The funfair approached like a mystery island, surrounded by a mile of open field. The rides weren't lit up like they were meant to be — the ponies on the carousel seemed lonely, shrouded in shadow. The Ferris wheel looked like some kind of alien spacecraft jutting into the sky, a silhouette in the moonlight.

"I can't believe we're here!" Hyunjin squealed. "I can see the bumper cars already! I'm gonna bump each of you at least once, that's my goal."

"I still don't understand how we're gonna turn the rides on," Changbin said.

"I've already explained it a million times," Seungmin groaned.

"He's gonna attach a doodad to a thingamabob, and then the lights'll turn on and the rides'll work," said Chan. "Simple."

"That pony is staring at me," Jisung said. "I feel like it knows my soul."

"Poor pony," I said.

"I can't wait any longer!" Hyunjin bounded toward the fair, screeched to a halt and looked into the bumper car arena. He bounced up on his toes in excitement. "Seungminnie, make it work!"

Seungmin knelt by a bulky generator and started tinkering.

Changbin was looking into my eyes, measuring my emotions.

"Is it hard to be here?" he asked. "Because of your... past?"

Jisung turned his head a bit, scavenging for clues in my mind. Chan and Haseong had gotten off my back, Jisung still thought I was some kind of mole. I pulled in a breath.

"Not really," I said. "Those memories feel... removed. Besides, my father owned a circus. I don't see any clowns here, no tigers or jugglers. That hotdog vendor's tent kinda looks like the one my old buddy Qiao would swallow knives in... but I'm fine. I'm fine, Changbin."

"As long as you're fine." He put his arm around my waist, held me tight.

"There's no chance everything'll blow up, right?" Haseong asked.

"Let's hope not," Seungmin deadpanned. "I'm kidding. Well, let's hope I am."

Suddenly the lights came on. Hyunjin hopped up and down, clapping like an excited kid. Seungmin was smiling up at him, but Hyunjin didn't look back as he grabbed Jeongin's hand and yanked him toward the gate. The rest followed.

Seungmin put his head down.

I stayed behind, hovering over his shoulder. I cleared my throat. "Nice night, eh, hyung?"

"Um. Yeah." He headed toward the Ferris wheel and I followed. He dropped into a crouch again, fiddling with the mechanics. I leaned on the gate.

"How are you holding up?" I asked.

He looked up at me. "What?"

"With you and Jeongin."

He sighed, locking his jaw. "It was a mistake."

"You know, initially I thought the... complications were between you and Hyunjin."

He opened a hatch in the side of the base and crawled inside. "At one point, so did I."

"What do you mean?"

"We clicked when we first met. It was obvious and Jeongin noticed, he was jealous. But him and I spent more time together, and... he warmed up to me. I fell in love with him. That was years ago." He crawled back out and coiled a cord around his arm. "So yeah. It's complicated."

"You're in love with both of them, then?"

His eyes travelled to the bumper cars. Hyunjin and Jeongin were bashing into each other in these little metal crates, making a racket. Seungmin just looked enamoured.

"Yeah." He thumbed at his temples — it left a smudge of grease over his eyebrow. "It's fucking terrible."

He walked over to a control panel, cranked a lever, and the Ferris wheel rumbled to life, rows of lights glowing along its body.

"You know a lot about machines," I said, looking up at it.

"I used to steal automobile parts and shit like that, anything I could sell. It's not that complicated. Everything has a purpose in a machine, it's not like magic moves this gear or that belt. It all makes sense."

"It's nice when things make sense."

"Yeah... yeah, it is."

We sighed.

Then he looked up and smiled. "Hey, wanna help me get the carousel going?"

Of course I said yes. He showed me the motor, explained how it powered a pulley that spun another pulley that spun another pulley that made the whole platform go round. As the lights came on, suddenly the ponies didn't seem lonely anymore. They were smiling wide around the bits in their mouths, big black eyes sparkling.

I rode a bright pink one for a while, watching the world dizzy around me. In the middle of the carousel, the wide centre pole, there was a row of golden pipes jutting up from a keyboard. Chan came over from the bumper cars, sat in front of the keys and played a bouncy song.

Everyone else drifted over after him — even Hyunjin, though he kept stealing lustful glances at the bumper cars.

"I didn't finish my mission," he pouted.

"You don't have to be in a car to bump people," Jeongin pointed out.

Hyunjin's eyes lit up. He promptly walked over to Changbin and body-checked him so hard that he fell over.

We migrated over to the funhouse after that. The tent was just around the corner, flanked by the cotton candy stand and the ring toss booth. It was a penny to get in, but we strode past the lockbox without surrendering so much as a farthing, shouting an end to capitalism and giggling.

"This isn't even that fun for a funhouse," Jisung said inside, arms crossed.

Seungmin was noodling in front of a distorted mirror. "You're no fun. And very leggy, may I add."

"So I've been told," Jisung huffed. The two pivoted and immediately ran into a glowing-green-eyed witch dummy. Jisung screamed and Seungmin punched it.

Next Chan wanted to check out the oddities exhibition. Everyone was quick to offer up a joke about how we would be the oddest things in there, and it turned out, we were. It was mostly baboon skulls and alleged unicorn horns, an excessive amount of taxidermy. Boring. We left after Hyunjin swore he saw a stuffed jackalope wink, but Chan stayed inside, exactly where he wanted to be.

The Ferris wheel was too big and bright to ignore any longer. Seungmin stayed on the ground, the designated lever-operator since, if anyone else were to attempt it, the whole thing would likely come off its hinges and roll into the city like a crazy death-sphere.

I wanted to ride with Changbin, but Chan scooped him up before I could. Jeongin and Hyunjin cuddled up in one of the seats, and Haseong took the third for himself. That left only me and Jisung.

Our eyes met. We both made a run for the empty spot.

Haseong put his palm up and stopped us. "This seat is taken."

"No, it isn't."

"Nominally, it is."

"Seongie, please."

"For Christ's sake, just sit next to each other, it's not the end of the world."

"But he sucks!" I whined. Jisung cuffed my arm. "AHH, HE HIT ME!"

"Any more of this bullshit and I'm gonna start thinking you two are in love," Seungmin called from behind us. Jisung gave him the finger and stomped toward the next seat. I followed, a scowl on my face.

We climbed onto the rickety wooden bench. It was weird to be so close to him, even though I was crowded to the far side of the seat — as was he, staring straight forward, hands on the safety bar. I could practically feel him poking around in my brain.

The wheel started moving. I watched the other rides and tents shrink below me. It shouldn't have been entertaining — I could jump twice as high in a single bound. There was something about the slowness, the way the bench rocked gently like a cradle, the mechanisms creaking like a lullaby.

When I turned to Jisung, he was staring at me.

"Holy shit, would you let me live for three seconds?" I said. "Three seconds, all I'm asking."

"I'm not reading your mind," he sneered. "I've given up. Obviously I was wrong when I thought you were operating on some higher level of brain-function. Now I think there's just nothing going on up there."

I stuck my elbow into his ribs, he smacked my arm, I swatted at his hand, and then the bastard put up his dukes as if he didn't have the hands of a 3000 year old man.

"Try to fight me on top of a Ferris wheel," I said, "that's totally something a sane person would do."

He put his hands back on the bar, glared forward. I narrowed my eyes at him. Round cheeks and thin pink lips in the shape of a heart — his dumb face was too babyish for this size and gravity of an asshole.

"Why do you hate me so much?"

He looked at me, sneered again, but it quickly folded into a disillusioned frown. He shrugged. "I dunno."

"'I dunno'? That's it?"

"I do this with everybody when they're new. Think of it as initiation. Hyunjin, Seungmin and your mate didn't hold it against me. I guess you were ready to hate me, too."

"I wasn't ready to hate you — you're constantly eyeballing me and horning in on my thoughts, do you know how that feels?"

"I was under orders."

"You're saying you wouldn't have read my mind if you weren't under orders?"

He shrugged again. "If you didn't have anything to hide, I would've gotten bored and tuned it out."

"Bullshit."

"Believe it or not, my life doesn't revolve around other people's thoughts — not yours, not anyone else's."

"Then what does your life revolve around?"

"No, don't ask me that, that's too normal."

"Or you could — just a suggestion — not be a giant shit about it and answer the question."

He glared at the horizon, annoyed. "Maybe I... don't revolve around anything. Maybe I'm a random, empty tin can on the side of the road, and ninety-nine percent of the time I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know who I am."

Silence. I cleared my throat. I knew what it felt like, not to know where I was going, like a night train, just following the tracks. I had assumed the only emotions he was capable of were irritation, disgust and sudden bursts of unexplainable tenderness toward everybody except for me.

"Well," I said. "Thanks for answering, I guess."

He slumped down in his seat, arms crossed over his chest.

The wheel finally dropped us off on the ground. I held my hand out, awkward, and he shook it, also awkward.

I skittered over to Changbin; he and Chan were looking straight up into the night sky.

"That's Leo Minor right there," Chan said. "Or as I like to call him, li'l Leo."

"What's that one called, Chan hyung?" Changbin asked, pointing upward.

"Which one?"

"That one up there."

"I don't see it."

"The bright one."

"Still can't see it."

"It's right there!"

"That's the moon, babe," I said.

"No, that's not what I—" He sighed and gave up. "Never mind. How was the ride?"

"Weird. I'm feeling cuddles now to cleanse myself. Mind if I steal him?" I asked Chan.

"Go on ahead, boyo. I'll be back at the oddities tent — I always go agog at the sight of such precise stitching, it's an under-appreciated form of art if you ask m—"

"Bang Chan!" Hyunjin yelled, running full speed toward us. "You're the last on my list! Come get your bump!"

Chan pivoted and sprinted away, and Hyunjin chased him way out into the empty field.

Changbin and I, hand in hand, got onto the Ferris wheel and signalled for Seungmin to send us up. The sun was somewhere near the horizon — it lightened the sky over the tree line, a faint purple glow underneath the clouds.

"How'd it go with Jisung?" Changbin had his arm around me, fingers teasing my hair.

"A train wreck. I mean, I dunno. Maybe he's more of a human than I thought he was. Still, I can't fathom why you're so enthralled with him."

He laughed. "I think my first impression of him was misguided, actually. He's not as... cool as I thought. But he's nice. Sometimes."

"Life is crazy." I let my head down on Changbin's shoulder. "I could get used to this. Everything not being so serious all the time."

"They've been happy, too." Changbin nodded toward the ground, where our brothers were laughing and chasing each other in circles.

I turned my face up to him. He leaned in and kissed me softly.

"Can you feel that?" I asked.

"What?"

"All the love I'm feeling right now?"

"I wasn't gonna say it. But I can feel it."

"And?"

"I love you so much, Lixie." He kissed me again, cradling my face in his hand. Waters were settling, I felt the current subsiding. My feet were dangling off the peak of a Ferris wheel yet somehow I felt more grounded than I had in years.

Solid ground. The way it felt against the soles...

Suddenly it was too real.

My feet were stuck. I couldn't move, I was restrained, held down, held back. Where was I, where had I gone, where had I been taken?

"Felix?" Just an echo of Changbin's voice reached me. I couldn't see him, I couldn't feel him. Faces came into focus one by one. Lucile was in the back, a tall man behind her, apart from the crowd of newborns, each one forced down and held to the ground.

Then I recognized them. The Volturi.

Aro's old burgundy eyes were sharp and giddy as he held down a figure in front of me, one hand knotted in her hair, the other tight around her throat.

Fei raised her head.

"My son," she whispered.

Aro twisted her head off her neck, her arms from her torso, and she dropped to the ground, lifeless, fire engulfing her body.

───

I came to consciousness screaming and crying, my back on the ground. Changbin and the others were kneeling around me, hands on my arms and legs to keep them from thrashing.

"Felix, calm down," Changbin said, soft but pleading.

"No!" I couldn't do anything but scream, beg, try to free myself. "No, please, she's dying, she's gonna die!"

"Who does he mean?" Hyunjin asked. Seungmin shrugged, Haseong chewed on his lip. Jisung was sitting back on his haunches, eyes ticking with knowledge.

"Who, Felix?" Chan said. "Who's 'she'?"

I had to calm down, I had to get out of here, I had to find out what had changed, what triggered the vision. I yanked my arms to my chest.

"Please let go — let me go," I panted. They released me reluctantly. I sat up, palming my forehead, shaking and twitching. "I'm sorry, I dunno what h-happened."

"Are you okay?" Chan asked attentively. "Who were you talking about?"

"Look, I think I have to go. Don't worry about me, I just need some time to—"

"Felix, what the hell is wrong with you!" Changbin blurted out. "I just watched you randomly break into a seizure, screaming about some woman, and now you wanna go on another one of your day-long explorations? For Christ's sake, tell me what's going on!"

I hadn't heard him speak so strongly before. I stuttered. "I-I can't, believe me, it's complicated. Let me go now and I'll come back and explain everything, I promise."

"Felix, don't do that, don't go away again. You have to understand how scary this is. I thought everything was calming down, you said—"

"I know what I said — I have to go, I'll meet you guys back at the—"

"I know everything," Jisung spoke up. His eyes were on mine, impassive. "I read your mind. Leave now and I'll tell them what you've been hiding."

All their eyes turned to me. I ran my hands through my hair, pulling at it.

"Jisung," said Haseong, a cue to start explaining.

"No no no no, I'll do it," I stammered. "I can do it. I've... been seeing my creator. It's been going on for a month or so. She has this, um, project—"

"She's amassing a newborn army," Jisung interrupted.

My eyes squeezed shut. I pretended not to notice their reactions. Shock, fear, disbelief. Why did a day that started so sweet have to end like this?

"Yeah. She's amassing an army. She recruited me to help. I did for a while, but a few days ago I broke it off. I... don't know what happened since then. Something must have changed, and now the Volturi, they're coming to kill her and her army. And maybe me, too."

Changbin was trembling, all the new information swirling in his head. He put his arms around me, protective.

"How did you always cover your tracks?" Hyunjin murmured. "Your scent would just — disappear, like that."

"My creator has other people working for her. One is a tracker. He's been leading you off the trail."

"You've been hanging around with criminals?" Seungmin said. "All this time, lying to us?"

I couldn't meet his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Why is your creator building an army?" Chan asked, voice and face calm.

"Because... because she's not well. She's been hurt by the Volturi and wants revenge."

Jisung narrowed his eyes at me. "Is that all?"

"Yes."

"Not going to say her name?"

I growled. "Fuck you."

"Ditto. His creator is Fei Ngai."

Chan's calm dropped like an anchor. His mouth came open, golden eyes growing wide, something ancient coming back to him.

"Blast it," Haseong murmured. "I thought we were rid of her."

"Why?" I said. "What happened?"

"Don't you know the story?" Jeongin asked.

"She told me a story."

"Let me guess," said Haseong, "she was grieving and alone and we abandoned her because she wouldn't commit to our ethical lifestyle?"

"Yes."

"It's bullshit," Jeongin hissed. "Chan and Haseong accepted her for what she was, but she insisted on bringing all types of nomads into the circle, feeding indiscreetly, tempting Chan and Haseong with human blood."

"Chan and I decided that it'd be best to part ways after ten years as a coven," Haseong said. "But she didn't let go. She held a grudge. She found us, killed four of Chan's patients and left their bodies in his office."

I couldn't look at them. I shrank into Changbin's arms, voice less than a whisper. "I'm so sorry."

"That was long before you knew her," Chan said quietly. I hadn't seen him so upset, emotional. "Oh god, what has she done?"

Haseong took Chan's hand, held it tightly while he spoke. "Felix, you said the Volturi are coming. When?"

"I-I don't know. I just saw that they'd be here. It was darkish in the vision?"

"They move fast, they could arrive this morning or tonight. It's unlikely we'll be able to pull off an inconspicuous exit from the hotel and Chan's work and also make it out before they get here, but if some of us came back in two weeks or so, we could cite familial issues and make the extraction then. If we head out now we might be able to make it across the Atlantic before sunup."

I blinked at him. "But—"

"I'll shut down the machines." Seungmin flitted over to the Ferris wheel.

"I can get a head start packing our things," said Jeongin, standing.

"Good, go," said Haseong. "Hyunjin, would you help—?"

"Stop — tell me what's happening," I half-shouted.

"Felix, you said they were coming to kill you, we can't stay here."

"No, I have to warn Fei—"

"You ran away from her," Changbin said, "twice! Why are you still protecting her?"

"Because I... she's my..." I leaned into his side, fighting a tremor. "I can't let her get herself killed."

"We have to at least... try," Chan spoke up.

H scoffed. "We don't have to do a single goddamn thing for her."

"I loved her — at one point in time. You did as well."

"You're saying you still do? After what she did?"

"Christ, Haseong, what would you expect from her? We were never going to part on friendly terms. She was broken, we were all she had left, and we abandoned her — whether it was for a good reason or not, it's the truth. What I'm saying is, she deserves to know what's coming, to make amends, and Felix... he should be able to say goodbye."

"She won't die." I snarled it through my teeth.

Chan nodded at me, face calm but heavy. "There's a chance. The Volturi have a forgiveness policy if the litigant shows remorse for what they've done. Felix, you know her, you know she... won't likely change her mind. But perhaps your vision could sway her."

"Her remorse won't stop the Volturi," Haseong said. "She's already eluded them for a century, taunted them — she's notorious. If the Volturi catch her, they'll kill her whether she's repentant or not."

"I can do it," I said. "I can convince her to regret it, she trusts me." Unless she had disowned me entirely after our last fight.

"I'll help you," said Chan.

"Sweetheart, this isn't safe." Haseong spoke only to Chan, his back turned to me and Changbin. "This is putting our family in danger — and for what? That woman? She betrayed us, betrayed our bond. She broke your heart."

"I'll go without you guys," I said. "You can get a head start. I'll follow after it's... over."

"They might kill you," Haseong said.

"They might not." Jisung was curled up on the grass, hugging his knees. "Aro likes vampires with gifts. Felix's ability is more powerful than mine — potentially. Aro may let him live if he thinks Felix will be of use to him in the future."

"Wouldn't it be obvious if you saw yourself die?" Jeongin said. "Wouldn't the vision fade to black or something?"

"I don't know," I said. "I didn't see myself die, but I felt like I was being restrained, the same way Lucile and the rest of them were. But maybe it was just so I wouldn't try to save..."

"At this point, Fei has no idea that we know about her scheme," Haseong argued. "That means the Volturi won't know, either. If we disappear quietly now, hopefully they'll leave well enough alone and we'll be safe — Felix will be safe."

"I can't leave her to die," I said. "She's family to me. She's... my mother. Wouldn't you guys do anything to save your family?"

They traded glances among themselves. Changbin let his forehead down on my shoulder.

"Felix, you can't get hurt," he whispered.

"I won't. I promise." I didn't sound very convincing.

"I'll come with you."

"You don't have to."

"I think I do."

"I'm coming, too," said Chan.

"Me, too," said Jisung. "And they're in, too."

Hyunjin, Seungmin and Jeongin nodded.

Haseong had his face in his hands. He straightened out and looked into my eyes. Besides the resentment and anger, he was worried for his family. For me.

He reached out and patted my ankle.

"Let's go," he said.

─────────

y'all i'm going to the dentist soon, fingers crossed i don't say anything weird under the laughing gas 🙃