We keep this love in a photograph, we made these memories for ourselves..
Where our eyes are never closing, hearts were never broken, time's forever frozen still..

-Photograph by Ed Sheeran

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I'm sat at the table with a small bowl of cereal which I have been having trouble finishing.

Mum and Dad had to go back to work today. Mum kept apologising to me and kept assuring me that she'd be back home early.

I am being treated like a guest. A guest in my own house. I hate it.

She went on and on like a broken record about how I can call her anytime of the day.

But there's a slight problem with that.

The thing is that I haven't quite been able to muster enough strength and courage to break the barrier that is preventing my vocal chords from being used.

This is the first time in so long that I have come out of my room, I also took a shower and dressed myself in something other than my PJ's.

This might not be a lot, but this is one step towards recovery. But I don't think I want to recover or move on I don't think I'm quite ready yet. I feel a slight sting in my heart every time I think about moving on. I know for fact that I would've wanted Ben to move on if he was in my place. But it's just so hard. So damn hard.

I reach out for my iPod which was placed at the other end of the table. I click on the music icon and click on the shuffle option and put on my earplugs and head for the door. A short walk can't hurt right?

I walked for a good 15 minutes and found myself in front of the local park. I walk in desperately in search for a place to sit. As I sit down, I can't help but admire how beautiful the place looks decorated with the fallen leaves. Autumn is truly one of the most beautiful times ever. How nice would it be to take a few pictures.

But I don't think I'll ever have the strength to even lay a finger on my camera to say the least.

The song Photograph by Ed Sheeran is softly playing in my ears. It baffles me how such a young man can write songs with so much depth and so much feeling and emotion. They're just so beautiful his songs.

"We keep this love in a photograph, we made these memories for ourselves..." I heard and that was when it struck me. I immediately bounced off the bench and ran.

••••

I stand waiting for the door to open. For some reason I'm feeling really jittery and nervous. I don't know why. I shouldn't be.

"Coming" called a voice a muffled voice from the other side of the door.

As the door swung open, I felt this very indescribable feeling of sadness crawl into my heart and the pain sort off consumed my whole being. But I refused to show signs of these emotions on my face.

"Ami..?" Wow she sounds so exhausted. Ami, Ben used to call me Ami. They're the only 2 people who call me that.

I leaped in her arms taking her by surprise. "Mom... I missed you so much" I cried into her neck.

Some people might think it's a bit weird to call your dead boyfriend's mother, mom, but I've always called her mom and I will continue to call her mom.

"Amelia, I thought I wouldn't be seeing you for a long long time. I lost hope of you ever coming over again. Come on in."

That made me cringe and frown on the inside.How could she think like that? What's with everyone being so formal and delicate with me lately. I don't like it one bit.

"It's hurts to think that you'd think like that"

I excused myself from there and walked down the hall and opened a door. A door which I'm most familiar with. I slowly made my way down the stairs and switched on the lights at the end of the stairs.

This is my place, our place. It's still in the same condition we'd left it in. It's amazing how much happiness this gives me, how many memories it holds. Literally because the whole room was filled with pictures. I had taken photography class long before I'd met Ben. It helped me cope with my loneliness in a way. I didn't really have any friends so I spent most of my time with my camera, making memories.

I didn't really think of it as anything huge or special. But Ben did. He absolutely loved my photography and never failed to miss any opportunity he got to tell me that I was amazing at it.

He came up with the idea of decorating the room with my pictures. I was reluctant at first. I didn't really want to waste his lovely place on my photos. But he paid no heed to my protests.

This was our room. Like our own little world which no one could spoil. We had put tiny strings all around and across the room to put my photos up. There were even these tiny lights with some of the pictures. Everything here is so well thought out. I love it. Ben and I spent majority of our time together here. Our own personal haven.

The pictures were the most random things actually. Both Ben and I hated taking pictures of ourselves. Although i would've most certainly enjoyed myself taking pictures of him all day, he didn't like quite like the idea of that. He said that there were more beautiful things to take pictures of.

Yeah right, if only he knew how beautiful he truly was. But I understood how he felt so i didn't force him.

I went around the room, looking at all the pictures, I felt so nostalgic looking back at all the memories they held. As I was looking, I found a picture with a rather interesting memory. (Picture attached with this chapter)
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"Wow!" Literally all that left my mouth at the sight in front of me. Ben told me he was taking me to the park. But this is not just an ordinary park, no far from it. This is not the type of park one may find near home, this was like a dense forest type thing, it had bridges, ropes, rope ladders, a tiny river and things like that.

"What exactly is this place Ben?"
"It's a place where people can get a proper forest and camping experience, something like that. I heard one of the lads talking about it and I knew at once that you'll absolutely love this place. Now c'mon"

The next half hour was so much fun, trying to get past the set obstacles. Now I was looking for things to photograph.

When we were leaving I spotted a beautiful white flower.

"Beautiful isn't it? That would make an amazing picture. Too bad it's in the restricted area. C'mon time to go. The place is closing in 10 minutes."

Before I could grab a hold of his hand he had already headed towards the restricted section. "Ben come back. I've already got enough pictures. I don't need that flower." But my screams were of no use. He was already out of sight.

I starting to get worried now. Right when i was thinking of calling him, he was coming towards me.. with a bunch of security. Oh damn!
"He's with you I believe?"

"Yes sir I'm so sorry please let him go"

"Did you not see that big sign, that read "restricted area" ? This won't be tolerated again. Now scram."

We ran as fast we could. When we reached our car and got in, we burst out laughing.

"What we're you thinking? They could've fined you" I said failing to sound serious.

"You should know by now that I'd do anything to see that beautiful happy smile grace your beautiful face. Now c'mon how do you want to take this picture?"
•
•
•

Ah! Memories. Well I don't think I want to pain myself any further. I wiped away the stray tears which had left my eyes. If only I knew then that I'd have such limited time with him, I would've spent all my camera's memory taking photos of him.

There it is again.. "If only"

Sigh.

I sent my mum a quick text saying I was at Ben's and that she needn't worry. I guess I should just take a quick nap now, to temporarily get my mind off things.

I fell asleep with the same thoughts playing in my head,

I miss you Ben, I miss you so much..

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hey guys! I'm sorry I updated so late. But I've been really busy and had the worst writers block ever! SORRY x

And I know this sucks! I was really excited when I started writing, but now after reading it myself I'm just disappointed but I don't have any energy to write this all over again. Hope it's readable I'm so sorry!

Anyway I'll be posting pictures from Ben and Amelia's room in the coming chapters too.

Thank you do much for reading! Please vote comment and tell me your opinions. Because honestly I want to improve! Your opinions really matter to me and I'm open to criticism!

Thank you💖

I love you more than Pizza💕💕😘

-Smruthi x