench her leg on the chair beside her, arm strapped. One finger pressing each key, tedious and slow, she was a determined writer.

"But its fucking annoying"

John burst into laughter at her outburst. So contained she was, then the dirty words did slip.

The day meandered away.....It was lazy and boring but entertaining when they chatted and always the laughter or gentle ribbing of each other would appear. Issy enjoyed John's nursing as he made sure her tablets were taken at the set times or made her comfortable as they sprawled on the sofa watching the Beta tapes of movies he had brought specially. Eating popcorn, drinking his tea maybe a chocolate or three.

John refused to make her coffee, citing it was not good for her and apparently, tea had magical medicinal qualities. Who knew?!?

*

And in the darkness of the night .... John lay on the bed, Issy beside him.

She had told him where the key was to her stash and when he had settled her into the bed he bolted up the stairs two by two and grabbed the second naughty book.

It wasn't outright porn but she created scenes and emotions, visual images in the mind's eye and made the reader wish they were the one being fucked senseless on the side of a road while broken down or while the train rumbled down the track in whichever chapter they were reading at the time. The woman in the story usually fearless maybe ever so slightly flawed.

Her words send vibrations of love, desire and sexual wants, even to him and he wasn't even a girl.

"Can I touch you Isabelle?" John rolled on his side and slapped the cock hardener novel down beside her. It joined, on the bedside table, the magazine she had discarded a few minutes previous.

"I have a headache" Isabelle grinned then she pat his face like he was a husband of the past ninety years. "No I don't, what am I saying! I have a braced leg and bung shoulder!" Issy grimaced as she tried to roll the offending joint.

"I said touch not jostle, I can kiss without having you half bent off the bed Isabelle"

"Jostle? I seem to recall a lot more than 'jostling' going on the last time we were in a similar position" Issy smiled in remembrance, she had enjoyed her night with him and would go another round or three when she was better. "Oh, go on then, do your best"

"My best is 'the best' I'll have you know"

"Oh, I know" Issy sighed breathily as John slipped down the bed and carefully repositioned her foot wider and started to lift her other over his shoulder.

Then she asked a question that had been niggling at her.

"John what are we doing here?" Why she did ask at that moment, when John was right there, right there, about to give her the best night of her life. She didn't know and she couldn't take it back. It was beyond her lips now and her mind raced forward with the query.

"Well I thought I wa-" he started to jest.

"No ... I don't mean that, John. You said you had a girlfriend or met someone, whoever she was, or is.. Anyway you had or have a lady in your life ... Am I... Am I... some sort of fall back plan. Are we both using each other and nothing else?"

Issy stared at the ceiling, John crawled back up the bed and lay on her stomach being extra careful to keep his entire weight off of her, his eyes closed listening, wondering, trying to anticipate her thoughts. Issy ran fingers through his hair, calming and nice.

She was upset though, she shouldn't have been.... She should have been able to get used to being like this- didn't it suit her better this way, anyway? She got a sexy treat in the shape of John Lennon every once in a while, and John got one too.

Easy- no binds or ties, no having to sit in front of Julian and Sally like she and John were adolescent spotty teens and explain they were doing the horizonal Olympics together. Easy.

But women don't work like that.

They want the wine and roses, hearts and flowers. Issy felt about her neck for the necklace and held it tight. She shouldn't want this to be more, she should be happy with scraps and, and ....

Silent tears escaped, Issy tried to keep the trickle hidden and not let John see them. If she just kept breathing lightly, no gulps or ugly sobs she would get through it without him realising. She just needed to harden her resolve.

Why was she even doing this, being like this. What date is? Don't!... Don't you dare blame your monthly cycle missy.

"Isabelle darlin" John had felt her body, she must be tired and ever so sore and here he was wanting a bit of slap and tickle. "Isabelle what is it. Com' on luv" Carefully bundling her up in his arms John plied her with ministrations as best as his callus self could.

Usually he'd walk off, switch off, told the woman to fuck off but Isabelle .... he wanted her smiling and happy. "Now, tell Uncle Johnny what's the matter" John grinned into her hair as she snuggled him, careful not to bump her shoulder.

"Nothing"

"Didn't sound like nothing to me Isabelle"

"Well it was. Nothing to bother yourself about" Isabelle retorted trying to close the conversation down, her mind and emotions an absolute eddy "Perhaps you should head off to bed or leave here and go back to your fabulous, and fun packed, New York. I'm home now, I can manage. Thank-you very much for all your help" Issy's face said the total opposite of all she said, saltwater fell from her eyes. "You, you.. shouldn't be here. You should be out on the town. Out with 'with it' women. Not old lake water in laws"

"Christ give over Isabelle, I don't like all that fluffing about 'round the edges. Not saying whatever the fuck it is your obviously annoyed at, upset with. Spit it out. Fuck, I just wanted to have a bit of fun and now you're blubbering like.. I don't know, a baby" John went from caring and supporting to bored and pissed in seconds. Oh there she blows... He still had it in him. The arsehole persona, that sarky arsed bastard.

Issy shoved him with her hands, wincing at the pain but still managed to roll him off of her; then, with her good foot, when he was far enough away, she shoved him further still.

"Get out you bastard" Issy rolled her shoulder to give relief, she had really jerked it about when she was pushing the insensitive jerk off her bed. Issy threw the book at him, then her magazine, then a pillow "You're heartless, get out"

Should she have brought it up like that? And in her head, in her turbulent head, her worry over beautiful models and herself and John's comparisons of the two. She was a fool, an erratic silly fool.

John stood up rubbing his face, wondering what the hell he was saying, why he was such a fucked-up idiot. He turned and watched Isabelle, eyes closed clutching her shoulder, her jaw set in pain. God, he was a callus shithead. Sitting on the floor he hunkered low beside her, cowed and extremely sorry. His fingers creeping up the side of the bed so they lay on the soft sheets beside her hand, hoping she would touch him.

"I said get out. Go back to your newer, prettier, probably much, much more agile girlfriend" Issy huffed out morosely, she couldn't stop the helplessness of her feelings, the sorry for herself attitude no more than he could understand her "I bet she is swimsuit model too. Was she? I don't need you feeling it's your duty, or whatever this is... Perhaps..." Issy whispered "Perhaps I'm a way to pass the time like a hobby or whatever" Then the anger again flared, at him, at herself "I don't need you"

Issy sighed and gulped for breath she was too old for this, too old to be crying and missing and hoping and wanting and wishing he was more- hers.

"Mermaid, I'm sorry" His heart poured into the words.

He'd started out and out crying around the time Yoko had entered his life. She had filled him with an abundance of new ways to view himself, understand his problems and release the hurt inside. It had all been wonderfully cleansing, but with the rusted gates dragged open, tears now seem to fall at the drop of a damn hat.

He didn't really know if it was a good or bad thing but every bloke on the planet would probably rib him for blubbering, no doubt.

No more was he the bastard Cyn had to contend with almost daily but now he was all fucked up in a different way and he wasn't at all sure if he had his head on straight at times. "I don't want her... she was a bloody huge mistake. Will you hold my hand, Isabelle, please, just a little touch, just so I know you haven't left me too" That's it man, go for the pity vote... you selfish pitiful twit.

"Don't come the orphan on me now John. You need to sober up your head just as well as your blood stream" Issy crossed an arm over her chest, holding her breathing hopefully so it would become regular soon instead of ragged and strained. "What am I to you anyway?"

"I don't know Isabelle. I like you heaps, you're fun and real and pretty and adventurous what with the hiking and night time water sports. I like that you push me about and listen and know much of my history and appreciate lots of different music. I like everything really" Kneeling beside the bed he gazed down upon her tears and heartbreak, still he didn't know what the two of them were, what name should be assigned, but he knew he felt something real and tangible, something worth getting better for.

Glassy dark puddles of love stared into him and his breath hitched, she was deeper, if it wasn't clear before he knew now. Past the gates she had bolted and he... He was lying by the roadside having stumbled after unsure strides. "Isabelle?"

"I did all these changes" Her voice peppered with hiccups, a bitter curt laugh and gulps of air taken "All the giving away and painting and rearranging, decorating..."

She silently cursed her stupidity and silly daydreams of happily ever after's and steeled herself.

But still... she needed him to know.

For what is the use if it's all inside shrouded in darkness, hidden.

What if it could see a little light, and perhaps grow.

"It looks bloody fantastic Isabelle, it's like a new place really. I'll finish off the bits left in here, fix up the other room too, might be a bit hodge podge but I'll try my best. It's great you're doing all this for yourself"

"But I wasn't doing all this for myself was I now.... I wanted to surprise you, I wanted to make it more modern and open for you, I tossed all of him out for you, John.... Oh god, I'm such an idiot aren't I... I wanted you" Issy's words left her lips and she felt defeated.

A tear rolled down the cheek closest to John.

Isabelle looked to the heavens .... through the rafters, above the roof, over the trees and up, up through the sky, her eyes begging for some sort of guidance some sort of sign, some signal to tell her all this wasn't all in vain but there is no sign because really, she was an idiot to think the great John Lennon would ever fancy her, ever think anything more of her than the 'in law' or perhaps a simple, convenient, lay.

Lips brushed her cheeks, feathering over her lips, soft lips pressing, his lips. Intertwining his fingers with hers he didn't say anything just gazed into her, searching her face and searching his own mind for answers. Touching her hair softly.

Overwhelmed and a bit scared tell the truth. He kissed her gently again. A promise of sorts, a seal, a band-aid to her heart, he put everything into that one touch that was the slightest pressure to her lips and she squeezed his fingers between them with hope and all the wishes she held for him and her, for both of them.

John crawled back onto the mattress next to her and held on tight. It was a full moon tonight, it was the time she had her nightmares and he wanted to help when she woke in a dire upset sweat.

Help if she woke with her pounding heart and eyes searching the night.

He wanted to be there for her too but just couldn't get the actual words past his lips.