⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺
I’ll do anything for you; anything you want me to
I’ll give the world to you, if you want me to.
. ✦ .

Areum

“Stop pulling it, Areum. You look just fine.” Ha-Eun convinces me about the dress that I’m wearing.

Even though she says I look fine, I think I look like a slut because the dress is more revealing than anything I’ve ever worn. I can’t ever pull off something like this, and if being wild and adventurous with my clothes is what Jungkook would like to see, I don’t think I’d be able to satisfy him ever.

“No, eonnie, please. I’ll just wear my jeans and sweater. I’m not at all comfortable in this.” I slightly pinch the fabric of the dress and pull it away from my body, making Ha-Eun frown.

“Fine, then.” She crosses her arms under her chest and nods in an unimpressed manner. “Change into whatever you like.” Ha-Eun offers, pointing towards her wardrobe.

Even though I would have preferred to just go and see him in my sweater and jeans, I’ve been told that my clothes wouldn’t match my motives if I wore them. I take an uncertain glance at Ha-Eun’s display of clothes, most of which appear scanty and overly short or exposing.

Swallowing thickly, I take a step closer and file through the clothes with one hand, roughly assessing each piece’s wearability. In a few seconds, I identify a flimsy top that looks like a good mix of comfort and sexiness, and I remove it from the line, holding it up in front of me to take a good look.

“I think I’ll go with this.” I say, turning to look at Ha-Eun, who approves my choice by showing me a thumbs up.

After I take a moment to change out of the dress and back into my jeans and the top that Ha-Eun lent me, she studies me from top to toe, an air of seriousness surrounding her when she does that.

“You look good.” Ha-Eun says encouragingly. “Even though you don’t need clothes for what’s about to happen, they really do set the mood right.” Her tone bears a naughty edge to it, but I don’t even know if I can relate to her words.

Yet, they are all I’m hearing now, so I feign a smile.

“Remember, confidence is key, but don’t be too dominant and insistent. Show him the way, bare your mind and make him know you missed him, but let him take the lead and be in control. Okay?” Her hands gently smooth down my shoulders and arms, forcing a tense breath to leave me.

“Okay, I get it.” I agree.

My confidence is fairly good about how I look—with and without my clothes on. But the entire point is am I confident enough to initiate sex? Am I confident enough to do the devil’s dance with Jungkook? Is it going to make me appear weak and desperate?

Brushing aside my thoughts for now, I wear my coat to cover up all the skin show, and Ha-Eun then watches me leave her home. Heading to the bus stop, I feel my nerves already dancing on the edge as seen from the way my foot is twitching impatiently and how my cold fingers are shaking so badly.

Do I really need to do this? God! I don’t even know if I’m ready for anything.

For a fleeting moment, I even consider going back home and staying warm indoors. Facing mom and apologizing to her seems better than any of what I’m about to do. But all my thoughts vanish when the bus that would take me to Jungkook’s home arrives. Without a second thought, I climb into it, pay the fare and settle in my usual seat, breathing harder and faster than usual.

My teeth keep constantly assaulting my lips and the insides of my cheeks while I try to rehearse a few lines for when I’ll see him shortly. It’s a pandemonium within my head, to say the least, and I don’t actually know what to do with myself. Thoughts about what might happen between us makes my toes curl and my pulse to race at the same time. But how incredibly shameful it would be if he turned me down.

Or worse still what if he isn’t at home? What if he’s with someone else? Se-Won?

I shake my head in an attempt to ward off the intrusive thoughts swarming my mind and try to keep my goals clear. The plan is simple. Meet Jungkook, let him know how I’m feeling, ask him why he’s been doing this, and then head to the bed. With him. Now, the last part is what really bothers me and makes my stomach feel like a bottomless pit.

Guys can let out a lot of stress through sex.

I think your mother didn’t know the trick.

He’s your boyfriend. You’re both adults.

Ha-Eun’s words resonate like affirmations within my head, giving me the courage I need right before the bus screeches to a halt at the stop where I’m supposed to get down. Pushing out a fat, nervous breath, I rise from my seat and climb out of the bus. The sound of the bus moving away behind me leaves me in pin-drop silence where I can clearly hear the thumping of my heart and the gushing of blood in my veins—the sounds of which are similar to a furious thunderstorm and violently crashing waves.

My eyes move to Jungkook’s house that’s in plain view from the bus stop, and I begin moving towards it, mumbling small prayers to myself. The weather isn’t as cold as it was all these days, and even though that’s a matter of relief, that actually seems like it’s the only relief at the moment. Within myself, I’m waging a war, silencing my morality with my needs of the hour, hoping and convincing myself that this is what I must do to restore the situation between us back to normal.

And who knows maybe this would become our new normal. Or maybe even our last meeting.

My throat goes dry and my anxiety is at its peak when I stand facing his door, summoning all my courage to ring the doorbell. It takes a few seconds for the door to open, but when it does, I’m completely dumbfounded, and all my preparation up until a moment ago goes swirling down the drain the moment I see him.

Jungkook’s eyes widen with a mix of shock and surprise, and his mouth hangs open for a few seconds where there’s complete stillness between us.

I’m greatly relieved to see him physically unharmed in any way. He’s dressed in a sleeveless basketball jersey top and a pair of shorts that don’t match his top, and his hair is a messy poof as always.

God! I missed him!

“Areum, hi.” He breaks the silence first, and the sound of his voice causes a rush of warmth within me—the warmth that I have been craving for, and that warmth that I’m ready to do anything for.

“Hi, am I allowed inside?” No! No! That wasn’t what I was supposed to say. It sounds way too sarcastic. Shit!

“Hey, come on. Come inside.” Jungkook ignores the unintended sarcasm nevertheless and permits me to step inside.

I’m positive his mother isn’t at home because it is a weekday, and I don’t see any signs of panic in him. He just looks a little shocked and lost…probably?

I consider taking off my coat, but the top that I’m wearing inside is so unlike me, and it would be an explicit and dead giveaway about my intentions. I don’t want my clothes or my carnal motives to take center stage right away. So, for the time being, I choose to keep my coat on.

Breathing out, I tell myself that I will follow whatever happens organically, and using any kind of force will turn everything futile, which isn’t what I want.

“How did your practical exams go?” I ask him as casually as possible, somehow managing a small but nervous smile that shows up despite telling myself to keep it together.

“Yeah,” Jungkook rubs the back of his neck, nodding a few times and struggling to maintain eye contact. “It went well, and we won the game.” His voice remains neutral, but hot as always.

However, the news that he delivered brings a big smile to my lips. I want to clap and cheer for him; I don’t do it though.

“Congratulations, Jungkook.” I chuckle softly, a feeling of genuine happiness and relief enveloping me. “I’m so happy to know that.” My congratulatory words make his eyes move back to my face, a steady gaze that lingers on me for many seconds that ensue.

“Thanks, Areum.” He smiles after what feels to me like an eternity, and I fear I’ll soon be on my knees, confessing how terribly I’ve missed this smile in a matter of ten days.

“I was hoping to hear from you… Did Namjoon tell you?” My voice trails, heavily laden with hesitation. “So, what happens next now that the practicals are over?”

Again, that wasn’t what I prepared, but it is what feels right at the moment.

“Final aggregated scores and certificates will be given out in a couple of days. And then, I’d have to apply to different universities for the fall semester.” Jungkook keeps his reply formal and crisp, and even though I appreciate it, I still feel he sounds somewhat distant.

He hasn’t even acknowledged the part where I said I was hoping to hear from him, so I decide to deliberately avoid bringing it up again.

“Oh, okay. Do you have a list of universities? Maybe we could go through them and do a bit of research if you haven’t already done that.” I suggest, hoping that’d give us a chance to reconnect and spend some time together.

“I- I’m still making my list.” He responds a little icily, leaning his hip against the dining table that’s beside him.

My mouth opens, wanting to say something in response, but it feels like I’ve reached a deadzone, and I don’t know how to continue this conversation anymore. Let alone seducing him into bed, we aren’t even talking like we used to.

I bite down my lips and shift my weight uneasily between my feet, feeling the heavy silence around us closing in on me and suffocating me. Why isn’t he asking me anything?

“Mom and I took Miso to a vet and got a diet and daily activity plan for her. She’s doing well.” I pull along, my toes almost grazing the boundaries of desperation yet my pride standing in the way and unwilling to allow me to step across the line.

At least not when he seems so uptight for reasons only he knows why.

“That’s nice.” He says plainly in a deep voice, and this time I feel like I’ve had enough already even though we’ve barely spoken for five whole minutes.

Nice? That’s all this shit head has to say?! Fuck it! He’s being such a sick dick.

Thank goodness I didn’t take my coat off.

“Okay.” I exhale sharply, pushing out all my disappointment in one breath, wishing I could just breathe out fire on his face and show him how frustrated I feel at the moment. “I guess that’s all I wanted to say. I’ll leave now.” Those words were intended to come out reflecting my anger and annoyance, but my voice trembles lowly and my eyes grow moist.

SHIT! Not now!

Jungkook keeps his steady gaze on me, and I stare back at him, my mind pinned somewhere between regret, rage and disappointment—regret for thinking we were meant to be forever, rage caused by his refusal to speak up and disappointment targeted at myself for choosing to do all of this clownery today.

My pride is a little too strong to express any of my internal turmoil through words, and I silently turn around, wiping away the tear that slides down my cheek. Just when I reach out for the door, I feel his hand gripping my wrist, making me whip around to look at him.

Jungkook pulls me forward, making me crash into his firm chest as he wraps his arms tight around me in a hug that quite literally takes my breath away. In the next flash second, my pride dissipates into thin air and I wind my arms around him, opening the gates for the warmth, familiarity and secure feeling of being in his arms to rush into me all at once.

“I missed you, Areum.” He confesses, the sound of his deep voice resonating against my ear and making me laugh and cry like a fool.

“I missed you so much, Jungkook.” I clutch the fabric of his shirt tighter, feeling more droplets of joyful tears pouring out of my eyes.

Jungkook holds me by my shoulders and creates a small but significant space between us as he looks down into my teary eyes; his own eyes clouded with a film of unshed tears.

“I want to find out what you taste like right now.” He whispers, his hands finding their way up to my cheeks and his eyes finding their way somewhere deep into the crevices of my heart and tickling me.

Without another word, I rise to my toes and slightly tilt my head to one side, and the next thing I know our lips are one. The kiss feels magical, laced with urgency, and I feel like we’re right back in that alley when his hold on my cheeks tightens a bit. What started out as an exploration of our unspoken desires soon escalates into an impatient tangle of tongues when he parts my lips with his insistent tongue and simultaneously pushes me back against the door.

Jungkook’s one strong hand slides to the back of my neck, threading through my hair and gripping a handful that makes me let out something that sounded like a weak moan.

Gosh! It really feels like he has upskilled his kissing game by many levels in these few days, or is it just me who has missed this so terribly that everything he does makes me feel like I’m being transported to another realm altogether?

His other hand that isn’t inside my hair, smooths down my shoulder and chest, gripping my waist like a vice. The firmness of his touch combined with the smooth pressure of his tongue against mine makes me gasp into his mouth.

I stroke my hands up his bare forearms and taut biceps all the way up to his defined shoulders, sliding them down to his rock-solid chest. My heartbeats, already completely out of rhythm, sound so loud and erratic when I boldly feel his tense muscles under the fabric of the silky jersey top he’s wearing.

Jungkook shudders lightly but noticeably when I delicately caress his chest, gliding the fabric against his body. In response, he pushes my coat out of my body, sending it to the floor. With our eyes still closed and lips still locked together, he slowly guides his hands up my hands and arms, feeling no fabric on the way.

Taking a moment to part our lips, he opens his eyes and takes a good look at me; his eyes widening once again, but this time there’s a lot more there in his gaze than just shock and surprise.

The thin-strapped lace top that I’m wearing has a plunging neckline that leaves very little to the imagination, and the color of it is so close to my skin color that only a double-take would confirm that I’m not actually topless.

“Wow!” Jungkook says, his voice coming out almost like a low, guttural rumble.

He allows his big eyes to roam all over my body while I tug at the hem of his jersey top and bunch it together in both my hands. There’s slight hesitation in my moves, and it gets amplified when our eyes lift to meet.

Jungkook gets my cue though. He gulps, appearing evidently nervous, searching my eyes for a moment before he boldly lifts his jersey top off and discards it on the floor. The sight of his perfect body sends a delicious shiver rolling down my spine, creating a strong throb in my core and making me clench my thighs tight.

He steps closer to me, gently holding my jaw in one hand and leaning in for a kiss. His touch instantly causes my body to relax, and I move my hands to his chest for a more tactile experience.

Tracing up his defined, sinewy body with the tips of my fingers, I slide one hand further up to the back of his neck and gently allow my fingers to touch and feel his hair. The ends are slightly damp with sweat, and I explore further by threading my fingers through his hair.

My other hand seems to be stuck to his smooth chest, tracing the chiseled muscles and searing the musculature into my memory. When my finger brushes over his firm nipple, I pause, momentarily stunned by my boldness. Jungkook instinctively bites my lip, making my other hand scrunch a handful of his hair. It makes him let out a moan that causes a shiver to originate from the pit of my stomach and radiate all over my body in waves.

I’m not sure if it was the touch or the hair pulling that made him moan, but I do know that I loved hearing it.

He tilts his head from one side to the other, his hands swiping over my shoulder and back, gliding down to my waist and giving a gentle squeeze there before traveling up my arm and to the side of my neck.

Jungkook’s every little touch feels like the flames of desire are licking me in the most arousing way. My body feels like it’s on fire, every inch blazing under his fingertips, and the one who set it on fire brings his one hand to rest a little below my collarbone, part of his palm and fingers directly touching my skin.

His hips are so close to mine, and my skin bristles when I feel his arousal poking me from under the loose shorts that he’s wearing. It’s an intoxicating feeling, almost like I’ve chugged in some kind of love potion.

I lean back slowly from the kiss, meeting his burning gaze that trails down my neck and chest, staying there for a few seconds before they move back up to my eyes. His hands don’t move, but his fingers curl into his palms as if he’s trying hard to hold himself back from touching me any further.

Or more like he needs my consent to proceed, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by me. I want him to touch me everywhere, violate boundaries and claim me.

My eyes are unable to stop glimpsing at his obvious erection concealed by his shorts, and the sight of it makes me intensely aware of the uncomfortable wetness pooling up between my thighs combined with a weirdly pleasurable pulsing sensation. Suddenly my mouth and throat feel parched.

Oh my God!

Taking hold of his wrists, I keep my eyes on him as I slowly drag his hands down to my clothed breasts, simultaneously feeling my heart about to explode from all the booming within.

Jungkook’s eyes go as wide as saucers, and his lips part in shock for the blink of an eye. His hand ever so delicately traces the curve of my breast, moving towards the outside and then to the bottom.

My head falls back against the door, my eyelids screw shut at the pleasurable sensation of his touch, and a huge breath that I wasn’t even aware I was holding in rushes out through my parted lips along with a dirty-sounding moan.

The burning and pricking sensation all over my body returns in full force when his fingertips tenderly trace the outline of the lace top that’s right over my breasts. I feel like ripping all my clothes off, and, at this point, I’d be ecstatic even if he rips it all off me.

My fingers dig into the waistband of his shorts, grazing against smooth skin and pulling him closer to me, my moves tinged with a kind of urgency and impatience. But what he does next completely throws me off the track, extinguishing my fire in a flash. Jungkook withdraws his hands from my body, stripping me off all his warmth and making my eyes fly open.

“Areum, we need to talk.” He says in a solemn voice, making himself sound like we weren’t eating each other’s faces just moments ago even though the tent in his shorts says otherwise.

The air between us hangs heavy, thick with his earthy yet soft scent as he takes a step back and runs a tense hand through his messy hair.

“Okay.” I agree because despite the disappointment trickling in my veins, talking it out somehow feels like it’s the right thing to do now.

Published on : 01/06/2025