Clementine

Cole was right. Over half the students here are in their pajamas. There's not many since it's Sunday morning, but there are enough to notice.

And they're all staring at us.

Cole glances up when he sees how uncomfortable I am. His frown turns into a snarl and they all look away. Now that the truth of why I left UCLA is out, it won't be long before most everyone at Appalachia knows. Gossip travels like wildfire no matter where you are I guess. I'm going to have to get used it it. I know I came here to escape my past, but it seems my past doesn't agree.

"Do you want to leave?" Cole looks ready to snap someone in half.

"No. I'm hungry, you're hungry and the food here is the best in town. People are going to stare, Cole. There's nothing we can do about that except ignore it. When the newness wears off, things will go back to normal."

"That's not acceptable."

"I know, but what can we really do?"

"I can beat their asses."

"You can't beat down everyone because then you'll have no friends left. Now, explain this law you and your dad were talking about, the one forcing you to lose your pack."

He looks away and I reach out to grab his hand. It's so much bigger than mine, but again, instead of fear, all I feel is comfort. I'm not afraid of him. Strange, considering I was raped by three guys who are all shifters. Has to be the mate bond thingy.

"Hey, no secrets okay? You said it yourself, I grew up outside the pack and I need to understand this."

He sighs. "It's not a secret, I just don't want you to blame yourself for this and I'm afraid talking about it is going to make you do that."

I wait him out.

"In our world, if you take a mate outside of your species, then you and your mate become an outcast, a shifter without a pack. I lose everyone except for my mate. It's the way its been since the beginning of time."

"That's stupid."

"It is," he agrees. "It's what happened when your father married your mother. His family was high up in the pack hierarchy, but as soon as he took a Fae to be his mate, he was shunned."

I'm not sure how to respond to that. Why would anyone want any part of a society that would do that because of who you love? But I suppose the LGBTQ community would understand this better than most. They're constantly under fire because of who they love. It's heartbreaking.

"Is it just the wolves or is it all shifters?"

"I think there's some of this in all shifter societies, but its more prominent among the wolves. Over time, most of the other species have drifted away from shunning their pack mates, but the wolves hold onto that like a vice. Its sad and complete bullshit."

"Why hasn't anyone done anything about it?"

"Because the packs are controlled by the old guard. Shifters live longer than humans and because of that, the old way of thinking is still very much prevalent among our laws."

"But couldn't your dad..."

"No, my dad won't change the law. Too many would try to overthrow him. He's holding onto his power by a sliver. He asked me to take over but I don't want that. I've seen what it did to him over the years, trying to be everything to everyone. That's not me. I just want to live my life and be happy."

"But will you really be happy, Cole? Will you not start to resent me for costing you everything? Will you end up hating me?"

"No, sweetheart. There's not a fiber of my being that will ever hate you." He reaches over and cups my face with one hand, his thumb brushing my lower lip softly. "You're mine and I'm yours. That's all that matters."

I get this warm fuzzy feeling I haven't had since my dad died. The feeling that says I'm safe, wanted, and loved. Cole makes me remember what home felt like once upon a time. I desperately miss that feeling.

"Are you sure?"

"I am."

"Then I say this with all due respect, your dad is a dick."

He barks out a laugh. "That's one way to put it. Our relationship threw him, though. He fully expected to wear me down and appoint me as his heir to take over the pack. I have three other brothers who would be more than happy to do what he wants. I don't know why he's so adamant it be me. At least now he'll get off my back about it."

"One perk to losing everything, I guess."

"Hey now, I know that tone of voice. This is why I didn't want to talk about this given everything you've lost this last year. I knew you'd blame yourself."

"How can I not, Cole?" I lean my head back against the booth. "I know what it means to lose what you're throwing away. I'd give anything to just spend one more day with my sister or my dad. Your family is still here. I can't let you just walk away from them."

"It's not my choice, Clem. It's theirs."

"This is bullshit."

He chuckles. "It's rare I hear you cuss."

"I'm pissed off."

"You should be."

We both look up to see Alexandria Reed coming toward us, closely followed by her mate, Luca Rinaldi. I met them just a few days ago when Cole took me to meet Alex's mom to see if she could shed some light on why my abilities were apparently blocked. Turns out Alesha did that herself when my dad asked her to.

"Can we sit?"

I nod and scoot over to give her room while Luca slides in beside Cole.

"I heard about what happened after the game last night." Alex takes my hand and squeezes it, her expression fierce. "I'm so very sorry that happened to you and that you had to deal with it here."

She looks outraged and sincerely sorry.

"Thank you."

Those strange blue eyes of hers pin Cole to his seat. "I was getting ready to hunt you down myself this morning for not kicking his ass while you had the chance."

"Cole's position is precarious," I say, the need to defend him burning fierce. "Attacking Levi could have started a war among the packs."

"Uncle Sabien explained that to me this morning. It's the only reason you're sitting here safe and sound."

"But you don't agree." Cole's expression is almost resigned.

Luca makes a noise and I glance at him. He most definitely doesn't agree.

"You should have beat his ass." Luca's expression is enraged, so much so it's a little terrifying and I scoot as far back from him as I can, memories of angry snarls haunting me.

Cole reacts instantly, his beast flaring in his eyes as he turns to Luca, the threat as clear as the night's moon.

"Luca." Alex's gentle admonishment turns his expression contrite in a heartbeat.

"I'm sorry. I no mean to frighten you." He turns to face Cole. "And that is what you should have done to those bastards last night."

"It would have started a war," I say softly.

"We understand that, but does it really make it okay?" Alex's eyes narrow. "Let me ask you something, Cole. Do you still have a pack this morning?"

"No."

"You knew claiming her would lose you your pack, so why not just stomp them last night?"

"Because there were others to think of." He grinds his teeth so hard I can hear it. "There are families out there who don't deserve to go to war, to get hurt over something that has nothing to do with them. Yes, I have to protect Clem, but I have to protect them as well."

"And that is why you should be the leader of the packs." Austin James drags a chair over to our table along with several other members of the Wolfpack, the football team here at the university. "As much as you wanted to hurt them, you kicked them out instead, thinking of everyone but yourself. That takes more strength than any of us would have had and we respect you for it."

I only know who Austin is because he hangs out with Cole and Jackson a lot. He's hard to miss though. Curly brown hair that needs a brush and he has serious chocolate eyes that always seem to brood. The epic bad boy persona, but I've seen him in the library with his nerdy glasses on and head hurried in a book. He takes his classes seriously from what JJ told me. He's majoring in finance. She says he wants to be a sports agent or something.

"That's not what I want."

"Maybe not, but that doesn't mean you should run from it either."

"I'm not running."

"That's exactly what you're doing." This from a tall guy in the back, his deep ebony skin so dark he could blend into the night.

"Why the fuck don't you all do it then?" Cole snarls. "If you think its so easy, go and fight my father for the right to rule the packs, to do things the way you want to. It's not like I could take over and just change things. Saying it and enforcing it are two different things and if you'd grown up in it, you'd know that."

All three of the football guys growl, angry, but when Cole straightens, something happens. There is a power that rolls off him in waves. It rocks into me and the guys and every person in the restaurant including the girl across from me. She whimpers at the force of his power.

"I. Do. Not. Want. To. Control. The Packs." The bite in his voice is enough to make any sane person cower and all the wolves in the room hunch away from the power of the Alpha.

I lay my hand on his arm. "Easy, Cole."

He calms but his power is still out in full force, telling every wolf here who is in charge. This is why he should be Alpha even if he doesn't want to be.

"None of you know what this responsibility has done to my father over the years. You haven't seen it strip away who he is, watch as he slowly lost touch with his own family to serve the packs. He put them before us, his own children. I won't do that to my kids. I won't do that to Clem, and I won't do that to myself. I'm sorry if you can't understand it, but that's the way its going to be."

"We're not trying to be assholes here." Austin motions for the waitress and asks her to clear out the next large table for all of us. "Despite what you might think, I'm thinking of Clementine. Of your kids. Of my future mate and kids. What happens if my mate isn't a wolf? What will happen to us? I don't want my family to grow up outside the pack anymore than you do yours. And despite your decision, I know you Cole. I've known you since we were kids. You love being part of a pack."

"Fate had other plans." Cole picks up my glass and motions for us to follow Austin to the big table in the back that's being cleared for us. I'm surprised he's allowing himself to be herded over there given how loudly he protested. Maybe part of him, a small part he doesn't want to admit to having, agrees that he should take over the packs. Because he doesn't want to lose them.

And he's right. If he loses everything, I will blame myself because it will be my fault. His choice, but still my fault.

"You're right in that fate had other plans." Austin straddles a chair and looks his alpha in the eye. No one else is, not even Alexandria. "Societies to change and evolve in order to survive. We all know this. History teaches us this. If you don't, then you become obsolete and die out."

"Ohh, big words," one of the guys laugh and Austin shoves him so hard he topples over.

"Boys!" someone shouts from over by the counter. "Behave or you can leave."

"Sorry, Frank." Austin nods his head in the general direction, but does't apologize to the guy on the floor.

"I agree with you, Austin, but what can I do?" Cole leans back, his shoulders tense. "I'd have to give up Clem to rejoin the pack and there's no way that's happening."

"People are ready for change. Maybe not the old guard, but there are enough new blood to force change."

"There's enough of the old guard left to prevent change. My father will attest to that. They've blocked him on several changes over the years. It frustrates him. That's part of the reason I refuse to accept the role of leadership. What is the point if I can't affect change? Nothing will change and I'll end up feeling beaten down just like my father."

"What if we don't even take them into consideration?" Alex muses.

Austin cocks his head. "What do you mean?"

"What if we just start a new pack? One that has no affiliation with the other packs."

"It's not that easy." Cole says. "All packs on this continent come under the rule of the North American Council of Wolves."

"Only because they choose to." Austin nods his head thoughtfully. "They want the financial security of the council behind them in case something happens. There is no law written, at least that I know of, that requires a pack to join the federation of packs."

"Its been tried before." Cole sounds weary and I know this is starting to test his patience. "The packs are just attacked by the others until they either disband or join the rest of us."

"That's because they didn't have the numbers." Austin snaps his fingers like its decided. "I guarantee you there are more who want change than there are who don't and if we let it be known..."

"We?" Cole snaps. "I want no part of this. I already told all of you that."

"No. You told us you didn't want to take over from your father." Austin dares to look Cole in the eyes and holds his gaze for a full minute before looking down. "I'm not suggesting that. I'm suggesting we force change the only way that is open to us. Don't you want the security of a pack behind you? Clem doesn't understand what that means like you and I do, Cole, but we both know she deserves the protection and the sense of family it provides."

I put my hand on his arm before he jumps up and explodes. "Nothing has to be decided today. Just let what they're saying sink in and think it over, okay?"

"Do you want me to do this?"

"I want you to do what makes you happy. Leave me out of the equation. They're right, I don't know anything about being in a pack and what losing it is really costing you. I doubt you're telling me everything either because you think I'll blame myself. What I am asking you to do is to think all of this over and decide what will make you happiest. Will you do that?"

He sighs and deflates like a balloon. "I'll think it over."

"Maybe talk to Jackson and Leo. They understand better than I do and might be able to help you more."

He nods, still looking miserable and angry all at once.

"Why don't we get our food to go and finish eating back at the dorm?" Probably best to get him out of here before he blows a gasket. I can sense how close he is to losing his temper and I don't think it would be a good idea here. And he'd regret saying something harsh to these guys. They're his friends and teammates.

"Yeah, lets do that." He waves over the waitress for boxes and once we pack up what's left of our breakfast, he drops some bills on the table and leaves without another word to anyone still sitting there.

He has a lot to think about and I don't want him to do anything out of peer pressure or because of me. He really does need to do what makes him happy.

I guess only time will tell what that might be.