The Stars Call (Chapters 7-11) by Birdpaw

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

----------------------

Overview: The Stars Call is a science-fiction fantasy story taking place after the end of a long war between two forces: the Galactic Sanctum and the First Insurgency. The story follows a group of mercenaries, hired by the Sanctum to research and fight a deadly virus destroying the galaxy.

In the first few chapters of the story, the members of the crew of mercenaries are introduced. As the crew completes various missions, information is revealed about the virus, as well as other threats in the expanse of space where the mercenaries operate. The sixth chapter leaves off right after the main character Nyra and the Aelius, the doctor, have returned from a mission to the planet Eteran. Suspicions in the crew rise about Aelius's motives for the mission, so Nyra and Keren are sent back to the planet secretly to investigate further.

Grammar: Overall, the grammar in The Stars Call is well done. There are almost no typos, and no major grammatical issues that interrupt the flow of the story significantly.

One minor grammar issue that crops up throughout the story is the comma splice. While it is not an extremely disruptive grammatical mistake, correcting these could give the writing a more polished feel. One example of a comma splice in chapter 7 would be:

Nyra and Keren sat at the bar, a young bartender walked up to them, a smile on her face.

This is a comma splice because two complete sentences are joined with only a comma. Because two complete sentences are on either side of the comma, a conjunction is required to form a combined sentence. Conversely, the sentence could be broken into two sentences. The sentence could also be reworded. Any of these are options that would remove the comma splice:

Nyra and Keren sat at the bar. A young bartender walked up to them, a smile on her face.

Nyra and Keren sat at the bar, and a young bartender walked up to them, a smile on her face.

As Nyra and Keren sat down at the bar, a young bartender walked up to them, a smile on her face.

Pace: The story is well paced in general. While things take time to really get going, in chapters seven through eleven of The Stars Call, the story heats up! New characters, such as the Rebel Leader Rayan, are introduced, as well as interesting plot developments such as the backstory of the destruction of the hospital on Eteran. Suspicions about members within the crew of the ship rise, pushing the pace along further.

The only location where the story seems to drag slightly is right at the beginning of chapter nine when Keren and Mara are having a snack. Although the scene it develops the characters and is fun to read, the nature of the conversation is not highly intriguing or suspenseful. The chapter may benefit from cutting some of this scene to get to the action a bit sooner or adding a few more elements into the scene to develop tension and suspense around the plot to come.

Individual scenes in The Stars Call flow at a real time pace that is easy to visualize. However, there are a few locations where the pace is slightly fast. For example, in chapter 9, the scene where Mara is shocked by the engine kicking into hyperdrive is a highly intense and exciting scene, but it seems like it may be slightly rushed.

The only persistent issue with pacing throughout the story is with transitions, specifically when characters move from one location to another. For example, in chapter seven, Nyra and others go into and out of a town on Eteran a number of times. Each time, this transition feels rushed, making it difficult to picture the town and its size. Slowing down the transition and providing a bit more detail about the town itself might make the scenes easier to visualize. Since the same transition occurs a number of times, character introspective thoughts could also be used in the narration during the transition to avoid rehashing similar descriptions each time.

Character Development: Character development in The Stars Call is excellent right from the beginning. In chapters seven through eleven, the characters develop even further, each personality showing through to create a cast of memorable and distinguishable characters. In chapter seven, characters Nyra and Keren are shown at a bar in a restaurant in a town on Eteran trying to gain information for a mission. When a mysterious man approaches them and pays for their purchases, neither of them bat an eye and go on smiling and thank him. In their line of work as mercenaries, it would seem that a bit more caution or suspicion about a mysterious man like this would be expected. However, the fact that Nyra and Keren don't suspect anything shows how they are young and naïve.

Some other great pieces of character development are the relationships between Captain James Raner and each of the crew members. Captain James Raner follows Nyra and Keren on their mission to the town secretly to protect them. This shows how he looks out for his crew, but at the same time undermines them by not fully trusting their capabilities. While his intentions are good, he takes risks, showing him as a somewhat inexperienced captain, or perhaps a captain who was advanced to too much too quickly and is now operating outside of his comfort zone. Additionally, many of the crew members are very familiar and friendly around the captain, in spite of his superior rank. For example, Nyra is very forward with him, entering his private cabin and sitting on his bed without so much as asking. However, Mara seems slightly less comfortable and slightly nervous around the captain.

In chapter nine, the character Rayan, the Rebel Leader, is introduced. He seems reserved and mysterious. A lot of interest is built around this character, because he seems to have existing relationships and histories with many of the crew members. However, he is introduced while the story is in Mara's POV. Like the reader, Mara has no idea who Rayan is and what he is doing landing on their ship. This builds the suspense and mystery even more!

Another character worth mentioning is Aelius. He is constantly lurking in the background of seemingly every question that pops up, from the destruction of the hospital to the Rebel Leader turning up on the ship. He seems to withhold information from the rest of the crew, which makes him rather suspicious, and a reader may be cautious of trusting his intentions.

One concern with the character development is in regard to how young and naïve the characters are portrayed. For characters in their line of work, early twenties seems young. The reason why the characters are young makes sense, but at times their actions portray them as even younger than they actually are. While there is nothing wrong with having naïve characters, it is a risk, especially considering the nature of the work the characters do. At times, it seems almost unbelievable that these characters could still be so innocent, particularly because hints have been given that some of them have come from rougher backgrounds. While it is of course up to the discretion of the author and depends on the intention of the story, just a bit more darkness and grit from the characters could lend some more realism.

Vocabulary/Description/Worldbuilding: The vocabulary used in the story is fairly simple and straight forward, making the story easy to follow. Since the plot of the story is largely character and action based rather than having a huge focus on complex technology and politics, the simplicity of the vocabulary works well and fits with the story.

The descriptions throughout the story are minimal but get the image across well. Some descriptions that are particularly interesting are the way the characters develop mythologis about certain things in their world. For example, one myth is that that Rebel Leader breathes fire, or may in fact be a dragon. Another myth is that the "Destroyer" ghost spaceships are actually the skeletons of huge alien creatures. These myths add a lovely depth to the story that brings the entire world to life!

The worldbuilding in The Stars Call is fairly simple. The story introduces new ideas, characters, backstory, and locations slowly and gradually, immersing the reader in the world and making it easy to understand. One thing that could easily add a bit more depth to the developing world would be giving names to more locations throughout the world. As is, many things go unnamed and are just referred to as "the town" or "the hospital" or "the ship". Simply naming the town, hospital, and the ship the crew are on could give a more realistic and memorable flair to them, and thus the world itself.

Plot: The plot really kicked it up a notch in chapters seven through eleven! Not only was the mysterious Rebel Leader Rayan finally introduced, but also the history of the hospital that was destroyed by Insurgents is developed. The mystery surrounding the hospital is perhaps the most intriguing plot point at this time. Chapters seven through eleven seem to focus around discovering more about why exactly the hospital was destroyed. Character repeatedly return to the ruins, each time discovering just a bit more and pulling the reader in further. Chapter eleven leaves the reader on edge as the main characters are unable to return to their ship and are forced to camp out by the ruins on Eteran. Additionally, Aelius seems to be plotting some sort of retribution to get back at the Insurgents for what they did to the hospital and all the innocents that were there.

While for the most part the plot of the story is highly interesting and gripping, it seems to be somewhat spread out at this point. Many different plot points have been opened up, and it become tricky to focus on and keep track of each of them. For example, there is the Destroyer ship that approaches the crew's ship, some mystery surrounding the hospital on Eteran, the strange appearance of the Rebel Leader, and finally the disease stewing in the background, among other minor plot points. Developing this much mystery is great! However, a slightly stronger focus on how all of these elements weave together might help make the plot more cohesive. Even if it just involves the characters wondering how x may connect to y, it could help to steer the reader on the right path, engaging them further with the story. One example of when this was well done was when the characters wondered if the appearance of the Rebel Leader Rayan had anything to do with the appearance of the Destroyer. That helped to tie those two events together, further building the mystery surrounding each of them.

Summary: The Stars Call is a gripping fantasy sci-fi! Featuring fun and entertaining characters as well as an exhilarating plot, this is a story not to be missed. Any reader will find themselves laughing and wondering along with the characters as the story unfolds!