"Azazel's attacks go as far south as the meat-packing district- and then the trail goes cold." said Alec when we all stood around the table in the Ops Center.

Jace huffs, "It's no use just tracking the dead bodies- with his ability to dematerialize, he could be anywhere."

"Maybe we can help-" Isabelle's voice filled our ears: as she joined us at the table with another man.

"Izzy!" I threw my arms around her, hugging her tight, "Where have you been?"

Clary nods, "We've been so worried about you."

"Looking for Azazel." Isabelle exhales when we pulled away, then gestures to the man, "This is Sebastian Verlac, from the London Institute- when the demon came after me, Sebastian saved my life."

Sebastian chuckles, "Oh, I simply lent a hand."

Isabelle spoke, "Sebastian's an expert on all things Azazel."

Sebastian nods, "When I studied abroad at the Paris Institute, I specialized in greater demons."

"Thanks for saving my sister." Alec held his hand out, "I'm Alec-"

"Yeah, thank you-" Jace shook his hand after Alec, "I'm Jace-"

"The great warrior in the flesh." Sebastian shook his hand, "Your reputation precedes you-"

"As does yours." Sebastian looked at me, "You must be Zee- Valentine's eldest daughter?"

"Yeah, that's me." I lightly shook his hand, exhaling slow, "Not the best title to go by-"

"Well, we don't choose our parents." Sebastian said, before shaking Clary's hand in greeting.

"So- tell us about Azazel." Jace clears his throat, "How do we take him down?"

"The only way to banish him is to puncture his demonic core." Sebastian explained, "In corporeal form, it's between the T and T vertebrae, but- it's not that simple- the core is about the size of a pea."

"Oh, so the entry point's right below his sternum?" Jace said, "If I can get close enough, I can kill him."

"You wouldn't have enough velocity, and even if you did, the defeat's only temporary." Sebastian replied, "The nasty buggers always find a way to break out of their realm and come back."

"Thank you for the intel." Alec cut him off, "We'll take it from here."

Sebastian began, "If I can, I'd like to help."

"We appreciate that, but- you don't have clearance to go on mission." Alec denied, "Not this Institute."

Isabelle sighs, "Alec, you can't be serious-"

"Alec- maybe we could use the help?" I tried, looking at him, "I mean- he clearly knows more than us about Azazel."

"Zee's right-" Jace sides with me, "We could use all the help we could get-"

Sebastian took this as a cue, "Now, as far as tracking is concerned, we should really think about-"

"We have a very capable warlock for that." Alec cut him off again, then looked between us all before walking away, "You do what you want- I'm gonna work with Magnus."

-

"You wanted to see us?" Jace questions when he and I were called to Inquisitor Herondale's office.

"Yes." She looked up, "I told you I would decide what was next for you once Azazel was vanquished, so-
here we are."

Jace was protective, "You can do whatever you want with me, but leave Zee out of this."

"Well, that's not possible." She folded her hands, "The Clave wants to have you both tested to get a greater understanding of your unique angel-blood abilities."

"You're serious?" I replied to her, scoffing lightly, "We're not lab rats-"

"On the contrary." She scoffed lightly right back at me, "You two are special- we need a deeper understand of what you two can do."

"Yeah, I got that part-" I said, "And I'm saying no-"

"I'd think long and hard before you make a final decision, Ms. Morgenstern." She warned, "You're saying you don't have any questions about what you can do? How you can do it?"

I stared at her, going quiet.

"Zee, don't let her brainwash you into agreeing-" Jace looked at me, "They're trying to trick you-"

"Jace, my rune ability stopped working-" I looked up at him, my voice lowering, "I want to know why-"

Jace stares at me, "And you think the Clave is the way to do that?"

"I have no other options." I swallowed hard, "Even you don't know how this works- we're both- clueless. Maybe they can find something we haven't-"

Jace stares at me for a few seconds, then sighs and looks up at the Inquisitor, "I guess it's your lucky day."

-

"You think if she ever smiled, her face would crack?" Jace remarked after his sword hit mine, making me shoot him a look right away.

"Oh, shut up-" I pushed him back with the force of our swords against each other, "Can't be easy being a Herondale-"

"Oh, yeah. I know it must be tough to be like Shadowhunter royalty-" Jace remarked again, his body moving in sync with mine, "All that power- prestige."

"Yeah, it must be a lot to handle-" I played along, blocking his every movement, my breathing heavy, "Not like we'd know-"

Jace's breathing matched mine, "Oh yeah- we're not that popular-"

"Says you-" I spun kick, "You're popular with the ladies- you can't name more than like- what- three women you haven't taken to bed yet? When are you going to add them to the list-"

Jace's voice lowered, his eyes lingering with mine, "Well, I think we both know I only want one woman's attention."

"Too bad-" I began, but he caught off guard by throwing my sword out of my hands, "Hey-"

Jace smirks at me, as I walked toward the sword, grabbing it from the ground.

I turned to face him, when he landed right in front of me, his face inches away from mine, making my heart stop.

Jace looked straight into my eyes, his voice low, his breath right on my neck, "You know- we still need to talk."

I swallowed hard, "I'm booked- sorry."

"You sure?" Jace's hand fell onto my shoulder, slowly slipping it down my arm, his thumb dragging against my skin, "Because I think you and I both know that once we have that talk, things will change- and I don't think you want them to change-"

"Sun rune." Inquisitor Herondale's voice broke us apart, making me back away and Jace to back flip behind her, "Try again."

I tossed Jace my seraph blade, before taking the stele she brought me, drawing the sun rune onto my hand, only for nothing to happen, the rune fading.

She stared at me, "So- you've created new runes in the past, and now suddenly, they don't work anymore."

Jace interjects, "What are you saying, she's lying?"

"She is Valentine's daughter." She said, his suspicion glared right on me, my blood boiling at her words.

"I'm done for the day." I stared at her, before throwing the stele onto the ground, walking past her and leaving the room.

-

"Hey-" I stumbled into Alec, a wide smile on my lips, "I heard you banished Azazel- congratulations!"

"Hey- yeah, thanks- look." Alec pulled me to the side, "Zee, we need to talk-"

"Oh- alright-" I looked at him, "What is it?"

Alec exhales, "Um, this is gonna sound crazy. I was just with Valentine, and he says that he's Magnus, that Azazel switched them with some kind of a demonic curse."

I scoff, "What?-"

"I know- It's hard to believe, but it's just that- he knew things that only Magnus could know." Alec lowered his voice, "Like, intimate details."

"Do you think Valentine could've had a warlock steal you memories?" I thought out loud, looking at him, "'Cause that-"

"No, that's not possible. I would have noticed-" Alec shook his head at my thought, making me sigh through my nose.

"Well- I don't know, this is Valentine- alright? He's always ten steps ahead of us- planning his next move-" I looked at him, "But- if he knew intimate details- I say you dig into it more, either find out if it's really true or bust him for lying-"

Alec exhales, then nodded slowly, giving me a small hug, "Thanks-"

-

"Your rune ability still causing you trouble?" Sebastian's voice made me look up to see where it came from, seeing him standing a few feet away from me as I sat alone on a bench in the Greenhouse.

"Sebastian, hi-" I greeted him, blinking a few times, "You know?-"

Sebastian nervously laughs lightly, "Yeah, it's, um- it's kind of the hot topic around here."

"Oh-" I looked down at my stele, then back up at him, "Uhm, hey- you know all this stuff about Azazel- uhm, do you think- he could've taken my powers? I just- they stopped when he showed up- when I tried to use them against him-"

Sebastian lightly shakes his head, "Stealing angelic power is something that even a greater demon can't do."

I sigh, "Well- this proves to be more difficult than I thought-"

"Look, it, um- it might be simpler than you think." Sebastian sat next to me, folding his hands together.

I look at him, "What do you mean?"

"We are trained so fiercely to believe that- emotions cloud our judgment." Sebastian began, "But- I believe that emotions give us power, and when we suppress them, we are all the weaker for it- perhaps, that's the problem."

"I don't know what else it could be besides my mother's death-" I played with the stele in my hand, "But- I feel the pain of that every day- there's no way that I could suppress that kind of pain."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Sebastian apologizes, "And I heard Jace just found out that he's not Valentine's son."

I gave him a weird look, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, think about it." Sebastian rubbed his hands together, "Your father's never really been your father- you've just lost your mother, and the brother that you thought you had isn't your brother."

"Jace." I looked down at my hands, "Right before my runes stopped working, that's when he told me-"

Sebastian began, "That's what you're blocking out-"

"That's not it." I cut him off, my eyes fixed on my hands, swallowing hard as I thought more of it.

"What?" Sebastian blinks when I cut him off, "I- then what is it?"

"Well, you're new here so I guess you have no one to spill my secrets to-" I slowly lifted my head up and looked at him, "It's that when Jace and I were "siblings", it made everything between us a whole lot easier."

Sebastian stares, "How so?"

"Because when we thought we were siblings- nothing could have possibly happened between us," I scoff lightly to myself and looked ahead, "But- what's terrifying- is that- now that we know we aren't- I know I have feelings for him- when I know I shouldn't."

Sebastian listened, "Why would you say that?"

"Because he's Jace- my best friend-" I confided in him, "Because he and I were both raised on the same idea of love- neither of us will be able to handle that- and I don't want to experience pain of the hard truth- that- we can't love each other- because that's not how we're built."

"Zee, you need to feel that pain." Sebastian stares at me, his voice low, "You need to."

-

"I don't know why you felt the need to bring him here." Alec said to me when he, Sebastian and I were rushing towards Magnus' apartment after we had learned that he and Valentine has switched bodies, and they had held Jace captive.

I shot him a look, "We need all the help we can get-"

"Whoa-" Alec grabbed my arm and stopped me from getting anywhere near the door when we had reached the apartment.

Sebastian stopped as well, "Wards are up-"

"What?" I blink, "You said Valentine wouldn't have this kind of warlock power- he has no idea what he's doing-"

"Yeah, as always, he defies expectations-" Sebastian looks at me, "Look, we're gonna need you-"

"I can try- no promises, though." I exhale slow and grabbed out my stele, standing in front of the door, running my stele over the barrier, the rune I was trying to draw not taking.

Alec stares, "Try again-"

"I can't make it work-" I tried to say.

Sebastian cuts me off, "Yes, you can."

I swallow hard and tried again, only for the rune to have the same reaction, making me grab my head in frustration with myself.

Sebastian grabbed my arms and forces me to look at him, "Tell me what it feels like to love someone but never be able to actually be with them."

I stammered, "What?-"

Alec interjects, "That's enough."

"Trust me on this, okay?" Sebastian assured him, "Trust me-"

"Look, you both were raised on the same idea of love- that loving someone is to destroy them and to receive that kind of affection is to be the one who gets destroyed-" Sebastian told it to me straight, "And that kind of sentiment doesn't just fade when you've found someone."

I clench my jaw, "Sebastian-"

"You want so badly to love that person without having to worry about that sentiment- but you can't- because it makes you believe that you're incapable of love-" Sebastian's words hurt me, "It was so much easier avoiding the tension between the two of you when you thought you were related, but that's not the case anymore- and the truth is? You preferred it that way-"

Alec cuts in, "Sebastian, this isn't working-"

"You're afraid of love because you're afraid of pain." Sebastian stared right into my eyes, tears falling from my own, "And that's why you can't love anyone- because you weren't wired that way- neither of you were."

"And that? It causes an empty feeling that eats away at your soul and makes you feel like you want to die, day after day after day, it never stops." Sebastian put my stele in my hands, "Now- take that pain and use it."

I let out a shaky breath, taking a few steps back, sniffing, before turning towards the door and running my stele over the barrier, drawing the rune, as it took this time, the wards falling.

We acted quick, opened the doors to see Magnus and Valentine fighting each other off with a open portal right behind them.

Magnus yelled for Alec, "Alexander!"

I took this as my cue, rushing towards Valentine and running into the portal with him, the both of us falling onto the ground when we came out the other side in his cell.

Two guards grabbed him as I got up to my feet, as he stared at me, "You're taking the wrong side, Zee. One day- you'll understand."

-

"Zee, hey-" Sebastian's voice made me stop and turn, looking up at him as he stood in front of me, "Um- look, I- I'm sorry if I was too hard on you tonight. I hope you know I never wanted to do anything- to purposefully hurt you-"

"Oh- no worries-" I lightly wave him off, clearing my throat, "You helped me with my runes- honestly, I don't know how to thank you. If it weren't for you- I wouldn't have faced that fact-"

He tries, "Well, how would you feel about dinner?"

My breathing stopped, "Sebastian-"

"Oh God, I was too forward, wasn't I?" Sebastian clears his throat, "I was-"

"No- look, it's not you- it's me-" I assured him, pressing my palms together, "I just- you were right about everything you confronted me about today- and- you know-"

Sebastian shook his head, "No, no- I understand-"

I gave him a weak smile out of guilt, taking a few steps back, "Thank you again- for everything."

authors note:

sad times

this book doesn't get as much clout as all my other books, and IT'S A DAMN SHAME. THERE'S TEA IN THIS BOOK

but it's ight, it's okayyy, love this book anyways

thank you for 20k !!

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