Breathe

Breath in, breath out.
Gasp for air.
Muffled screams.

Remember... to breathe.

The pillow took her imagined pain, muffling it from the night. Issy sat bolt upright hands thrust outwards and flailing about trying to stop whatever tonights dream conjured up for her. The nightmares always appeared on a full moon or close to it and as she pulled the curtains apart she found tonight was no different. How bloody long had she slept!?

Drifting downstairs she did what normally occurred on a night like this.

Every night, of every full moon, for the last five or more years....

Shadows of the night hugged her legs as she descended to the boat shed. And they followed obediently. As if she had them harnessed on a leash.

The dogs too, nearby; sniffing as they went, tails hardly wagging as they step cautiously in front of their mistress.

The shallows of moonlit liquid reached and surrounded.

Her ankles, knees, thighs, belly. Then up and up it rose as she sank down into the cool waters embrace.

Diving under, she screamed out, then she was pushing upwards, breaking the waters surface metres away. The moonlit lake rippled like molten silver away from her.

Sometimes if she stayed under long enough she forgot. Sometimes she wanted to just stay there in those grey golhostly waters of the lake.

Then Sally would call to her. Call out to her from inside her mind, over and over, screaming, wanting her mother back, crying out 'no mummy, no'.

And then, and only then, Issy would come back. Rising, breaking through the shimmering silver threaded ripples. Anger would have her smash the water surrounding her like a prize fighter as she surfaced. All done to quell the noises in her head.

Her punches of no consequence to the liquid, only a way for her to release, to relieve, to revive.

Max met her at the waters edge and she sank tiredly down beside him on the tiny stretch of beach letting him nuzzle her gently. Ben watched on; Like a stately elder tut tutting her behaviour. He hated her wet in the darkness like this. Long ago he would paddle out after her but she had scared him as she wallowed in her dramas, flailing arms tossing all about and she wouldn't hug him. No, she pushed him away instead. He soon learned to leave her be.

She watched the lake for a while til her skin bubbled with goose bumps from the cold. Then, and only then, did she scramble back up the sloping bank toward the big open deck of the house; Her body tired, but her mind a little calmer.

A good tired. One she could possibly work with to attempt some semblance of sleep.

Standing on the top step she finally realised she wasn't alone, the cigarette gleamed as he drew a breath and her dogs went forward and milled around his legs, Issy shivered but daren't move save he spoke and teased.

"Nice baby doll pyjamas" And there it was.

John must have been grinning as he waved his cigarette around, she could hear it in his voice "Don't leave much to the imagination when wet, but there you go"

He had heard her wake, heard the hasty flight down the stairs, her rapid tumbling out the back door.

Over the side of the embankment she went then and, as he pushed the screen door open onto the deck, the lake gobbled her up. It had been like melted chocolate surrounding her legs, the night tricking his eyes, the waters rapidly moved upwards and beyond, she was then gone, down and under the waters of the lake. His eyes darted about as she disappeared beneath the ink then the surface broke further out and he watched as she chased her own demons away.

"I. Ahhhh... towel"

Darting forward to pass his outstretched hand, she thought she had cleared his fingers, until she was halted, he had her snagged by a tassle on her pj short bottoms and pulled her back to him gently.

"Here, brought it out when you were on the shore, figured you'd need it" Dropping the towel over her shoulders he saw no anger at his intrusion... maybe just a little bit of fear of the unknown as she troubled her lip.

He'd caught her at her lowest point just like she had him, in the men's room, only twenty four hours before. "You shouldn't do that, bloody dangerous, what if a bloody bear attacked you, or piranhas?"

"At least I would depart the world having fed another living being and, for your information, piranhas don't live this far north" She was shivering from the cold, the goosebumps matting her skin but it was quite possibly pebbled from his proximity too.

She desperately needed the shower she would usually flee to. John started rubbing her shoulders then let the towel sit over them. Then he grabbed another dry towel and found her legs, drying them off too "Please stop"

"You're cold and wet. I'm not leaving you to freeze to death"

"What would you care, I'm the kidnapper" It was a sarky statement sent right back at him from their conversation earlier in the day. A wall hurriedly trying to be erected as she battled both the nightmare and his hands pandering touch.

John stepped closer and dried her hair like she was a petulant ten-year-old. It was almost a welcome feeling, but terribly scary too. He was John Lennon.. and a man you have to remember.

Also, it was intriguing; that he even wanted to help her.... Touch her.

The constant rubbing movement was numbing on her senses. She gave into the feeling of his hands as they fluffed the towel over her, her body jiggling softly.

"My son would care, bloody loves you he does and Sally and what about little smurfette - Ivy, no nana! Be terribly sad for all involved I'd think" John stopped what he was doing and dropped the cigarette into the beer bottle that stood on the table "Arms up"

"Arrr no"

"You're still wet and the getup is clinging to you, you're soaked through. Arms up" John insisted.

"Arrr no"

"Well good try on my part. Not bad for a lake mermaid you are. When you emerged from the inky depths I felt my pants tighten and balls start to throb"

"I'm a nana for Christ sake! An in law to you just about too!"

"And a woman"

"No" Issy stated matter-of- factly.

"Not a woman? Here, let me check" John spun her around in a heartbeat, the towel binding her too close for her brain to work . His lips close to her ear, her back against his chest "I know most about anatomy you know, not music like they all seem to think. Now ..... if they'd taught that in school...... cor...." His voice was close, teasingly wistful.

"Be a university professor I should think" Issy spoke quietly back, smiling just a smidge.

John relaxed the towels binding and spun her around gently again "Hey! What have you been told... or have we met before?" John grinned down at her in the moonlight and Issy felt like swooning. But she resisted the dizziness that surrounded her and instead, pulled away and stood by the screen door ready to escape his eyes.

"I read between lines and we met one night in my family living room"

"Oh haha, Eddy Sullivan show, eh?" Johns smile broke forth and she captured it in her heart for another lonely night.

"Good night.... John"

"Good night ..... mermaid"