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FIRST IMPRESSIONS!

title! (4/5)

-it definitely suits your story well but i personally think that it sounds a little too basic and isn't that catchy.

cover! (3/5)

-your cover is simple yet quite pretty but just like what i said about your title, it's not that eye-catching and seems really plain aahsjajaka

description! (7/10)

-what you wrote is not bad! maybe add a short dialogue by bts or by her? that would most likely complete your description.

-'logically that makes sense' sounds awkward and unnecessary? plus, it's missing a comma between 'logically' and 'that'.

-now that i think of it, your description sorta seems abrupt? the last statement is my favorite though, it really brings everything together.

-maybe try rewriting your description? aaah i sound shameless because i know it isn't easy but i just think that it might help somehow.

WRITING STYLE!

grammar! (14/20)

-i was honestly surprised because i couldn't find any flaws in your first chapter! not saying that i'm disappointed or anything but i thought that it would be the same in the next chapters but unfortunately, no it wasn't aaahshdjs

-but! your writing style is honestly really great! i like how you describe things and especially the surroundings, it really makes the readers imagine what they're reading and somehow form an image in their heads!

-i have found some mistakes along the way and so, i'll be elaborating on them down below!

-:)

-always add a comma before or after a name when in direct address. if not, this may cause misunderstandings. this is actually your most repeated mistake so i hope that you find the time to fix this!

-remember that you usually have to add a comma after 'well'.

-be consistent with your verb tense. there are exceptions though but most of the time, you only focus on one verb tense and in your case, that's past tense.

-:) pt. 2

-more missing commas when it comes to direct address.

-the apostrophe doesn't seem necessary and if you're asking a question, add a question mark.

-adding question marks give your dialogues much more feeling and emotion and makes a huge difference compared to just ending it with periods. that makes it seem dull and monotone. (only for questions though!)

-add a comma after adverbs like 'yes' or 'no'. there are cases where you add a period instead and you can search it up online if you want to know more about it.

-i think by 'noted', you meant 'noticed'?

-'in moments later' doesn't really seem wrong but it does at the same time. maybe try finding an alternative to that?

-:) pt. 3

-i noticed that you rarely use commas to combine sentences. i mean, that's definitely not bad but it just makes your sentences seem abrupt or like too rushed?

'okay. i'll see you. i'm on my way. it's kinda cold outside. i should've brought a jacket.' see what i mean? yeah, i think commas may help them sound smoother.

-:) pt. 4

-here's a detailed explanation about adding commas before 'while':

Don't use a comma before while when you mean "during the same time."

Do use a comma before while when you mean "whereas" or "although."

When while is used as a conjunction, it has two meanings. One meaning is related to time. In the temporal sense, while describes something that is happening at the same time as something else. The other meaning of while indicates a contrast. In this sense, it means "whereas" or "although."

1. no comma with while means 'at the same time':

Don't use a comma before while when you're talking about two things happening at the same time.

correct:

I decided to take a nap under my desk while everyone else was in the meeting.

incorrect:

I decided to take a nap under my desk, while everyone else was in the meeting.

correct:

Let's order the curtains while they're still on sale.

incorrect:

Let's order the curtains, while they're still on sale.

2. comma with while means 'whereas' or 'although':

Use a comma before while in the middle of a sentence when you mean "whereas" or "although."

correct:

I prefer chocolate cake, while my sister prefers key lime pie.

incorrect:

I prefer chocolate cake while my sister prefers key lime pie.

correct:

The price of eggs is rising, while the price of milk has stayed the same.

incorrect:

The price of eggs is rising while the price of milk has stayed the same.

3. while at the beginning of a sentence:

When while is the first word of your sentence, you obviously shouldn't add a comma in front of it. But if you're using while to mean "whereas," you still need to put a comma somewhere. Put it at the end of the clause that while introduces. The comma should go between the things that are happening at the same time.

While my sister prefers key lime pie, I prefer chocolate cake.

While the price of milk has stayed the same, the price of eggs is rising.

-i hope that cleared things up for you!

-always add a comma before the tag question and obviously end it with a question mark.

-:) pt. 5

-also, i don't have a screenshot for this but 'grumbles' should be 'grumbled' 'cause your book revolves around past tense. (ch. 7)

summary of everything:

-make sure that you always add a comma before or after a name when in direct address. 'i love you, mom.' 'mom, i love you.'

-place question marks after questions.

-i haven't mentioned this yet but in the later chapters, you use exclamation points a lot which i think isn't necessary sometimes but it's all up to you! don't over-exaggerate though!

-combine sentences with a comma sometimes so that it doesn't sound too abrupt.

-keep my points in mind while editing your book because it may help you improve in grammar!

diction! (10/10)

-i'm satisfied is all i can say teehee

editing! (4/5)

-always proofread your book. some people are lazy to do this and i do understand that but i promise you, this won't be a waste of time and will literally help you locate any typos, awkward sentences and errors you could've made while writing!

-hehe here's something i found: 'peak' should be 'peek'. (ch. 6)

STORY DYNAMICS!

plot! (14/20)

-i think you've got a pretty good plot going on! i don't read hybrid aus so this is definitely something new to me, but maybe not to other readers.

-i personally think that it's not the most unique? but you've managed to add your own twist and touch to it which is good news.

-it kinda sounds a bit cliche omg i'm sorry if this offends you aaahshs but this is just my opinion, it's just not my taste and i feel like the scenes that you've currently written seems sorta familiar (meaning i've somewhat read it in other fanfics). please understand where i'm coming from, i'm reviewing your book as a reader myself and i'm definitely not a professional. i'm probably the only one who's thinking like this so please don't be discouraged aahshdjaka

flow! (9/10)

-everything appears to be moving smoothly, but some of the dialogues just sound a bit awkward paced or just awkward in general, that's probably just me though.

characters! (8/10)

-you've managed to write pretty diverse characters! some of them do seem similar with each other but i'm sure that their personalities will develop along the way.

OVERALL EXPERIENCE!

satisfaction! (5/10)

-ohmygod once again, i apologize for giving you such low scores huhu i just wanted to be as honest as possible but i don't want to hurt your feelings :<

-this may be because i'm not that into the hybrids concept nor is it my taste, at least that's what i think. it's just not my preference but i'm sure other readers like it a lot!

addictiveness! (3/5)

-i don't give a 5 if i don't read all the chapters in one sitting waahshs and ugh i think i sound picky now oof but i kinda dislike long chapters? i prefer shorter ones because that makes me want to read the next chapter immediately but that's most likely just me.

overall thoughts! (81/110)

-my favorite part is definitely your writing style! but i believe that you wrote a really great book, especially to people who love hybrid aus!

-so far, this story has been giving me so much fluff moments and i love that HAHAHAH i'm certain that drama will come soon but i'll enjoy the soft and cute scenes while they last hehe

-your book may not be my taste but it's honestly pretty good quality! if we exclude my preference 'issue', then your book won't have that much 'problems'! i'm just kinda choosy if you couldn't already tell oop-

-well, all you have to do is polish your book and i think you're good to go!

-thank you so much for requesting! have a peachy day ahead, kat!

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feel free to ask me any questions or clarifications! i'm willing to answer all of them!

-chef mae <3