The handwriting is very shaky. There seems to be parts where the pencil has poked holes.

Dear Diary,

What have I done? Too much has happened today. I didn't think this through. And now, because of my stupidity, I may be sentencing Lust to an even worse fate than the one he has now.

It was around midday. I had started staying less and less frequently in the house these past weeks. It's cowardly, but I just can't take hearing Lust with Boss. His pained screams, his choked moans. It's too much for me.

It's not like Boss even notices me anymore, or cares. I've been spending most of my time at Grillby's. It's one of the few places in UnderFell that is actually guaranteed safe, since Grillby doesn't allow fighting in his restaurant.

The mindless chatter with other patrons and the alcohol helps me forget what's happening at home. But it never lasts. I'm a pretty bad lightweight, so I can never drink too much, otherwise I'll be too far gone. Though sometimes, I think that's better than facing what's really happening.

I had just returned home from another excursion to Grillby's. I didn't really want to come home early, but sometimes the presence of so many other monsters overwhelms me. I'm still a pretty awkward socialite.

Suddenly, I heard Lust scream. It wasn't uncommon to hear that, but for some reason, this scream was different. Other times, it had been mostly from pain. But this time, I could hear the palpable fear in his voice. It was like he was scared for his life, not just because of the pain.

Going against all my instincts, I rushed upstairs to Boss's room. The door was flung wide, probably because Boss had been too hasty to close it. I winced at what I saw, my face heating up.

Lust was pinned down to the bed, his ribs pressed against the mattress. His face was drenched in tears and his eyelights had grown small in fear. I could already see Boss's red cock pulsing inside of Lust's walls. He leaned over the smaller body, a smirk plastered on his face as he rocked his hips rhythmically against him.

Boss was running a knife across Lust's exposed bones, making Lust's breath hitch in fright. The knife had just grazed his cervical vertebrae, leaving a thin line of blood. That was why Lust had screamed earlier.

Oh God. He only had 1 HP! Did Boss know? I faltered in the doorway, unsure if I should intercede. My face was burning red at seeing Boss literally fucking Lust right there. But if I interrupted, something horrible was sure to happen to me.

Lust, breathing heavily, turned his skull toward the door when he heard me running upstairs. "R-Red.. h-h-help.." His sockets had gone black in utter terror.

I didn't even process that he had used the nickname we made in the fields. I could only stand there, rooted to the spot, undecided and terrified.

Boss paused his motions, turning to look at me. His eyelights gleamed dangerously red, as if he was just daring me to try to step out of line. I gulped, sweat beading on my forehead.

Slowly, I backed away from the doorway. Lust watched me with a look of devastation. "Pl-Please.. R-Red, I-aaAHH!" Boss had forced his whole length into Lust, making him arch and cry out in pain. He sobbed, trembling against the bedsheets as Boss began to set a faster speed.

No.. I couldn't. I couldn't interfere. I swallowed back my guilt, turning and running away. How could I do this? My mind was warring against each other, threatening to break apart. I was torn with guilt and self-preservation. How could I do this to the one I loved? Why was I such a coward?

I ran until my legs gave out. I collapsed to my knees, sobbing in large heaving tears. I didn't even know where I was anymore, just that I was still in Snowdin, because I could feel the snow underneath me. I stayed there, on my knees, crying for all I was worth. It was just too much. I was so pathetic. 

I stayed there, in the snow, long after my tears had run dry. It was so cold, but it numbed me of feeling. I wanted to stay there until I was frosted over, so that maybe I wouldn't feel this soul-wrenching pain. It was kinda nice, feeling the cold seep into my bones and leaving me numb. I lay there, staring up at the frosted trees surrounding me. 

Eventually, I got up. I knew I had to. As much as Boss didn't get me a shit anymore, he still needed to be sure I was still there, under his control. I stumbled, my legs frozen from being in the snow for so long. I decided that it was better to teleport, and focused on making my magic take me home.

I didn't know how long time had passed. It could've been 5 minutes. It could've been 5 hours. When I stumbled into the house, there was no sound coming from Boss's room. He must've stopped playing with Lust by now. Maybe I had been gone for awhile. 

I froze, seeing Boss sitting at the kitchen table as I was about to go upstairs. Nervous sweat beaded on my skull. He had been waiting for me. 
I slowly walked over to the table, my joints popping stiffly from being in the snow. He watched me approach with an impatient look, drumming his fingers lightly on the tabletop.

"What took you so long?" He snapped, a disapproving glare coming across his face. I looked down sullenly, not wanting to say anything that might anger him. But I still had to answer, otherwise he'd get mad anyway.

"I.. I took a walk." I kept my scarlet eyelights downcast, not wanting to make Boss think I was challenging him by looking him in the eye.

Boss hummed in annoyance. "It doesn't matter. I have some news for you. Sit down." He commanded, pointing at the chair closest to him. I followed his orders numbly, my mind blank.

"I've decided to send you to Undyne's training camp." Boss announced. My crimson eyelights widened in horror. What!?

"Bu-But Boss!" I stammered. "I thought we agreed that that camp is too rough for me! I might be too weak to even survive the training!"

"Yes, yes." Boss brushed me off with a wave of his hand. "Of course I remember discussing that. I know you're afraid you might not be able to handle the strenuous training from the camp, but I don't think you'll dust because of it, contrary to what we said before. I think it's good for you. It might even strengthen your HP."

I swallowed. This wasn't about me, wasn't it? This was about Lust. Boss just wanted me out of the picture, so he could have more time alone with Lust. I couldn't do that. I could already see that Lust's mental stability was deteriorating. The only thing holding him together was his own determination, and me.

But my absences at the house and that final act of running away when he called for my help was probably making it worse for him. The thought made me feel sick. Him spending time alone with Boss would not help at all.

"I-I can't. Please, Boss, I might die if I go!" I could feel tears brimming at my sockets. "What if I die?"

Boss's eyelights hardened. "That's your problem, whelp. Toughen up for once and you'll be fine."

I could feel myself beginning to hyperventilate. Oh God. He was serious. He was actually sending me to the training camp.

He knew I probably wouldn't be able to handle it! I was a super weak monster. The rigorous training might literally kill me! Undyne had been asking to recruit me to the camp for awhile now, since I was Boss's brother. The camp was supposed to train recruits to become royal guardsmen.

However, the camp was renowned for being incredibly difficult. Not many were allowed to attend. Only those who were invited. Many monsters wanted to attend the camp to have a better chance at being a part of the Royal Guard, but Boss had agreed not to let me join because of my weak HP. 
Now, it seemed that he didn't hold any concerns over it anymore. 

I swallowed back my fear. Arguing with Boss was gonna get me nowhere. When he sets his mind to something, he will carry it out.

"Y-Y-Yes, Boss. I'll go.." Oh God, what have I done?