It's been a LONG time since I wrote so many drafts for a single god dang chap. Enjoy, you fools, else I'll retire from this profession completely.

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I walked down the concrete floor, flourescent white lights lighting up the hallway and beyond. There were no windows in this area, so I eventually paused, trying to remember the general layout of the Gracefield Headquarters, (I'd memorized it ages ago, but that memory had long since been buried under an onslaught of other information).

I thought for a moment, mapping out where I was in my head– a medical area with no access to windows... and from there on the layout of the rest of the headquarters expanded in my mind. I started forward now, for a moment, before pausing in my step again.

I realized then that I had no idea where Ray was– let alone where any of the others would be. I considered going back to ask Mujika if she knew, but decided against it– it would take a while, and quite frankly, I was lazy. So I started walking in the direction of one of two exits of the massive headquarters– one led toward the bridge and the other to the 5 remaining (and abandoned) Gracefield houses, poking my heads into doorways and hallways as I did so.

I was approaching a corner when I crashed into someone walking the opposite direction. Not used to the weaker body that accompanied hardly moving for 2 months, I fell to backwards onto the floor dramatically. "Ugh, damn." I grunted, starting to pick myself up off the ground.

Then I remembered what had caused my fall, and looked up at who I'd walked straight into. Norman had been chattering happily moments earlier– I had been too lost in thought to register his voice, and now his eyes that had been gleaming moments earlier were replaced with something else– not so much dark as it was hesitant, timid, maybe.

I finished standing to my feet, lightly brushing off my knees. I made eye contact with Norman now, right as a voice came down the hall, "Norman? What're you doing, just standing around–" Emma rounded the corner now too, and that same sparkle in her eyes faltered as she looked quickly between myself and Norman, a question in her expression.

"...Where are you going?" Norman asked me, without demanding. It was a simple question, but it made my gut wrench, because to them, it would seem that now I had just woken up, and was already looking to leave; to escape, to run away again. Norman didn't look ready to stop me now, as he did before, and neither did Emma, if anything, they just looked like they wanted an answer before I went on my way– a reason, maybe, or a location, perhaps so they would have something to tell the others.

"...I'm just looking for Ray." I said apprehensively, before a sheepish smile found its way to my face. "He disappeared after I woke up, so..." I paused a moment to shrug my shoulders in that same sheepish way, not mocking them for their worry yet acknowledging that I saw it and understood. "I'm not going anywhere, really..."

Something akin to relief, or maybe closer to guilt, flashed in the air before quickly dissipating. I looked at Norman now and came to a quick conclusion, remembering that moment we locked eyes as I had made my way into the vent; at the time, I had chalked it up to my imagination and ignored it, not bothering to pay it any mind.

But I realized now that something that had been nagging at me since what felt like forever ago; how I'd managed to make it to my location despite was who I was up against, and how Norman's step had slowed a little as he saw me in that vent, a pace or two, and I knew I was good but never as good as my elder look-alike; I'd never bested Norman in a game of chess, and tag would turn out no different, or it shouldn't have. He had given me a choice, I realized, and I had chosen, and left, and come back bloody and half-dead.

Now I understood the several reasons for that flash of guilt I'd sensed, and maybe Emma realized it too as she frowned, her brow creasing in a moment of worry as she threw Norman a side-glance.

"I haven't seen him." Norman spoke now, as my previous thoughts had passed in a matter of seconds, enough time for a slight hesitation. "Ray, I mean."

I glanced away, from the awkwardness that made the air thick with tension. "Yeah."

"You might check the kitchen." Emma added now, with a slight smile. "That's where everyone else is, right now."

"Okay." I nodded, starting off down the hallway, past Emma and Norman. Then I turned on my heel and looked once more over my shoulder. "Norman?" I called out.

I smiled knowingly once I caught the elder boy's attention, nodding slightly as I spoke. "Thanks for everything." then I turned and started towards the kitchen, passing by the exit on my way and starting down the hall opposite of the one I'd come from. The kitchen here was previously utilized as a training ground for future mothers and sisters; where they learned extensive cooking knowledge.

I approached the kitchen doors and raised my hand to knock, pausing for a beat to look up through a small window-like circle on each of the tall grey rectangles. I considered for a moment leaving, turning on my heel and running again, but I shook my head and pushed the notion away, my closed fist rapping against the door.

My stomach clenched as I heard footsteps approach quickly, eyes scanning the door window as I waited for a face to show.

"Back already? You think they brought Ray with?" a muffled voice spoke.

"Maybe, but why would they knock–?"

The door was pulled open now, and I looked up at Poppy, standing awkwardly in the hallway. The older girl froze, blinked, and then promptly shut the door in my face.

"What are you doing?" Hannah's voice, from inside. To be fair, I wanted to ask the same thing.

Poppy ignored her, slowly opening the door again. As she saw me now, her eyes widened. "Oh." she then stepped all the way outside, closing the door behind her gently. "What are you doing here?" the question had no malicious intent, just simple curiosity, maybe confusion.

"...I'm looking for Ray." I explained tentatively. "He disappeared after I woke up." I rubbed the back of my neck. "Emma said he might be here?"

"Ah." Poppy scratched her cheek. "I haven't seen him. He hasn't been here all day."

There was that fleeting awkwardness again, when neither person knew what exactly to say, or perhaps how to say it. "...How are you?" Poppy eventually asked.

I smiled drily. "I ache all over, but I'm alive."

"I'm glad. –I mean, that you're alive, not that you're aching. I'm glad"

"Yeah..." I agreed with a slow nod. "Me too."

The door suddenly creaked open as Hannah poked her head out. "Poppy, what are you–" then she saw me, standing dumbly. A dozen emotions flitted across the girl's face in a split-second, of which I caught moments of confusion, relief, and lastly, what settled on her face now, irritation.

Poppy stepped forward quickly and grabbed my hand. "Let's get inside!" she said out of nowhere. "It's chilly out here, these hallways are drafty as hell." she pulled me inside, pushing quickly past Hannah. In a flurry of seconds, I was practically shoved into the kitchen, left by Poppy not even a second later, who walked briskly over to the far counter, taking Hannah with her.

I stared out at the kitchen now, and was noticed soon by Zack, who was seated at far end of one of the many tables in the room, sipping coffee. And, to my mild surprise, Cozbi was seated on the other side of the table, holding a book upside down.

"I don't get it." she groaned. "This stupid language is impossible to read."

"It's called Spanish, and it's 'cause you're holding the book the wrong way, dingus." Zack muttered, glancing away from me to the demon.

"Ah." Cozbi turned the book around, squinting at the pages a moment. "...No, I think I like it better this way." she muttered, turning the book back around. Her eyes lifted above the book and she saw me now, too. Cozbi's face too reflected a handful of emotions, one by one, but soon settled on a grin that was somewhere in a cross between a mocking one and a cheesy one.

She moved to rise to her feet but it was then that Poppy walked right back to me, setting a mug of fresh coffee in my hands. Hannah then walked back from the counter that she'd been practically dragged to, a grumpy expression on her face. The two girls took a seat at a middle table without a word, and I stood there, in the middle of the kitchen floor for a moment, debating on what I should do.

No one spoke to me, or looked, even, and I couldn't find any words to say to them yet, so I took my coffee and I left the room, closing the door quietly behind me. I leaned against the wall, my fingers closing around the hot mug. I slid against the wall until I was sitting, taking a tentative sip of the coffee with a sigh. Then I froze, looking down at the mug in something like surprise.

The coffee was exactly how I used to like it.

My eyes suddenly blurred now, near tears now of all times, and I sniffled quietly, setting down the mug. I'd started drinking my coffee with significantly less sugar at some time in the past year, but Poppy still made it the way she did the last time she made me coffee, despite the other ways I had obviously changed since we last met. No matter how unrecognizable I was, how little or how much I was different, to her I was still the the same child who couldn't handle the overly bitter taste of straight coffee.

Even after everything, I was family; I was the same Y/N, and no amount of changing on my part could alter that. I pictured the others' faces as they sat at the table now, knowing they would listen to what I had to say, and were now waiting patiently for me to make the first move.

I would make that move, I decided, but I would wait until everyone was there, so I could do it all at once, which meant I was back to square one, and I had to find Ray first.

I rose to my feet now, hastily wiping damp eyes just as Norman and Emma appeared at the end of the hallway. I walked back in their direction, from where I'd came. I stopped by them a moment, heart thudding quietly in my ears.

"Tell everyone to wait, I'll be right back." I said quickly.

Norman and Emma blinked, sharing a moment of eye contact. Before they could get a word in, I started back down the hallway.

"Wait!" Emma called after me, and this time I turned back to look at her in question, which seemed to surprise the ginger a little. "It's cold out there..." Emma furthered while she had my attention. "You won't last long in a T-shirt." she pulled her brightly-coloured sweater off over her head and handed it to me, without any sort of hesitation or further thought.

I looked down at the sweater in my hands and then up to Emma, then snaking my free arm around her neck and pulling her into a side hug, while I held the sweater in my other hand. "Thanks, Emma."

Then I was on my way, pulling the sweater over my head while I jogged. The inside of the sweater was fuzzy and warm from Emma's skin, and I realized that it had been quite some time since I last wore an article of "human-made" clothing. Another thing I missed, I suppose.

I slowed my jog to a walk as I exited the HQ to catch my breath as my eyes trailed around my surroundings.

The tunnels here were dark and damp, unlike the pristine interior of the building that now rested behind me. Above were the pipes, varying in size and colour, some rusting from the years without maintenance. I emerged at the end of the tunnel, and my breath caught in my throat at the sight of the sky, clear and filled with millions of stars, all sparkling. The grass here was well overgrown now, and it tickled my legs as I walked through the cold January night.

My breaths formed little puffs in front of my lips as I trekked through the damp, cold grass. There was no snow on the ground, and the clear skies meant there probably wouldn't be any tonight, at the very least. Gracefield house soon came into view, plant 3 out of five, and the old home of the main trio– specifically, the one I looked for now.

The lights were all off, and as I approached, the rebuilt house looked untouched. The night air was still as I glanced around myself, not a single sound or movement, besides the faint rustling of a cold breeze as it blew through the nearby trees' leaves. I wondered if I should turn back and check the rest of HQ, when, out of nothing but luck, I noticed him in the dark, seated in the shadow of the tree, reading the same book from before.

My breath stalled as I stared, while the breeze pushed the cold grass around my legs, and the night suddenly became stiller than ever before. There was no contemplating this time– I knew I was not looking forward to this, as my stomach churned anxiously, but all the same I knew it could not be avoided, and it was with that quiet determination that I walked quietly toward Ray, taking a seat a few feet away from the base of the tree, pulling my knees up to my chest in the cold air.

By the time I looked at him, Ray had set the book in his hands down at his side and was staring straight ahead at the horizon. I knew I had to say something now, while I could, but I felt there were too many things I could say, but nothing that felt good enough all the while. So I settled on the words that summed it up, the words I'd said already, the words I had thought countless times before; "I'm sorry."

Ray still didn't look to me, instead saying the words I'd said to him once before under his breath. "Do me a favour and don't apologize unless you're actually sorry."

Hearing those words used against me stung more than anything, even if Ray's voice was a little softer than mine at the time I'd delivered them. The situations were admittedly different, but both of us went behind the others' back to do something that, while we thought was in the others' best interest, undeniably did nothing but hurt them. I understood, to some extent, that feeling he probably had at the time now –the part where you were sorry, while knowing you'd make the same (or a similar) choice if you had to do it again, all the while regretting it. It was a crushing guilt, and I found myself wondering now if Ray had overcome it in the past 2 years, but as I looked at him, I considered instead that maybe that guilt of his had only gotten worse.

"I am sorry." I spoke softly, looking straight ahead now too, to where the dark line of trees met the night sky, because it was easier than looking in those eyes of his. "I'm sorry for the grief and the strife and the worrying I've caused. I didn't want to hurt anyone, and I didn't want to lie to you, and you were right– I didn't want to make the promise, not really... I just didn't want anyone else to, because I knew what the reward could be, how devastating, and I didn't want anyone else to go through with it. Especially not Emma, and... especially not you."

I smiled thinly, resting my chin against my knees as I wrapped my arms around them. I didn't have much more to add, even if I felt like those words alone didn't encompass everything, because emotions weren't that rational, and emotions weren't that composed, but anything more would sound like an excuse, and I didn't want to make excuses right now.

When Ray still didn't speak I searched for something else to say to fill the suffocating silence, save only for the sound of my own heartbeat and his quiet, near-imperceptible breathing. "I heard you stayed with me while I was recovering." I spoke dumbly, for a lack of something better to say. "Thanks for that..."

There was that silence again, leaving the sound of my own voice echoing in my ears. I wanted to run again now, as had become habit, to dissapear into that tree line, and I felt guilty all over again for wishing that, to want to dissapear after everything, so still I stayed put. I closed my eyes a moment to think, coming up with only a question; "...Why did you come here?"

Ray looked at me now, and we met eyes finally, which took the air out of my lungs more than any words he could say. But Ray still had an answer, simple and straight to the point:

"Why wouldn't I?"

I laughed– a dry, shaking sound, as I looked back to the trees. "Well, for one, I'm supposed to be dead to you. And, like, everyone else except Yuugo."

"And that was a rhetorical question."

"I know." I quipped. Then there was that silence again, but it was more forgiving now, less suffocating than silence had felt in a while.

"You still haven't really answered my question." I hummed after some time had passed.

"Maybe that was intentional."

I sighed to myself, shifting in my spot a little. "Has anyone ever told you that you're incredibly difficult?"

"Yes, actually."

"Rhetorical question."

"I know."

I was smiling now, and I noticed that I'd closed the gap between Ray and I, now sitting right beside the tree. I had never been the type to take the advance, which might've caused not only myself, but also Ray, to see how much this moment meant to me; as he soon answered my question for real.

"I thought you were dead." he murmured. Ray was seated the same way I was now; knees pulled near his chest while he rested his arms around them. I raised my eyebrows but didn't speak, leaving him space to continue. "I came to prove myself wrong, just in case I was."

"Just in case?" I hummed. "seems a bold reason to come all this way." I met his eyes again, and he didn't need to say another word aloud, as I could practically read it in his face– the way his eyebrows raised slightly and his gaze slid from me back to the sky, the slight shrug of his shoulders, and the way his lips implied a hum without making an actual sound.

"I like to think it was worth it," these things read to me, and I decided I liked it that way, regardless of whether my assumption was correct or not. That, coupled with the way I noticed my own gaze lingering a moment longer than it was supposed to, made me groan internally. Two years apart will make you realize some things you'd tried not to think much about before, whether you like it or not. I tore my eyes away from Ray to look back at the trees, tucking my chin into my arms.

God, I'm a huge idiot. Make that the biggest idiot on the planet. No wait, Benny's here. Make that the second-biggest idiot. I chuckled despite myself, running a hand through my hair.

"What...?" Ray asked.

I grimaced. "Told myself a joke. Force of habit."

"I almost forgot how big a weirdo you are."

"Gee, you're welcome for the reminder then." I rolled my eyes. "And hey, spend a year in near-solitary and you'll start telling yourself jokes, too." Silence, again, even less tense than the silence before, which I didn't think possible. I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes a moment.

"Thanks for coming." I spoke finally with a half-smile. "I missed you all... a lot."

Ray said nothing in response for a moment before answering, "I was awake, you know."

"Yeah, no shit."

"I left around when Yuugo moved off the couch." Ray furthered. "Maybe a little after that."

I squinted. "How little?"

The boy simply shrugged in response. I sighed again in exasperation, a playful sigh, as I already had an estimate of the moment he left. Then I linked my own fingers together, fiddling with them absent-mindedly as my eyes trailed to the moon, which hung around the middle of the night sky– it was getting late. I stared at that moon a while, and the subtle light it cast on the grass, and the way the blueish blades twirled with every slight breeze.

"...I missed you, too." the voice was quiet, and I almost missed it. I turned to look at Ray right away, thinking that maybe I had– that I'd heard wrong, but I knew by the way he was already looking in the opposite direction and avoiding my eyes that I had, in fact, heard correctly.

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that, could you repeat it for me?" I spoke innocently, but it wouldn't take a genius to know I was teasing. I was expecting Ray to ignore me, to frown, and he did frown, and his jaw clenched.

But still, he repeated, "I said I missed you too." with a stern expression. Ah, maybe Ray had decided not to run away anymore, too– or so I would've thought, if I wasn't suddenly distracted by the surreal feeling, that almost had me thinking I was dreaming for a solid 10 seconds.

After what felt like an eternity of processing and staring, I rose to my feet, speaking again to fill whatever space I could. "I should be getting back now... I left everyone waiting." I left the end of the sentence hanging a moment before finishing. "Want to come with me?"

Ray glanced at me a moment before shrugging. "No, I think I'd rather stay out."

I raised an eyebrow. "I did not come all the way out here in the frigid cold to come back empty handed, you brat." then I frowned further, holding a hand out. "and you aren't dressed any better than I am. Stay out here longer and you'll freeze to death."

Ray merely sighed and started to rise to his feet. In response, I held my hand out a little further, and this time I didn't need to say it aloud to communicate; "just take the damn hand."

Ray grabbed my hand begrudgingly and let me pull him to his feet, (though I don't believe I helped much in my current condition), and I noticed momentarily how callused my own hand felt in his own.

I looked back to the house now, knowing that whatever conversation awaited me I would be okay, and I would be okay with whatever my future held, too, especially with Ray by my side. My grip on Ray's hand loosened as I moved to pull it away, but I found that instead his grip only tightened.

This time, I didn't even need to see his eyes to get the message, because, in truth, I was hoping the same thing to myself:

Just a little longer.

"...by the way, is that Emma's sweater?"

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I'm not kidding when I say writing this chap was hard. But then also super fun. And then also super hard.

So.

YEAH.

BYE U SEGGSY MFS.

NO, I DID NOT FORGET THIS IS A RAYXREADER (UNFORTUNATELY, NEITHER YOU OR Y/N CAN HAVE COZBI (SHE'S MINE YOU HOES, BACK OFF.))