Katie felt...cold.

A raging headache placed in the back of her mind with the pinch of soreness and the terrible sunlight that just so happened to be shining through her window.

She sat up slowly with a groan and rubbed her eyes roughly, nasty little scratchy eye gunk took over the inner + the outer parts of her eyes. Letting out a big old huff she threw herself back and looked at the grayish ceiling (not the color Gray... it just gave off the look of gray due to how her rooms look with her curtains and natural light).

The morning was rough and Katie had a rough night so the combination of these two was not exactly...good. Katie was beyond exhausted and in pain and why was it so damn cold in this room? Another huff leaving her lips. Maybe stomping around her room would help or throw things like teenagers do or even going against the greater goods of a healthy mind and start smoking street drugs and show just how rebellious she could be. I mean it felt expected of her. Why not use it to her advantage?

Jeez was her mind racing at such an early time.. and she hasn't even checked her phone yet.

-

Things downstairs weren't good. Shit got broken. Things got thrown. It reeked of beer and cigarettes and god someone needed to open a door! She stomped her way down the stairs and went immediately to the line of windows and opened them slightly. Trying to let some fresh air in and get it to clear out the toxicity. She winced as the sun hit her directly in the eyes. Her poor head throbbing, even more, she needed pain killers and some water but that meant going into the kitchen and she hadn't seen what took place in there yet.

The kitchen wasn't exactly...messy but it did have that way too familiar stench of alcohol and cigarettes (what was it with this smell taking over every single room in the house??) and she scrunched up her freckle littered nose and huffed. "Gross..." she muttered and turned on her heel to escape the cloud of combined cancer sticks and liver destroyer. Today was Tuesday so that meant another session of group therapy. Great.

Apparently, this was a daily and required thing? Not an I come when I want thing and she just now got the message about this. It was irritating and irritating was a much...nicer way to put how she really felt about this group therapy mumbo jumbo. She signed up for a serious talk about what was causing her brain to become so dark... not an opportunity to meet people and even make new friends (not that she WASN'T against making new friends... but you know how people are...).

Conflicting could be another word that fits a little too perfectly into her handmade description of group therapy and public sharing. It was also another thing Katie couldn't quite understand.. why exactly was group therapy seen as a solution than an opportunity for emotional blackmail and public embarrassment? Katie felt conflicted once again.

She didn't mean to slam her door when she got to her room, but these thoughts of hers were so loud that she didn't realize she was being loud with the stomping and huffing and the slamming of doors. She also didn't realize that there was another human being in the house who had been trying to cope with what had happened last night.

last night.
last night.
last night.
LAST NIGHT.

SHIT! 

She was going to have to talk about last night because she had a gut feeling that her mother had delivered the news to her therapist and there was that fear in being a mother. Worrying constantly about their child and especially when they have to witness such... cruelty at home. Because parents don't do what her dad did last night and mothers don't cry and have cuts on their hands because of their fathers.

That just isn't normal. It shouldn't be normal and so the non-normal suddenly becomes a conversation that no one wants to have and it's so...irritating because no one wants to talk about how their fathers make their mothers hurt. Because it's embarrassing and there's the pity party people tend to throw and no one wants a god damn pity party in group fucking therapy.

Fuck group therapy.

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1:22 am
5.5.2021.