TERRAN'S LEG WAS BOUNCING. They were sitting in the briefing room, waiting for Fury to get out of another meeting to come meet with them, and he couldn't sit still. For all he had been trained, he couldn't stop his hands from shaking, and it was as if he had drunk caffeine without sleeping, only to sleep for an hour without meaning to, waking up like he was ready to crawl out of his skin, his heart even shaking from where it was beating in his chest just a little too quickly.

"Sweets," Natasha said softly, looking up from where she was reviewing notes on her tablet, "Are you sure?"

"Take the complex away if I'm wrong," he snapped, and his blood ran cold at his tone, at how fierce his statement was; he was there to make sure the complex wasn't compromised, he would die on this.

But he was positive. He was more sure than anything else, the Wolf Spider corpse was sitting in a plastic bag on the table right in front of him, blending in, just like they were meant to, just like he and Constantin were meant to.

He was going to be sick.

"Sweets," Natasha said, standing bolt upright as Terran threw himself against the waste basket, emptying the contents of his stomach, gagging and heaving, his entire body shaking, too weak to hold himself up, falling into a heap on the floor.

"Terran," Natasha said softly, reaching over to brush his hair out of his face, frowning down at him, "Sweets, he's not going to find you-"

"You don't know that, if he knows I'm alive, he's gonna go after us, I can't see him again, I can't," Terran pressed, shivering from where he was on the ground, and Natasha grabbed him some tissues and water, sitting on the floor beside him, not knowing what else to do.

Then the door opened, because of course it did, only it wasn't Fury, but Clint, the man immediately dropping down once he saw Terran, pressing the back of his hand against his forehead and neck, then looking to Natasha who sighed and whispered the name that Terran seize, a chill running up and down his spine.

"Come on, sit in the chair," Clint said, struggling to pull the deadweight up into the chair he pulled over so he could have Terran place his head between his knees and regulate his breathing.

Unfortunately, Terran was too shaken, too weak too stand, and only succeeded in being raised up only to fall back down, his head hitting the ground painfully, and the two assassins winced at the sight of the man who had the ability to hold his own against Captain America and, if he was lucky, win.

"Tree," Clint sighed, reaching out to hug him, lying down on the ground as well, and Terran shivered, curling into a ball, his back pressed flush against Clint's front, and Natasha simply sat there, watching the two.

Her gaze was trained on Clint, as it always was, because he was who she worked with best, she loved him, if she even dare say it, but she found it slowly drifting towards Terran, taking in the look of pure fear, his eyes screwed shut, yet his entire body betraying how desperate he was to get away.

"You can't be scared," she said, because that was all she could think of to say; it was in words he could understand.

"But I am scared," he said through clenched teeth, hands balling into fists, crossing over his chest as he curled even tighter within himself, his arms and legs aching, as did his back and everything else.

His entire body was aching, and he didn't understand it. It was like he had been forced into a box that was much too small for him, curled in on himself for hours until he was finally pulled out, his body still adjusting, aching to the new room it was given.

Maybe it had actually happened to him, his memories were foggy when it came to what he had done in training. Nicky called them repressed memories, they were hidden to keep him safe.

Considering what he could remember, he really hoped they'd stay that way.

The door opened, revealing Fury who seemed frazzled, taking in the scene before him, and it was clear he was trying his best not to crumble under pressure, which was saying a lot considering what he usually was like.

"I'm sorry, I need to go to the hospital, there's been an emergency," he said, and he sounded so small.

This wasn't the Director; this was a man.

"Will we die if you don't talk to me?" he asked, and Terran nodded while Natasha shook her head. The man sighed, trying to stretch his hand. "Summarize."

"Constantin is back," Natasha said, because Terran couldn't find it within himself to speak, his voice caught in his throat.

Fury didn't look fazed. "You think we didn't know that?"

Terran raised his head. "Excuse me?"

Fury looked ready to leave at any moment, and Terran could tell someone he cared about was hurting-it wasn't that hard to see-but he couldn't help but feel a sharp anger in his heart at how dismissive Fury was being to the news that had broken him.

"We told you that he was back, we told you the reason why we brought you were was for you to find out what he's planning, why are you shocked?" Fury demanded, and he had a point, that was true, but Terran hadn't signed up for this.

He hadn't signed up to get so close.

If Fury had hair, he'd surely be pulling at it, and he kept glancing around, like he expected an agent to run down the hall and tell him the worst news of his life; maybe he wasn't too far from that.

"Look, we'll talk later, but you're gonna get your ass kicked, I promise," Terran spat, after fighting with himself and finding his voice, and he wasn't even sure if he was speaking, it was as if his head was dismembered from his body.

Maybe it was. Maybe none of this was real.

But then Natasha was brushing his hair out of his eyes, running one of her nails that was just too long to be solely her choice along his jaw, and everything was real. He raised his eyes up to look at her, and he couldn't read her expression, but it wasn't cold.

"We'll be back tomorrow," Clint said, helping Terran to his feet, holding the man up, though Terran was quickly being able to steady himself, though his back was hurting more than anything else.

Fury didn't even answer, just standing in the hall, too stressed to even move. For a Director of an organization that was at the highest risk on Earth, he didn't seem to be in any position to calm himself down.

Which could only mean one thing.

"They'll be fine," Terran said, reaching over to squeeze Fury's arm, holding even when the man instinctively tried to pull away.

"I don't think he will be," Fury said, trying to take a deep breath, swallowing thickly, "Romanoff, you know where Schwartz is? I don't want him to be alone right now."

"I passed him on the way here," Clint said, Natasha shaking her head, "He was booking it, said he needed to find his brother? I didn't know he had one."

"Oh God," Fury groaned, and that was what got him to start running, disappearing before any of the three could try to piece together the strange interaction they had with the man, Terran now fully alert and awake, still floating on air in his mind.

"What do you think happened?" Clint asked, in the tone that let them know he had his theories.

But Terran knew. It wasn't hard to see, but then again, maybe it was; after all, only someone who was in that position knew what it was like, he could feel it radiating off of him in waves.

"Someone he loves is hurting. And he can't afford to lose the others because of it."

º º º

Terran was sitting in his room, texting Nicky who was telling him all about what he was learning about in class, pretending not to be listening on Natasha and Clint who were talking in Clint's room, which was just a thin wall away.

"...you didn't trust her either, but we all love her now...she was just like you."

"...different and you know it..."

"How is it different, you just didn't trust her because she was just like you and you don't even trust yourself!"

Terran winced at how clear that sounded, and how agitated and hurt Clint's tone was; Clint never raised his voice, especially not to Natasha, he was much too caring for that, too worried about people leaving, too emotional.

But that was just the thing. A heart like that, he would wind up getting upset if Natasha continued to see herself the way he said she did, and it wasn't a stretch for Terran to see it either.

It took him quite some time to learn to trust people, and he hadn't even completed the brunt of his training. She had graduated.

He turned his attention away from their conversation to focus on his own with Nicky, and he couldn't help but think of Fury as he did, how protective and worried he seemed about Milo and his brother; it was something that proved he was still human in Terran's eyes.

He didn't know how to feel about how happy Nicky was. Of course, he was ecstatic, he had wanted to hear him happy for so long, ever since meeting the little raincloud when he was still in high school, and he was just starting to coax smiles out of him, no matter how hard Nicky fought him.

But he knew he wouldn't be seeing those if Nicky continued to stick with them. Nicky could help so many people, hiding him from the public, whether he stay at the complex or with S.H.I.E.L.D., wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to the world, and it wasn't fair to Nicky.

If it were up to Terran, he'd hold onto him forever, but that was cruel. Because deep down, he wanted Nicky to have what he didn't; he wanted him to the normal life, the good life, the one that didn't have him looking over his shoulder, wondering if someone was going to hurt the others due to his carelessness.

He wanted this kid to be happy. But he was starting to realize that, maybe, he wouldn't be happy if he stayed with him.

But then he remembered all the words, all the time they spent together, how everyone and their mother, Nicky included, always told Terran that he was the reason why Nicky was happy, even if he didn't always show it. Terran was what Nicky clung onto, even more than he held onto Rhett.

He wouldn't let him go. He loved that kid too much to do that. He wasn't cruel.

His musings were interrupted by a knock on his door, and he called for them to come in, letting Nicky know that he can keep texting-he wanted him to keep texting-but he was going to be away for a little bit since someone wanted to talk to him, and Nicky was understanding as ever.

The kid deserved better than what he was given, Terran and the complex included.

He faltered when Natasha stepped inside, looking almost bashful, and before she closed the door, Terran glimpsed Clint peering out from his room, his gaze trained on Natasha's back, and it was clear that their conversation had reached some understanding.

He spoke first once the door closed.

"You two okay?" he asked, pointing towards the closed door, "You guys looked tense."

She scoffed, shaking her head, continuing to stand, her arms crossed over her chest. "Don't lie to me, I know you heard."

Terran shrugged, pulling up his legs to his chest, motioning for her to sit, and while she took a step forward, she didn't sit. "I only heard parts of it. Mainly about someone just like you?"

Her lips quirked up slightly, and while he didn't cause it, he felt a pang of excitement at the fact that she was genuinely smiling, even if it was the faintest of ones. "Banner's got a little girlfriend. Maybe a fiancé or a wife, I don't even know at this point, but she's cute."

"She has a name?" Terran asked, and she shook her head, the smile still playing on her lips

"She likes to be the one to introduce herself and say it. She was the one who picked out her name, she's so proud of it," Natasha said, and he'd never heard her voice sound so soft; closest was when she talked about Clint.

"Were you the same?" he asked, breaching forward, because that was what he did best, poking and prodding until something burst through, and he was always there to help with properly healing the wound rather than covering it up again, "Because I was."

She raised an eyebrow. "What's your name?"

He shrugged, motioning towards her. "Didn't I ask you a question first?"

She rolled her eyes, finally sitting down at the foot of his bed, and he moved his feet even further, now diagonal on the bed, so she could move closer, but she didn't, not just yet.

"You know what it used it be. It doesn't matter. I wasn't proud, it was just another skin. It is still another skin. Just the one I feel most comfortable in. It's practically mine, but it's hard to not forget the old one, it's still there, no matter how hard I try to bury it."

She was staring at her hands, her nails digging into her palms, and he instinctively reached out and took them in his own, and he was shocked that she didn't fight him, only freezing for a moment before relaxing slightly, still on edge, but trusting.

It was a win in his book.

"I don't blame you," he said, running his thumbs over her knuckles the way he did with the others, "You went through a lot more than me. But I wish you were proud of it, then you'd have something to be proud of."

"Clint gave me my name, so if anything, he's proud of it," she said, a ghost of a smile on her lips as she thought of Clint, and he couldn't help but smile too.

"Yeah, well, it's a good name," he said, and she rolled her eyes, pulling her hands out of his grip, though not so harsh to let him think she didn't want him touching her; at least not her hands.

He paused, just looking at her, and he knew she was waiting for him to answer her question, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to breach that just yet; after all, she was just starting to warm up to him.

"It's really hard for you, isn't it?" he asked, lips barely moving as he looked at her, "Trusting people, you really...you can't trust anyone, can you? Not even yourself."

She opened her mouth to argue, but he could see in her eyes that she had nothing to argue with, because it was true, so he just kept going.

"Of course you can't, they trained you after all, they broke you down, they took everything from you, they even ruined your name, and the name you have now isn't yours, how can you trust someone who isn't you?" he asked, and he was pushing a little too far, but he was already rolling, and he wasn't even solely talking about her anymore.

She just stared at him, and he sighed, shaking his head minutely. "Natalia...Natasha...a name doesn't make you. Black Widow, Agent Romanoff, it's all relative. At the end of the day, you're still the same person."

She shook her head, her voice so soft even he could barely hear it. "No, I'm not. I'm a spy, that's part of the deal."

"No, it's not," he said immediately, shaking his head, "It's not-I know you grew up knowing nothing but the job, but listen to me, it's okay to trust people. I know it's hard, you've been in this line of work your whole life, the only person you've honestly had to trust was Clint, I get that, but...do you really want to live your life this way?"

She shook her head. "You don't understand. I didn't want this, but this is what I am."

He gave her a small smile. "Natasha Romanoff, you know better than anyone else that people change."

She raised her eyebrows. "If I've changed, how am I the same person?"

He smiled at that, because she had a point. "Well, you might not believe it, but back when I was in training, I could snap the neck of a dog without feeling a thing. Took me a while, but I could never do that to a dog now, not without wanting someone to snap my own neck. But I would still feel nothing. I'd think a lot, but I don't think I'd feel."

"So you didn't change at all," she countered, and she shook his head.

"No, I changed a lot," he said, now settling against his bed, and she sat down closer to him, "I'm happier now."

She scoffed, shaking her head incredulously. "You're happier? How is that relevant?"

He felt pain in his chest then, actual pain, and that was what reminded him that he was still a person, that he was still alive. "You haven't felt it yet, huh?"

She shook her head. "I guess not."

He sat up, shaking out his shoulders. "Well. When you're happier, life gets so much better. You're not always happy, and you're certainly not considered better, but when you're happier, it's easier to forgive yourself. You don't wrack up the grudges and the little things you did and the things done to you. You move on. You trust yourself, you trust other people. You have no idea how good it is to trust other people."

She shook her head openly. "I don't understand you. I don't understand how-if you were taught anything similar to me, you know you can't trust anyone."

"Yeah, you can," he countered, motioning towards the door, "You can trust Clint. I trust the X-Men. I trust everyone in the complex. I trust myself."

She let out a short, disbelieving laugh, staring at him. "I don't understand you. I don't...I don't get you. You're supposed to be like me, but we're so different."

He gave her a wry smile, eyes shining in ways that hers never did. "Oh, honey...we're a lot more similar than you think."

She let out a laugh at that, ducking her head, a smile playing on her lips, and he couldn't see if it was genuine, but it was enough as he added, "But I'm fine with you being different from me in other ways. Except one."

She lifted her head, her features schooled, a perfectly shaped eyebrow raised in his direction. "Yeah? What's that?"

He reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, reveling in how she didn't so much as flinch or tense as he did, simply sitting there, though her shoulder twitched when he ran a finger along the side of her cheek and down her jaw, a smile playing on his lips.

"I want you to be happier."

AUTHOR'S NOTE

( 10.23.18 )

This title is based off the song 'Happier' by Marshmello ft. Bastille, and you should listen to it, because the entire song is just Terran singing to Nicky and you'll realize at the end of the story just how true it is (or if you read Almost Happy, you'll now realize and it's gonna hurt especially the pre-chorus part...especially that part)

So I referenced a few of my fics in this, and since I can't remember if I mentioned it before, I'll mention it now, Milo's brother is Leo Oberholt, my Pietro Maximoff OC, and if you remember a crucial detail about Fury's relationship with Leo and the current status of Leo's parents within the fic, you'll realize why Fury was so distraught (if you don't want to understand or don't: Leo's dad died, and when Fury burst it, the long process had just started to try to keep him alive, but it failed)

I also mentioned the OC in my Bruce Banner fic when Natasha and Clint were talking about her not trusting someone. I haven't yet mentioned her name in the fic, so I'm not gonna say it until its completed, because it's a huge spoiler and I have yet to decide on it honestly.

Sorry this chapter was all over the place, I'm trying to get them to bond slowly some more and I should plot out exactly what's happening because...yeah.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!