The Mosaic (Prologue - Chapter 4) by Avis_Scipione

Reviewed by _GinaLexis_

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Overview: The Mosaic is a Mystery/Thriller that does a great job at portraying gruesome scenes, enigmatic characters and cold-blooded murders in a manner that makes one want to never stop reading. It is a perfect blend of mystery and humour. It catches the attention of the readers right from the first sentence and plunges us into a world of hypocrisy, deceit, assassins, murders, and a classic whodunit.

Grammar/ Structure: The grammar is pretty much spot on. In some places the apostrophes are missing and there are minor typos. I have pointed them out in the inline comments. The prologue has a sudden change of tenses. Avis_Scipione did mention that it was intentional but it gets a little jerky. You also tend to slightly overuse asyndeton, but I know you're on the process of correcting them. Moreover, it's a stylistic choice and well-used most of the time.

Pace: The Mosaic exhibits a brilliant pace, speeding up in the more decisive scenes and slowing down in the character building scenes. Yet, the slower scenes manage to hold the attention of the readers due to the extremely intriguing characters. This will be elaborated in another section.

In most of the stories the Prologue is completely unnecessary. I have advised many a writer to completely scrape it off. But you should definitely keep it. The pace of your prologue helps in creating a steady sense of suspense. The chapters following have a slower pace. But, the clever use of dialogues keeps the story flowing.

Character Development: (I don't understand why you're insecure about your characters and description. You excel the most in these two areas.)

The characters in the story The Mosaic are vibrant, ambiguous and showcase rich humour. The first character we are introduced to is the artist that sadly doesn't live past the prologue. However, in the short period that he remains in the book, he is portrayed with a certain sense of dignity that sets a high bar to the characters that would follow.

Alessandro and Giacinto are like the modern day high school frenemies that love to hate each other's guts. They bring much needed humour to the otherwise grim story. I also appreciate the knowledge that the writer exhibits through these two characters. It is always a joy to find out that the writer knows her stuff. The amount of research that seems to have gone into this story is extremely admirable. Especially since the research for this story would have been dominated by corpses.

Laelia is still a mystery. She is the last one to be introduced and is very complex (at least for her time) A girl that doesn't mind corpses, matches wits with two extremely smart men and is a rich heiress at the same time. These three qualities don't sit very well together and that's what makes her such an enigma. I'm looking forward to finding out more about her.

Vocabulary/ Description: The Mosaic displays an array of rich descriptions and excellent vocabulary that fluctuates according to the situation in rhythm, style and tone.

The descriptions are beautiful. Various literary devices such as similes, metaphors and asyndetons are used. They not only make the writing more vibrant but also bear testimony to the knowledge and skill of the writer that employs them. In some places conflicting words are juxtaposed to form a beautiful contrast.

I especially loved the description of the second corpse. The brutality of the murder alongside the beauty of the garden was conveyed through sheer skill. I would like to let you know that whatever you're doing, you're doing it right. You have nothing to worry about in this section.

The third person omniscient works well in this story. The prologue is written in the perspective of the man who would soon die. A very good decision on your part.

Summary: The Mosaic is a classic whodunit with a mysterious organisation, a frightening assassin, some sensual Italian with the fun mix of a history lesson. The protagonists pull you in and the mystery keeps you there. This is the kind of book that would sell in millions. A few edits and you're good to go. Definitely worth a read!