⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺
My best memories are the ones we make together.
. ✦ .

Yoongi

“I’m sorry for keeping you up so late,” I tenderly hold Jang-Mi’s hand in mine and apologize for what has become a habit these days.

Lately, we have been talking late into the night, every night, losing track of time and reality until sleep somehow uncontrollably draws one of us in. The proof of it is staring at me when I’m looking into her weary eyes that are about to succumb any moment, owing to a few nights of poor sleep.

Last night, in particular, we both barely slept for a couple of hours, and I know I look a little wrecked, too. But all that matters is that the night was so memorable, she’s with me now, and how I look is not even worth discussing.

“Yoongi, come on. It was the best night of my life after so long,” she places a hand atop mine, warmly nestling my hand within both her hands.

I sigh softly, linking my fingers with hers. “I wish I could erase all the other best nights from your memory and hear you telling me someday that you had the best ever night of your life, and not just one among the other best nights of your life. And I wish I could be the reason for you to tell that,” my words are earnest, and from the bottom of my heart.

“I wish for the same, and I think it will happen soon. I wish I could erase the memories, too…but some memories are just so hard to overcome or forget,” she states with a sad, lopsided grin, flapping her eyelids slowly.

I already sounded insecure with my wish to erase her good memories from the past, and even though her comment now makes me feel more insecure, I laugh softly at that, but only through my nose. Lifting our joined hands to our face level, I rest our elbows on the table between us. I’m trying not to take offense, but right now I can’t bear the thought that Jang-Mi’s memories of some of the best nights of her life are probably with another man—her ex-husband, to be precise.

“Jang-Mi, I wish I could be the only one to make your days and nights memorable. I do not want the moments we share and the memories we make to be compared with anything else. I do not want to be compared with anyone. I wish to be the only one,” I squeeze her hand lightly, emphasizing my heartfelt statement with a deep stare into her eyes.

Jang-Mi says or does nothing for a few seconds, but she only looks back into my eyes, reading them like the pages of a book.

“Yoongi, are you feeling insecure? Do you still think I haven’t fully moved on?” Her questions aren’t coming out in an agitated or desperate manner. They sound rather calm and collected.

“I don’t think so, but maybe he made a bigger impact, and I’m doubtful if I could ever be the better man,” I’m doing my best to not allow my emotions and insecurities to take over, but my voice still sounds a little wobbly and unsure.

“Did I make you feel that way?” Her expressions fall, her shoulders drop, and her hands leave mine, returning to the top of her lap instead.

Jang-Mi lowers her head and inhales deeply before she looks back up at me with a slight turbidity in her expressions. It somehow makes my heart sink.

I can’t believe that I passed such an insensitive remark and offended her. The thin film of tears are proof that he has most definitely made an impact on her, in good and bad ways alike. And now is when I wish even more sincerely to erase her past completely.

“Jang-Mi, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you in any way. I’m really sorry,” I’m quick to apologize, but her tears are quicker as they roll down her cheeks, one following the other.

Her nose turns pink, and she shakes her head lightly.

“No, don’t be sorry. I shouldn’t have said such a thing. I know precisely where things went wrong earlier, and I do not ever want that to happen again with anyone else. A few wrong words can start a little fire somewhere that will someday burn down everything. I don’t want that to happen, and definitely not with you,” she utters in a shaky voice, dismissing her tears with the tips of her fingers.

“Jang-Mi, it’s all going to be okay. I haven’t been in a romantic relationship ever, but I know it takes consistent efforts from both sides to make it work.” I state confidently as I lean forward and take her hand back to mine.

“Then can we talk more? Will you listen to me as a friend? I think that’ll help,” she suggests, and I agree without any delay, nodding.

“As I said, I have absolutely no lingering feelings for the man he became. But what I meant when I said that some memories are hard to overcome is because he was the first man I fell in love with. Life was good with him, but we rushed into everything…marriage, parenthood…everything as though we were running out of time or something,” she keeps her eyes on our joined hands while she opens up to me, and I listen in total silence.

“And just like how we rushed with things, the joy and color in our relationship, too, rushed to fade out. We both made a lot of mistakes that we weren’t ready to acknowledge or apologize for doing. We weren’t ready to communicate. Stonewalling, blaming one another, making poor choices, getting revenge on one another…name it, we did it all. The marriage was a recipe for catastrophe, and somewhere down the line we realized it, too, but we weren’t ready to give up. And the only reason was Areum.

“Divorce was inevitable at one point, and we had to make that choice to move on with our lives. I still do feel guilty about some things, and there’s also a lot of regret within me. But it’s absolutely not because I lost him; it’s mostly because back then I didn’t realize how my actions and words affected those around me.” Her eyes finally lift to look at me, and there are no tears in them now; just a strong clarity that reflects off her face as well.

“Yoongi, my marriage with him is nothing more than a major lesson in my life. I’m not telling you that I was always right and he did everything wrong, and I’m not telling you that I can be the perfect woman in our relationship. But I want to promise you that I will not repeat my mistakes,” she turns our hands so that mine is at the bottom and hers is on top of mine.

“Jang-Mi,” I breathe out, curling my fingers around her palm and turning our hands so that hers is below mine now. “I cannot promise that I will heal every wound you bear, but I can promise that I will cherish you and create beautiful memories that will make you miss me when I’m not around anymore. I promise that our relationship will not be a lesson, it will be an experience, a journey, and a beautiful picture that we will paint together,” I clasp her hand tighter and place it on my chest.

“It feels like you’re preparing your wedding vows,” Jang-Mi chuckles as she sends a quivering smile my way amidst her tears that show up.

“You could say that,” my shoulders lift in a small shrug as I dip my neck a little, chuckling.

“Yoongi,” her voice summons my eyes back to hers. “Don’t ever doubt if you could be the better man because there’s no competition. You are the only man, and I don’t want it any other way,” there is a resolute firmness and clarity in her voice that makes my skin bristle and back stiffen.

My heart hammers so hard upon hearing what she just said, so much that it aches within my chest to hold her close. I wish I could marry her right away, whisk her away from everyone, and protect her with my everything. But I doubt she’d rush into another marriage. I just have to wait, I guess.

“The way my heart beats for you,” I press her hand down on my chest to let her feel the drumming within, and it makes her cheeks erupt into a sweet blush.

“My heart has been doing the same ever since I met you,” Jang-Mi says softly, opening her palm and placing it flat to the middle of my chest.

I swear my heart did a thing and stopped beating for a good few seconds and resumed functioning with even more thunderous beats than before.

“Should I check?” I raise a brow at her, smirking when I see her eyes widen.

“Just how naughty are you?” She pushes me playfully with her hand that’s on my chest and leans back in her seat.

Laughing, I drag my chair closer to hers, and she shakes her head lightly, failing to suppress her shy smiles.

“Do you want to rest for a while? There’s not much to do in the kitchen, and I think you need some sleep,” I press a hand on the seat of my chair between my thighs and lean forward to tuck some hair strands behind her ear.

“Yeah, I guess. I’ll head back home now,” she smiles at me and reaches out to grab her purse from the table.

“It’s not safe to drive back when you’re sleep deprived. I live upstairs. You could rest there,” I offer her, keeping my expectant gaze steady on her.

“I- sure, I don’t mind if you’re okay with it.”

“I wouldn’t ask if I’m not okay with it. Come on,” I rise from my seat and hold out my hand to her.

Taking my hand, she follows me into the kitchen, and then through the back door that opens to the rickety staircase on the left, which ascends directly to the door of my living room.

Once inside, I lead her to my room and turn around to look at her while she takes in her new surroundings.

“It could be a little too bright here. So I’ll draw these curtains closed,” saying so, I proceed to close the curtains and make the room more comfortable for her to fall asleep in.

“Thank you, Yoongi. It feels really comfortable here. I’ll make it a quick nap,” Jang-Mi says with a warm and tired smile.

Smiling, I remove her purse from her hand and set it aside on a chair beside the window. I then place both my hands on her shoulders and look into her eyes.

“Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be downstairs, and just a phone call away,” it takes everything in me to say that because all I want to do now is curl up with her in bed and feel warm.

“You do know what I need,” she slightly tilts her head to one side, and that’s enough reason for me to wrap my arms around her in a tight and warm hug.

“I need something, too,” I whisper to the top of her head, and with her arms still linked around me, Jang-Mi lifts her head to look at me, her lips pulling into a wide smile.

She cranes her neck to allow our lips to meet, and I hold her face in my hands, tilting my head to one side and kissing her passionately. If anything, this kiss only makes me want us to get into bed right away, with or without our clothes. But I hold back the wild surges of desire and settle with just this one kiss for the moment.

When we lean back from the kiss, Jang-Mi takes a step back to take off her peacoat, revealing her form-fitting sweater and jeans that were concealed by the coat all this while. The sight of the turtle neck sweater and the jeans hugging her curves snugly in all the right places is polluting my thoughts and making me want to ditch the bakery just for today.

But I also don’t think she could sleep comfortably in those jeans.

Without asking her, I turn around and throw open my wardrobe, picking out a pair of joggers and a loose sleep shirt thereafter.

Turning back to face her, I extend the clothes to her, and she looks at them before casting her eyes back on me.

“I might not open the bakery if you sleep in my bed wearing these,” I point with my chin to the clothes she’s wearing now, and it makes her check out her attire with a slightly confused look; her arms wide apart.

“What about my clothes?” She raises her eyebrows in question.

“They’re giving me a hard time, Jang-Mi. Change into these loose-fitting ones,” I thrust the clothes into her hands and steal a quick kiss before she could react. “Sleep well,” I ruffle her hair lightly and leave the room, chuckling when I see the flustered look on her face.

I close the doors on my way and head back to the bakery with a wide smile on my lips. The smile stays even while I put up the baked goods on display and prepare the space for the day.

Seon-Ho arrives shortly after, and my work day begins as usual. But it would be safe to say that I’m only physically present in the bakery. My heart and mind are already in bed with Jang-Mi, whispering sweet nothings into her ear and watching her slowly drift off to sleep.

At this point, I’m impatiently waiting to just close the business for the day and climb into bed with her.

An alert for the post-traumatic state of mind and thoughts about to show up in the next chapter. Please read without judgments.
❤

Published on : 12/20/2024