36. "There's Gotta Be a Way Out of This."

We'd shipped Charlie off the following morning. She seemed back to her old self, and she even gave me a hug as a goodbye. If I didn't know any better, I'd say Charlie was the Winchesters' sister they never had. She reminded me nothing of my siblings, but I did get that protective feeling over her. Maybe we'd see each other again, like she'd suggested. Well, you know that's not gonna happen, I'd told myself. You've got a pretty price on your head. Hellhounds are coming for your ass unless you can stop them.

So while we get a temporary break from cases, Sam's condition worsens, and guess whose back out on grocery duty. I insisted that I go anyway, since I need the air. Unfortunately, I haven't had the time to figure out how to summon a demon, specifically my contractor. He is the one I need to talk to.

Before I even head out, I rummage through the Impala's trunk and find the flask of holy water. Just in case. With the flask up front with me, I put the car into gear and drive for the store, with the list of items in my pocket.

I need a way out of this. I'm not going to Hell. Dean's got Sam to worry about, I don't want this on his shoulders too. This is my problem.

I almost change the radio station, which would certainly kill me before hounds could. But the song is the only thing that keeps the station alive in the Impala. I roll down the window, making sure to not swerve and hit traffic going the opposite direction. The stereo gets ramped up, and I feel my emotions disappear with the thundering bass and the words. I wonder how often Dean turns up the song in the car and just drowns out his thoughts and Sam's. Music seems to be helping right now.

"Good lord, how can you even think in here?!"

I scream, seeing something out of the corner of my eye. I slam on the brakes, feeling the tight catch from the belt. I'm surprised I'm not cut into pieces from the catch. I turn my head to see no one in the passenger seat. I'm panting and turn down the volume.

"You scare easy, did you know?"

"Fuck," I curse as Crowley appears at the driver's side door. My fingers grip the steering wheel. If I could, I'd rip it out and toss it at his head. "Damn it, Crowley."

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth, Maxi?"

I park the car and shut it off, just in case. Crowley steps back as I scramble out of the Impala, the flask at my side. "The hell do you want now? I can't even go to the store without you on my ass?"

"What? I can't visit one of my favorite deals?"

"Not when she's driving!"

Crowley nods towards the flask. "Put that away, dearie." I yelp as I feel the flask rip out of my hand. I hear it thump against the car seat behind me.

"Well, it's probably a good thing that you're here." I lean against the Impala. "You and I need to talk business."

"There's no business to talk about."

"I want to make another deal."

"We don't have to make a deal for you to kiss me, darling." He winks.

I wrinkle my nose. "I've had better," I say bitterly.

Crowley isn't amused. "Sorry, Maxi. No exchanges, no replacements."

I feel my blood grow hot. "Not even if it's putting me on your side?"

"Maxi, Maxi, Maxi." He shakes his head. "What good would you be to me? Humans like you, I have no use for them. Sorry."

"Not even as a spy to use against the Winchesters?"

Crowley looks at me. "Do you take me for an idiot? You're too loyal to them. If you offer something, it has to be legitimate."

"There's gotta be a way out of this," I mutter.

"Oh, there is, but you'll never be able to do it."

"So I gotta kill your ass?"

"You're quick." Crowley chuckles. "Those boys made you sharper." He looks at me, head tilted. "I wonder...I have to wonder...Do they know?"

My hands clench. "Yes."

"Oh, really? Because if that's true, then how come I haven't been tracked down? Been tortured?" He raises an eyebrow. "I bet you lie for a living, Max, but I'm not fooled by you." He grins devilishly. "You never told them."

"Just because they haven't come for you yet doesn't mean anything, Crowley."

"Now you're just making yourself sound silly."

I give up. "So what if they don't know?"

"It just seems strange to me that you're not utilizing them." He paces slowly before me. "You got something to prove to those boneheads?"

"Not a thing," I say strongly. "This is my issue."

"Oh, so we're Miss Lone Wolf." He chuckles. "I see. Guess I should have expected it, considering the situation I found you in."

"Need I remind you I didn't come calling for you, you sought me out." I frown deeply. I remember the first time all too well: he'd appeared out of nowhere, like he does now-a ghost. I'd thought he was a conman, with how he talked. I'd thought he was insane, with what he proposed, what he told me he could do for me.

"And what ended up happening? You took a chance on me. Now look where you are! You're...well, you're not exactly in a better place..."

"You'll always be a conman, a dirty son-of-a-bitch-"

"Who charms the ladies and often gets what he wants?" he finishes smartly.

I seethe. "I was going to say who preys on the weak and desperate."

"Which you clearly were."

Yes, yes I was, I tell myself. Yes, I was weak. Yes, I was desperate. He knows it, I know it. But nobody else does. Nobody should know it but us. "I've learned since then."

"Learned a little too late, I'm afraid."

"Could you at least tell me how long I've got? Months isn't good enough for me anymore."

"Mid-May. Exact date, couldn't tell you. When you're a businessman, you don't think about the dates." He shrugs, giving me a strange look. "You must have something with those boys, because no one in their right mind would hang around as long as you have."

"Let's just say I owe them a life debt."

"I think it's much more than that. Till next time, Maxi. I look forward to it."

Not if I find a way out, I think as Crowley disappears. Snorting, agitated, I climb back into the Impala, bring her back to life, and tear down the road again, blasting the music until I'm sure the speakers blow out.

* * *

"Do you ever settle down?"

I poke my head up from the laptop as Dean comes in with some snacks. "Do you live in the kitchen now? If you're looking for Sam, he just turned in."

"That explains why you're using his laptop."

"He said I could." I shrug.

Dean takes the seat closest to me, setting down the plates between us. "Is everything okay, Max?"

"Yeah, why?" My eyes aren't him, they're on the webpage I'm on. My chin is in my hand as I skim the words, scrolling down.

"Well, you went straight to the gallery after you came back and you wasted a lot of bullets. If we had a boxing area, you probably would have gone there next. And now you're surfing the Internet, which I've never seen you do."

"I need a change."

I see Dean lean over to see what I'm researching. "You going all things demon now?"

"Gotta start with the basics."

"Alright. What do you know?"

"Well, obviously that trap I got stuck in a while back is a good way to slow down a demon. I don't remember the Latin that I heard that night, but that's obviously an exorcism. And that knife of yours is a demon-killing machine."

"What has the Internet told you?"

"Oh, that demons, like all monsters of myth, don't exist." I scoff.

"You don't need to search online for answers, Max."

"I don't?"

Dean tosses a ratty-looking journal onto the table before picking up a few Cheetos. "It's no Monster Internet, but it's got enough for you to read up on. Covers a wide range."

I reach for the journal. "Henry's journal." I'm amazed I remember Grandfather Winchester. It was so long ago, the day that I met the brothers was the day I met their strikingly attractive grandfather.

"At the time, it was my dad's."

I nod, flipping through the pages. There's a lot of writing, and dates, some pictures and diagrams. It's almost a textbook on all things supernatural. "Right. Huh. Well, it beats having to dry my eyes out over a screen for hours on end."

"Hey, hey." Dean slaps my hand away from the snacks. I give him a daring look. "At least respect the journal and not get food on it."

"Yes, sir," I mock him as I accept the napkin. I shut the laptop's lid down and put John Winchester's journal on top. "You're not a sleeper, are you?"

"Are you?"

I shake my head as I take some Chex Mix and pop them into my mouth. "Haven't been for over a decade." I swallow. "I kind of miss it."

"Sorry we're partly to blame for it."

I shrug. "It happens." I yawn, rubbing my eyes. I rub my scarring arms that barely require bandages now.

"Those look better."

"They'll never be what they used to."

"Nothing ever is, Max."

I tear the skin off my lower lip. "I killed the Djinn, Dean. Last night."

"Yeah, I remember."

"It...It felt...I don't know...It's hard to explain." I sit back in the chair. I feel his green eyes watching me. "It almost felt natural, to take her life. But Sam had to take out her son. I-I just froze." I shake my head. "Does it get easier, killing monsters?"

"I'd say yes, because that's how it's worked out for Sam and me. But you...I don't know. You seem to have morals when it comes to murder. You perceive the monsters in their human form, you don't see past that."

I sniff. "To me, doing what I have, even a human can be a monster. They don't have to have abilities."

"But you still have a conscience."

"Like you don't?"

"I'd like to think my Jiminy Cricket has taken a permanent leave of absence." I hear the faint smile in his voice. "You haven't gotten pulled in deep enough into what we do yet to lose your cricket."

I giggle. "You got to stop saying that my conscience is a cricket, otherwise I won't take the voice in my head as seriously." I throw my hair back. "Do you guys believe in vacations?"

"What?"

"I mean, when is the last time you two have taken a break from everything? From this place included?" I look around the library of the bunker. "I mean, don't get me wrong, what you guys do is really important, but you don't seem to think a lot about yourselves. I'm sure it's wired in your systems that it's others first before you, but you need to put yourself first every now and again."

"Max, if we ever found the time, we would have. But the cases just pile with little break time in between."

I purse my lips. "I think you guys don't give yourselves enough time to enjoy life." Another yawn comes out of my mouth.

"Getting tired there?"

"Possibly. Sleep deprivation will do that to you."

"You gonna camp out here?"

"Nah, I'll make my way to my room." I shuffle out of the chair, grabbing some more snacks along the way. I barely make it to one of the halls before I'm taken off my feet. My heart speeds as I find myself grabbing onto Dean. "I'm not that tired, Dean."

"I don't trust you on that."

"You're just finding any excuse to carry me." I push my head into his neck. I close my eyes briefly, hearing his shoes on the flooring. It's almost calming, just focusing on the shoes.

I almost fall asleep in his arms, but I'm awake when he lowers me to my feet. I look over my shoulder to see that we are, in fact, in front of my bedroom. Good.

"Do you need me to put you to bed and tuck you in?" Dean teases.

I hit his chest lightly. "Smartass."

The moths in my stomach rumble around when he kisses me. His calloused hands hold my face as though I'll break if he adds the slightest pressure. I hug him around the waist. This isn't helping me sleep. I need to sleep. I should really be finding a way to save my ass from Hell. Maybe I can borrow the demon-knife long enough to kill Crowley. That'll save my ass then, for sure. If not, I need a Plan B.

I give off a low purr. "You know, I think the bed's big enough for two..."

Goosebumps rise just from his genuine, deep-throated chuckle alone. "Are you trying to get me into bed with you, Barton?"

I smile against his mouth. "Is it working?" I sigh. "It's not what you think though."

"Aw, come on." Dean pulls away to pout.

I snicker. "You didn't think I would be easy, did you?"

His hands fall onto my waist. "Never."

I peel his hands off me and back into my bedroom. He obediently follows, giving me suggestive looks. I can't help but let my face grow hot, and red, and hold in my laughter.

The moment the lights get flicked off, I'm in bed, and I listen and try to see Dean. I hear the bed groan under the weight. Just to be irritating, I turn away from Dean, leaving him with the view of my back. I don't flinch as my exposed side is touched.

I snuggle into the pillow more and let my body curl into the fetal position it's used to. My hair falls down towards my back, I can feel Dean moving it. I shiver when I feel his mouth press against the nape of my neck.

"What did we do to deserve each other, Max?"

I don't answer, only because I'm not sure if he thinks I'm asleep or awake. I keep myself as normal as possible and don't do anything stupid like pretend to snore. My eyes move in the darkness.

He snorts into my hair. "What have we done that lets this be right?"

I bite down on my tongue, because I feel words rising in my chest. I adjust my head on the pillow and close my eyes.

"I shouldn't be this lucky. This isn't something I wanted to happen, but it has anyway." He sighs. "We're caught in each other's trap." He chuckles. "Who would have thought, the thief turns out to be someone I care about. This world is unpredictable."

That it is, Dean. That it is. I breathe quietly through my nose, feeling his arm slither over my side, blinding searching for my hand. I don't react, I just let him take it. I feel the tears pooling in my eyes. I don't know what we've done to deserve this, Dean. I know I don't deserve you. Beneath the hunter, you're so much more. And you can't see that. I feel my throat closing up with emotion.

I accidentally let out a squeaky sob.

"Max?" I feel his hovering presence. "Max, baby, what's wrong?"

I sniff. "Something's in my eye." I rub the tears away.

"Try again."

I sigh, running my hands through my hair. I turn so that I'm flat on my back. "You don't ever feel like randomly crying in the middle of the night?"

"What's got you upset?"

I reach semi-blindly until I find the contour of his jawline. "I'm...I'm afraid."

"Of?"

"A lot. What can happen, what will happen..."

"Okay, now you're just babbling."

"I'm sorry, but I don't want what I've got now to come tumbling down on me." I say this a bit sharply. "Despite all the bloodshed and monsters, this is the best my life has been in over a decade, Dean. I-I don't want to lose this."

"You won't." He kisses the palm of my hand. "You'll be a permanent den mother here, a permanent Woman of Letters."

I snort out a laugh.

"Try and sleep, Max. Okay?"

"That's not my mouth, Dean," I say when he searches for it. He finds my brow, and then he finds the bridge of my nose. I try to help him, but I'm no better.

"You sure you don't-?"

"Dean." I groan, gently pushing him away. I resume my position of facing away from him. He snuggles up behind me, pushing his head into my back.

I sigh, shaking my head into the pillow. This is only making it worse. You're going too deep. Hell, you're in too deep now. If this doesn't go your way, this shatters and burns in Hell with you.

I've got to find a way out of this mess.

**Mmm, deadline's are getting closer, but Dax is growing stronger. And with what's to come...

P.S. Song is what was playing in the Impala at the time.**