I was the only one left in the loft.

Or so I thought.

I had gone to a little guest room to blow-dry my hair after my shower, and when I came out, nobody was there and the equipment was gone. I felt quite cosy being alone here; I was handing back the keys tomorrow so I could take a nap here if I wanted to. But I couldn't help but also feel slightly disappointed. When I had left for the room, Tobirama had discussed something with Will, and I had hoped he would stay. Had expected it in fact, especially since I had put on his shirt. Had I done that to make him stay? Either way, it hadn't worked. 

I looked at the candles collected at a table, blown out now, wax dried, and shivered, but not in displeasure. I had liked it. 

I had liked it a lot.

Then, I remembered that I had to use the safe word and shivered again, this time in pure discomfort. Why had he done that? Why had he started self-harming while fucking me? The wax hadn't been hot to the edge of pain; it had been burning and indescribably painful. It was as if he'd lost himself for a while then. 

And just when I was getting comfortable in my own thoughts, the bathroom door opened and he came out, hair wet, a towel around his hips.

He looked like he was a piece of the moon that had gotten loose and fallen down to earth.

We stood still for a while, looking at each other, me dressed in his white shirt and my own loose black trousers, him naked beneath that towel. He must have showered while I wa-s blowdrying my hair, thus I hadn't heard it. Everything was quiet but the soft dripping of water from his hair on the wooden floor and the bonds between us tightening; a metallic sound that wasn't real but could have been because it left a sweet taste in my mouth. I had never been able to taste sound before. 

I had never been able to hear love before.

"I..." He scratched his head, looking as if he wanted to say something badly but didn't really dare to. 

"What?" I egged him on,

"I feel like pizza. Do you..." He looked to the side. I had no idea how hard this was for him. "Would you like to join? I live not far from here. Food is my treat."

I looked down, smiling shyly.

"I'd love to."

We walked hand in hand just like we had done that day we met at the library, but this time, there was a calming sensation to it, a sense of serenity. 

Tobirama did, in fact, live very close by, and we stopped by a pizza restaurant opposite his apartment. The place was clean but very shabby; I loved it, but was surprised Tobirama would get food from such a place. But as soon as he stepped in, the large, old Middle Eastern man behind the counter beamed.

"Tobirama, son!" He had a booming voice matching his entire self, and a thick accent. I immediately liked the man.

"Mahmoud", Tobirama greeted. 

"You haven't come by in so far! You need more pizza! Look at you youngsters these days! Protein powder this, protein bar that, no fat."

"Well, I'm here now", Tobirama said as the man came round, slapping him on his back in a way that would send me flying through the wall, but Tobirama stood steady, put his hand on the man's shoulder. 

Then, this Mahmoud guy caught sight of me.

"You brought your husband!"

I blushed like mad. Tobirama cleared his throat.

"Umm... Yes. Yes I did."

Wait, what? 

I looked at him. He was smirking playfully at me, playing his tongue piercing at his lip. I stuck my tongue out which made him jerk; I had figured out me having two intimidated him endlessly which I found a little strange but incredibly useful. 

"This is why you never brought a date!" Mahmoud looked upset. "You think just because me Muslim, me not accept homosexual? Well, fuck that! I escaped my country to accept homosexual! You go be homosexual! Get husband! Get hundred husband, Mashallah!"

"Ehh..." Tobirama said. 

"Now, let me look at him!" Mahmoud took a step towards me, inspecting me as if trying to decide what pizza to make me just by looking at me alone which, in fact, was exactly what he was trying to do.  "Such a small thing. But eats a lot. The smallest always eat the most." I frowned. This was absolutely true. Are you gonna eat all that? were words that constantly followed me. "Extra thick crust. Tomato base. Vegan cheese, not because vegan but because prefers it." Wait, how did he know that? "Mozzarella. Mushrooms and vegetarian ham on top. I'll add fresh basil. Done."

"That's-"

"Perfect, I know, I know", Mahmoud said, waving my words away. "The usual?" he asked, turning to Tobirama, and I understood Tobirama had ben object to the same scrutiny at some point.

"Yes, please", he said.

Tobirama stood next to me and held my hand as we waited, and I leaned my head on his arm. 

"Here you go", Mahmoud said when he was done making our pizzas; he had two people working for him but had insisted on making ours himself. "Now, go have good homosexual evening."

Tears of held-back laughter were streaming down our faces as we left. 

Outside Tobirama's door, excitement was creeping up on me; I hadn't been at a man's home in so long. I wondered what kind of place he'd made for myself. I suddenly got an image of a sex dungeon, and once I had thought the thought I couldn't get it out of my mind, and found myself having to clear my throat not to laugh. But as Tobirama put his key in the door on the top floor, he sighed, leaned his forehead on it.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He smiled a little, but didn't meet my eye.

"I have never brought anyone in here", he confessed.

"Really? Not anyone?" I asked, surprised. 

"Not anyone", he confessed.

"Why?" I asked.

"I wanted at least this part for myself, you know?" he asked.

I nodded; I did know.

"Well..." I began. "I want to say 'You don't have to.' But you've clearly made a decision to bring me here. And I want to encourage you. Please. Please let me."

He looked at me then, his face serious. God, he was beautiful. He was so, so beautiful, and I could only hope he thought the same as he looked at me. He took my hand then, braided our fingers together. He turned the key, opened the door, and let me in.

His apartment was surprising, to say the least. It was small and painted white and incredibly tidy in a way that made it bright even if it was dusk. And everywhere were ceramics and potted plants. I went to his living room where he had his equipment, and inspected his newest works collected on a shelf there, not having gotten a permanent place. They were exquisite, the surfaces perfectly smooth. My favourite was a vase with a tilted opening. I couldn't describe the colour, but it looked like a piece of moon, just like he did. I had encouraged him when he had told me he wanted to open his own gallery, but never in a million years could I have imagined he was this good. 

"Tobirama, this is exquisite", I whispered. 

He came and stood behind me, put his arms around me from behind so casually it made my heart explode. 

"Thank you, homosexual husband", he said, kissing the top of my head.

"What the hell was that all about?" I asked.

"Meow", said someone in the corner.

I jerked and looked. In the corner was a beautiful, long-haired cat that looked incredibly scared. 

"Oh, Christ!" Tobirama burst out. "I didn't realise! She has never met anyone but me since she was tiny!"

"Oh..." I said, quite offended that this cat accepted this ginormous moon of a man but not me.

I decided to ignore her, and not scare her further by trying to approach. Instead, I turned to Tobirama.

"I'm hungry", I said.

"Yeah, me too", he said, biting his lip in a way that made me very aware that he had something else than pizza in mind.

We ended up setting the coffee table in the living room. Or rather, he did while I checked out his collection of video games in his bookshelf.

"You have Wipeout Fusion?!" I said, excited.

"You've played?" Tobirama asked, taking the pizza boxes out of the paper bag.

"Only Pure. On PSP."

We ended up having pizza on the couch, playing WipeOut on his Play Station. It was very, very different from the PSP, and Tobirama ended up owning me, which I thought he liked but I didn't really mind, having no competitive instinct at all.

Suddenly, I felt a soft bump at my thigh. I looked down, and there was the white cat, pressing herself to me.

"I think she likes you", Tobirama murmured.

I put my arm around her, lifted her into my lap where she curled into a purring ball, and I kept playing, not touching her, respecting her need of privacy even if she wanted closeness. 

I felt Tobirama looking at me then, and when I looked up at him, he had a serious expression on his face, taking me in together with his cat. It was as if his cat's trust of me had opened up something within him, that he saw me in a different way. 

I wondered in what way. 

"What? I asked. 

"Izuna, I'm sorry", he said.

It was so completely out of the blue, I jerked.

"For what?" Then, I realised. "I told you I wanted to! You just gave me what I asked for."

"No, not that!" Tobirama said, hiding his face in his hands. "I meant for putting you in a situation where you had to use the safe word."

"Oh..." I said.

"I didn't mean to hurt myself in front of you. Or, of course I meant to but that wasn't right of me! I don't know what happened in my brain. And I'm so sorry."

"Tobirama." He still hid his face, so I had to grab his hands gently, peel them off him. Then, he finally looked at me, and his eyes were full of all of the emotions contained within the stars. "Tobirama, don't worry." I kissed his cheek again. "I accept your apology."

He put his arms around me then, hugged he close, so close, hiding his face in my neck. I breathed him in, a soft, sweet smell that was surprisingly feminine and contrasted him perfectly.

"Stay", he murmured.

"What?" I asked, not because I hadn't heard but because my brain needed time to process what he'd said.

"Stay", he repeated. "Sleep next to me."

I took his hand, kissed the back of it.

"Okay", I said.