The Stars Call (Chapters 12-16) by Birdpaw

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

----------------------

Overview: The Stars Call is a science-fiction fantasy story. Taking place after the end of a long war between the Galactic Sanctum and the First Insurgency, the story follows a group of mercenaries, hired by the Sanctum to research and fight a deadly virus destroying the galaxy.

In the preceding chapters, the crew perform various missions. The group encounter the mysterious leader of the Rebel group, Rayan when he boards their ship. Right after he leaves, a mysterious space ship that seems to be animalistic in nature begins to hunt down the crew.

Grammar: The grammar in The Stars Call is well done in general. There are minimal typos. However, there are a number of noticeable but not disruptive grammatical errors.

One grammatical issue is the comma splice. It isn't particularly disruptive, but the frequency of comma splices does become somewhat distracting while reading. Essentially, comma splices are when two independent clauses are joined with only a comma. The clauses on each side of the comma could stand alone as their own sentence. Because of this, comma splices are very easy to remove by simply replacing the comma with a period to break up the sentence, adding a conjunction, or rephrasing the sentence.

There were also a number of locations where punctuation around dialog was incorrect. Some of these locations have been pointed out inline. Because the focus of this review is not grammar, this point will not be elaborated on further.

Proofreading with special attention to comma splices and dialog punctuation is suggested to polish off the writing.

Pace: The pacing of these five chapters of The Stars Call is excellent. It's amazing how much action and drama are packed into just three chapters. The quick pace keeps the reader pulled into the story!

The only major issue with pacing in these chapters is with transitions. For example, in chapter 13, when Keren crash lands on Eteran, it seems like he literally lands a couple of feet from Marn, Nyra, and Aelius's campsite. Unless this is the case (which would mean the characters should possibly be more worried about being hit by the incoming ship), the transition should be smoothed out for clarity. Just one or two sentences or even a paragraph showing the characters heading over to the sight of the crash could help lay the scene out a bit more coherently.

A similar problem occurrs when the characters infiltrate the Insurgent camp. Unless the camp is literally right around the corner, a bit more time could be spent showing them travelling there to help the reader understand the proximity of the locations.

Character Development: Chapter twelve is almost entirely action. Therefore, there was not much character development. However, this was fitting of the chapter. By this point in the story, the reader already has a good idea of each character's personality. For example, James behaves as a reader would expect, looking out for his crew and maintaining a brave face even when he is hurting.

In chapter 13, Keren crash lands on Eteran near Nyra, Marn, and Aelius's camp site. Keren stays in character, being a bit goofy as he explains to the group that he has a map showing how they can infiltrate the Insurgent's hideout. Although the characters are aware of Aelius's intentions for revenge on the Insurgents,, they go along with helping him sneak into the camp anyway.

Once they get there, they split up—Nyra and Keren going one direction and Aelius and Marn going another. When Nyra and Keren hear gunshots, they react a little oddly. At first, they seem startled, but then they go back to joking around as they head towards the source. Both characters are naïve, but it seems slightly odd for even a naïve character to be so upbeat after hearing gunshots, especially considering the fact that their friends are unaccounted for. It might make sense for the characters to be slightly more concerned, perhaps worrying more about the wellbeing of their friends.

In chapter 14, the reader gets to see the side of Aelius they have been waiting to see! Nyra and Keren locate Aelius and Marn, only to find Aelius holding a group of Insurgents at spear point. The characterization is spot on in this chapter and highly engaging. Whether the reader chooses to agree with Nyra—trying to get Aelius to back down—or Aelius—seeking his revenge—it's a chapter guaranteed to stir a reaction. The only oddity of the exchange is that Nyra goes along with this plan knowing Aelius is seeking revenge, only to talk him down from it after they have already gotten so far along in the plan. Perhaps she was in denial that it would actually come to that, or perhaps things were truly out of her control. Either way, the most powerful part of the chapter is perhaps when Nyra tells Aelius that she won't stop him, forcing him to make the decision for himself after hearing her reasoning.

In chapters 15 and 16, the reader gains some more insight about Nyra and Marn's backgrounds. After Captain James tells Nyra she must go to Kestra, where she is from, for a mission, she has a heart to heart with Marn about the mission. Although there aren't many words exchanged between the two, a lot goes unsaid, which is more effective. The reader can easily infer the strong thoughts and feelings of the characters, showing how much they care for each other.

Once they arrive on Kestra, Nyra leads them to the first place she would like to check—the orphanage where she grew up. This is another emotional scene where more backstory about Nyra's youth, as well as Marn's, is revealed. While they are at the old orphanage, they are attacked by a mutated poisonous Gorgot that can't be killed with normal weapons. Marn gets bitten, and a mysterious man known only as Aaron appears and saves the day. Without any questions asked, he joins them as they head back to the main ship. Even though the characters are naïve, it seems they might at least ask a few questions before allowing a stranger on their ship. This situation could easily be smoothed out by having Aaron need to convince them to take him with them before they allow him to join them. An easy way to make this more believable would be to have Aaron inform them that he possesses knowledge about the poisonous bite and that he needs to speak to their doctor.

Once the characters arrive back on the ship, they all seem to be poking fun at Marn, and no one is truly concerned even though the bite could possibly be life threatening, considering the fact that they don't know what it is. Showing some more depth of emotions in this scene might make the characters feel a bit more believable. The joking around could actually work well because it could be a natural reaction (making light of a dire situation) however, it might help to show that deep down the characters are rattled or scared.

In chapter 16, the space ship begins experiencing bizarre malfunctions, along with other oddities. The characters all seem to be mystified by the malfunctions, but none of them really seem to suspect Aaron, the only newcomer on the ship. It might make sense for them to at least wonder if he might have anything to do with the problems. Captain James at least seems to be a bit suspicious of him, but he also seems like the type to hold his tongue until he gets more information, keeping a watchful eye on the newcomer while simultaneously looking out for his crew.

Description: In general, the descriptions in The Stars Call are excellent. For example, the descriptions of the Destroy "ship" as being animalistic and moving like a snake are chilling and very creepy! Just the idea of something so large but also possibly alive moving through the void of space is haunting. The mystery surrounding it is exceptional! Another example of great descriptions in the story are the descriptions of the orphanage where Nyra grew up. The detail of the piano is a particularly nice touch.

One area where the descriptions could use a bit more intensity is in the scene in chapter twelve where the Destroyer is attacking the ship. Adding some more details of what it feels like for the passengers on the ship as the Destroyer rams into them could really help a reader to get into the action more and feel like they are there. Additionally, showing the characters as rushing or hurrying to get things done could add a nice sense of urgency to the scene.

In contrast, a similar scene occurs in chapter 14 where the ship is again being attacked by the Destroy. This one is in Nyra's point of view, and much of it takes place on the smaller ship as Keren, Nyra, Marn, and Aelius are returning to the main ship. The descriptions, particularly of the motion of the small ship knocking the passengers around, really allow the reader to get into the action and feel like they are there!

Plot: In chapters 12 through 16, the plot of The Stars Call starts to pull together, but at the same time, even more questions and mysteries are opening up, driving the reader to keep going to find out more!

Chapter twelve is primarily action, so the plot development is fairly straight forward. The ship gets attacked by a Destroyer, and the crew tries to escape. Other than the thrill of the attack, the main plot development of this chapter is Keren being sent to Eteran to join Nyra, Marn, and Aelius. Since clearly the middle of an attack is not the best time to realize the safe members of the crew need reinforcements, the reason for sending Keren out into danger doesn't make the most sense. Captain James cites it as being because he needs Keren on Eteran. Perhaps a more logical reason would be so Keren's ship can serve as a distraction for the Destroyer, maybe to confuse it?

In chapter thirteen, Keren crash lands on Eteran, joining the other already camped there. The suspense builds as the characters travel to the Insurgent camp. Once there, they split up to explore. Keren and Nyra discover a hangar containing the Insurgent ships. They then hear gun shots and leave to find the source. Plot-wise, this is where things don't quite make sense. In chapter fourteen, Nyra and Keren find Aelius intimidating an unknown number of Insurgents with a spear. If the gunshots were the Insurgents', how would three of them yield to one man holding a spear? If they were Aelius's, why would he switch from the gun to the spear? Additionally, the number of Insurgents Aelius is actually threatening is slightly vague. It might be more believable for it to be only one Insurgent, or perhaps two. If there were only one, it could be understandable that Aelius had somehow managed to disarm him even if he had a gun.

Chapter fourteen ends with another exciting action scene where the group heads out of Eteran and back to the main ship. Unfortunately for the characters (but perhaps to the delight of the reader) they have another high intensity run-in with the Destroyer, just narrowly making their way back to the ship.

Once the action ceases, Enna gets a transition from the Sanctum warning that they believe the rebels are planning to make a move soon. Captain James decides to send Nyra to Kestra to try to reason before fighting. This is potentially another point to develop more. The mission seems a bit vague, and once Nyra and Marn (who decides to accompany her) arrive on Kestra, they seem at a loss as to what to do other than "check buildings", a somewhat vague task.

This eventually leads to them going to the orphanage where Nyra grew up, which becomes an excellent plot point! However, the way they get there seems a bit odd. It might make more sense if they had a bit more direction from their captain as to what he wanted them to do. Perhaps Nyra could decide that before doing the mission he had planned out, she just wanted to check out one building really quick. This seems like it would make sense with her character. Because of her backstory, she might feel the desire to return to the place where she grew up again to face her memories.

Once Marn and Nyra are at the orphanage, they are attacked by a Gorgot, but not just any Gorgot! This one is mutated and seemingly unkillable! After Marn suffers a bite, the two are rescued by a mysterious stranger known as Aaron with a weapon capable of destroying the Gorgot. Aaron informs the two that the bite is poisonous, and they need to get Marn to a doctor. After Aaron weasels his way onto their ship and the injury has been addressed, things begin to go a bit hay-wire with the ship. First, Mara discovers a strange acidic ooze, and then all sorts of things begin to go wrong such as lights flickering. The build of tension and suspense is fantastic as the characters rush to figure out what is going on, until finally the lights go completely dark! Then out of nowhere, another mutated Gorgot attacks! The crew struggles to fight off the seemingly unkillable beast, only to be saved by Aaron once again. Suspicious...

From there, the crew investigates further and discovers the cause of the malfunction with the ship. Some wires have been cut! If that isn't a tip off, then what is. It's got to be Aaron causing all of these problems! Overall, the last two chapters are thrilling and exciting, as well as mysterious and curious, even though the characters seem to be a bit oblivious to the obvious threat they brought onto their ship!

Although there are a few oddities and gaps in the plot, overall the plot development in these five chapters is great—particularly the mysteries surrounding the Destroyer and the malfunctions on the ship. Aaron is an interesting and suspicious addition to the cast!

In general, a bit more focus on what the rebellion is actually about or what it entails might make the overarching plot of the story a bit more tangible. Additionally, the plot point of the virus ravaging the galaxy seems to be a bit lost in these chapters. Referencing that once or twice might help to keep it more relevant.

Summary: The Stars Call starts out great and gets better and better as it goes! As the reader gets to know the characters and their world, they are pulled deeper and deeper into the mysteries of the expanse of space where the story takes place. A truly enjoyable and suspenseful sci-fi read!