Shadow Rise (Epigraph - Chapter 3) by Solidarity_

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

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Overview: Shadow Rise is an action-packed fantasy sci-fi story, with a huge helping of humor on the side. The story follows the main character Johnson, a veterinary assistant by day, illegal arms cartel worker by night. However, Johnson might be destined for something else, if the opening few scenes of the story are any indication. The story has some fantasy/sci-fi elements going on, and as Johnson runs into trouble with the cartel, it seems like there might be some intervention from other forces about to lead his life in an unexpected direction.

Structure/Aesthetics: The presentation of Shadow Rise is extremely professional and aesthetically pleasing. The story begins with a brief Author's Note, and then there is a short Epigraph, followed by a prologue titled "Then". The next part of the story is a graphic image of a note from an unknown person to his child named "Eric". From there, the story begins with chapter 1.

Throughout the story, scene breaks are presented with stylized images that give the text a clean, professional and polished look. Text images are also used at the beginning of each chapter to present the title and chapter number.

The cover of the story looks like it belongs on a printed book. The title text is professional looking, and the color selection is eye grabbing and nice to look at.

Grammar: The grammar in Shadow Rise is nearly perfect. There are no typos or mistakes in the text. However, there are a few oddities in the writing style that are grammatical.

The story is written in the first person past tense. The nature of the narration is that the narrator is telling the story directly to the reader, at times breaking the fourth wall. Therefore, it is natural that some of the story is in the present tense, because it is current or ongoing states that exist at the time the story is being told. While most of the tense shifts flow naturally and make sense with the style and narrative voice, at times the switches in tense come across as abrupt or do not seem to fit. A focus on consistency with each idea/subject and a consistency within sentences or paragraphs could help reduce the abruptness of these tense shifts. Additionally, focusing on what truly is a current state of the narrator and what is no longer current could help. The exact location where abrupt tense shifts were seen have been pointed out with inline comments in-story and will not be rehashed here.

Another interesting grammatical choice is sentences frequently beginning with the word "and'. In general, this seems to be a stylistic choice and expresses the voice of the narrator. While the use of "and" at the beginning of a sentence is not jarring itself, at times "and" is used to begin a sentence when it doesn't quite relate to the preceding statement. Cutting down on the number of sentences that begin with "and" might help improve the flow of the story, as well as make the times when it is used shine more, because at some points it works extremely well.

Pace: The pace of the story is well done overall. Each chapter presents exciting and new action. The balance between action, dialog, and description allows the story to move at a real time pace, making it easy to visualize. The plot progresses at a rate fast enough to keep the reader's attention, but not too quick where anything feels rushed or unclear.

One thought about the pace of the story is that after three chapters, there have still been no hints about the fantasy or sci-fi elements the story will include, with the exception of the first "prologue" scene called "Then" and the epigraph. Drawing some of these fantasy/sci-fi elements into the story soon could help to tie the epigraph and prologue in with the current action, and get the story moving forward. A consideration could be leaving subtle hints through the beginning of the story before hand to suggest the fantasy elements to come. However, having not read the rest of the chapters, it is difficult to tell if this would be appropriate or beneficial to the story.

Character Development: The character development in Shadow Rise is extremely strong. The story is written in the 1st person from main character Johnson's point of view. Right from the first chapter, Johnson's voice is strong, unforgiving, unapologetic, and thoroughly enjoyable to read. The character is a fantastic storyteller. The reader feels like they are sitting down with the character, listening to him tell the story in dramatic fashion. The occasional use of fourth wall breaks really adds to the feel of the story, pulling the reader in even more as the story unfolds.

In addition to the exeptional narrative voice, the character Johnson is extremely interesting and has an impressive amount of depth. He works as a veterinary assistant by day, and for an illegal arms cartel by night. He's definitely a unique character! He's brash and unapologetic and doesn't seem to care if the reader likes him or not, which makes the story even more thrilling to read. Even though he seems like he doesn't give a damn what he does or what anyone thinks, he does have a soft spot for his son Eric and Pops, his son's mother. Although Johnson and Pops are no longer romantically involved in any way, when he sees his son for his 4th birthday, it is clear that Johnson really cares about both of them. He is heartbroken over finding out that Pops is engaged. The characterization is so well done that the reader can tell this without Johnson ever openly admitting anything. It comes across completely through dialog and the demeanor of the character.

The other characters in Shadow Rise are just as interesting as the MC. None of them are stereotypical, and they are all developed to a point of feeling real. Even though something like ten characters are introduced in just the first three chapters, every single one of them is memorable, from the quirky cartel boss Jesus to Johnson's best friend and coworker Kellan. All of the dialog flows naturally and is realistic. Additionally, the amount of humor in the dialog (and the narration itself at that) will have a reader crying with laughter.

There isn't much to critique as far as characterization. The only concern results from the nature of the storytelling. Because the story is told as though it is the character recounting a past experience to an audience, some of the statements are naturally in the present tense. This has a tendency to create tiny inconsistencies in the character. For example, in chapter two, Johnson remarks that killing is where he draws the line with his work in the cartel. However, in that same chapter, he and Jesus go on a job where they blow up a warehouse, assumingly killing some members of the opposing gang who are trapped inside. Johnson remarks that he enjoyed this job and got a huge kick out of it. While the fact that he enjoyed the job isn't off-putting, it is inconsistent, because it doesn't mesh with his previous statement that he draws the line at killing and has never killed someone before.

Vocabulary/Description/Worldbuilding: The vocabulary used in Shadow Rise fits perfectly with the style. The narration frequently uses slang, which is very fitting with the narrator's voice and adds to the reading experience. In the opening parts of the story, before the main chapters begin, scenes are shown from the perspective of characters that... aren't human. During these opening scenes, vocabulary from the invented language "Varthian" are used. Some of the words are explained in story, but the explanations never seem forced. Even though the words are unfamiliar, the story is still easy to follow and understand. Additionally, the author has included a glossary of terms in the back of the story for reader convenience.

The descriptions within the story are well balanced. The amount of description gives a clear image of the scene, but never becomes overwhelming or distracting from the progression of the story. The descriptions are often humorous or clever, adding to the reader engagement. The unique details the author has included in the story, for example the description of the character Jesus' gun, give it unique flare.

So far the world building in the story is taking somewhat of a backseat. The opening prologue includes a lot of vocabulary from the Varthian language. However, the nature of this species is not explained as a of yet in the story. From there, the story jumps to the POV of the main character Johnson who is a human living in a city somewhere in the United States (assumed). The geographic location of this city is not divulged in-story. Including more detail about where exactly the story takes place could help with the world building. Although the geographic setting of the story is vague, there is good world building about the cartel gangs themselves and the world as Johnson perceives it. There is clearly a dispute between turf with the two gangs, which adds some good excitement to the story. Tho locations where the gangs do business are interesting, unique, and fun to imagine. Overall, the world still seems to be developing at this point in the story, but for the most part it does not feel underdeveloped.

Plot: The plot of Shadow Rise is fairly complex, but it is conveyed in a clear way that is easy to follow and understand. The engaging narration makes the plot very accessible.

The story begins with the prologue, where two characters are shown discussing the birth of a human child who is somehow destine for a specific but unknown occupation. However, the characters mention that the fact that he is human makes him a liability. From there, the bulk of the story begins, told from the POV of Johnson, who the reader will likely assume to be the child from the prologue.

The plot of the story is very interesting. Although Johnson holds a fairly normal job as a veterinary assistant by day, he works for an illegal arms dealing cartel by night. To harm the business of a rival gang, Jesus concocts a plan to blow up a warehouse containing their product. After accidentally killing some of the members of the rival gang in the explosion, Johnson lands himself into trouble and ends up getting beaten and taken by the other gang members. The suspense is well built, leaving the reader wondering what will happen to Johnson now. There are also a number of interesting subplots going on with relationships between different characters.

Overall, the plot makes sense and flows smoothly. This critique will address some of the weaker plot points. First, the reason for blowing up a warehouse seems somewhat underdeveloped. It seems extremely risky to blow up a building just for the sake of sabotaging the competition. Some more development about why Jesus thinks this is a good idea, or perhaps a bit more motive for blowing up this specific building and explanation for why he thinks they can get away with it might help.

Another concern with the plot is the fact that Johnson is not a very sympathetic character. It is enjoyable to read his narration, and he's likeable, but as is, when he gets beaten up and taken by the other gang, it seems like he has it coming. If the intention of the story is that the reader should feel some concern and sympathy for him, ways to address this could be to make the other gang out as bad guys more. As is, both gangs are portrayed as rivals but equals morally. Another option could be to give more of a motive for Jesus and Johnson blowing up the warehouse. However, if the intention of the story is that the reader doesn't necessarily have to feel for Johnson in this situation, it is still engaging and hooking so there is really no problem with the plot itself, it's just a matter of intended reader reaction.

Summary: Shadow Rise is a story that is hard to place in one genre. While it is classified as action, it includes a lot of light fantasy and sci-fi elements. Additionally, the humor in the narrative voice is so well done it will have a reader dying in fits of laughter. The characters are some of the most unique and entertaining out there, and the plot is truly interesting and engaging. This is a winning story for sure!