Blue Base

Firefight outside the blue base.

Church: Okay Tucker, I need you to get up there, help Caboose and Sammy shore up the defense, establish a suppressing fire, and hold that position until further notice.

Tucker: I didn't even know what half of that meant.

Church: Just go over to Sammy and Caboose's rock, and fire your gun a bunch.

Tucker: That rock? Yeah, I don't think so.

Church: We do not, have time, to discuss this.

Tucker: Sure, no time for you to discuss it. You get to hang out here with Nancy No-Bullets shootin' the breeze. Meanwhile, I'm out there, running around, eating a machine gun sandwich.

Church: Tucker, we're gonna give you covering fire.

Tucker: Covering fire? Unless that means you're gonna build a huge, bullet-proof wall between me and them, I think you need to come up with a new plan. Preferably one that involves me keeping the same quantity of blood that I have right now.

Church: No problem. Oh wait wait, does the blood have to be in your body?

To Grif, Scout and Simmons are firing their respective machine guns at the blues.

Grif: Guuuuuyyyssss... III can'tttt feeeellll my hhhhandsss.

Simmons: Maybe you should lay off the trigger, you dumbass.

Scout: God damit Grif! you know how much I hate to agree with Simmons. Have you ever even fired that thing?!

Grif: No.

Scout:....Just keep shooting at the enemy.

Blue Base

Church is now trying to get DuFresne to go help Sammy and Caboose.

Church: Alright you, Doc, get over there and help Caboose and Sammy!

DuFresne: My name isn't Doc, it's DuFresne.

Church: Yeah. I can't pronounce that, so from now on, your name is Doc.

DuFresne: I'm not really comfortable with that; I'm not a doctor, I'm a medic.

Church: What's the difference?

DuFresne: Well, a doctor cures people. A medic just makes them more comfortable. While they die.

Tucker: Mental note: don't ever get shot.

Church: It's settled then. Your name is now Doc.

DuFresne: Alright, but I don't think it'll stick.

Tucker: Oh, trust us, it'll stick.

Church: Now get over to Caboose and Sammy, and help them hold that position.

Doc: I don't have a gun, I am a pacifist.

Church: Well then just get over there, and yell bang bang bang.

Doc: Eh, I don't know. Even that sounds pretty aggressive.

Tucker: Oh, come on.

Doc: Besides, I'm not supposed to get involved unless someone gets hurt.

Church: Huh. I see.

Church turns toward Caboose and very deliberately raises his gun, then fires one shot.

Caboose: Ahow! my foot...

Sammy: Church! Wrong way!

Church: Well, looks like Caboose has hurt himself. Maybe you should get over there and help him, Doc.

Doc: You know, you could have just asked nicely.

To the Reds.

Simmons: Oh crap, I'm out. Give me some ammunition, Grif.

Grif: Me? I don't have any extra, I'm down to one bullet.

Simmons: Wha.. how can that be? You're the one who carries all the extra rounds in to battle.

Grif: Wait, since when?

Simmons: Since the last staff meeting.

Grif: We actually talk about stuff in those things? I just fall asleep inside my helmet.

Scout: Grif....damit! 

Simmons: Well, you missed your job assignment, and now we have no ammo.

Grif: What's your job?

Simmons: Me? I'm the Social Chairman.

Grif: And you Scout?

Scout: Medic.

Grif: ...really?

Scout: That is literally what I am trained in.

Sarge: Grif. Me and Treasurer Donut are empty. We need some clips.

Simmons: Hey Grif, you remember that one bullet you have left? I thought of the perfect way you can use it.

Scout: (pulls gravity hammer out of no where) It's hammer time.

Grif: Where were you even hiding that thing?!

Scout: That's for me to know and you to find out.

Blue Base

To Doc, Sammy and Caboose.

Doc: I'm here Caboose, where're you hit?

Caboose: Ah, ow, ow, ow, my foot, my foot!

Doc: The left foot?

Caboose: Ah, left. Let's see, that makes an L with this thumb and...

Doc: I'm just gonna assume it's the bleeding one.

Caboose: Yeah, the red one. Aeh. I can't believe Church shot me.

Church: Oh don't even start, Caboose!

Doc: Anything else?

Caboose: Uh, well wha?

Doc: You have a bullet wound in the foot. Is anything else wrong?

Caboose: Uh... Oh, I got one. Uh, Whell, sometimes when I fall asleep at night I think about my parents having sex, and I get really really mad for some reason.

Sammy: (looks at Caboose) .....you need a therapist for that shit.

Doc: ... ... ... Okay I'm just gonna start with the foot.

Caboose: Okay.

To Tucker and Church

Tucker: Hey dude, why aren't the reds firing?

Church: I don't know, maybe they're outta ammo.

Sarge: Hey blues! We are giving you a chance to surrender!

Church: Surrender!?