My Boyfriend Is a Heavenly Body (Chapters 1 -5) by StarHues

Reviewed by AmyMarieZ

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Overview: My Boyfriend is a Heavenly Body is a fantasy story that features a romance between two boys (bxb). After main character Louise's long-term boyfriend unexpectedly breaks up with him, Louise is heartbroken and in desperation leaps from a cliff to commit suicide. However, before he leaps, he makes a wish—to be saved by someone who will love him and mend his broken heart.

Across the galaxy, the celestial being Altair decides to break away from his orbit in search of a more meaningful existence. He finds himself taking human form and falling towards Earth where he hears Louise's wish. Altair is compelled to save him from his fall.

However, saving Louise from his fall is only the first of their worries! Together, Louise and Altair must face forces throughout the universe that are after the star's heart!

Grammar: The grammar in My Boyfriend is a Heavenly Body is decent, but there are many oddly worded sentences, as well as frequent tense shifts that disrupt the flow of the narrative.

Oddly worded sentences disrupt the flow of the narrative frequently. One example noticed throughout the story is comma placement around participial phrases. (Participial phrases are phrases where a verb is used as an adjective modifying a noun.) When the participial phrase is necessary to the meaning of the sentence, no commas are used. When it is extra information and the sentence can function fine without it, it should be offset by commas. For example, in chapter two:

"Aw, that's too boring," Rigel said letting go a small yawn.

The participial phrase is "letting go a small yawn". Because the sentence still conveys its meaning without the participial phrase, there should be a comma after "said":

"Aw, that's too boring," Rigel said, letting go a small yawn.

Another example would be in chapter three:

"Your grandpa is now in heaven, sweetie." She replied hugging me tightly as tears flooded her eyes.

There should be a comma after "replied", because the sentence can still function without the participial phrase "hugging me tightly..." Additionally, since a dialog tag is used, there should be comma after "sweetie" rather than a period, and "she" should be lowercase:

"Your grandpa is now in heaven, sweetie," she replied, hugging me tightly as tears flooded her eyes.

An example of a participial phrase where the phrase is necessary to the meaning of the sentence would be: "Altair saved the boy falling to his death." (Note, this is just an example for clarity and is not an example from the text.) In this case, the participial phrase "falling to his death" specifies which boy Altair saved. Because the sentence would not have the same meaning without it, it is not offset by commas.

Another notable thing about sentence structure in the story was the placement of adverbs such as "immediately," particularly in sentences containing the word "was". For example, in the prologue:

The feeling of achievement immediately was replaced with pain and dread as a black sword impaled him from the back.

Because the word "immediately" is modifying "replaced," the sentence would read more smoothly if "immediately" were placed next to "replaced" rather than next to "achievement":

The feeling of achievement was immediately replaced with pain and dread as a black sword impaled him from the back.

In general, a way of crafting sentences that flow more smoothly would be simply breaking longer sentences into shorter sentences. Sentences with long and complex structures are often clearer when simplified into shorter sentence.

The story is written in past tense, but frequent shifts to present tense disrupt the flow of the narrative. Specific instances where tense shifts were noticed have been pointed out inline. However, in general, the most disruptive tense shifts occur when the internal thoughts of characters switch from the past to present tense at points that do not make sense. For example, in chapter 1, Louise considers his relationship with his ex-boyfriend in the present tense. However, knowing that they break up, considerations like these should be shifted to the past tense because it is not an ongoing state. Conversely, another option could be placing present tense thoughts in italics if they are intended to be thoughts the characters are having in-story.

Character Development: So far, two main characters, Altair and Louise, as well as one minor character, Stan, have been introduced. The characterization of each of these characters will be discussed separately.

Stan: So far, Stan has only been shown briefly in chapter one. Stan is the long-term boyfriend of main character Louise. In this chapter, he tells Louise he is breaking up with him because he doesn't love him anymore and because he is boring and a drag. However, it is clear from the robotic and forced way Stan explains this that there is more going on behind the scenes. At first, Louise tries to fight with him, sensing that something is not right with Stan's reasoning. However, Stan won't budge, eventually leaving Louise alone and in anguish.

The characterization of Stan is done remarkably well. The reader can automatically sense from the way he speaks and asks that the motives he cites are not genuine. Earlier in the chapter, Louise explains how Stan's parents never approved of their relationship. This leads the reader to suspect that Stan's true reason for breaking up with Louise is because his parents are somehow forcing him to do it. Knowing this, the reader is left almost as sympathetic for Stan as they are for Louise, because it must have been unimaginably hard for him to have to break the heart of the man he loves and walk away.

Louise: Louise is the most sympathetic character in the story so far. In chapter one, his boyfriend and love Stan breaks his heart and leaves him. Stan doesn't even offer a reasonable explanation. Louise is left in complete confusion and anguish. He becomes desperate to be saved and runs away, hoping and almost expecting that Stan should come after him and comfort him to mend his broken heart. This is a very heart-wrenching moment, because in times like these, people often hope that the person who can fix them is the person that broke them, even going so far as to think that this person is the only person that can fix them. While it is saddening to watch Louise go through so much pain, the realism of it makes it even more emotional for the reader. The chapter finally concludes with Louise giving up, and in heartbreak, jumping to his expected death from a cliff.

Some more excellent characterization of Louise occurs at the beginning of chapter three when he recalls the memories of stargazing with his grandfather. He is shown as a child with great curiosity and a fascination for the stars. The memory is both heartbreaking and heartwarming when his grandfather passes away. Even though he is just a child, Louise shows great wisdom realizing that his grandfather died happy, and he is able to hold on to his fond memories of him. Not only does this scene show a nice glimpse into the type of person Louise is, but it is also quite an interesting development in the story, considering that Louise is about to wake up to meet a real live star he has supposedly been gazing at!

The only major criticism of Louise's characterization is that when he wakes up in chapter three after being saved by Altair, his reactions to being in a strange apartment with a stranger are somewhat unusual. At first, he seems very panicked about the whole situation, which makes sense. However, as he begins to talk to Altair, he goes along with the idea that Altair may literally be a shooting star very quickly. Realistically, this would not be something anyone would even consider believing without proof. A more likely response might be for Louise to think that Altair is joking with him or creepily trying to flirt. However, another explanation for Louise's reaction could be that he is attempting to play along with Altair to placate him until he can find a way to escape. This idea is referenced later in the chapter. If this is the case, it might help the narrative to be more believable if Louise somehow hints at these intentions in the narration.

Altair: Altair is a celestial being that longs for a purpose greater than just providing light in the galaxy. After millions of years of fulfilling this simple duty, he decides to break free of his orbit and pursue a new purpose. In chapter two, Altair takes human form, but retains his heavenly powers and falls to Earth. As he falls, he seems to be simultaneously mesmerized by his changes, as well as confused by a voice he hears calling to him—the voice of Louise. He is compelled to rescue Louise, however, he does not seem to understand why he feels this compulsion. Chapter two leaves off with Altair wondering why he has just done what he has done.

This leads to perhaps one of the largest inconsistencies in characterization. While in Altiar's POV, Altiar is shown as a very philosophical being, wondering about everything. However, when he is observed in chapter three by Louise, he seems more cocky and confident. Upon waking up, Altair informs Louise that he is the star that was sent to answer Louise's wish. Altiar's certainty about his purpose comes as sudden, because the last time the reader saw him, he seemed to be pondering and wondering what exactly had happened to him. Altair in chapter three might mesh more smoothly with Altair in chapter 2 if he were portrayed with a bit more confusion about what exactly is happening. Another option could be showing Altair have a realization about what is going on right at the end of chapter two, so his certainty of the situation in chapter three would make more sense.

Description: The descriptions in My Boyfriend is a Heavenly Body are certainly one of the highlights! The author's use of creative and figurative language throughout the story gives it so much voice and originality. The descriptions themselves are beautiful and read like poetry. The only issue with the descriptions themselves are that some of the sentences are worded in ways that are confusing to read. This issue has been discussed in the "Grammar" section of this review and will not be rehashed here.

Some of the best descriptions in the story are the descriptions of Louise's emotions as Stan is breaking up with him. The realism in these descriptions, as well as the poetic way in which they are expressed make them heartbreaking but at the same time beautiful. Other examples of amazing descriptions are the descriptions of Altair breaking from his orbit and becoming a physical human being. Finally, the descriptions of Altair using magic during the battle with the Pyromancer are spectacular!

Once criticism with description is that at some points, the amount of descriptions becomes slightly distracting from the story. Descriptions occasionally go on for a bit too long and become repetitive. A reader may begin to skim or lose interest as they read. One location where this is the case is during the battle scene between Altair and the Pyromancer. The battle goes on for two chapters. Although the choreography of the battle is clear, it becomes confusing to visualize because it is very long, and there is not enough plot development before hand for a reader to feel fully invested in the characters. Trimming some of this battle scene may help push the pace along, allowing the reader to easily visualize a shorter scene. This may result in a more intense and engaging battle!

As far as the battle scene, something else that may help to make it easier to follow and give it a quicker pace would be using shorter, choppier sentences. A strong point in the battle scene is the balance of power between the two forces. For a reader to be engaged, there needs to be a sense of concern and an urgency that the hero might not succeed. In Altiar's battle, he doesn't have it easy, but neither does the Pyromancer. This creates a balanced and engaging fight! With the addition of Altair's internal perspective and the bits of dialog between the combatants, the battle scene is well on the way to being great with just a few tweaks to sentence structure and pace!

Plot: The plot of My Boyfriend is a Heavenly Body is unique and fresh. It incorporates modern romance and heartbreak, as well as fantasy and mythological elements in a fun and entertaining way. The main characters seem to be fated to meet. Louise has always had an interest in the stars since childhood and was actually born after his parents wished for a child on a falling star. It's a very romantic idea that he would then be saved from his own death-fall by an actual star! The idea itself is delightful and heartwarming.

The first five chapters of the story are primarily set up for the plot. The inciting incident occurs—Stan breaking up with Louise and Louise attempting suicide. Simultaneously, the star Altair decides to break free from his orbit and ends up rescuing Louise. In chapter three, things start to get very interesting when Louise wakes up in a strange apartment with Altair, and then before he can really gain a grasp on what is going on, they are attacked by a demon Pyromancer.

Chapters four and five focus on the battle between Altair and the Pyromancer. Although the battle is certainly exciting to read, in this revision of the story it is not as engaging as other parts of the story. The battle seems to go on for too long and is out of balance with the build-up. At this time in the story, the plot might benefit from a shorter battle scene that gives a taste of action to come, but allows for the story to move on to more plot and conflict development sooner to keep a reader engaged in the story itself.

Summary: My Boyfriend is a Heavenly Body is an emotionally charged fantasy story. A reader can't help but sympathize with the realistic and compelling characters as they suffer real-life hardships and pull through battles of mythological proportion. After only five chapters, it is difficult to tell exactly where the story is going, but the reader will definitely be left eager to read more, wonder what will happen between Louise of earth and the heavenly body Altair!