13. A Long Night

            “Again!” Kili commanded. I blew out air noisily as I stomped over to pick up the arrows that failed to sink into their target.

            Like Bilbo had suggested, I had asked Lord Elrond about archery practice. He saw no problem with it but did throw a hint of a warning that, should something bad come out of it, I wouldn’t like the consequences. I had only Kili with me, as the rest of the Dwarves went to find a spot to rest for the night. Thorin, Balin, Bilbo, and Gandalf were all talking to Lord Elrond. About what, I wasn’t sure.

            So, ever since dinner, I had been shooting arrows at a withering tree that was apparently an ideal target to aim for. I didn’t even get to shoot anything for a half hour, as I had to learn to load an arrow properly first. I was also taking more time, I was vulnerable to injury should something go wrong.

            The only reason we hadn’t quit right when night had fallen was because of the moonlight that Rivendell had provided us. My arms felt dog-tired; like they were about ready to fall off if I pulled back the bow’s string one more time to fire another arrow. I dropped the arrows at my feet, collapsing on my butt.

            “You seriously can’t be tired,” Kili teased. I shot him a nasty look.

            “We have been doing this for hours,” I snarled through my teeth. “I don’t have a decent shot yet, and I’ve been tired since…I can’t remember when. I know it’s been over a day since I’ve slept properly!”

            “All right, all right, keep your hair on, Red. I understand your frustration. I should be helping you, not barking orders at you.” His eyes softened. Kili crossed to me, offering me a hand. Exhaling deeply, I let the Dwarf pull me to my feet. He bent back down to grab an arrow.

            Inhaling a large breath, I took the arrow, loading it into the bow. I felt Kili beside me, gently prodding my arms to have proper stance. I could tell he was trying to see through my eyes, because his face was close towards mine as he squinted his eyes, trying to see where the arrow would hit.

            “If you had done this to begin with, I wouldn’t be so frustrated,” I murmured.

            “I realize that.” He grabbed a gentle hold on my shaking arm. “Steady, Red.”

            “Didn’t your arms ever tire like this?”

            “They did, but I steadied them. You also have to remember that I’ve been doing this for years. You haven’t.”

            “I can still try to learn quickly. If you remember your method, teach me it.”

            He chuckled. “I’ll remember to, I promise. This is the last one I’ll have you do.”

            “Do I need to ask permission to fire?”

            “By all means, shoot.”

            I let the arrow go, my fingers screamed with relief. Compared to my other attempts, Kili’s help improved me greatly. The arrow didn’t aim for the ground like usual, nor did it miss the target. Instead it landed nicely in the bark. It wasn’t precise, but it was a start.

            A start was all I wanted right now.

            I yawned, my legs started to wobble under me. Kili threw me a teasing smile; I stuck my tongue out at him.

            “I’ll let you go now before you keel over. If we manage to stay tomorrow, we’ll meet back here for more practice. Sound fair?” I could only nod. “You don’t need to be carried back, do you?”

            “Would you really do that?” I giggled. “Nah, I think I can manage on my own.”

            Being dismissed, I gathered my things, trudging tiredly back into Rivendell. Somehow, my mind was a live wire, whereas my body felt dead. If only I could get my mind to settle down, like my body wanted it to. Maybe then I could fall asleep and get into a deep slumber in which nobody could wake me from.

            That sounded like heaven.

            Once I departed from Kili, I managed to perch myself against railing of a balcony. Parchment tickled my bare skin, reminding me that I still had a letter to write. I’d truly forgotten that I had also asked Lord Elrond if I could write to my sister and see to it that the letter was delivered to her. He had accepted this request and handed me a quill and parchment. I had tucked it away, completely focused on archery.

            Now feeling the letter was extremely important, I balanced the empty parchment on the railing, brushing the quill against my lips. How to begin it?

Cecelia,

            Firstly, before I say anything more, let me apologize greatly for disappearing without a trace. I know you must be angry with me, and I do not blame you. That is why I’m writing this letter, to let you know where I am, and that things are all right.

If you haven’t noticed by now, Bilbo has also left the Shire. He’s with me, a company of Dwarves, and a Wizard, on our way to help the Dwarves reclaim their home from the dragon that’s taken it from them. Bilbo roped me into going, all because of a pact we made when we were teenagers. Who would have thought it, that the pact would come true one day?

 I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve been gone; it feels like a lot of time has passed. We’re currently in Rivendell now, a place where Elves live. Oh, it’s magnificent, I tell you! I could try and describe it to you all night long in this, but no writing can give you a perfect mental image of this place, Cece. When I return, if I remember the way, I’ll take you with me sometime.

I hope when you’re done reading this, you aren’t as upset with me as you once were. I don’t know when I will be back, but I promise you, I will tell you everything when I see you again. In the meantime, whenever you get this, relay all that I’ve mentioned to you to Jack, to let him know. He’s known of my departure, as he is the reason why I left. No, nothing is wrong with our marriage. He saw that this chance was one I had wanted for a long time. He encouraged me to leave with Bilbo on this adventure. The things he does for me…

Also, if you happen to see Remy back in the Shire without me, don’t panic. The company hit a rough patch and we lost all our ponies. I would go further into explaining that, but I think it would be better to tell you in person than in a letter. Stories are better told in person, I think.

 If Remy doesn’t come back before I do, don’t panic at that either, because he either found me or is off on his own. He’s smart; he’ll know what’s best for him.

I hope to see you and Jack again very soon.

                                                Lily

“You can’t sleep?” a voice teased me.

Over the faint waterfalls, I heard light feet patter across the floor. I smiled at Bilbo, who looked more awake than I was.

“I’ve wanted to try, but my body and mind have different opinions,” I joked. I rolled up the parchment, sticking it somewhere safe. Bilbo looked at me, befuddled. “I asked if I could write a letter. I’ll give it to someone in the morning so they can get it to her.”

“Cecelia?”

“Who else?”

“While we’re on the subject of your sister—”

“You’re already treading in dangerous waters, Bilbo. Watch what you say.”

“I will, I promise.” He put his hands up in surrender. “I know you might be sick of this already, but I need—no, want—to apologize for hurting Cecelia like I did. To this day, I look back at how we parted and I…I’m disgusted by it. I wish I had never left her like that, not when we had something good. I know you want to know why it happened, but honestly, it’s been so long ago that I can’t remember.

“What I did is most likely unforgivable, because you’re her sister. I won’t ask you to pardon me, because most likely it will be pointless to. I just want you to know that I want to make things right with her.”

“Wait…” My eyebrows rose. “Are you meaning to say you still love her?”

He nodded sheepishly. “A day doesn’t go by when I don’t think of her, what she and I used to have, Lily. I’ve thought about winning her back for a while now.”

My mouth dropped. “This didn’t start when we left the Shire, did it?”

“Oh no, it was before that. It started when I saw you and her pass by Bag End on your ponies.” He looked off into the night. “What I wouldn’t give to have her with me again, like old times. If I hadn’t screwed up like I had, we probably would be in-laws, Lily.”

My heart hammered, hearing Bilbo’s deep confession. At times I had wondered if Bilbo regretted breaking my sister’s heart. Now, I knew that he did, and that he wanted her back.

“It was my fault things ended badly, I’ve always known that,” he confessed. “Has she ever…talked about me, or asked about me?”

I laughed. “Look at you! Bilbo Baggins, all concerned over a girl! I don’t believe this.” I felt like I was pulled back in time, back to when we were teenagers, when this whole Bilbo-Cecelia thing first started.

“I’m being serious, Lily.”

“Right, right. Sorry.” I cleared my throat. “She’s never talked about you, but I know she thinks about you. Every time you’re mentioned, she has this look about her. Gosh, I feel like we’re teenagers again, and once again, I’m the messenger.”

“I hope if we return from all this that I can patch things up with her.”

“Hold on. What do you mean ‘if’?”

“Lily, you do realize that there is a chance some of us may not live through this, don’t you?”

“Oh, I know there’s that chance. Are you trying to convince me to stay here, but you’re just too chicken to flat out tell me?” I put my hands on my hips. Bilbo fumbled for words.

“No, I’m telling you what can happen realistically.”

“You want me to stay here, don’t you?” I raised an eyebrow; my tone lost some of its anger.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Look, thinking back on that pact all those years ago, it seems silly.”

“It doesn’t.” I snorted. “Listen to me.” I grabbed his hands. “If you’re scared for me, just say it. It’s okay to be afraid for others’ lives.”

“It’s just…I feel like if something happens to you, it’d be my fault.” He dipped his head.

“But it won’t be. It would be mine. I chose to make that pact with you years ago; I’m the one who chose to come with you. You never took me with you against my will.”

“But—”

“No more. Come here.” I hugged my best friend. “By the way, you’re forgiven. Women may hold grudges, but all die off in time. I know you never meant for things to go sour.” I pulled back a little. “When we come back from this adventure, feel free to try and make it up to my sister. Fair warning, it won’t be easy.”

“I would never expect it to be.” He chuckled. “You’ll help me, won’t you?”

“What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?”

“A rotten one.”

I sighed. “It was rhetorical, Bilbo.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“Anyway, how did your talk go, with the others?” I changed topics.

“Oh, well, we all learned new things.”

“Such as?”

“The runes Gandalf was trying to find were moon runes. Lord Elrond was able to read them; because we arrived on the same moon it was written under, on the same day.”

“Lucky.”

“Tell me about it.”

“What else is there?”

“Apparently, we’ve got to find the entrance by Durin’s day. It’s the Dwarves’ New Year. According to Thorin, it’s coming.”

“But we still have time, right?”

“Of course we do.”

“How long will it take to reach Erebor, do you think?”

“That I can’t tell you. I doubt even the Dwarves know how long it will take to get there.”

“Do you have regrets of coming along with the Dwarves, Bilbo?”

“Why are you asking me that?” He was taken aback by my sudden question.

“I was just wondering. I mean, have you ever thought about turning back and going home?”

“Of course I have, and I am sure you have as well.”

“I’ve thought of home, not about going back to it,” I admitted. “If you’re having second thoughts, you can always stay here, with the Elves. You could turn back home and reunite with my sister.” I shrugged. “That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“Believe me, it is. But…”

“What?” My brows knitted together curiously.

Bilbo blew out a weary breath. “I know they all doubt me, so sometimes I question why I left to begin with. Why I haven’t turned around and gone back home.”

“We both know what it is.” He looked at me, befuddled. “I won’t tell you the answer; I’ll leave you to figure it out on your own.”

With that little puzzle for Bilbo, I left him, deciding it was time to turn in for the night.

“Wait a moment, Lily.” I stopped, looking to my best friend. “There’s something I want to address.”

“All right. What is it?”

“I want you to be careful around the Dwarves.”

“Why? They won’t hurt me.”

“That’s not what I mean. I know they wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, but—how do I put this?—I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.”

My eyebrows came together, befuddled. “What are you saying, Bilbo?”

“I’ve noticed that you’ve…caught the attention of one of the Dwarves.”

My eyes widened. “You think that I would…?” My mouth dropped open a little. “I can’t believe you would think for one second that I would ever consider going behind Jack’s back!”

Bilbo took a step back. “I’m just warning you of what you’ll be faced with. I’m looking out for you, Lily, that’s all.”

“What makes you think the thought would even cross my mind?”

“Use your head! You’re far away from home, Jack isn’t with you. You’re open to temptation, meaning cheating on him.” Bilbo paced in front of me. “You’ll fight it at first, telling yourself that you’re loyal, and that if he’s being loyal, you should be too. Then eventually, you’ll get it into your head that he’s probably having an affair, and then you’ll torment yourself with the idea. Then it would only get worse from there.”

“Okay, stop going on with that hypothetical situation. I don’t want to know how much worse it gets.” I batted the story away as though it was an annoying insect. “And who do you think I’ve caught, then, if you’re so sure one of the Dwarves fancies me?” I demanded. I couldn’t help but be a little curious.

“I thought you weren’t considering the mere thought?”

“I’m not. A girl can’t be curious?” Blush crawled into my face. “Wait, don’t tell me. I think I have an idea as to who it is.” I feel like I have an idea, but I’m not entirely sure. I’m sure Bilbo is just being protective of me, paranoid-protective probably. He’s probably worrying over nothing.

“Just be careful, all right? Don’t torment yourself with an awful thought.”

I smiled tiredly. “I’ll try.”

“No, you have to promise that you won’t.”

I groaned. “Fine. I promise. Now can I go to sleep? I planned to a while ago, and if I don’t leave now, I’ll end up sleeping here.”

            With a nod of confirmation, Bilbo and I headed for bed. I made sure to try and forget this conversation ever happened. If it never happened, I wouldn’t dwell on what Dwarf fancied me, let alone focus on negative thoughts about Jack having an affair while I was gone.

            I won’t let those things get the better of me. I won’t focus on those. I need to stay on task.

            I had a feeling that staying on task would be a little more difficult than I expected. 

**Okay, at this point, you guys, I'll be amazing if you have no ships. Seriously.

But, let's take a moment to see how adorable the bond between Kili and Lily is. The same can be said for Bilbo and Lily. This was perhaps one of my favorites to write since it was sprinkled with teasing hints of romance. I'm rather fond of all the relationships I have in this book, whether it's friendship or something more.

Oh, and the said Dwarf Lily thinks it is? There's only so many to choose from.

And, at last, you find out what happened exactly with Bilbo and Cecelia.**