October 16, 1936

18 years old and all alone... without my mom, I mean. Well, at least I have Bucky, right?

But he could never really understand anyway. She just died yesterday... even though I feel like I had already lost her a while ago.

I just don't know how I'll ever learn to live a life without her, even with Bucky by my side.

October 18, 1936

Not feeling all that much better. The days are really long and it's just terrible living in this house as the days grow short and cold.

Bucky offered to move in, but I'm not sure if I can live in this house with someone other than her. I'm not sure if I can live in this house at all anymore, really.

Too many memories.

November 4, 1936

Selling the house was the best thing I could have done. I left all the bad memories behind... but with that, all the good ones are gone too.

At least I'm not alone. I moved in with Bucky. We sort of have our own apartment... I started to move in maybe three days ago.

I hope it continues to go well.

November 26, 1936

Thanksgiving. The first one without homemade cranberry sauce to deuce the fresh turkey in. No 'special' stuffing and certainly no veggies that would have been brewing for hours beforehand.

Just us.

Two turkey slices on cold bread and a thin slice of cheese for a quick 6 o'clock dinner at the small rickety wooden table in the kitchen.

That's all I needed. Well, that's all I got.

December 12, 1936

What a past few months it has been. It's been... weird, for the lack of a better word.

Having a best friend and spending every possible waking moment with them is one thing (mostly because you go back to your respective houses after hanging out). But having a best friend for years on end and then finding yourself living with them in an apartment in NYC is something completely different.

Sharing this apartment has been fantastic. I mean, sure, It's cramped a little bit and we only have one mattress and one bathroom but we manage just fine.

The only downside is me. I'm so weak. I feel so bad because Bucky has to work all day and I stay home, helpless. With the snow falling and my terrible asthma, I can't be working - nevermind spend long days outside.

So I spend hours and hours and hours all alone. Oh well.

December 20, 1936

Christmas is right around the corner and I'm not sure how I'll deal with it. Everyone is so happy, and I usually am too, but without her...

Anyway.

On a more upbeat note, I'm not sure what to get Bucky. We've known each other for, I don't know, ever... and I never know what to get him. This happens every year!

What do I want? Well, I don't know about that either but he always seems to get me the perfect gift... even if I didn't know I had wanted it to begin with.

December 24, 1936

It's Christmas Eve and today I seem to have forgotten about... all of it.

Bucky's gift is all wrapped messily in... well, a brown paper bag because I can't really afford more than that. I wish I could, you know, do more for him. But I can't.

Things have been... different over the past few days. I don't really know how to put it into words but, I've noticed the slightest change in him. In us. Our interactions.

I mean. I'm not saying it's a bad change because it most definitely is not. He's... closer. A lot closer.

Allow me to explain.

On the couch at night two days ago we were listening to the record player and I was falling asleep (it was late, like 12:30pm)... but then the record started playing what he claimed to be his favorite Christmas song of all time (even though I didn't believe one word of what he was saying).

~

"C'mon Steve. Let's dance" he stood and grabbed my hand.

"Are you insane?" I sputtered out in a sleepy fog as I pulled my arm back and rubbed my eyes. "It's late. We should be—"

"Going to sleep" he finished my sentence, mocking my voice with his hands on his hips. "We should this- we should that. This isn't right- don't say that. Blah blah blah," he looked down at me like I was being completely irrational. "Let loose a little. Live your life, Steve."

"But—"

"None of that. No. Not today. Take in all the Christmas joy and just do it" he tugged my arm and before I knew it I was wobbling around on the wood, trying to wake up. 

"Fineeee" I groaned.

"That's the spirit!" He grabbed my waist and hoisted me up into the air and spun me around. Great smiles grew across our faces; as the spinning slowed, he placed me down on the creaky floorboards.

The room was spinning and I was lightheaded but not for the obvious reason (that he just literally spun me around). We both stopped as the song had just abruptly ended. His eyes met mine as he looked down at me and my smile faded away. He tried to force a smile but then let out a short breath of air instead.

His hands still rested on my waist and my hands drifted down his forearms. His eyes drifted down to my lips which were parted slightly. I closed them and pulled away from his lingering hold on me.

"Uhhhm..." I pointed back at our room, "we should uhh—"

"Oh. Uhh yea, we should." He looked down awkwardly and we started towards the bedroom.

~

That night, I don't think we could have slept farther apart if we were literally on opposite sides of the floor.

After that? Well, yesterday was kinda odd too. It was supposed to be his last day of work but...

~

"Mornin' Steve. What're you doing up so early?" He put his hand on my shoulder, almost concerned.

"Oh, I uhh... well I heard you get up. I couldn't fall back asleep" I shuddered in my white t-shirt. It was supposed to be one of the coldest days yet. The snow had started late last night and wasn't letting up- it had piled up to nearly a foot at it was barely 6 yet.

"Steve," he reached across his shoulder and took off his heavy dark blue sweater and I closed my eyes. He wasn't wearing anything under it. "You look cold" I opened my eyes and he handed it to me.

I took it. "Won't you be cold, though, without it?" I asked.

"Maybe. But at least I won't get pneumonia and die if I am."

Good point.

"True" I smiled and put it on. I tried to restrain myself from looking down but it was useless. The hard, flawless mounds on his skin were irresistible... I had to look. And all he did was smile. "Shouldn't you be off to work by now?" I forced myself to look him in the eyes.

"Well yea..." he weaved his thumb through a belt loop, pulling his pants down a little farther. "But I figure- you're cold and alone and it's Christmas and I might as well start my break early to stay with my pal" his other hand made its way to my shoulder.

The only thing I could focus on was something I shouldn't be. That mysterious dark brown trail that led below his jeans... what hides down there? I may never know... even if I really wanted to.

~

We then proceeded to sit on the couch all day and talk about nothing and listen to the radio for what seems like an eternity. He seemed to sit closer, though. More so than usual. Not that I mind, really, because I don't. I... I don't know what I should say. I feel like it's wrong if I admit to liking the closeness of it even though it's God's honest truth.

December 25, 1936

Finally Christmas. A day dedicated to togetherness and family/friends and presents and food... even though the only real thing I had to look forward to on a day like this was Bucky.

~

I rolled over to face the center of the bed and his stunningly deep blue eyes were already half open, foggy from sleep.

"Morning," he moved closer, "Merry Christmas, Stevie."

"Merry Christmas, Buck" I forced a smile. I just wanted to lay there and look at him— his rosy cheeks, plump lips, luscious dark brown locks... and eyes I could get lost in for days.

The smile fell from his face, leaving a somewhat serious expression behind. Like he wanted something and was determined to get it no matter what he had to do. His lips fell open as he inched closer to my face and lifted off his pillow. Then, as if out of nothing, he stopped and backed away.

"What— uhmm, do you... wanna have for breakfast?" He asked.

You.

Or at least that's what I wanted to say. "Do we have any eggs?" Is what I actually said.

"I believe we do" he smiled and stood. I did the same and we started for the kitchen.

What a way to start the morning.

First eggs (yay) then we headed for the window. The snowfall had dwindled overnight but some small delicate flakes still lingered in the brisk morning winds.

I sat on the windowsill and he stood behind me as we both looked out into the misty morning sunrise. I could feel his body heat passing through my shirt, he had pressed up against me and placed his hand on my shoulder from behind.

My eyes closed as my mind wandered for a moment...

"Hey, Steve?" He interrupted my sweet, but somewhat unrealistic, thoughts.

"Yea?" I turned my head.

"Do you... maybe wanna open our presents now?"

"Good idea."

We moved to the couch, which was lit by the glow of leftover embers from this morning's fire in the fireplace. The small and sad looking droopy Christmas tree had two brown-paper-bag-wrapped type presents under it (or, near it, rather... because the tree was too small to actually fit anything beneath it).

"You first," I insisted. Mostly because I hate gifts. You never know what's inside and you have to hope and pray that you'll actually like it.

He took the poorly wrapped gift from me, "fine." Methodically opening the gift, he managed to keep the 'wrapping paper' in one piece. "Oh my— You didn't have to. Thank you" he held up the coat. He had been wanting it for months now and his old one was all worn out so it was almost the perfect present. It was light brown with two pockets and just his style; even though it was a little bit overpriced, it was well worth it to see this look of pure joy on his face. He leaned in and gave me a tight squeeze, taking my breath away (both literally and figuratively). "Seriously. Thank you," he pulled away. "Ok. Your turn," he showed me the box he had wrapped ever-so neatly and then handed it to me.

"Thanks," I replied, pulling at all sides and opening it as fast as I possibly could. "Bucky— thank you... thank you so, so much. Wh- where did you even find this?— nevermind. Thank you."

It was a sketch pad.

I have wanted one for years but I could never find the right one and he had finally done it. I lunged at him and stole a long hug, taking in the sensation of his strong arms around me and the scent of him.

Wood-chips and spearmint toothpaste .

~

Best day - ever - so far... I hope we can continue in this direction.

December 29, 1936

Only a few days have gone by and I've already drawn so many pictures in my new sketch pad (they're not all that great but I'm sure they'll get better).

Bucky tells me he has a surprise planned for me on New Years Eve. I'm hoping it's that we get to go out this year because last year was super boring here all alone.

Now that I'm finally 18, I can (legally) drink so I'm ready and raring to go anywhere he takes me. I'm determined to have a good time.

December 31, 1936

What a day... well it was kinda two days... allow me to take it from the top.

~

"Hey Steve— Steve... wake up!" He whispered.

"What is it? I'm trying to sleep"

"I have something planned for us for later..." he bounced on the bed.

"Buuuckyyyyy" I groaned and turned onto my back to look at him on my right.

"Mornin' sunshine" he smiled stupidly. I reached over to grab his arm and shove him away out of embarrassment but he had already taken my wrist. "Nuh uh uh—" he chuckled, "nice try," he pushed my arm down and rustled through my somewhat messy blonde hair.

"Hey!" I laughed and grabbed his arm even though it was no use. We wrestled for dominance until he pushed himself on top of me with his legs on either side of my waist. He pushed down my arms and his face landed inches away from mine; the great smile that had been shining through pearly white teeth just a moment ago had faded away as his eyes grew ominous and lingered across my face. Like a thousand stars snd nebulae shining within them. I heard him swallow and saw his lips spread open as he got closer.

"Uhm— Buck? What -uh- were you saying...?" I said, quickly. I had to. I couldn't deal with that feeling. Like fire surging through my veins, heating my cheeks and making me feel like I needed him near me. His mysterious eyes pulling me in deeper and that sweet tingly sensation pushing across my skin... through my arms and chest- that fire burning a pit in my stomach traveling below my belt line...

"Uhm— yea we're gonna go to the bar" he sat up but didn't get off of me. I felt -something- pushing down on me. Something indescribably hard and warm and— oh.

Then he realized too and rolled over to his side of the bed.

Great.

I got up and went to the bathroom because... well, I kinda had half a boner too.

He sat on the bed and watched me walk awkwardly to the bathroom, pretending not to notice.

~

That was the first thing that happened... but it got much, much more intense as the day progressed.

~

It was 8:00 pm and I was in front of the mirror fixing my hair.

"Steve!? Steve!? Where are you?"

"I'm in the bathroom!" I called as he walked in.

"There you are, Stevie" his hands slid across my back and rested atop my shoulders. He pressed himself on my backside for a moment before sliding his hands back down and stepping to the side.

Chills shivered down my spine.

"Yea I'm just- uh, fixing my hair"

"Pfft you look fine Steve," he looked me up and down. "Really- I would tell you if you looked bad" he smiled shyly.

"Okay" I backed away from the mirror and looked up at him.

"Alright," his hand fell upon my shoulder, "let's get going. We don't wanna miss the best part of the party."

~

Off to the party we went... and boy was I unprepared for what was coming.

~

It was 9:00 by the time we arrived and the people inside were so loud that I could hear them from outside.

"Buck, you sure this is a good idea?" I whispered in his ear. I could almost see the shivers crawling across his ear and down his neck from my unexpected hot breath on his skin.

"Yea... don't worry Steve" he moved closer to my ear, "let loose" his soft lips grazed my ear as his hot breath moved harshly across my frail skin. When he pulled away I exhaled slowly and painfully at this sudden closeness being taken away in an instant.

I swallowed hard, "okay." Then we walked inside. Sweat and alcohol filled my nostrils as loud voices and music filled my ears. I felt Bucky's warmth radiating onto the right side of my back and shoulder as he pushed me along through the crowd towards the bar.

"Where are we—," I started.

"What!?!" He couldn't hear me over the voices.

"Where are we going!" I shouted over the noise.

"The bar! It's time you finally lived a little, Steve!" He replied loudly and gently touched my stomach for a fleeting moment.

Ok then. The bar it is. Here goes nothing.

"A beer, please! Uh— make that two!" He told the bartender and the drinks appeared on the counter before us.

At first, I wasn't so sure about drinking but it's New Years Eve and I was with the only person I trusted more than anyone else in the whole world... so I did just as he said. Let loose.

Maybe a liiiittle too much...

"Another beer, please!"

"Beer, for my friend and I!"

Three beers later... I was super drunk and Bucky drank the same amount as I did and wasn't even close.

Fantastic.

I wobbled over to Bucky from my seat at the bar and grabbed onto his shoulders before I toppled over.

"Woa— Steve you're... drunk" he chuckled. "I think we should head home"

"But it's not even midnight yet" my words slurred together.

"Let's go buddy" he gripped my shoulder and directed me towards the door.

Bucky opened the door to our apartment and I stumbled in as he locked it. I sprawled myself across the couch and smiled up at him like a goofy idiot.

"What?" He asked with a smile.

"MmmmNothin'..." I mumbled.

"C'mon" he moved my legs to the floor and sat down where they used to be on the couch, "Steven Grant Rogers is drunk for the first time in his life and I would like to know what he's thinking."

I sat up, leaned my head on his shoulder and looked up into his deep blue eyes, getting lost in my own thoughts for a moment. "I- I know I'm really... drunk"

"Uhh, ya think?" He chuckled.

"No— wait, lemme finish"

"Ok," he smiled and waited.

"I— I don't know where to... what to say. I've wanted to, ya know, tell ya..." I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat and let my mouth hang open as I gaped up at him, the distance between our faces closing in.

"Bucky—" I whimpered as he licked his lips.

My hand found it's way to his cheek, my thumb feeling across the stubble on his chin and grazing over his soft, wet lips.

He managed to choke out a confused "Steve—?" before I sat up a little and ran the fingers on my other hand through his neatly jelled brown hair.

I tugged him in closer and slowly placed my mouth on his, tracing his upper lip with my tongue.

"Mmmm!" he pushed me away. "Steve..." I searched his eyes for a reason or a thought or something, but I couldn't find one single emotion other than confusion. So...

January 1, 1937

"It's 1937 Buck— Happy New Year..." I inched closer and placed my hand on his strong, warm chest.

"What're you—" he started.

"Shhhh" I placed my finger on his lips for a second then leaned in and licked his lower lip with my tongue then turned it into a deep kiss.

And this time, he kissed me back.

It felt like all the tiny shards of my shattered life were finally fitting together. Almost like I wasn't drunk anymore... everything became crystal clear.

I wanted him. God, I wanted him so bad. It was like a wildfire spreading across every inch of my body. Every second that passed I just wanted more. As much as I wanted to tell him, to ask him, to beg him: please, Bucky, oh God please fuck me... I couldn't. All I could do was take this single kiss painstakingly slow.

I buzzed all over with excitement. I felt one hand run through my hair while the other ran up my neck. I climbed up into his lap and straddled his hips, never leaving the kiss.

I was getting antsy... like, could he actually not know how much I wanted him? I started to feel the pulse in my chest travel down into the pit of my stomach then lower and lower and lower and— right there... right then. That's when I couldn't take it anymore.

I started grinding on him slowly and consequently felt my face burn red. I pulled back from the kiss throwing my head back, wanting to savor that hot pulse beating between my legs. I felt a pair of warm, wet lips meet my neck and I let out a slow, quiet moan from deep in my throat.

He stopped. I felt his breath hitting my neck, so I stopped moving my hips. "Buck" I was already out of breath, "Buck... oh God, Buck... why— why'd you... stop" our eyes met. I could see that his eyes were glassy... was he almost in tears?

"Uhhm," He was out of breath too. "I— I don't know... Steve. You're super... drunk. I don't wanna make you-" I interrupted him with a kiss.

"Stop... you're not 'forcing me' or... whatever you were... gonna say," I ran my fingers under the collar of his white dress shirt. "I want this... damn it... I want you... Buck. More than... anything I've... ever wanted in... my life" I pushed myself down on his crotch and slowly moved my hips. He let out a quiet breath of air and closed his eyes.

I knew then that he felt the same way as I did.

"Please... Buck," I whined. After a few seconds, he nodded and pulled at my neck for another kiss.

We kissed, tongues swirling and hot breaths exchanged, for what seemed like forever. I started to quickly undo the buttons on his shirt and he watched me. Until he stopped me, "Stevie... slow it down. We have all night... please— take it slow" he grabbed my waist and placed his lips on my cheek, then slowly moved towards my lips and was ever so gentle in all of his movements.

But I was impatient and that was something Bucky wouldn't understand. He's been with tons of dames before. Not me, though. Not ever.

I'm kind of a virgin. Ugh... figures.

"Buck. Come on. I can't do this so slow... I need you now," I was practically begging him, but I didn't care. My mind was racing with all sorts of different thoughts.

Kiss me deeper
I want you
Your lips are so soft
I want you
Pull on my hair
I want you
Touch my inner thigh again
I want you
My heart is in my throat
I want you
I feel pressure against my zipper
I want you
That sweet throbbing down there
I want you
You would feel so good inside me
I want you
I'm so hard right now
I want you
I need you to make me come
I want you
Please fuck me

Shit.

I undo the rest of the buttons on his shirt and pull it off. He starts undoing mine but he's going snail speed so I start to help. He doesn't seem to mind, he's probably just as eager as I am.

I run my fingers down the mountains and valleys on his hard abdomen. He shivers as I travel further down the brown trail of hair that disappears beneath his black pants.

My fingers stop at his belt line and I stop kissing him. His eyes say yes yes yes so I unbuckle his belt, slowly undo the button and pull down his zipper. Meanwhile, he undoes my suspenders, unbuttons my vanilla colored dress shirt and takes it off.

I blush a deep shade of red when he looks at me in that... that inexplicable way.

"Steve... you're so..."

Frail? Skinny? Fragile? You name it, someone has said it before. I was upset. He hesitated. I actually believed that he thought of me differently than everyone else did. Was I just fooling myself this whole while?

"Steve... You're perfect. God, you're... you're beautiful" his eyes lingered across my bare chest.

"What?" I was shocked. No way would I have guessed he would say anything like that.

"You're just amazing. I can't even explain it. I just..." he stopped.

"What? What do you—"

"We need to like—" he kissed me heatedly, pulling at my hair and cupping my jaw. "I wanna hear all the pretty noises you can make for me. I wanna have you, Steve... all for myself."

I panicked. I wanted that too... for him to hold me tight and never let go, to finally be wanted, for him to have me all for himself, for him to fuck me whenever/however/wherever he pleased over and over until I couldn't take it anymore. I, of course, would never say that. All I could manage to ask was "what's holding you back, then?"

His eyes lit up. "Nothing" he pushed me over onto the couch and I let out a harsh breath as I hit the old cushions. He undid my pants and threw my brown belt across the room where it hit the wooden floor. Probably dented it too, but I couldn't care less at this particular moment.

He was radiating heat and I felt like I was finally thawing out for the first time all winter. He was doing more than I had ever imagined as he lay there on top of me. He kissed my red, beaten lips and licked down my neck... fingers dancing along my skin, across my stomach and on my chest. And just the things he was saying did insane things to me.

Leaving my lips for a moment he muttered: "oh, God... you're so beautiful." Sinful noises flooded the room in the minutes following.

"Steve... I can't take this... nggh, you're wearing too many clothes" he reached down for my pants.

"You're so hot like this, Buck" I whispered back. Within seconds I was in my underwear peeling away his last layers too.

Both of us lay there, kissing and touching and grinding on each other... I could probably come just with this.

He kissed me once more on my lips, complete with his tongue licking between my lips and a choked moan escaping him... shattering all of what composition I had left into tiny shards of nothingness.

Moving onto my jaw then my neck meant it was my turn to moan. Being so eager, I squirmed at the sensations shooting down my spine as he reached my collarbone. I derailed and groaned like nothing I'd ever heard in my life before when his tongue lapped across my nipples.

Bursts of lightning electrified my body as he made it to my stomach. In reaching my belly button, my hips accidentally thrusted forward as I felt my pulse speed up between my legs. Blood rushed down and my cock twitched when his hands came into play... encircling my nipples and sliding down my sides and my arms.

He reached a thin line of golden hair leading from my belly button down to... well. He pulled away from my skin licking his lips and in his return, he licked down that sensitive trail. His tongue found its way just beneath the elastic waistband of my boxers and...

"Ahh— Bucky, holy hell..." I couldn't think straight and he didn't even touch me there yet.

"Shhhh" his finger met my lips. "You gotta stay quiet Steve. We don't want the neighbors to... you know."

He was right. They couldn't know. No one could ever know about whatever this was. About us.

"God... Bucky I'm losing it over here!" I was regaining some of my senses. Sure, I was still a little drunk but my words were 100% sincere (and 100% something I would remember in the morning).

He smiled up at me with wild eyes, the corners of his mouth turning up into a sexy grin.

Fuck.

"Poor baby," his cold finger moved across my hard nipple.

I took in a sharp breath, "jerk."

"But really, what can I do for you, hmm?"

"Fuck me. Fuck me until you can't anymore. All night and all day for as long as you want... just please, Bucky," I begged.

"Well first.." his fingers slipped under my boxers, "these gotta go." He slowly pulled them down, revealing first a patch of golden blonde hair. He looked up at me only to see that my eyes were full of desire and longing so he pulled them the rest of the way down. My cock bounced up, as hard as it could possibly be, causing me to blush furiously.

I heard him swallow loudly so I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.  "Bucky?"

He was silent for a second. "Oh— uhm, yea?" He couldn't stop looking (which only made me blush more).

"Can I... uhm..." I reached down and tugged at his boxers which made him look up at me. I slowly pulled them down and saw a thatch of dark brown hair and his raging hard-on.

Is it hot in here? I'm sweating... holy crap I can't even look at it in fear of never looking away. It just moved and grazed my inner thigh... and my cock twitched and I had to look at it. It's huge! And, God that felt good...

"Are you sure you want this, Steve?" He asked. I looked up. Oops, I guess I was staring...

"Are you?" Stupid answer. Why do I do this to myself? Ugh, I'm lame.

"I'm more sure about this than I ever have been about anything in my entire life," he said. Awfully confident there...

"No second thoughts?"

"Not one."

Alrighty then. "Good," I sounded way more confident than I actually was. "But I've never... uhm, actually done... you know... this before..."

He raised an eyebrow and a smile spread across his face. "Well well well. Steve Rogers is a virgin after all these years."

"Hey!" I laughed.

"Well... what were you waiting for, anyway?" He asked. Valid question I suppose.

"The right partner."

Finally a good answer.

"Is that so? Well, who'd you have in mind?" He was asking but he already knew what I was gonna say. Jerk. He just wanted to hear me say it.

"Uhh— well, you. Kinda. I mean... it's always sorta been you, Bucky." His smile was sincere but he didn't say anything so I continued. "I've just known you for so, so long and, I dunno, I always kinda liked you like that. I just never thought you'd think of me that way seeing how you always had all the dames at your feet. It was more of an I'll-love-you-from-a-distance type thing." ...Fuck.

"—What?" His eyes danced before me, almost as if he was excited but his voice revealed a sort of confusion or fear.

"No, I..." I messed up. I shouldn't have said that. Damn it. Too soon.

"Love... huh." Well, that sent me into blush-ville if I wasn't already there.

"You know what I meant." I'm defending myself but, who the hell am I kidding? I have it bad for this guy. I'm so incredibly and madly in love I can't even think straight. I don't know what's happening half the time I'm around him because I dunno I guess I'm distracted. I mean, sure, I play it off like he's just my buddy but he has no idea how many times I've had to restrain myself from... well, from this.

"Actually I didn't until you said that," he was grinning, oh lord what's he thinking? "Either way... we can fix your little situation" his face looked determined and with that, my smile faded away.

He licked his lips, fuck that was hot. Then he kissed me, his lips still visibly wet with saliva. Hot and needy, on a mission. Me. I was his mission.

"Ready?" He asked, out of breath.

Pfft, no.

"Yea, I'm ready."

I jolted, "Buck! what're you... what... wha... ahh—" his cold, lube slicked finger slid into me, the deeper he went the stronger the feeling got. Where did he even get the lube from? I felt each ring of muscle tighten as his finger passed it, I was completely mesmerized.

"You like that, Stevie, now don't you?" He teased, his hot breath hitting my face and his lips lingering just out of reach. The heat pulsating through me was unbearable at this point I was squirming beneath him.

"More... gimme more, Buck" my eyes were closed but I felt his lips meet mine ever so softly. A second finger made its way in and I could feel the stinging and strain on my muscles.

"God, you're so tight. You want me to go slower?" He whispered into my ear, nibbling on my earlobe.

"N-no," I couldn't find my voice. "More. Faster... uhh," I was a moaning mess and I didn't even care. I just wanted him inside me, I wanted to see him moving above me and feel him within me. To watch him and see the faces and hear the noises he makes when he comes undone before me.

I groaned so loud that he put his other hand over my mouth. That third finger had stretched me beyond where I had thought possible and I couldn't hold myself back from it.

"Shhhhh... I know it feels good, but— the neighbors..."

Right. Those people. The ones who don't seem to care at all unless it has to do with something that 100% absolutely is not their business.

I nodded because I could barely speak. "Stevie?" He asked.

"Mmmm?" Was all I could manage before—

He moved his fingers in and out and I moved my hips to follow his lead. There was that one spot that drove me wild when his finger brushed up against it.

"Bucky— please... fuck me for real already." ... I'm surprised with myself when I said that, but his face was priceless.

"I never thought you'd ask." He pulled his fingers or slowly, leaving me there to groan and breathe harshly.

Then there it was. He was teasing me; the tip was just barely touching my entrance. I could feel my muscles fluttering at his gentle touch and the cold lube... this wouldn't take long.

Then, out of nothing, he pushed in. Slow and steady but not relenting. Not even for a second.

He sunk in all the way and just stayed there for a moment, gazing into my eyes. He flashed me a smile and in sending one back, I was saying yes, I'm ok, just do it. So he did.

He pulled out, nearly all the way sending us both off the rail. His eyes lit up just before they closed as he pushed back in, a guttural moan falling from his lips.

Before long, we were rocking together in harmony, sinful sounds escaping from us. We were quiet, though, because... the neighbors or whatever.

"Steve..."

"Yea?" We were both so out of breath, words were making it worse.

"Switch... with me" his eyes opened, a flame burning within them. What the hell is he talking about?

"What?" I'm officially confused. He's still thrusting into me, but slower now. I need him to go faster, harder.

He grabs my body, waist, and shoulder, and flips around. I have no idea what that must've done to his dick but he didn't even flinch.

I'm on top now, my legs straddling him at the waist and my hands on his chest. "Your turn, Stevie."

What?

"Uhh— ok...?" That sounded more like a question than an answer but I'm gonna roll with it.

I push my hips forward and have to bite my lip to prevent myself from yelling. He moans below me with each thrust and I'm not sure I can take this much longer.

"Shit..." I whisper. He just grabbed my dick and started pumping. The lube slick on his hand was so cold but I never wanted him to stop.

My hips moved faster and harder pushing him deeper within me. He moved his hand in sync with my movements which left my head thrown back, my eyes closed and my mouth gaping open.

His face changed, I could see it. Like bliss and pain but in the best way possible. "St-eve... I— I'm gonna..." and there it was. Between the incredible feeling of his hot cum flowing within me and his cock pulsating I was on edge.

I kept moving as he orgasmed and his hand got faster and faster and... I shouted. I couldn't help it... he just felt so good. Hot ribbons of white littered his perfect chest and abdomen. He was watching me come, too, pumping through every last twitch and harsh breath.

I lifted myself from him after a moment, feeling empty. I was feeling confident enough to walk and get a towel to clean up naked... so I did. And he watched me do it, too. Then I later down next to him on the couch, both of us naked and hot and breathing uncontrollably.

"That was..." he trailed off.

"Something I've been waiting for... for... ever" I added.

"Steve?"

"What's up?"

"I- I love you, too."

I smiled and kissed him again. We slept there like that for hours until 8 o'clock am. Luckily, the blinds were closed.

~

January 2, 1937

He loves me. He really does. And our first time (and my first time, ever) is something I'll always remember. Especially because we haven't been able to keep our hands off each other for the past day and a half.

I never thought I'd be thankful for this kind of thing but, I'm so glad I got drunk that night. If I hadn't, I would probably still be in no-man's-land when it comes to us.

And, speaking of us... Yea, we're gonna last a long, long time.

—————
James_BuchananBarnes

P.S.
If you liked this chapter, go read my other book "Steve's Diary"... It's just like this but longer and more detailed :)