When I came to, I felt like my head was in the clouds. The sun light seemed to be even brighter and warmer than the norm. Perhaps this was what it was like to be in Heaven? Wait, why the heck am I here?!

"Ahh, you have awakened young one. Don't fear, Kami-sama is here to help you."

Kami-sama?! Damn it! I died! I didn't even get to see the next episode of Boruto!!! I waited an entire 200 plus episodes of filler for the damn thing!

"Please don't damn Naruto Shippuden so much. There already many other anime that deserve to be damned too."

As his holy majesty says...

"Capitalize that my boy. Gotta appear respectful these days or else people will kill you."

I'm... already dead?

"Well of course you are! Why do you think your narrative is in italics? You think you're special or something?"

My mom told me I was special when I was growing up. My mom doesn't lie. Anyways, does Kami-sama get to have bold and italicized text because He's Kami-sama?

"Yes. Yes I do."

But Kami-sama should be the highest plane of existence right? So why doesn't Kami-sama have underlin-

"Don't think about it. We don't need to break the fourth wall yet young one. Anyways, I need to tell you why you are here."

Can you not talk to me with that "holier than thou" tone? It's a little annoying.

"But I'm Kami-sama?"

Uuuuuuggh. This is why I'm not Christian or Catholic or whatever.

"Too bad. Anyways, the Goddess of Love spotted you one day and decided to kill you. That's why you're here."

That sounds reasonable. AS IF! What did I do to get myself killed by the Goddess of Love?!

"Good question. Let me ask her on Snap."

Snapchat has invaded Heaven. What has the world come to. So, Kami-sama took a selfie with me and added a couple filters before sending a snap to the Goddess of Love. Her reply was not amusing.

"Ahh let's see... You were killed because you thought Onodera from Nisekoi was best girl."

So I got killed for having an opinion?!

"I learned one thing after watching you mortals for so long."

What?

"Cute is Justice. Flat is Justice. That is all."

Kami-sama is extremely wise...

"So? Are you fine with being dead? Do you want to live again?"

Huh.. Is this going to be one of those "you'll be born in another world full of magic and stuff" type of thing?

"Hmm? Oh, sure. I guess."

This is hard... I want to be able to watch anime and read dojins for the rest of my life!

"You could try to lose your virginity when you're reborn?"

DEAL!

"Well, close your eyes and think about what you want to do the most when you are reborn. When you are reborn, you will receive divine blessings. With those blessings, you should be able to avoid dying?"

Matte matte! Should be?! Make me freaking OP Jesus! I deserve to be strong for getting killed off right at the beginning of the story!

"...Okay"

I was reborn.

The fact that there were little sparkles around me sort of reaffirmed my scheduled doctor's appointment in Heaven. Well, now I'm here. In a new world. What am I supposed to do? I looked up and saw the clear blue skies of... I don't know what this world is even called. Beside me was a forest full of the luscious, greenery that you would expect to see in a national park. Of course, Earth didn't have many parks that fulfilled these expectations unless you tried very hard to find them. Or maybe that's just me not stepping outside the house enough?

Well, now it's different. From now on, I will evolve from my previous, scummy self that was indulged in the world of anime and move on to the 3D realm. This time, I will go around and get laid!

"Kyaaaaaaa!"

A damsel in distress. A classic situation! It's time to be the over powered hero that I'll never be in real life!

I charged through the dense bushes of the forest and encountered an incredibly formidable slime monster with eyes that could silence a crying baby.

An for that I cannot underestimate indeed.

"Don't worry! The hero has arrived about five minutes late!" I called out to the damsel in distress. I had no weapons on me whatsoever, but I was sure that Kami-sama empowered me enough to create godly prowess.

I jumped out of the bushes like a Pokemon and commenced battle.

I used 'Intimidate' on the wild Blue Slime!

Blue Slime's attack power decreased.

Blue Slime ran away.

Kami-sama made me strong after all! I gotta thank the old geezer when I get back. I turned around to face the super beautiful waifu that I was meant to obtain as soon as I arrived. to my disappointment, it was just a guy. Blonde hair. Simple outerwear. Armor. Sweaty. Boring.

"Ahh, thank you for saving me! I was in the middle of a scavenging quest when I was suddenly attacked by that slime! What can I do to repay you Miss?" The blonde adventurer knelt down and asked.

"Miss? I'm a guy just so you know. Maybe my hair is a little long, but I'm a guy with balls. I don't need any other guys falling for me just because I have long hair." I sighed. In the previous world, I was often mistaken for as a girl due to having long hair that I refused to cut away. However, I am a man to the core.

"No... you're clearly a girl. I'm also a girl."

I glanced at him again. Yeah, no. That is definitely not a girl.

"...Are we speaking the same language? Oh! That's it!"

With my high intelligence, I figured it out why the guy kept calling me a girl. In this new world (to me at least), there was no guarantee that I would speak the same language as the locals. By sheer coincidence, we happened to speak very similar languages. Except! Some of the things might be swapped around. In this instance, maybe what I think to be a "girl" is what this world calls a "boy"! I must a be a genius!

"Yeah, yeah! We're both girls!" I yelled excitedly over my accomplishment.

"Unh..." The other fellow just sighed. I would to. From his perspective, I'm probably some oddball magician with strong powers. He then extended his hand towards me and introduced himself.

"I'm Ester. Thanks again for helping me. I'll treat you to a meal at the inn later on."

I took his hand in mine and shook it firmly.

"Nice to meet you Aster. Call me Luccato." I didn't bother using my real name as I swore that I would change as a person just a few minutes ago. Instead, I rolled with a username that I used for multiple different games and accounts.

"Lu..ka?" Must be an odd name in this world I suppose.

A rustle in the bushes stopped our friendly chatter. John was quickly in a defensive stance. What? Afraid of a little slime? You've got to be kidding me John! Come on John!

"We're going. Now." Aster took my arm and started sprinting out the small forest. Feeling sorry for him, I just tagged along. After a minute or two of passing by multiple branches and shrubbery, we finally reached the end. The forest opened up to a great plains area where only the grass grew under the sun without obstruction. Aster finally calmed down a little bit before turning back to face me.

"I'm sorry... But I really don't like those things." Aster put his hands to his head in shame.

"It's okay! I totally understand. It's the eyes right?!" I threw a little white lie at him to try to cheer him up.

"Yeah! And it's body that you can never hit with a sword no matter how many times you cut it! And the eyes! They stare into my soul and want to devour me!"

Huh... This is tougher than I thought.

"I just kept cutting it over and over again but it kept coming back at me! It's a monster!"

"Well.. that's what it was born to be. Can you blame it for being born that way?"

"Can you blame me for not being a magic sword woman who can blow away those slimes?! I just didn't happen to have the aptitude... I was born this way..."

Oof.. Landmine. Time to steer away from the trouble.

"Well," I started, "You can't change who you are, but you can change how you do things."

Wow, I just popped a cool line. If only I used this good line on a girl! Looking into Aster's eyes, I realize that my words had hit him right at home. I guess I did a job well done there.

"Now, you'll treat me to a meal right?" I teased Aster lightly.

"Yeah."

The ground began to rumble. A massive flood was coming from the forest. No! It was an army of the Blue Slimes! I could only stare in shock as their numbers grew and grew. This.. might be the end for Aster.

"Run Aster! Run without me! I'll hold them off for the time being!" I stood in front of him in a defiant stance that was fitting for a one man army scene. I turned my head slightly and motioned him with my chin to get going. Behind me, Aster turned around slowly and started running. I saw his tears reflect in the light of the ever-bright sun.

"Come! The King of Heroes is here to accept your challenge! All brave enough to come forth will die honorable death! Have at thy!" I popped another cool line. Hey, I'm getting pretty good at this. The blue army moved forward in unison. Leap by leap, they approached me while covering almost every square inch of the grassy fields. I stood my ground and began to think. I needed an ability that was would do area of effect damage... Whatever. Raising my hand in the air, I smiled as I took on the entire army myself. Seconds passed. Then a minute. The army had yet to be annihilated by my awesome powers.

"Oryaaaa!!!" I yelled out as the first of the slime army came within a few yards from me.

Nothing happened. Hello? Kami-sama? Help me?

"Beware of my Stand! Look at my menacing aura!"

...Leap...Leap...Leap...Leap

Still nothing. I braced myself for the worst.

I got violated by multiple slime monsters.

An hour later, Aster came back with reinforces and pulled me out of an accumulating mass of slime. I clearly recalled the sensation being uncomfortably moist for a while, but I eventually got used to the feeling and enjoyed it. It was like one of those fancy bean bags filled with squishy gel instead of the beans except I was inside the bag. I tried to tell Aster about this wonderful sensation, but I couldn't describe it properly. As a result, Aster's fear of slimes seemed to worsen.

"It's okay, Luka, I'll show you to the baths so that you can clean yourself off and recover a bit." Aster carried me on his back. At this point in time, I was feeling extremely depressed over Kami-sama's lack of blessings, so I let him do his thing. His back seemed to be the perfect size- not extremely large like one of those bulky weightlifters. His arms held my legs in a more comfortable position. There was also a certain scent to him. Possibly the scent of a floral perfume? I leaned over his shoulder slightly and whispered into his ear.

"Aster. Thank you for coming back for me."

I felt Aster tense up incredibly. Oh? This is a rather amusing reaction.

"I-I-I just did w-what hwas right! Besides.. you took on all those slimes and killed half of them.. That's so amazing unlike me..." Aster shyly turned away.

Huh? I killed half the slime army? Could it be that they killed themselves the moment they fused together to try to suffocate me? I don't know. I clearly recall enjoying a slime bath though.

"Hmm? But you're the one who got that group of people together to help me out right?" I poked at his cheek playfully.

"S-stop it poking me!"

"Hmm..?"

I was really enjoying myself here. Aster's reactions were just so.. cute. Will I become gay for men at this rate? As I questioned my sexuality and new life, Aster and I arrived at a town. Most of the structures were made from wood while others were made from stone. The two of us stopped in front of a wooden complex called the Silver Moon Inn. There, Aster pushed my slimy self into the inn.

"I'm back Carol. Here's 4 silver shurlings for the baths and meals." Aster dug out four ecliptic coins and dropped it on the counter. A teen aged girl came out from a set of curtains behind the counter and took the payment.

"Oh? Who is this Ester?" Carol immediately took interest in me. I got those main character vibes don't I? Or maybe its the slime that's currently covering every bit of my body.

"Ahh.. she's my benefactor!" Aster replied enthusiastically. "He took out half an army of the Blue Slime!"

"Half an army?! Ahem... Well, I'll just let you two have the same room for some happy time okay? Tell me what happens afterwards~" Carol said. 

Huh.. It looks like no matter where you are, there's always going to be the fujoshi faction.

Aster nodded slowly, as if trying to understand the statement and its underlying meaning, and he pushed me towards the baths. Luckily, there was no need for me to read as there were fairly clear pictures that one could never mistake. There was a dude's picture on one side and a picture for the chick's side. Of course, I went towards the male side of the public baths, but Aster immediately grabbed me by the shoulders.

"Luka, are you a pervert?" Aster looked directly into my eyes and asked this question.

"Hmm? I just want to take a bath." Truth be told, I did want to take a bath. I have no intention of peeking...for today at least.

"Come on now. This way, this way."

Aster started pushing me towards the female side. I suppose Aster is more of a man than I am. We went off to peek at the girls. Unfortunately, there were no signs of women currently using the bathhouse, but we still took off our clothes and headed towards the baths. It was an open air bath; kind of like the onsens in anime. 

I had to bring my "dirty" clothes with me to clean them off. I noticed that Aster had some straps of fabric tightly covering his upper chest. There was also a towel around his waist. How modest of him. I just went in full commando.

"Hey Aster, what's up with all that fabric? The towel too. It's best to leave those aside and enjoy."

"Ahh.. These are bandages to cover up an old wound from a week ago. And the towel... I'll just leave it on."

"Arara.. So modest Aster. I'll join you after I clean off my clothes."

I came into this world wearing a white tunic that was most likely made from cotton and brown trousers. Kami-sama was kind enough to also equip me with a leather belt and leather boots. Other than those articles of clothing, I had next to nothing. No, my "godly powers" don't count. I must confirm whether or not Kami-sama had blessed me. 

Then, I came across a revelation that completely destroyed my soul through and through. I was looking at a mirror in front of me while cleaning my shirt, but another person of another gender was staring back at me while cleaning her clothes. Matte matte. Whaa... I raised my hand. The girl raised hers. I stretched my cheeks. She stretched hers. My hand went below my wait. I looked down. 

And I learned that I was not born the same man.

I was born a girl in a fantasy RPG world where slimes are intelligent enough to group up together and try to kill.

Thanks Kami-sama.

I was in complete denial. I refused to admit that I was reborn as a girl in this world. As desperation, I stood up and walked to the bathing pool where Aster was relaxing his tense muscles. 

"Aster.. you said we're both girls right?"

"Hmm? Of course.. Eh? Rinse yourself before you- KYA!!!"

I groper Aster's chest while attempting to maneuver my hands between his legs, but Aster wouldn't let up.

"T-t-this is improper! Luka!"

"It'll be over in a second. Just relax a little."

"You're going to violate me with your thick, sticky slime! Stop it! I don't want to touch your slimy body!"

"We're in the bath, relax already."

I forced open his legs and did a quick pat. The existence of the "sword" was clearly not there. Ahh... So 'he' was a 'she'. We're both girls. I slumped into the water dejectedly. I was reborn into this world as a girl despite being a man in my previous life, and I don't have any OP powers from Kami-sama despite getting killed over a waifu war.

Thanks Kami-sama.