Cover image from the instagram chat mere minutes before I started writing the chapter.

And no, I doubt this chap will make you cry. Unless y'all weak or summ Idk.

I can, however, guarantee you'll be tracing my IP address by the last A/N, though.

-Moving on, hehehe, writing this chapter was damned hard, because all the readers have different psyches. ( I mean, obviously.)

But what I mean by this, is, everyone would respond differently to someone committing suicide in front of them. However, after a lot of consideration of Y/N's character as well as reading over comments and a few people's opinions, I decided upon the reaction. (The fact that I was practically high on caffeine may've completely ruined all that tho-)

Anyway, because of the experiences and situations this chapter is related to, I'm going to put a TW, since I'm undereducated about how anxiety and the like works;

This chapter may contain descriptions that can be anxiety-triggering for people, and descriptions of what an anxiety attack may be like. If you don't want to read the chapter because of it, (which is fine), just message me, and I'll provide you with a play-by-play of the chapter or something like that.

Anyway, moving on after that...fairly dark author's note....

It was after 12:00 am when I really started writing this chap.

It is now 3:30 am, and I am done draft writing.

It is now just past 5:10 am, and I am done editing.

What I'm trying to say, is this chapter may've turned out to be the senseless rambling of a sleep-deprived teenager.

in short;

it's funny, the later it is when I write a chap, the longer the A/N's are.

LMAOOO ANYWAYZ, 

Good luck, and have fun reading this bull, BAHAHAH.

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👹👹👹(This chap is also 4,500 words or smth HAHAH)

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I stared down at the man before me, as tears continued slipping down my cheeks. "He... still died..." I murmured subconsciously, my eyes wide, oblivious to the world around me. I clutched my blood-covered hands together as they trembled, my fingers cold to the touch. My neck was crawling in a cold sweat. I tried to swallow and sputtered, a choking noise leaving my throat as I withheld more tears. 

I placed my head in my hands, trying to calm myself down, as my breaths came more and more ragged. Emma besides me wiped her tears, sniffling slightly, but I barely even acknowledged her in my state of mind. 'I failed... I failed to save him... After all that prep... what did I do wrong?'  My thoughts began churning in a loop, and before I knew it, there was nothing I could do to stop it. 'Was it because I insulted him too much? Should I have been nicer, like Emma? Did I use the wrong phrasing? Should I have been more clear? Did I make him feel worse? If I answered differently to his questions, would he of survived? Chose the other option?' 

I pressed my hands over my ears in an attempt to quiet my countless thoughts and voices, which felt as if they were suffocating me with their words and sheer amount. 'Had I not interfered so much, is there a chance would he've survived this time?? I should've done it differently. I should've approached it differently. If only I said the right thing, he wouldn't of died, right?' I felt my breaths quicken. I couldn't get enough air into my lungs. I squeezed my eyes shut, in an attempt to rid my vision of the image of Peter Ratri bleeding to death, so matter how much I tried to stop the flow of his blood with my hands. 'You underestimated how many sins I've committed, Y/N.' The voice of Peter Ratri spoke above the chaos of my own thoughts. 'If I estimated correctly... if I reassured him no matter how many he committed, he could still find redemption, that man... he would still be alive, wouldn't he? He would find a way to make his brother proud while he's alive, right? Why... he was right in front of me-!!' 

My thoughts began spiralling out of control as I became oblivious to the outside world. 'I had him within an arms length- I could've saved him-!! If only I reacted a moment sooner, I could've stopped him from using the knife-!! He was right there, so why-?! Why couldn't I save just one more person-' I didn't even begin to register Ray was nearby me, until long after he began mumbling quietly.

"It's not your fault, Y/N." He spoke quietly from above me, his hands hovering above my shoulders, although I couldn't register a single word he said properly. I simply leaned down further, pressing my hands harder into my ears, my salty tears dripping onto the blood soaked jacked in my lap. "My fault-" I repeated the phrase, my ears ringing loudly, drowning out Ray's voice as it phased in and out of focus.

"Y/N, -ak...eep...reat..." His half unheard phrase left a meaningless jumble, completely incomprehensible, even if I was trying to listen. "-an...u hea...me? -s it...ay...to...ouch yo...igh...ow?" There was a pause for a moment, before gently lead my head to his chest, his hand gently grabbing hold of my wrist, before his voice approached my ear, gently stroking my forearm whilst he spoke, perhaps in hopes that I would remove my hand from over my ear. "...rea..." His voice cut through the chaos for a moment, my grip on my ears releasing a little, automatically trying to hear his voice better. "-eathe." Although I was still breathing quickly, and had my eyes squeezed shut, my hands over my ears released a little more, allowing me to be able to clearly hear Ray's voice.  

"Breathe." He spoke gently, his hand gently stroking my hair. "I'll breathe with you." I felt his own chest rise and fall slowly and felt myself begin to follow along, although my breaths came in painful shudders. "Can you hear me now?" He asked softly. When I tried to speak I hiccuped, and was unable to get the words out, tears forming in my eyes once again as the feeling of anxiety unreasonably spiked, my throat closing up. I nodded my head slightly, squeezing my eyes shut once again as tears formed.

"Okay." Ray nodded as he began slowly rocking back and forth. "I'm going to touch you again, is that okay?" I shortly nodded my head in response, the ravenette then grabbed onto my wrists and guided them gently to my sides. "Are you listening to my breathing?" He asked me as his chest slowly rose and fell. I nodded my head, slowing my breathing once again as it began match his slow pace, although my breathing would still jump and shudder at times. "Do you want me to keep rocking you?" He spoke once more. I hesitated for a moment before nodding my head once again, closing my eyes gently as I focused on his calming breathing, trying to get my own to match his. 

Ray nodded in response as he continued the back and forth motion, his arms wrapped gently around me as he did so. At some point he began humming softly, which I soon acknowledged as the tune of his mother's lullaby. At some point, my breathing finally calmed down completely, and I simply laid my head against Ray's chest as he rocked back and forth slowly, trying to gather my bearings.

After a little while, Ray stopped rocking, his voice coming in a mumble from up above. "Are you feeling better now?"

I hummed in response, a tone that read "Yeah." Although my hands still felt weak and shaky, I was certainly feeling better.

"...Would you be okay if I talked about it?" Ray asked quietly. I paused for a moment, my eyes opening slightly as I looked down at my hands, trying to blink the blurriness left by my tears. 

"Yeah." I murmured and Ray nodded. 

"Let me know if you feel panicked again, okay?" I hummed in response before Ray began speaking, taking a deep breath to prepare himself- or maybe it was to prepare me. "I'm not sure what you were thinking to yourself, but his death wasn't your fault." My head dragged down his chest, my chin tucking into my collarbone as I stared into my lap, tears pricking my eyes. But no feeling of panic, or anything like before, arose in me, so I stayed quiet, allowing the ravenhead to continue speaking. "You did everything you could, okay?" I swallowed the frog in my throat, Ray beginning to gently stroke the top of my head as he continued speaking. "Even if there was another route you could've taken, you didn't. And there's nothing you can do to change that." The lump in my throat rose, along with the tears that flooded my eyes, accompanied with a sniffle.

"But that's okay. In the end, you did your best. And you know what? That's admirable enough. Although, in the end, I'm still not sure what drives you to do these things, I know for a fact that your heart is in the right place. It's the thought that counts, right?" He chuckled lightly. "That sounds like what Emma would say, though, am I right?" I smiled weakly to myself. That's true. "What I'd like to tell you most right now... Well, I suppose that's best saved for another time. In short... I'd like you to know that you made the best decision you could've. And that I'm proud of you, okay?" 

I swallowed dryly as more of my tears fell. I nodded my head once last time before crying once again, my already sore cheeks filling with tears once more. 

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"Sorry to cut you short..." Ray broke the silence, after a few minutes of hugging me while I quietly cried. "-But I think we need to get a move on."

I immediately tensed, my eyes widening. "Oh, right-!!" I exclaimed, shooting upwards, slamming the back of my head against Ray's chin. "Ouch-" I groaned, ruffling the back of my head furiously.

"Ugh." Ray groaned, rubbing his now likely-bruised chin.

I looked at him apologetically. "Oh, sorry-" I stuttered nervously, before wiping my still teary eyes with the sleeve of my black turtleneck as I sighed. 

Ray leaned back with a sigh, placing his head in his hands. "It's fine." I cringed in embarrassment for my stupidity- let along sudden mood swings, until I saw the bright pink that tinged the ravenette's ears. We sat awkwardly in silence for a moment, before I spoke.

"Oh-!! We need to get out of here, don't we?" I asked anxiously, rising to my feet. "The demons will have woken up by now, right??" 

Ray nodded, brushing off his knees as he stood up. "Yeah."

I glanced around me quickly, surprised to find no one no one in sight. "Where is everyone?" I asked quickly, tucking my jacket under my armpit abesnt-mindedly. 

Ray smiled thinly, rubbing the back of his nape. "Well, when you..." He hesitated for a moment, perhaps for my benefit. "-y'know... I asked Norman to instruct everyone to leave, and for him to go reconnect with Isabella and the others, and explain the situation to the farm workers and everyone. Emma tried to speak to you, but when you weren't responding I sort of... reacted on instinct...? I had Emma leave and secure the immediate area with the Goldy Pond kids, and sent a few more to go around putting the demons back asleep to give you some time..." He explained with many pauses, as if unsure how to explain his own actions at the time.

I nodded with a cheeky grin. "You handled that fairly well. We should really start moving, though. Personally... I don't want our group of two to be caught up in angry demon territory alone." Ray nodded, pulling out the communications device. He quickly put it on and began speaking as we walked towards the Gracefield entrance.

"We're okay over here." Ray spoke into the device. "We'll be heading back to the rendezvouz point now. Everyone can pull out too, but the Gracefield caretakers who can't leave the farm. Listen in on us via the comms. We'll explain the situation in detail later. And Y/N and I will be fine on our own, no need to worry." 

I faintly heard Emma's frantic voice echoing over Ray's earpiece. "Is Y/N okay, then-?!" Ray's eyes flicked to me before facing back forward. 

"I think she'll be fine. See you all soon." He then turned the comm off and stuck the device into his pocket again, turning to me shortly after. "I hate to rush you, but we should pick up the pace. Are you good to run?" He asked.

I blinked for a second, in mild confusion, before nodding. "Yeah...?" 

The ravenette nodded, looking back ahead as he pulled out his gun. "I'll take care of any demons, then." I raised an eyebrow at his words before turning back ahead myself. 

We jogged at a fairly fast pace, but luckily, the only demons we came across till exiting the building were all still asleep. As soon as we exited the gate, our pace slowed. "Oh, Ray, by the way..." I inquired curiously as the ravenhead tucked his gun back into it's rest position. "Isn't that the gun your mother had?" 

Ray stopped dead in his tracks for a moment, his eyes wide. "O-oh." He started walking after his moment of pause, as he seemed to fly through a number of calculations in an instant, coming to a conclusion in a second. "Yeah." He then started walking again, a wide-eyed smile plastered on his face.

My eyebrows raised at his reaction. 'Why his mom's gun, though? Was it a better one or something? Wait, now that I think of it, didn't Emma have the same gun model from the Shelter earlier, even though I took hers from her? Did she trade with Ray, who then took a gun from his mother?' My eyebrows scrunched in thought. 'Wait, no, Emma followed after me too fast for Ray to do all that. Then-' I blanched, or perhaps 'flushed' would be a better choice of words, covering my mouth with my hand. '...but there's no way... right?' It was now my turn to stop dead in my tracks, my cheeks turning a bright pink. I quickly cleared my throat and started walking once again before the ravenette caught on to my inner thoughts.

"Oh, Y/N..." Ray hummed after another minute of our smallish journey. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, pursing his lips, turning to me with a still-concerned expression.

I blinked a few times. "Oh... yeah? Why wouldn't I be?" I chewed the inside of my cheek as I looked up to the sky.

Ray sighed. "You just seemed to...get over it quickly?"

I hummed, my heart thudding in my chest. "I'm not sure I'm over it... but I've certainly calmed down a lot... enough to look at the situation with reason, at least. And I think... I'm beginning to forgive myself, perhaps?"

The ravenette nodded, a small smile on his face. "That's good."

We walked in silence for a while longer, soon entering the demon's forest. "You know, a few things have been bugging me..." My eyes narrowed with a sigh.

"Shoot." Ray shrugged as he turned to me.

"You've been surprisingly... how do I put it... gentle?" Ray's eyebrow raised. I continued speaking, a curious expression on my face. "And then there's how you dealt with the... whatever you call that... how did you know how to act?"

Ray turned a little pink, rubbing the back of his nape. "Well... I suppose I can answer both of those questions in one go... it's a little embarrassing, but when I was younger, I used to have nightmares that would cause me to react in ways similar to anxiety attacks... I'm just copying what kind of behaviour my mom did with me during those times. It helped that I saw her console a few children who experienced things like that."

I snapped my fingers in realization. "So that's why you started humming her lullaby-!!" I grinned, Ray flushing bright pink.

"That was... on instinct..." He muttered in embarrassment.

I raised an eyebrow. "Why're you ashamed of it?" I asked, crossing my arms. "If anything, it was nice."

"N-nice??" Ray asked, my compliment clearly not helping his flusteredness.

I sighed. "Yeah. It was..." I searched for the proper word. "nostalgic, I suppose?"

Ray's eyebrows raised as he looked up to the clear blue sky. "Nostalgic, huh...? I guess you could say that..." He puffed and blew his bangs out of his face. 

I smiled, wondering exactly what memory of the past he was thinking about, my heart fluttering in my chest as we briskly walked towards the rendezvous point. 

"Oh-" Ray suddenly spoke, cutting through the comfortable silence, a slightly grim expression on his face. "Your hands-"

"Oh." I looked down at my hands, my forgotten jacket falling from under my arm to the ground as I did so, both of which were covered in Peter Ratri's dry blood. I swallowed dryly at the sight of the red stains.

The ravenette cringed, likely in apologies for reminding me, as he quickly set down his pack and pulled out a water satchel. "I'll help you clean it off-" He screwed open the lid and gestured for me to hold out my hands.

"Okay." I nodded, although a small smile found its way to my face, watching in amusement as his motherly instincts seemed to be taking over. I held my hands out out as he poured the cold water over them while I scrubbed, trying to remove the blood from my hands, a brief flash of grief flashing over my face as the now pink-tinged water dribbled to the ground.

Once he emptied his water satchel I wiped my hands against my pants, inspecting my hands once more. They were tinged slightly red, but at least the rest of the man's blood was gone from my hands. "...I suppose there's nothing we can do about the jacket though, huh." Ray sighed, turning his attention to the forgotten jacket laying on the ground.

I pursed my lips. "I don't suppose we have any extras with us, either?" I gingerly picked up the jacket, stuffing it in my bag without giving it a second glance, a small shiver finding its way down my shoulders. Ray shook his head in response to my earlier question. 

"I don't believe so." He sighed as we began walking once more. "Will you be okay?"

I rolled my eyes. "There you go with that unprecedented gentleness again." I sighed before grinning. "Even if you're alike to Yuugo, your motherly instincts are on par with Lucas'" I chuckled under my breath as I pulled something from my pocket. "Plus, I have this anyway." I flashed Ray's blue scarf in front of his face before wrapping it around my shoulders, a satisfied expression on my face as the Ravenhead scowled humorously, his lips pursing.

"A mother?? Is that all??" He muttered under his breath, but my attention was already directed to another.

"Oh, there they are-!!" The voice of Emma suddenly exclaimed from a small while away. I looked up from the scarf to see the ginger girl waving to us from the distance. "Hey-!! Over here!!" She called, a wide grin on her face.

I smiled and waved back before quickly jogging over. "Oh, I'm glad you're okay!!" Emma exclaimed, squeezing me in a tight hug as soon as I arrived near her, and I recoiled in surprise before smiling again, hugging her back. "You are, right?!" She asked, pulling away and inspecting me for wounds. 

I smiled thinly. "Yeah, I'm good."

Emma let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank goodness. I was worried for you back there. You weren't responding and looked really pale-" She rambled on while I shifted on my feet in discomfort. 

"Yeah." Ray interrupted, laying a hand on my shoulder, conveying a silent message to Emma through his eyes. "She's doing a lot better now."

Emma's green eyes suddenly widened. "AH SORRY-!!" She exclaimed, waving her hands in front of her. "Sorry for making you think about something you might now want to remember-!!" She frantically apologized while Ray face-palmed. I let out a small laugh. 'At least they're acting like normal. Although they definitely seem tense, they haven't bothered me about... well... those... yet.'

"Smooth." Ray muttered to Emma as the other children soon approached. I did a quick head count, a relieved smile befalling my face as everyone was accounted for. 

"You-!!" Yuugo exclaimed as he arrived from the back of the pack, his eyes clearly focused on me. "What the hell was that 'Shut up, we're okay'??" He spoke my voice in a mocking tone as he arrived in front of me, placing his hands on his hips. "You didn't say a single thing after that!! And then, next thing I know, you and Ray are MIA and no one knows what's really going on-" He sighed, grabbing onto my shoulders gently. "You had me-!!" He sighed and rested his head on my shoulder, before wrapping his arms around me. "Worried." He finished with a groan, dreading his admittance of his fatherliness.

I grinned. "You're such a stay-at-home dad, Yuugo." The man suddenly arose from his position of grieving, gripping my shoulders tightly. 

"I refuse." He stated darkly, eyes endless pools of hate.

I blinked in shock. "You- what?" 

"I refuse." The man repeated, inching closer to my face with a scowl.

I raised an eyebrow, still not quite getting his point. "I guess you'll just be downgraded back to servan-"

"-I REFUSE TO BE A STAY AT HOME FATHER-!!" Yuugo finished, shaking his fists as a vein popped out of his neck. I blanched.

"Eh?"

"DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BE THE STAY-AT-HOME-DAD??? NO, NO." He began shaking his head as he paced about in front of me, before spinning to me, wagging his finger in front of his face. "I REFUSE." He then pointed towards his redhead friend, who was watching with barely suppressed laughter. "LUCAS CAN BE A STAY AT HOME DAD." He turned back towards me, his eyes wide as his voice suddenly became quiet. "I don't care what you do or where you go next, I'm coming with you. Is that understood...?" He spoke menacingly.

I inched away, raising my hands up in defense, barely managing not to giggle. "Okay, okay, understood."

Yuugo sighed in relief. "Good." He then turned away, grumbling to himself as he kicked a rock across the dirt ground. "Stay-at-home-dad? Me? Ridiculous. I'm not even a father, even if I seem to have adopted 20 problem-children." His voice lowered to a growl. "Stupid brats."

After watching him leave with a sh*t-eating grin for a few minutes, I turned back to face the crowd of children standing nearby. They were staring at me expectantly and anxiously, either way, they were all eager for information, and even more obviously, they were looking to get it from me.

I puffed out my cheeks, my blue eyes flicking to Ray who stood diagonally behind me, a small, almost proud, smile on his face. He gave me a shrug and a nod, gesturing for me to speak. I sighed and groaned a little internally, before adressing the crowd of children while Ray handed a comm to me, turning it on in the process and sticking it in my ear, so the caretakers back in Gracefield could hear.

"I'm not sure if any of you heard, but Leuvis from Goldy Pond recently arrived in the capital, stopping Sonju and Mujika's soon to be execution." My voice was slightly unsure, until I saw Norman giving me a thumbs up from the corner of my eye, holding up the tablet he held in his hands, which he had apparently been watching the situation of the capital on, I grinned, relief spreading throughout my body. "Mujika, our non-human consuming demon-friend," I went in to specifics for Isabella on the other end of the comm, "has long since been announced the new demon queen." 

No later than the words left my mouth, the children filling the clearing erupted in cheers. "So they survived!!" "But wait, she's queen?? Why??" "But that's good-!! The evil blood will be shared to all the demons!!" "It's all following our original plan! The demons won't have to be annihilated!"

Olivers voice broke through the crowd as he sweat-dropped, the expression on his face a priceless one. "No... this way... the farms will be completely abolished!!" He was wide-eyed, completely in shock, although his eyes were sparkling with happiness and relief.

My smile only deepened as everyone erupted into a singular, loud, cheer in unison. They were finally about to be free.

 Isabella and the sisters listening over the comms were reacting too, and I heard a few sobs of joy over the sound of the children in front of me cheering, a lump bobbed into my throat. 'I'm so glad... I'm so glad... they all get to see this sight together!!' My eyes trailed towards Yuugo and Lucas, who were clutching each other and screaming for joy at the back of the crowd, tears streaming down their faces. 

I teared up at the sight, a sad smile spreading over my face. 'So close... so close... Soon, everyone, all of the cattle children... they'll be able to make their way to the human world together at last! Do you think... ' My eyes trailed to the sky, my sad smile deepening. 'Is there any way that Peter can see us now? How would he feel? Regrettable that he left his chance of being her behind? Or maybe...' My eyes sparked in hope for a moment. '-do you think he's reunited with his older brother, wherever they are?' 

 i sighed, focusing my attention back to Isabella's voice as it echoed over the comms. "We can love them normally at last!!" I nodded my head at the sound, a small chuckle escaping my lips. 'Isabella will make it to the other side with her children, and I'll make sure be able to love them all normally for the rest of her life.' I looked back to the two men supposed to be dead, cheering at the back of the crowd, as they internally thanked their old friends, long gone, they would soon be leaving behind for good. 'Yuugo and Lucas will have a chance to live with their new family...! And I'll- 

...and I'll...'

I startled as Emma suddenly split from the group, running full speed back to Gracefield. I immediately followed after her, grateful to leave my thoughts behind me, a determined yet bittersweet expression on my face. 

The other children followed soon after, several of them letting out exited whoops as we ran through the forest, their excitement well overrunning their care for the fact that they were still well inside demon territory

'Although I understand the feeling of adrenaline, and joy, overshadowing fear well.'

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I stared, wide eyed, as the blood dropped suddenly, splattering to the ground and beginning to colour my shoes red.

My heart rate slowed, the thudding of my heart pounding in my ears and rattling in my chest. My stomach dropped to my feet, and I turned white as a sheet as more deep crimson blood fell, barely even able to move my hands as they trembled.

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"...Yuugo?"

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ha.