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Fight for the fairytale; it does exist.
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Jungkook

I cockblocked myself at the worst possible time, and I’m sure Areum is disappointed in me as hell. Like as if she wasn’t already super upset with my radio silence all these days. I could read it from her eyes the moment she showed up at my doorstep.

It was so hard for me to shut myself off from her and everyone else these past few days, but I chose to do it with her well-being in mind and trying to tackle my problems on my own. In fact, I’ve been thinking about Areum all the time, but I just didn’t want to burden her with my problems when there isn’t even any solidly established commitment between us.

The only reassurances were her calls and messages and the message from Namjoon which were all a constant reminder that she was thinking about me. Riding on her affection and acting entitled weren’t my intentions at all. I just thought I needed my space to sort myself out when I felt down in the pits over these past few days.

An immature and wrong thought nonetheless, but that was just my way of combating the insurmountable stress other than punching my bag in the backyard to tatters.

Today, however, the moment I saw her, I just couldn’t hold myself back. It was like a dam broke, and all my repressed urges took over without my control at that moment.

Awkward and embarrassed couldn’t even begin to describe how I felt when I picked up my discarded shirt and wore it back while praying my erection should calm down before we sat down to talk. Thankfully it did, and we’re now in my room, but I’m finding it hard to focus, solely because of what Areum is wearing.

She looks so sexy in it, and my laser vision even picked up the faint cherry blossom prints on her bra that’s under the top. If I hadn’t mentally knocked myself to regain my control sometime back, I would have already uncovered all the treasures she’s hiding under her clothes. I don’t really know whether to feel upset that our make out ended too abruptly or relieved that nothing progressed, but I think we’re about to do the right thing now. Which is to talk.

When I realize it would be impossible to hold a conversation and her gaze without her distracting clothes getting in the way, I hurry to my wardrobe and pick out a large T-shirt that would safely conceal all of her pure skin that is threatening to destroy me.

“Do you mind wearing this? I really can’t focus well otherwise.” I toss the shirt to her, and she catches it with a look of incredulity.

Nevertheless, she slips it on while I turn my back to her and wrestle with my mind not to look at her now. When Areum tells me that she’s done, I move my swivel chair closer to the bed and sit down on it facing her. She looks comfortable wearing my shirt and sitting on my bed, and the highly domestic sight makes me puff out a breath of relief, a strong sense of familiarity and warmth enveloping me.

“Areum, I’m sorry for what happened. I didn’t really intend to… you know- to touch you like that…” I’m finding it so hard to use my voice and words, and hell, I didn’t know apologizing for my propensity for affection and intimacy would be so hard.

“Why are you apologizing for it?” Areum questions right back, tilting her head to one side. “I wanted it, too. And it wasn’t like we were doing something totally wrong or forbidden. We’re adults anyway.” Her shoulders lift in a casual shrug, making my eyebrows come together slightly.

“Adults?” I laugh softly through my nose, my fingers carding through my hair. “Yeah, we’re adults by age, and physically we’re adults, yes. But mentally? Are we even there yet? It isn’t that turning 18 magically makes us adults overnight.” My words make her expressions transform from a confused frown to a sigh of realization laden with embarrassment.

Areum lowers her head a little and clasps her fingers together on the top of her lap, pressing her lips into a thin line. Her reaction is a little painful because I didn’t intend to hurt her in any way, but I had to speak up the truth which I have been reflecting on for the past few days while dealing with various other things.

“Hey,” I roll my chair closer to the bed and gently untangle her fingers, taking one of her hands in mine. She looks up at me, her lips gathering into an innocent pout. “How well do we know each other to be doing what we were doing earlier?” I question her, and she just stares back at me.

“I’ll admit it first.” I continue. “Apart from the playful truth or dare games that we’ve played and the short time we’ve spent talking and texting each other, I really don’t know much about you. I mean, I don’t even know why you take two different buses and get down at different stops.” I confess, making Areum sit up straighter.

“That’s because my parents are divorced and my mother and father live in different houses and my time is shared between them.” Her spontaneous confession is accompanied by a glaze of tears that rapidly collects at the corners of her eyes.

Yet, I’m not completely taken by surprise because I’ve already heard this from some of my friends at school, which I believed was just a rumor until I observed how she took two different buses and got down at two different stops. Now it’s just a confirmation from her for what I already knew hazily. However, I don’t tell her any of that because it might make her feel betrayed. I decide to give her a neutral reply instead without hinting about whether or not I knew it earlier.

“I’m sorry, Areum. Sorry for bringing it up.” I apologize; my apology feeling a lot more natural and heartfelt this time.

“Don’t be, please. I wanted to tell it to you myself. Please don’t think I wasn’t being honest or something. It’s just that I hate discussing things connected to the hardest parts of my life.” The tip of her nose is so pink, and a drop of tear hangs from her long lashes, the sight of which breaks my heart.

Hidden within this beautiful young woman who infiltrated my thoughts to an unimaginable extent and even gave me my first kiss is an innocent little child who is hurt and broken. Her inner child who needs to heal. I’ve been there before, and I still find myself stuck there sometimes, witnessing the disappearance of one parent and struggling for answers through the years. I still have none, and I can see myself in her eyes. We’re the same—broken and insecure on the inside, seeking love, stability and affirmation on the outside.

Unknowingly, a drop of tear drips down from my eye when I blink, and I hold her hand tighter, trying to let her know that I want to stay strong for her and be there for her. All I want to do now is give her a tight hug and tell her that the hardest parts are now in the past, but all I do is move closer and wipe away her tears with my thumbs.

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes with a forced smile amidst her tears, and I gently shush her.

Crying in someone’s presence isn’t a sign of weakness or vulnerability. It is a sign that she’s feeling safe to put out her emotions in front of me, and she trusts me enough to let her guard down and show me her vulnerable side. If anything, it makes me feel more responsible and protective towards her.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you’re uncomfortable, but I wish I could know more someday just so I could love you more. I want us to be so much more than what we are now.” I say, hoping my feelings for her are condensed effectively in these few words as I catch another drop of tear from her red-rimmed eyes.

Areum only nods slowly in response, clutching my hand tighter.

“I’m really sorry for shutting off. I have been dealing with a lot, and I really needed some time to think through things and pull myself together.” I confide, momentarily lowering my gaze.

“Was it because of me? Please be honest.” Areum asks, her tone soft yet demanding.

“No.” I admit the truth. “It was because of me and many other things that happened. The night of our graduation, I was super excited and in the mood for celebration. So I met Namjoon and Jin-Hyuk and we went out for dinner. Namjoon and Jin-Hyuk met with an accident on our way back, and I had to rush them both to the hospital. Namjoon escaped with a few bruises, but Jin-Hyuk lost quite some blood and cracked his wrist.”

Areum’s eyes go wide with shock, and she clamps a hand over her mouth, gasping. “Oh my God! How is he now?”

“He’s getting better, but he couldn’t play on the day of our practical exam. Coach was so upset, and he had no choice but to go ahead without one player.” I nod slowly, feeling terrible about what happened to my best friend.

“That’s so terrible. What would he do now? Will there be another chance or a special consideration for him? I mean, it wasn’t his fault.” Areum sounds helpless, her expressions mirroring the same.

“We aren’t sure for now. He might have to apply for a re-exam or something and try, but then his wrist would take over six weeks to heal, and that means he’d be late for the fall admission deadline. So he would lose a year.” Areum gasps when she hears me, her shoulders sinking in defeat.

“That’s so unfair. I feel so bad for him. What about his exam scores? Can’t he just apply for some university with those scores?”

“He can, and that’s what everyone has advised him to do. He’s considering, yet undecided. A sports scholarship would have really helped him.” I say, and Areum nods understandingly.

“I wish there was something I could do to help him. How’s he feeling about all of this?” She asks me, withdrawing her hand that was growing sweaty in my hold.

“He’s just starting to accept things. It might take time, and it’s sad to see him so withdrawn. He’s never been that kind.” Even as I say this, my heart aches for my best friend, and Areum silently nods to acknowledge my words.

“I’ve been feeling terrible about all of this because I was the one who wanted to go out for dinner that night. The fault is mine because otherwise he would have just stayed home that night. I’ve been feeling so guilty for putting him through all of this. I feel like I’ve betrayed him and deprived him of something so important as the practical exam. It was the ultimate thing for all of us in the team, and he really had such big dreams.” My head hangs when I come clean about something that was twisting inside my chest like the blade of a rusted knife.

“Jungkook, don’t say that. I understand how you’re feeling and I get why you feel this way. But it wasn’t because of you. You just happened to be there and took him out, and your intentions were good. It was just meant to happen, and it has nothing to do with you. Please don’t blame yourself.” Areum takes back my hand in hers and offers soft strokes to the back of my hand.

“Namjoon tells that, too. But all that blood flowing out of his hand… I almost fainted seeing it. There was just too much going on within my mind, and I felt so stuck and useless. I just couldn’t focus on anything and my thoughts were so scattered and disturbing. Honestly, I felt like a burden to myself. I didn’t even want to trouble my mother with any of this, and I’ve been dealing with everything on my own. I’m sorry, but I can be a little too much to handle at times.” I rake a tense hand through my hair, feeling my guilt, frustration and helplessness surface once again.

“Sometimes we all are that way, and it’s perfectly okay. But know that we are always here for you—your mother, me, your friends...everyone. As his best friend, I’m sure you’ve done all that you can for Jin-Hyuk, and I know you will continue to do anything within your power to help him. Jungkook, I know how close you guys are and how much he means to you. Trust me, you’re doing great. Don’t ever doubt yourself. His dreams may have been damaged now, but this isn’t the end.” These were the words I wanted to hear from someone, and it just happened to be Areum, and now I feel terrible for shutting her off like that and giving her an undeserving silent treatment while coping with my emotions.

“Areum, I’m so sorry for cutting off from everyone like that. It was like a rollercoaster ride for me these past ten days, and I didn’t at all enjoy it one bit. One day I was thrilled about my first kiss and went out to celebrate my graduation with friends. The same night my best friend breaks a wrist and bleeds badly. The next day, he goes through a surgery and wakes up a day later. Five days later, I led the team to victory in the practical exams without him. It was all contradictory and confusing for me. I didn’t know whether to celebrate or cry, and to top it all off the guilt was killing me from the inside. I didn’t really want to put you through my uncontrolled emotions because you didn’t deserve that.” I say without pausing for a breath, feeling the commotion of all my thoughts bursting out through my words.

“Don’t ever say that, Jungkook. I want you to know that I will never consider your troubles as a burden. I want to be there to share every moment together, be it happy or sad ones. Tell me how you feel, open up to me. I may not always be able to give you a solution, but I will always be supportive and attentive. I promise.” She curls her pinky finger around mine, linking them together in a strong promise that means everything to me at the moment.

My lips quiver, and I feel more tears brimming in my eyes. Her words carry so much weight and value, and I was so wrong when I said that mentally we aren’t adults yet. I may not be there yet, but she’s way ahead of me, and it shows in how her words themselves feel like a warm embrace. Mental maturity is always a journey and never a destination, and we both still have a long way to go, but right now, I wish the journey would be with her. I want to grow with her, and I wouldn’t want it to be any other way.

“I’m sorry for dressing provocatively. It’s so embarrassing.” Areum says as she tucks the discarded lace top under her thigh and covers her eyes with her hands for a few seconds. She then uses them to move her hair behind her ears.

“You look so much more comfortable in these clothes, and trust me, you really made those clothes look nicer. It wasn’t the other way.” I pinch her nose, earning a shy giggle from her.

“These aren’t even my clothes.” Areum tells me, proceeding to explain about the hideous advice she received from her friend’s older sister and how she almost thought what the older girl told her was the truth of life.

I feel a little shocked because Areum found the courage to do this even though she wasn’t fully sure she wanted it. But she’s safe now because it was me, and I decided to put a full stop before things took a dirty turn. Had it been some other guy in my place, he would have most definitely misused her vulnerability, and it scares me to think of what would have happened to her.

Areum even remorsefully elaborates the argument she had with her mother this morning.

Now what did I say about mental maturity being a journey? This proves that even though Areum is ahead of me, she’s also traveling, growing and learning.

Areum and I catch up about Miso and all the missed events in our lives from the past ten days, big and small, significant and negligible, funny and disastrous, showing photos to each other, and it really feels to me like my body is reunited with my soul. Keeping my distance from her was the worst thing I did to myself, and no wonder I was feeling so incomplete and insecure. Even though we’ve known each other for only a few months now, it really feels like she and I are two puzzle pieces who fit so well and complete each other.

“I really missed you so much,” I lean closer, gently pushing some strands of hair behind her ear even though they weren’t misplaced.

“I missed you, too, Jungkook. So terribly.” Areum leans her soft cheek on my palm, bringing a smile to my lips.

“Can I kiss you?” I ask her, swiping my thumb over her cheek.

“Yes, please.” The cute urgency in her voice makes me chuckle, and I leap onto the bed right beside her, claiming her lips.

I wish my hands could behave, but they don’t seem to be willing to cooperate with my mind as they drift down to her clothed thigh, lightly squeezing and stroking her.

“Are we adults now?” Areum mumbles against my lips, and I grin against her lips, removing my hand from her thigh and using both my hands to hold her tight against me instead.

Areum falls back on the bed with our lips still connected and my hands still wound tight around her. I keep my hips lifted at a safe distance, and it’s almost like I’m doing a plank hold on top of her.

We both end up laughing at my overly conscious action, but she doesn’t tease me about it.

“I want to take it slow, and I want us to make our relationship meaningful. Do you feel the same?” I ask her, resting my forehead on hers and feeling her hot and broken breaths hitting against my sensitive lips.

“Yes, I do.” She pecks my lips once and then again, and then our lips meld together once again in a deeper smooch.

Moments later, the alarm on my phone goes off, indicating that it’s almost time for my mom’s return from work. It’s something that I’ve been using for a long time to make sure I’m all set and good when she gets back home.

I let Areum wear my shirt back home, and I help her into her coat by the door while sneaking in a few kisses here and there. We then silently walk hand in hand to the bus stop.

“Areum,” I call, gazing deep into her innocent eyes. It’s truly fascinating how she can be this mind blowing kisser with the most seductive gaze one moment and the next moment transform into a lost puppy.

“You wanted to say something?” She asks me, her body language reflecting her reluctance to leave.

“Sometimes it can be hard to talk to parents, mothers specifically. It can be especially difficult if it’s about something that concerns them. I know it a little too well, but if there’s an adult you trust apart from your mother and father, then talk to them and get some clarity before you apologize to your mother.” I feel a little proud of myself for telling her that because it’s something I’ve always wished I had.

A trusted adult that I could talk to.

Sadly, I’ve had no one, and I’ve always been left to fend for my own emotions. Of course, my mother has always been there for me, but sometimes I feel the things I want to discuss aren’t really appropriate. It hasn’t been easy by any means, and sometimes I’m so bad at handling myself, but I don’t think it’s the same with Areum.

From what I understand, she has good adults around her. It could be her stepmother or even her mother’s boyfriend. Who she trusts the most to talk to is really up to her. But I sincerely hope she does and sorts things out with her mother because I know how much she loves her deep down and how much she regrets the harsh words she threw at her.

“I will. I promise.” Areum assures me with a big smile when the bus arrives at the stop.

She then climbs in, and as the bus moves away, I watch with a huge sense of relief and joy engulfing me. I feel thankful she came here today because I was truly sinking and struggling, and her presence has helped me understand so much about me, her, us, our relationship goals, and about life itself in general.

In all these years, my heart has never felt so wholesome on my short walk back home, and I’m unable to stop the smile that’s spreading across my lips. Everything just seems a lot better now. All thanks to Areum.

And maybe her friend’s older sister’s advice did really help us today.

Published on : 01/07/2025