The Stars Call (Chapters 18-22) by Birdpaw

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

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Overview: The Stars Call is a science-fiction fantasy story taking place after the end of a long war between the Galactic Sanctum and the First Insurgency. The story follows a group of mercenaries, hired by the Sanctum to research and fight a deadly virus destroying the galaxy.

In the preceding chapters, Nyra and Marn are attacked by a mutated Gorgot on the moon Kestra. They end up bringing Aaron, a stranger who saves them by killing the monster, to the ship. After returning, strange malfunctions begin to occur on the ship, leaving Aaron suspect.

Grammar: Since this is the fourth review I have done of this story, I won't reiterate the review of the grammar. Similar minor errors were seen in these chapters as in previous chapters, but overall the grammar was good.

Pace: In chapter 18, Nyra and Aelius return to Kestra to see if they can figure anything else out about the Gorgot attack. The scene while they are snooping around the orphanage seems very quick. Slowing the pace down in this scene and including more detail and suspense could make this part of the chapter more thrilling and engaging.

After snooping around the orphanage quickly, the characters head outside and see Rayan holding a rebel gathering in a square there. This part of the chapter also feels a bit too quick, making it hard to visualize and absorb what is going on. The fast pace at the beginning of the chapter makes it a bit difficult to follow the rest of the chapter because so much information has already been presented very quickly. Splitting the chapter after the trip to Kestra, as well as developing the scenes themselves, might be a good way to help a reader reset and prepare to take in more information.

In chapter 19, the pacing is also fairly quick. Nyra has been captured by Aaron and brought to Rayan, however she is almost immediately rescued after having a conversation with Rayan. Building a bit more suspense while she is waiting in the room rather than having her immediately go to sleep could have helped to make the reader a bit more concerned about her. This could be a good location to develop her fear of abandonment a bit more. The scene while she is waiting in the room could showing the reader more of the fears and worries going through her head while simultaneously incorporating some nervous actions.

Chapter 20 is another attack from the now infamous Destroyer. The pacing in this chapter is slower than in the previous ones, which works really well! Enough time is spent developing the scene to really give the reader a sense of distress and concern for the characters. It makes for a thrilling read. Another reason why the pacing of this chapter feels more balanced may be because it focuses on only one event. The chapter has a more cohesive feel than previous chapters and is easier to take in.

As a whole, chapter 21 is fairly well paced. It has a strong focus—the characters looking for Aelius after he goes missing. The one area where the pace seems to be slightly rushed is the transition of the characters getting to Eteran. Something I've noticed as I've been reading this story is that there are a lot of scene changes. Many of them are very brief and simply involve characters going somewhere to get other characters. Something that may help to make the story a bit easier to follow would be to simply cut down on the number of scene changes. Every time the scene changes, the reader needs to visualize a new scene, which takes a bit of focus.

The pacing in chapter 22 is pretty much perfect. This is a bit of a different chapter because it is in Rayan's POV. The chapter has a strong focus on his internal thoughts, which works well to give the reader a break from the heavy action. However, the chapter is definitely still intense when James shows up at the end to kidnap Rayan!

Character Development: At this point in the story, the personalities of the main characters have all been fairly well established. However, there is still plenty of backstory development going on, so the reader keeps learning more and more about each of them. This selection of chapters also provides a lot of character development about Rayan, who has remained fairly mysterious and unknown up until this point.

Chapter 18 adds a bit of interesting character development about Aelius. Nyra and Keren have a discussion about how Aelius hasn't been sleeping. It is clear that something is really troubling him. This builds on the dark backstory that has already been established about the attack on the hospital where Aelius worked. The chapter leaves the reader wondering what other secrets Aelius may be withholding.

The notable character development in chapters 19 through 22 is the character development of Rayan. In chapters 19 through 21, Rayan is observed through Nyra's perspective, giving the reader bits of insight about him. Then, in chapter22, the reader finally gets to see a chapter in Rayan's perspective, showing his inner thoughts and grief.

In chapter 19, Aaron has kidnapped Nyra and brought her to Rayan. Rayan and Nyra have a discussion, and Nyra learns that Rayan didn't want Aaron to kidnap her and that he suspects her friends will be back for her. In order to convince her that he means her no harm, Rayan offers Nyra his weapon, giving her the opportunity to kill him if she chooses. The fact that she doesn't says a lot about Nyra's character, but I think the fact that Rayan offers her this opportunity says even more about his character. Rayan seems to offer her the weapon as though it means nothing. In chapter 21, he gives her another chance to kill him when she finds him on Eteran. While he acts cool, it seems under the surface, Rayan may actually have a death wish. The reader is left to wonder what is going on in his mind, and what is troubling him so greatly that he acts so rash with regards to his own life, especially considering he has so much ambition leading the rebellion.

In chapter 22, the reader finally gets to see Rayan's inner thoughts. Although his thoughts are somewhat vague, it is clear that a traumatic accident from his past causes him unbelievable grief. Throughout this chapter, the idea of "ringing" is constantly repeated, seemingly something leftover from the accident that scarred Rayan. The way his mannerisms are shown also shows how much pain he is holding within him. He refuses to sleep, fearing that if he stops to rest he will lose traction with the rebellion. He repeatedly picks up tasks or attempts to do something, only to immediately second guess himself. All in all, the poor guy is very troubled. This chapter adds a lot of depth to his character.

Description: In general, the descriptions in The Stars Call are clear and well worded. It is easy to visualize the scenes.

Some of the most interesting and enjoyable descriptions in this selection of chapters were the descriptions in chapter 20 where the Destroyer attacks the ship. The intense and creative descriptions build the tension in the scene, keeping the reader on edge wondering if the heroes will be successful.

While chapter 20 was the most intense of the chapters read for this review, the description in the other chapters were also fairly well balanced. It was easy to visualize the rebel hideout in chapter 22, even though it was an entirely new setting in the story. The way Rayan moved through the scene made the entire place come to life.

There were a few places throughout these chapters where a bit more description and scene setting would have been beneficial. For example, in chapter 18, the scene on Kestra felt a bit rushed and was difficult to visualize. More description of the what the streets outside the orphanage look like, particularly of the people on them, could have helped to set the scene a bit more. Additionally, adding a bit more detail about the "gathering" could have helped to develop the scene more.

Plot: As a result of the fast pacing in chapters18-19, the plot was slightly difficult to keep track of. Focusing on one main event in each chapter and avoiding unnecessary scene shifts could make the plot easier to follow in general.

While the pacing disrupted the plot a bit in the earlier chapters, the plot gained a strong focus in chapters 20-22. It seemed like each chapter had one main purpose, and each event within the chapter contributed to this purpose, giving the chapters a feel of cohesion.

In chapter 18, one of the main plot developments was Aelius revealing the fact that the virus was likely not natural. This pulls together the plot element of the mutated Gorgots and the mysterious virus. It seems that the Sanctum may have mutated the Gorgots as an experiment, and the virus may have been developed as some sort of weapon. This development adds a bit more darkness to the plot that gives it some more depth.

At the end of chapter 18, Nyra goes into the guest room where Aaron is staying to retrieve his weapon, only to be caught by a mysterious person. The end of the chapter is an exceptional cliffhanger! However, when the action picks up in chapter 19, I was very confused. Everything in chapter 18 had pointed to the mysterious person being Aaron, however chapter 19 opens with Rayan talking to Nyra. I eventually figured out that Aaron actually was the kidnapper, but he had brought Nyra to Rayan. At the end of the chapter, I also discovered that Aaron used some sort of gas to knock Nyra out. For the plot to flow more smoothly, one option could be to end chapter 18 with the gas being sprayed, that way it would be obvious that some sort of time jump would take place. Then, chapter 19 could smoothly open with Nyra coming to, perhaps witnessing both Rayan and Aaron discussing the kidnapping.

Chapter 20 was primarily action focused. It depicted an intense battle scene between the heroes and the Destroyer monster. The main plot development here was Aelius's disappearance. This plot element worked well, pulling the reader in with questions of not only where Aelius went, but also why!

Chapter 21 showed the characters going through Aelius's things looking for clues as to where he may have gone. The scene was suspenseful, leaving the reader wondering what the characters might find. However, they didn't seem to find much, except for Keren who seemed to be quite interested by a mysterious book. I wasn't quite sure why the other characters didn't go back to see what was in the book he was trying to hide from them, since they saw him replace it on the bookshelf. A consideration could be to have Keren keep the book on his person after leaving the room, or at least secretly remove a page from it to make it clear that even if the characters did go back to look after he had gone to rest, there would be nothing worth finding.

Chapter 22 is in Rayan's perspective. While the chapter is mostly character development, some interesting plot development occurs at the end when James captures Rayan. The action is thrilling and exciting to read. Additionally, the dynamic between the two of them builds a lot of great tension! Eventually, it comes out that Rayan is going with James willingly, in a way. He also wants to help find Aelius. The chapter leaves off with the reader in suspense, wondering what will happen when James and Rayan get back to the ship, and how and where they will find Aelius!

Summary: While the beginning of this selection of chapters was slightly difficult to follow, the chapters gained a strong focus toward the end. The attack of the Destroyer was thrilling, and the plot development about Aelius going missing and James capturing Rayan and taking him back to the ship keeps the reader fully invested in the characters and plot of The Stars Call!