'Diary Entry, Day one.

Dear Diary,

I really like the texture of you.

Sorry if that sounded creepy. You're a book though so I doubt you care.

I took my gloves off to feel you for a second and the princess saw my wrists and literally gasped. It was kind of funny, I mean obviously I'm going to have bruises from the handcuffs.

Then again, they were way tighter than they should've been so the bruises kind of run up my arms. So, yeah there's that.

Anyway, the princess gave me this diary to help me get control of my hands. She also told me it would be good for me to write my feelings down in here or whatever. She said she has one as well but she also draws pictures to go along with it.

I will not be doing that.

She and Cass tried to go talk to the queen about Ruddiger yesterday, but she was like, extremely busy so she couldn't. Now Lance and Eugene are off doing whatever they do and Cass is probably murdering someone. I don't mind that Ruddiger is with the Queen. Sounds like he's being very well treated.

Maybe I should tell you about life. And explain who all these people are.

I'm currently a few days into recovery.

For what you ask?

...Literally everything.

Rapunzel watched as Varian began writing in his diary, a small smile on her face. She knew he would like it. It was very good for practicing getting his strength back, at least for gripping items. Rosa had suggested it for helping him mentally, too. He hadn't had to write or spell anything in so long. It took him a long time to write one page. He kept having to take breaks, let his trembling hands rest and think about how to actually spell bigger words. He was doing fairly well, all things considered.

His handwriting was...well. Horrible. But with some practice, she was sure he'd get it back to how it used to be. It was a good way to track his progress. Hopefully, he'd look back in the next few weeks and be proud of how far he'd come.

"I hope writing can keep you occupied while I go grab you some food" Rapunzel told him, before slipping out of the room when he assured her that he would be fine alone for a while.

His arms were shaky, and he couldn't quite get his fingers to cooperate with him, but he could still read it. He took special care into getting the letters written out as neatly as possible. He continued to write all of the long, drawn out explanations of who's who, talking about Cassandra, Eugene, Rapunzel and Lance, giving some backstory and then writing down all of his crimes and stuff down before finally getting into his pity party.

See? What I did was horrible. But I felt completely and utterly betrayed. It doesn't make any sense, I know. I over reacted. I'm wondering why they didn't just leave me to die, honestly. Why would they care? They shouldn't care, they should hate me. Everybody should hate me.

I mean of course Rapunzel forgives me. Of course Rapunzel cares, she's the perfect sundrop princess whose never hated anybody in her entire life.

But why does Lance forgive me? Cassandra? Eugene? Lance has no memories of me because we didn't know each other, he has no reason to care. I didn't even know him.

Cassandra should hate me, we were such good friends. I built up a bond, a trust with her and then I hurt her. I hurt her, and I betrayed her.

Me and Eugene clicked so well, and then I just. I mean, it probably hurt him a whole lot. We were team awesome, we were like, friends.

Which, I know sounds weird obviously, because he's an adult. I mean, they're all adults.

I have a bad habit of making friends with adults. I don't think i've ever had a friend my age, honestly.

No wonder I turned out the way I did.

Well, the bottom line of it all is that I attacked them. I attacked all of them, I hurt all of them, I betrayed them.

I'm the bad guy. For so long, I thought Rapunzel was in the wrong, but looking back, it's so obvious that it was all just me.

They should hate me.

They should hate me.

Why don't they hate me? They should, they have every right, they should kick me out, have me executed, or at least thrown back in prison.

Eugene is probably only agreeing for Rapunzel. There's no way he still cares for me. I missed him when I was in jail to be honest. The whole team awesome thing, and just having the company of someone. I never had friends before this, you know?

And how sad is that? My only friends are adults. Adults who probably only keep me around out of pity and obligation.

Eugene hates me, I know he does and it scares me, because if he doesn't trust me, if he still hates me, then what am I going to do? What happens when i'm left alone with him? What if he tries to do something?

I'm defenseless right now. I'm not stupid. I know they're just trying to get me to think they care so that it will hurt even worse when they start hurting me.

Eugene could kill me so easily.

Can't really blame him though. I'm dangerous. I hurt his girlfriend.

I do stupid things and work with unstable chemicals. I've blow up my village countless times, it's a miracle my father is the village leader or i'd have been kicked out a long, long time ago.

I don't think the title of village leader should be passed down onto me once my father grows too old to do it—or if he's dead when he gets out of the amber. It's tradition for the title to be passed on through a family line, and it's funny how my father was about to start a new line of family leaders and then I just had to go off and do this.

I'm so stupid.

I feel like I wouldn't be a good leader anyway, even if all of this hadn't have happened. My passion is alchemy, inventing, all of that good stuff, not leading people. I feel like i'm more of a follower, y'know? I can't make all of those quick decisions.

I love helping my village though. I love making things for people, little systems to help things like gathering water go by more smoothly. I've actually been working on this system
to give my village hot running water, but I haven't been able to get the levels of pressure vs flynnolium right.

I still need to do some experimenting.

I might trauma dump some more later but Rapunzel's about to be back any minute so I guess i'll write later. Oh, don't let me forget about the diapers. I have to wear them for a few days while the doctor tries to figure out if the trauma to my body gave me like, incontinence or something.

I can still feel the urge to go and hold it for a while, so I don't think so? Maybe i'm just a little weak right now. If I heal it may not be permanent.

—Varian

"Hey kid" Cassandra said, opening the door. Varian screamed, throwing the diary at Cassandra, who caught it and snorted at him, "whatcha reading, nerd?" She glanced down at the open page, scanning over a few words that said a bunch of stuff about how everyone should hate him.

"Cassandra!" Varian hissed, "don't read that!"

The older woman smirked, flipping a few pages back to find the little 'dear diary' written at the top. She cackled, "oh, kid, you're keeping a diary? That's rich!"

"Rapunzel told me to..." Varian mumbled, his face growing hot, "don't read it!"

"Oh, okay I won't I won't..." she trailed off, pretending to close the book before quickly opening it again and peeking inside.

"CASSANDRA!" Varian yelped, high pitched, "give it back!" He cried.

"Why did you throw it at me if you wanted it?" Cassandra questioned teasingly.

"You scared me!" Varian cried.

"Sucks to suck" Cassandra shrugged, "wow, you have a lot of stuff in here already, what did you even write?"

"Personal things, now give it back please" he said urgently, his face having turned a dark shade of red.

"I'm baaaaaaack~" A voice called from the other side of the door. Rapunzel opened the door and walked inside, quickly closing and locking it behind her as she glanced between the two, Cassandra with a evil grin on her face and Varian with a flushed face and unshed tears, "what's going on in here?"

"Cassandra took my diary and now she's making fun of me" Varian mumbled, his voice cracking as he staring down at his lap sadly.

"Cassandra!" Rapunzel chastised, gasping at her,"what is wrong with you, give the boy his diary back!"

"Oh, we were just playing around, I was teasing!" She defended, "it's no fun if you actually cry—I just like getting you worked up. Sorry, kid."

Varian snatched the diary back when she came near him and pouted, "I—I was not going to cry!"

"You have tears in your eyes right now" Cassandra pointed out.

"I—I got dust in them" he argued, wiping his eyes with his sleeve, "you're just being mean."

"Cass, you are evil" Rapunzel glared, "don't worry Varian, i'll make sure she never takes it again. You know, it isn't cool to read someone's diary."

"I did not read it! I glanced at it because I thought it was a regular old book! But then I saw some really heavy depressing stuff and I was like wait, did Varian write this?" She explained, "this kid really likes Eugene by the way. Literally, my eyes landed on a huge paragraph about how he hopes he can gain back his friendship and all that because he misses it. Sad, really."

"Cass, stop!" Varian hissed.

"Oh, Varian..you don't have to worry about all that" Rapunzel assured, "believe me when I say that Eugene thinks the world of you."

"Yeah" Cassandra agreed, "He never shuts up about about you. He's got a huge ego, and for some reason thinks that you like him the most. He rambles on and on about how smart you are, about team awesome—it can get kind of annoying honestly, but he just gets these stars in his eyes. He cares about you deeply. More than you could ever know. He values your friendship highly, trust me."

"Really?" Varian mumbled. He...wasn't sure if he could believe that. Not yet. This whole thing still felt like some kind of fever dream to him. He was confused, and scared about his future, unsure about everything that was to come.

"Oh, yeah. I'm sure none of that has faded. I'm sure it's strengthened in fact! He's always fussing over you and worrying like a mother hen, even outside of this room" Rapunzel chuckled.

Varian giggled, "no way."

"Um, yes way, you should have seen him fussing over you when you were asleep for three days!" Cassandra grinned, "he was really worried that you had a fever, so he took your blankets away, and then he was worried that you would get cold, so he gave them back. And then he decided to get a cold washcloth to put on your head."

Varian smiled, "well that's sweet of him."

"Don't even get me started on Lance" Rapunzel beamed, "he can't ever stop talking about you. It's always 'Varian this' 'Varian that' with him. Trust me. We all care very deeply about you, alright?"

Varian nodded, "thank you guys" he smiled shyly. Maybe they were telling the truth, maybe they weren't lying. He wanted to trust them.

"No problem! Now, the others should be coming back any minute, so how about Cass starts on changing your bandages?" Rapunzel questioned.

He nodded.

"Okay. First let's check your stitches."Cassandra began, laying the boy down on the bed so that he was staring up at the ceiling, "May need to be replace—"she stopped talking as she un tied the hospital gown just enough to where it fell over his lap so she could see his upper body. She stared down at his stomach.

He had a large, festering wound on his stomach. She knew that, yes, but it looked horrible. It was a large gash, most likely from a whip. The surrounding area of skin was a dark, swollen red with white patches of skin scattered across. The wound had yellow puss coming out of it.

Rapunzel's eyes grew large as well as she stared at it.

"What's wrong?" Varian mumbled, not wanting to look down.

"Hm? Oh—oh, nothing's wrong" Cassandra lied, "we just remembered, we need to get some antibiotics. From a doctor. Did we ever tell you that? A doctor came by while you were asleep. I just remembered that. We completely forgot! Now, look up at the ceiling so that I can focus." She was very sure that Varian could feel the wound. He was on absolutely zero pain medicine.

She grabbed a wipe from the first aid kit and began to gently wipe up all the pus that was exiting the wound, "I actually did get some cream that can help with the swelling, so i'm going to rub it on—um, this wound before I check the stitches."

She did as she said, hating how Varian tensed up, but didn't make a sound before placing a cotton patch over it with some medical tape, "okay, there. Now since that's out of the way, let's look at the stitches."

She hummed to herself as she inspected them, "alright. None of them seem to be infected, so that's good. They don't need to be replaced either, they're holding together nicely."

Varian sighed in relief, "thank sun."

"Alright, so now just try to relax. I have to feel your chest, okay? I wrapped it up as a precaution in case anything was broken, but now that you're awake, I need to make sure your ribs are okay" Cassandra said.

Varian nodded slowly, a spike of fear stabbing his heart. For a second he was back at the dungeons. Rough hands running down his chest, viscous smirks from two men who looked ready to devour him. He blinked back some mist, "okay...."

"First of all—does it hurt to take in a deep breath?" Cassandra questioned.

He chewed the inside of his cheek, before nodding, "I noticed that after my nightmare the other day, I had to force myself to take more shallow breaths because my chest was hurting."

Cassandra nodded, placing her hands on his ribs, "okay. I'm going to press down in a few spots, tell me if anything hurts...and by the way, you should speak up about any pain in the future."

She began to press around his chest, and he hated it. He wanted her hand off of him. He didn't like it at all, but he kept quiet, aside from a few whimpers and stray tears, until he seethed in pain and screwed his eyes shut, "there!" He whispered tightly, "yep. Yep yep yep, right there."

Cassandra froze, "okay...yep. I suspected as much. You have some harsh bruising around here, so this part must be the source. It's very tender, do you remember how this happened?"

Varian nodded, "I always have something wrong there. The guards loved to stomp with their boots or kick me there. I think i've had some breaks or fractures before that healed wrong."

Cassandra and Rapunzel shared a look, "Oh" the princess said, "i'm so sorry.."

Varian looked down, "thanks."

"The doctor's coming back soon...I'll have her check on your ribs to make sure" Cassandra said with a frown, motioning for her clipboard. Rapunzel nodded and wrote down the new information.

"Okay, buddy. I'm going to wrap your chest up very loosely. It'll help keep your hospital gown from irritating the bruising. Ice packs will also do wonders" Cassandra said, "okay. There."

"Hmm" Cassandra said, "this part might be uncomfortable and hurt a bit, because you have to move around. Here, Rapunzel will help you get up, but I need to look at your back, you had some really bad bruising and lash marks, and I need to replace your bandages."

Varian took in a shallow breath as Rapunzel helped him sit up. He hissed when he moved wrong and the princess froze, "fine. Fine, i'm fine. Just the ribs" he seethed, before allowing her to help him turn around fully.

Cassandra began to rub some type of cream all over his back that she said would help heal the bruises and cuts.

"Okay, just a few more bandages" Cassandra said, before there were four soft knocks on the door. She rolled her eyes, "oh, what fun. The boys are here."

She got up quickly to open the door, "what happened to your keys?" She asked as she made her way back over to the bed.

"Funny story, actually..." Lance chuckled.

Cassandra ran a hand down her face and groaned, "you know what, i'll make some more spares. Just be quiet so that I can look at Varian's leg."

"What's wrong with his leg?" Eugene asked.

"Did you not listen to the list of injuries I gave you? His shin bone is fractured. And it's time to rewrap it" Cassandra said.

"Seems legit. How are you feeling, hair stripe?" Eugene questioned.

"Um. Injured?" he said, unsure of himself.

"Well, that is certainly a word" he muttered, staring at the plethora of bandages and bruises littered all over his body.

"Yeah. It wasn't too hard to tell which ribs were broken since I can literally see every individual one" Cassandra said.

"I've achieved the ultimate skinny" Varian smirked.

"That's not something to brag about" Lance said.

"I've earned my bragging rights" Varian shrugged.

"He has a point" Rapunzel Joked.

Eugene sighed in frustration, "that doesn't mean it's a good thing—wait he has broken ribs?!"

"I literally told you this!" Cassandra hissed, narrowing her eyes at him, "you never listen. I can't deal with you anymore."

"Oh—that must be why he coughed up blood the other day" Lance said.

"He coughed up blood?" Cassandra said, her voice deathly quiet, "and you didn't tell me?!"

"We're sorry!" The two men cried simultaneously, throwing their hands up, "we forgot!"

"You can't just forge—" Cassandra cut herself off, talking a deep, calming breath, "okay. Okay, it's fine. We're treating the cause anyway."

The two men sighed in relief.

"You two are still idiots though" Cassandra glared.

Eugene and Lance shared a look, both wondering if it was worth it to argue and start a fight they knew they were going to lose, before they sighed, "yep. Seems fair."

They looked over to Varian, who looked quite amused with what was happening, hiding a giggle behind his hand.

"Laugh all you want, Hairstripe, but at least I can use my legs—"

"EUGENE!"