One of the most annoying enemies of a human is their conscience. It punches you right after you do something inhumane, stabbing you in the front to make you feel bad about what you’ve done.

Guguluhin ka nito hanggang sa mawala ka na sa sarili mong katinuan.

“Fvck! What have I done?” I muttered to myself. “T-This can’t be. . .no.”

Even though I’m clearly sane when I did that. The guilt in my heart and conscience is killing me. Naduwag ako bigla nang pumasok sa aking isip ang maaaring kabayaran nang ginawa ko.

Ano ang magiging reaksyon ni Sabel kapag nalaman niya ’to? I can’t let that happen. Never. Baka hindi niya na ako kilalanin na kapatid kapag nalaman niyang pinatay ko ang umabuso sa kanya.

She will hate me.

The words echoing in the confines of my car as I drove through the deserted streets. The weight of my actions hung heavy in the air, suffocating me with its suffocating grip.

Huminto ako sa gilid at pinigilan ang sariling maduwal sa panlalamig ng aking sikmura.

Kinuha ko sa aking cellphone mula sa aking bulsa, nanginginig ang aking mga daliri dahil sa kaba habang tininitipa ko ang numero ni Simon.

Please, man. Answer the goddamn phone. I really need you. . .

“Hello, Pavs? How are you—”

“Simon! Simon. . .” bungad ko nang siya ay sumagot, ang aking boses ay halos hindi marinig at akala mo ay kakapusin ng hininga. “Fvck man, I really need your help right now. . .”

Napahilamos ako sa aking mukha dahil sa prustasyon na lumulukob sa akin.

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line before Simon replied, his tone cautious and confused. “What is it, Pavel? Anong nangyayari? You sound terrible. Like you did something wrong—”

“—I did, okay? You know that priest? The pedo and groomer one.”

“Yes, and?”

“I killed him.”

Hindi ko alam kung anong emosyon ang nararamdaman, sa sobrang dami ay hindi ko na rin alam kung paano magsasalita ng hindi nanginginig ang aking kalamnan. “I. . . I killed him. I fucking killed him, Simon. I didn’t control myself. Galit na galit ako, putangina! Hindi ko alam! Parang wala ako sa sarili kahit na alam ng katawan ko kung ano ang ginagawa ko—”

Simon’s sharp intake of breath was the only response I needed. “Back to your consciousness, Pavel! Are you fucking serious right now? Don’t spit shits now. It’ not April now, don’t joke around, brother. It’s not funny. You know it’s not funny.”

“I know, Simon. I know. But what can I do? That man m0lested my sister! He deserves to die!”

Alam kong ang ginawa ko ay hindi ko na dapat ginawa, ngunit ano ang magagawa ko para pigilan ang sariling kamay ko na mangati at manggalaiti kapag nakita ko ang pari na iyon na masaya sa kanyang buhay?

What can I do? When you are in my position, do you think you still have time to regain and think wisely while your sister is crying terribly and asking for your help?

I’m going insane. I’m going unhinged.

“Oh, God! Seryosong krimen ang ginawa mo. Are you sane? Are you drunk? Alam mo ba ang ginawa mo?”

Kagat labi akong tumango kahit hindi niya iyon makikita.

“I will ask a favor, I will owe you one. I really need you to take care of it. Dispatch the body, make it disappear. I can’t have this coming back to me. I will do everything you want me to do to repay you.”

There was a pause as Simon processed my request, the weight of it hanging heavy between us.

Siguro nga, nababaliw na ako. Baliw na yata talaga ako. Baliw na ako.

“Alright,” he finally said, his voice steady despite the gravity of the situation. Like this is normal to him. “I’ll take care of it. But you need to lay low for a while. Let things cool down. You killed him—you put the justice in your own hands-and I don’t know what to say about that but knowing that he is an abuser. Serves him right. I can’t blame you, but I can’t say that you are right about this."

I understand, “Thanks, Simon. I owe you one.”

“And don’t tell anyone about this. They might be a snitch and sing to the police. You are dead if you let that happen. Wait, did someone witness it?“

I wanted to tell him. . .but someone is stopping me from telling him that, that man named Angelus even recorded my crime. This is hilariously ugly.

“No. W-Walang nakakita.”

“That’s good. Just take care of yourself, Pavel,” Simon said immediately, before hanging up.

“I would find a way to make things right. I will. . .” mahinang bulong ko kasabay nang paghigpit ng kapit ko sa manibela. “But how? Just go with the flow? Haha.”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nanghihingi ng tulong gayong kaya ko rin namang bayaran ang mga pulis para hindi nila ako maikulong o makasuhan, siguro dahil ayaw kong makahalata ang kapatid ko na may ginawa akong ganitong bagay?

O natatakot lang akong gantihan ako ng karma dahil inilagay ko sa kamay ko ang hustisya?

Pinagpatuloy ko ang pagmamaneho, kahit na nanlalabo ang aking paningin at naduduwal sa labis na pandidiri sa aking nagawa ay nag ingat pa rin ako sa abot nang makakaya ko.

May uuwian pa ako. Mayroon pa.

Nasa bahay pa ang kapatid ko.

“Sabel,” I called out softly as I entered our modest house, the warmth offering only a fleeting comfort from the storm within. She sat in the dimly lit living room, her expression filled with dread.

But it looks like she’s waiting for me.

“Kuya Pavel,” she replied, her voice trembling with fear. “I-I'm scared. Bakit wala ka kanina? Wala akong ka-kasama. What if he comes back? Paano kung bumalik siya habang wala ka rito? Paano na? Bakit mo ako iniwan kanina? Kuya—”

“Hush—” My heart ached at her words, knowing the depth of her fear. “I’m here now.”

I crossed the room to embrace her, offering what little reassurance I could muster. Wala akong magawa para sa kanya, kung hindi ialis sa mundo ang nagdulot nito sa kanya.

“Hinding-hindi na iyon mangyayari, Sabel,” I vowed, my voice laced with determination and love for my only family. “I’ll protect you, no matter what. No matter what the cost is.”

Akala ko tulog na siya ngunit nang gumalaw ang kanyang ulo at may sinabi ay parang mas nadurog pa yata ang puso ko para sa kanya.

“I know, I’m not okay. A-Aware ako, Kuya. Iba-iba na po ang pumapasok sa utak ko, gusto ko na pong mawala pero nanlalaban po ako. G-Gusto ko pa pong mabuhay, Kuya Pavel. Ayaw ko pang sumuko—”

“Yes. Yes. We need to fight, Sabel.”

I rubbed her back to silence her but she just shrugged her shoulders.

“I want to be better again. Can I ask you for a favor? Last na ito, Kuya.”

Natatakot ako.

I don’t want to lose my sister. Hindi ako sumagot. Hindi handa ang puso kong marinig ang sasabihin niya. Parang mawawala na yata ako sa katinuan kapag narinig ko ang magiging pabor niya.

“I want to get better. I don’t want to hurt myself just to get numb about the pain. I don’t want to be a burden to you, either. Please. Please. Admit me to a mental hospital. I will get better there, I promise.“

“N-No. Hindi pwede.”

You will get lonely there. Wala ako roon.

“Paano ako gagaling? Hindi ko kaya rito, Kuya. Pakiramdam ko kapag wala ako sa lugar na nakakulong ay makikita niya ako—mahuhuli niya ako. Kaya pakiusap, habang kaya ko pa, gusto kong gumaling. . .pakiusap. Nagmamakaawa ako sa ’yo.”

Pinilit kong tumango.

Wala akong magagawa. Kung iyon ang gusto niya, iyon ang gagawin ko para sa kanya.

My phone buzzed.

A message from Angelus awaited me, inviting me to meet at the Red Bar behind the RedCollar Co. My instincts warned me of potential danger, but the allure of Angelus’s offer was too potent to ignore.

Tiningnan ko ang kapatid kong payapa nang natutulog at tiningnan ang mga bodyguard at maid na nasa labas lang ng kwarto niya. Most of them are my trustworthy subordinates, so I can rest my mind.

“Talk to her with gentleness. Don’t shout. Don’t touch her unless she permits you. Be quiet as much as you can, and don’t let her skip her bath and meals. Got it?“

“Yes, sir.”

Tatalikod na sana ako ngunit bumalik din. “Make sure na ilayo niyo sa kanya ang mga matutulis na bagay. Make sure rin na hindi naka lock ang pinto niya at ligtas ang pamamahay na “to, understood?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Thank you.”

I bowed as I left to go to the bathroom. They did, too.

As the warm water embraced me, I found myself engaged in a silent debate with myself, questioning why I had agreed to meet Angelus instead of simply confronting him.

“Why did I agree to this?” pakikipagtalo ko sa sarili. “I could have just called him out on his manipulative games. Mukha naman siyang madadala sa pera. Pero bakit? Tangina.”

Parang biglang bumulong sa akin ang kabilang parte ng aking konsensya, “Because there’s a part of you that’s drawn to him, Pavel. Admit it. You are curious, that’s more you like this."

“No, I refuse to be manipulated any longer,” I insisted.

Para akong sira ulo na nakikipagtalo sa sarili.

But then, as if to mock my defiance, my body betrayed me, responding to thoughts of Angelus with an undeniable physical reaction. My breath hitched as I felt the sudden hardness between my legs, a silent testament to the desire that pulsed through me despite my best efforts to resist.

May gana pa pala akong tigasan sa ganitong kadaming problema?

“Damn it,” I cursed under my breath, frustration and arousal warring within me. “Why does he have this effect on me?”

I gave in to the primal urge, gripping myself firmly.

“Ah! Oh!”

With each stroke, pleasure surged through me, overwhelming my senses. Sa isip ko, ang nakangising mukha ni Angelus ang nilalaman. Unbelievable.

“I need to stop. . .” I moaned. “Hmm.”

As I surrendered to the intoxicating fantasy, I lost myself in a whirlwind of ecstasy, the only sound filling the air, the ragged rhythm of my own breath and the pounding of my heart.

Entering the dimly lit bar, my heart raced with anticipation. Each step carried me further from the burden of guilt, replaced by a sense of intrigue and possibility.

Angelus sat at a secluded table, his smirk revealing his amusement at my arrival. “Ah, Pavel,” he greeted with a knowing glint in his eyes. “I was beginning to think you wouldn’t show.”

Bigla akong kinilabutan. Naalala ko bigla ang makamundong bagay na ginawa ko kanina sa sarili kong banyo habang ang iniisip ay ang taong nasa harap ko ngayon!

As I laid eyes on him, I was struck by his breathtaking presence, a realization dawning on me just how captivating he truly was. His hair was styled in a fashionable wolf cut, framing his face with effortless charm. Thick, meticulously groomed eyebrows accentuated his expressive eyes, drawing attention to their mesmerizing depths. His attire was impeccably chosen, every detail reflecting sophistication and refinement.

The contours of his face held a striking allure, with a sculpted jawline and a nose that boasted an elegant prominence. His lips, adorned with a subtle gloss, added a touch of allure to his already enticing features.

But it was his eyes that captured my gaze most intensely-two pools of contrasting hues, one a warm brown and the other a mesmerizing shade of green. Their depth seemed to hold secrets untold, drawing me in with their enigmatic allure.

As I struggled to comprehend why I hadn’t noticed his striking appearance on that fateful night, a sense of unease crept over me, my cautious instincts on high alert.

I couldn’t help but notice his coat, a shade of gray similar to mine but with a subtle, captivating shimmer that hinted at an underlying sophistication.

Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kanya nang mapansin kong namukol ang miyembro ko sa ibaba. “Bakit hindi ako magpapakita at bakit ko kailangang magpakita sa ’yo, Angelus? Wala kang mahihita sa akin.”

Angelus chuckled, his gaze piercing as he regarded me. “You are wrong. You’re totally my type, Pavel,” he replied, his voice low and seductive. “You may look naive, but I know there’s a monster lurking beneath the surface. And I want to unleash it.”

Dumausdos ang paa niya mula sa aking binti hanggang sa aking hita.

“Your feet. . .”

“Oh, this feet of mine just want to tease your member there. Just kidding.”

I twitched. My cock twitched, too.

Napadekwatro ako sa narinig.

His words sent a shiver down my spine, a mixture of excitement and apprehension swirling within me. Could I trust him? Was I ready to embrace the darkness he saw within me?

With a deep breath, I met Angelus’ gaze, my resolve firm. “And what makes you think I’m interested?” I challenged, my voice tinged with defiance.

Angelus leaned in closer, his breath warm against my ear as he whispered his response. “Because deep down, Pavel, I know you crave the same darkness that I do. And together, we can explore it in ways you never thought possible.”

His words ignited a fire within me, a hunger for something more than the mundane existence I had grown accustomed to.

Despite my reservations, I found myself drawn to the promise of adventure and discovery that Angelus offered.

“So, do you want me to be your fuck buddy?”

He clapped his hands elegantly, “Napaka straightforward mo. I like it. But you can call it, ‘partner in pleasure’.

With a silent nod, I signaled my agreement, my heart racing with anticipation for the journey that lay ahead.

“There. There.”

Nakatingin lang si Angelus sa kamay ko habang binabasa ko ang nasa kontrata. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang sumapi sa akin sa pagdedesisyon na iyon, ang alam ko lang ay. . .

“Pavel, you got a boner. . .”

Fuck it.

You are wrong.

I came.